Pregnant (IVF) Worriers (part two)

[Shazzamattazzerly]

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others! We have filled our first thread (www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1721178-Pregnant-IVF-Worriers) but there is more worrying to do so here we are.

A few of us graduated from the IVF thread (link below) and are having a go at our own thread to get out of the other IVF-ers hair! So get your roomy jogging bottoms on for some virtual hand holding, mutual symptom spotting and staying sane until the next scan date.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1691674-Excellent-Egg-Buddies-continued-Anyone-having-IVF-ICSI-in-Jan-Feb-and-March-2013-please-join-us

Morning ladies

Juicy I hope things have settled down for you overnight. Keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow. Can you distract yourself today? Impossible I know but maybe try to take tasks in chunks today so that you break the day down into manageable blocks of time rather than see hours stretching out in front of you until tomorrow?

Dildals thanks for the steriliser tip. I am hoping to breast feed so I think I'll hang on until that is established before purchasing anything. Re christening. I don't think we will. We aren't married (yet? ) so I doubt DP would ok a christening. However on the radio this morning they were saying how studies show that children born to married parents are happier and fare better than unmarried parents yet over 47% of babies are born out of marriage now. If I can't persuade him maybe he will do it for shazlett!

Vallinna welcome. It feels like a long road ahead but I'm glad you are feeling positive. You might as well because worrying wont change any outcome. However we all do it. Anyway you are most welcome to hang out and have a cup of tea with us . One day at a time.

Sweetie I'm sleeping with an ordinary pillow between my legs. Mariana gave us a link a while ago to a good cheap pillow supplier rather than fork out for expensive maternity ones.

Ceara next week is your harmony results and scan isn't it? It is hugely scary. I don't know how I sat the wait out. I think that the vomiting means you probably are preggers. Congratulations

Mariana oh wise one what pump do you use? I'm hoping to breast feed and also express so that DP can feed also.

Fairy yep my journey is 2 buses and 90 mins each way. I could take 2 trains and a bus but I'd only save 15 mins and it would cost a third more. It's becoming a nightmare tbh but I've got no choice at the mo sadly. My boss said maybe we can discuss working from home 1 or 2days a weeks from August when it is quieter it's too busy now. This period is the busiest in higher education. Have you considered what pain management you want for home birth? Active birthing, Hypno birthing? Tens machine etc? I'm just starting to tentatively explore these options. The MW said if I continue to be low risk I should be able to stay at home and I'm leaning more and more to this option.

Hello to everyone else.

I'm ok. Still massively overwhelmed but trying to take things slowly and bit by bit. I spoke to DP and we are going to do a chores rota at home. It's abit flatmatey but at least the jobs will be laid out and we (read he) will be able to see what needs doing and who is going to do it. That way I don't feel like I'm nagging and dishing out the chores which isn't my job. All extra curricular activities are on hold at the mo until I can get through this period. I'm craving quiet at home.

On a positive note shazlett is officially wriggling and moving externally now. DP felt her move a few times yesterday. It's our new game. He loves it and its nice that finally he can participate and it is real for him abit more.
Have a good day all.

X

Welcome Vallinna and congratulations!
Juicy, I have had a tiny bit of spotting at 6 weeks with both pregnancies. Stabby pain is good! Sounds like a little cutie is snuggling in nice and tight there.

I'm so glad I'm out of the early weeks. They're nerve wracking. I still have panics but nothing compared to then. So I offer you all a and .

Shazza, a rota sounds great. That's more or less what we do with plenty of negotiation sometimes. You have to when both of you work. The commute sounds like a nightmare. I'm ashamed to be getting a taxi in replacement of one 20 min bus journey .There are unmarried and unmarried parents. You sound like unmarried married partners. Personally I really liked getting married but that piece of paper doesn't give you automatic fab parenting skills.

Hi Juicy - hope the spotting as calmed down.

Expat - totally agree, the early weeks are the worst. I am really trying to be positive this time but of course spent all last night Googling chemical pregnancy

I hate to be a pain - would people mind a quick role call of how many weeks you all are?

valinna I'm 26 weeks, the same as dildals (we had our ECs and ETs on the same days but different clinics).

shazza I really hope your boss is lenient come August. That is a terrible commute during the hot summer when you're pg. I'm glad to hear you are also considering a home birth. I did not feel confident enough to do it for DS but I have a number of friends who did and had very positive experiences. The midwives here have gas and air with them and we will hire a birthing pool. I used that with a tens machine for the first 24 hours or so of labour with DS and they were fine, I had no trouble coping. The tens machine made very little difference, but the pool and gas and air were great. The only thing I pray for this time is that things progress at a brisk pace.

ceara juicy valinna those early weeks are really tough, almost as stressful as getting pg in the first place. Just try to remember that the huge majority of pregnancies are absolutely fine and that includes IVF.

AFM DH went out for 'one pint' last night at 8 and didn't get back until 12:30. I was awake from 10:30pm (I fell asleep at 9:30) wondering where he was, texting (he said at 11 he was leaving) and becoming increasingly cross. This used to be a very common occurrence between us but now is thankfully unusual, although when it does happen I get even more annoyed because he knows how it affects me. Sometimes I am able to just go back to sleep and forget about it but not always. Now I am knackered today. My motivation for work was already decreasing rapidly, I just want to be at home and do homey things these days.

Hi vallinna I remember you too, as does my autocorrect! Congratulations! I'm crossing my fingers for you. Was this a fet from frosties you got when you had your ds? Why did they cancel your other cycles, if you don't mind my asking. We have three frosties, hoping for a sibling.

juicy I had brown spotting at 7+4 and 12+0. Dr put it down to sex it didn't happen any of the other times though. Maybe we should compile a list as basically we all get a bit and then freak out, maybe it'd be helpful to see that.

shaz it's prob more to do with more people in strong relationships choosing to marry, but as fairy said, you guys clearly have a strong relationship but haven't chosen to marry yet. I can't see what difference it would make to an individual situation, iyswim.

fairy I too did 14 years of RC school, but we didn't get married in church, and won't be getting kip christened. I do sometimes feel weird, it's residual catholic guilt! But I don't believe in god, and am frankly against some of the RC church's teachings and actions.

keep 19+6! Edd 29/11

Hi keep - yes, this frostie is DS's fraternal twin technically! I have found FET's quite tough. It has been incredibly hard to get my lining to a passable level for transfer - it was on the thin side with IVF (7.3mm), we managed to get to 7.5mm with this FET.

Of my 3 abandoned cycles the first was ditched as we got too close to Christmas (despite my obsessively raising it with the clinic ), the second was due to breakthough bleeding - I was on my various forms of oestrogen for too long, and the third was cancelled due to clinic error - they forgot to call me to increase my meds. didn't even cover it. I was more upset than when we had out failed FET as this was human error rather than shitty luck.

I like the idea of a 'bleed list' (IYSWIM) - I kept a obsessive diary during my PG with DS so will have a look this evening as to what happened when and remind myself of the depths of despair to which I sunk at the time

God, I'm angry on your behalf! Did the frosties defrost OK, or did you lose any? Do you have any more?

God, I'm angry on your behalf! Did the frosties defrost OK, or did you lose any? Do you have any more?

We had two frosties and defrosted one each time. Both times (this one and our failed cycle) they defrosted 100% intact and had shown sign of regeneration before transfer. In fact on my BFN cycle it had started to hatch. hey were vitrified, which I understand is a better freezing technique.

That's it for us with the frosties. We had two after the two embryos from my fresh IVF were replaced. Only wanted to do SET this time round as the thought of DS and twins made me weep a little - that said, if we need to go for a fresh cycle we would have two replaced again.

I have been unimpressed with my clinc throughout (and throught IVF TBH). If for any reason this pregnancy doesn't progress we had made up our minds to go to a new clinic - deespite the admin/expensive re-test battle this would create.

Thank you, all of you, for your reassurances. I am seeing brown each time I wipe now but lots of IVF internet friends are telling me that the pessaries can aggravate the cervix. I rang EPU and they said brown smears at six weeks is perfectly normal and probably implantation. My nausea is the worst it has ever been today to the point that I have, as yet, been unable to put anything in my mouth. Is this a good sign? I will shut up now. Thank you once again x

I've always thought nausea is a good sign. But then people have none and are fine so I think it doesn't matter that much!

Shazz, I use Medela which is a brand that aims to support breast feeding women who express. I have the portable mini electric pump but it's £70 new. My sister gave it me as she bought it and never used it. You can hire them too I think. It is extremely comfortable to use and very quick at getting the milk out so I highly recommend it. My only criticism is that its a bit noisy but I think they all are. You can get them second hand on eBay, I've just looked and there's one going for £15 there at the moment. It's the motor that costs so you could get that second hand and buy a new breast shield for about £12. I'll happily pass mine on to someone when I'm done with it, but that won't be until next April so a bit late for you!

vallinna, that's a dreadful experience with the clinic.

fairy, that 'last pint honest' story sounds familiar. Maybe I'm just jealous as I haven't been out for so long.

Shazza My pump is ameda, both the medela and ameda are being sold on the NCT shop (same price). You can hire them too. It worked out cheaper buying one for me. I bought it secondhand for £45 from Linda Geddes, the bumpology author.

[http://www.nctshop.co.uk/ameda-lactaline-personal-dual-electric-breastpump/productinfo/2006/]

fairy we are having a LOT of last pint discussions. We were supposed to have 'date night' last night. But he called up and said he was going to meet his mate at a pub near the train station for 2 pints. Max. Honest. Then of course his mate was late due to late trains. And then it became three. I had to do something early evening as well, so I didn't mind. But what I then do mind is that when we go for dinner he's already relatively well oiled, wolfs his dinner down (not a pretty sight) and dozes off in the restaurant. He fell asleep on the sofa when we got home. I left him there. This morning he said, surprised, 'I woke up on the sofa'. No shit.

Hello girls

Thanks dildals and Mariana for breast pump info. I've looked at NCT shop. Am I right to be inclined to buy something that they sell? They must do their homework. I feel I can trust their judgement. Dildals I forgot yours is a celebrity pump

Dildals and fairy I feel for you re the DH stories. You both sound very patient. MR shaz doesn't drink but he does lose track of time when painting. He says he'll be home for dinner and then I wake up at 2 and he's coming to bed. At first I was cross. Now I'm thankful for the opportunity to catch up on the good wife! I won't be so pleased when shazlett is here though.

Fairy are you considering Hypno birthing as well?

Vallinna gosh your history with your clinic sounds terrible. Thank goodness for this bun in your oven. I also googled the hell out of 'blighted ovum' night after night and for hours on the bus. I'm 22+1 now and due on 13th nov. still can hardly believe it. I was convinced in the beginning that there was nothing there.

Juicy. Good news. Good luck for tomorrow please keep us informed.

Keep is your scan next week? I read today that the baby is 28cms and as big as a marrow! That's huge! It only seems like yesterday when it was the size of an apple. Your due date is my dads birthday I hope we have a strong relationship. He had problems with making a commitment but we worked on that. It was a behaviour pattern. But he just can't get to a wedding despite the fact we are having a baby. It never used to matter much tbh I've been married before when I was MUCH younger (read naive and stupid). But now that shazlett is coming I feel strangely old fashioned about it all.

I'm on my way home after doing overtime. Hopefully my dinner will be on the table when I get in. 'Roll up roll up place your bets please! '

Trying not to obsess think too much about next week's Harmony results and scan.

For the bleeding list for vallina - I'm 12 weeks tomorrow. Spotting from 6-9 weeks due to subchorionic hematoma. Scans at 7 weeks, 9+3 and 10+4 not that I've been stressing at all all showed little one growing as it should and we were told at the last scan that the hematoma is reabsorbing so fingers crossed for next week.

I too obsessively googled blighted ovum and even worse, must shamefully confess I've a book about it on my kindle, which I downloaded while waiting for my 7 week scan. Positive mental attitude went on strike that week I think.

A round up of where everyone is (and how old trenchlet is already) would be great.

dildals and fairy, good luck with the last pint discussions :-) Agreeing a division of domestic labour sounds good though I am no example. We have always had a sort of informal divvying up of tasks in that DH generally does the cleaning and tidying because he is an obsessive neat freak he is more houseproud than me, and I get the groceries, cook most meals, and do laundry. Which means he has pretty much been doing everything but the ironing since I hit 7 weeks and started uncontrollable dry retching in the evenings if I went near the kitchen. He is a good man and much put upon at present.

shaz your commute sounds a nightmare, I hope working from home for at least a day or two each week is a viable option for you from next month. My commute involves a longish train journey but at least I get a reasonably comfy seat and from 20 weeks, if I get that far, a free first class upgrade. Bus can't be too comfortable, especially as shazlett grows bigger.

If you have already committed to each other in your hearts I don't believe marriage makes any difference to your stability as as couple or your abilities as parents. I am married (register office), but mainly because we eventually got fed up with having no alternative to "single" on official forms. But I can honestly say it changed nothing in our relationship, we were simply registering something we'd forged for ourselves years ago.

And anyone who has made it through deciding to have a child together and then infertility - which strains and tests everyone - has a strong relationship in my book.

Totally agree that you can't get through infertility without a very strong relationship. We got married as it was important to DH, I wasn't bothered either way. I do wear a ring but I've never changed my name or been a Mrs.

Trenchlet is 12 weeks. I joined this merry thread when I was quite late on in pregnancy and still totally mental.

Morning everyone

Ceara and Mariana the posts about making it through infertility together choked me abit. You are so right. Last year especially was so challenging. In my darkest days I thought that was it and I just couldn't work out how I was going to deal with the (what I perceived to be) overwhelming grief of not being able to have a child. It was hard but as you say we pulled through it together and here I am with my baby on board. It is a miracle.

You ladies are amazing, each and every one one of you. Trenchlet is 12 weeks already? Wowee I was a mere 5 weeks when we started this thread (part one) now 15 weeks have passed. I cannot imagine not sharing this with you all.

X

Morning.
I am 32 weeks. I was a quivering wreck when I joined this thread and am not much better all these weeks on. Yesterday I proper sobbed at all kinds of things that are only in my imagination.

Vallinna, so they wasted one of your frosties. Have I read that right? Did they offer you another go for free?

Just popping in before work to say good luck juicy with today's scan.

Yes, good luck juicy.

It's a unique form of despair, shazz. Certainly one you never forget, I think it changes you permanently.

Yes, fingers crossed!

Expat - no, the only saving grace was the f%&*ed up before ET day. It did get that abandoned cycle for 'free' - would have normally had to have paid £600 for the scans I had had up to that point. Well, I say free, still contesting it with them...

Peed on a CB digital and got 'pregnant, 1-2' in true thread nature I will continue to worry!

vallinna that is really poor service from your clinic, I am not surprised you will change if things go wrong this time. But they won't!

juicy like the others I wish you well with the scan. Are you 7 weeks already or are you scanning sooner?

I had three days of brown spotting at 16 weeks. Midwife said it was probably the placenta implanting, not the embryo as too late for that. I was not that worried by it because it was old blood and I had had several scans by then that showed good development. If it had happened prior to 12 wks though I would have been terrified.

shazza I did a hypnobirthing course for my labour with DS (Mongan method). It was quite helpful for the initial stages but I certainly did not get the blissfully peaceful birth that they show as an ideal. I think it is definitely worth trying if you are aiming for minimal intervention/natural birth but some teachers can be quite doctrinaire and insist that if you are just sufficiently relaxed and positive you will have no pain and no problems at all. That might be the case if you are also lucky enough to have a quick uncomplicated labour but if not it can feel as though it's your fault for not practising the hypnobirthing method diligently enough. My teacher stressed that I should not even contemplate things going "wrong" such as a caesarean so that when I actually had to have one I was totally mentally unprepared for it and suffered a lot of guilt afterward.

As for the 'last pint' syndrome - I am sure that when DH goes out he fully intends to be back when he says he will, it's just that when he has a pint or two down already and his mates are urging him to stay it becomes impossible to say no. He has moderated a lot in the last few years and I have also become less particular but what may actually do the trick is his friend who is the worst for making him stay out late is now expecting his first child and unless his partner is a completely pushover he won't be so keen on last orders.

expat I'm really sorry that you are so worried still. At 32 weeks even if the baby was born now he or she is very likely to be fine, isn't that right? I hope these last weeks go quickly for you.

Thanks, everyone. Scan at 11.45 and I'm 6+1, fairy. Red blood when I wiped before. Not just spotting, either. Feel like I'm being marched, naked, to the firing squad

Oh Juicy, I'm holding your virtual hand. Am waiting for news. x

Fairy, I'm waaaay more relaxed than I was. My derangement has moved on to other random things that I'm not even going to admit to in writing. I just dont seem to have any control over my imagination at the moment.