Pregnant (IVF) Worriers (part two)

[Shazzamattazzerly]

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others! We have filled our first thread (www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1721178-Pregnant-IVF-Worriers) but there is more worrying to do so here we are.

A few of us graduated from the IVF thread (link below) and are having a go at our own thread to get out of the other IVF-ers hair! So get your roomy jogging bottoms on for some virtual hand holding, mutual symptom spotting and staying sane until the next scan date.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1691674-Excellent-Egg-Buddies-continued-Anyone-having-IVF-ICSI-in-Jan-Feb-and-March-2013-please-join-us

Ooooh, Dildals and Sweetie, twins! How did you feel when you found out? Was your beta really high? Thank you, both, for assuaging my fears.

Juicy we were quite shocked as we only had 5 eggs so had a day 3 transfer with 2 strongest embies. I didn't have my beta taken but got a strong line bfp 9dp3dt. I didn't feel pregnant still don't really as I was expecting to feel different. All the time I spent symptom spotting over the course of ttc was a complete waste of time I know now.

Shazza from someone who ended up on crutches, rest rest rest!

I had forgotten the vivid dreams I had in early pregnancy. Mine were all vaguely unpleasant.

The work thing is hard, best thing is to try and forget about it which is so hard after the handover. I love my job and my boss and I know they didn't replace me, so if I dwell on it I start to worry about what is happening with my projects... but there's nothing I can do. I want to enjoy my last maternity leave and worrying about work isn't part of that.

I'm solo parenting again and it's very hard work, I'm already in bed, no point staying up. I hope you all have more fun evenings.

Gosh Mariana you were on crutches? I'm also having a quiet evening. Am in fact doing online grocery shopping! Sleep well.

Yes, right at the end as I couldn't weight bear for a couple of days, it was extremely disabling. Totally vanished when I had her though.

My work have been extremely understanding throughout our treatment and now in my pregnancy. I think this is down to my line manager, who is an older woman who never had kids of her own for medical reasons and it really upsets her that she didn't get her chance to be a parent.

So they have arranged for someone to shadow me and be handed over to during Sept. Then I will be supporting other colleagues for holiday cover and during their busy times plus doing admin from Oct until I go on mat leave, I am thinking mid Nov when I will be 35 weeks.

I have told them I will need more time for regular twin growth scans etc and that I might go off at short notice for medical reasons. So they have said they would rather be prepared for this than leave it to chance. I am really happy with this arrangement too.

juicy no idea, I never had a beta test done. I just peed on the old fashioned stick.

Hi all.
Juicy, my beta was the same as yours and I'm pregnant with just one. I know people who have had lower betas and had twins so it's really hard to tell. It's a nice strong number though.

Shazza, yikes! Did you injure your back or is it more general pain?

Sweetie, an understanding boss makes all the difference doesn't it. Mine is really good too and hasn't complained at all about my absences.

Hey folks. Just dropping in as am shattered and will do longer post I. A day or so. Was in That London (still not a fan, sorry ladies,) for most of the week and then working v late for the rest, clocked up about seventy hours so feel justified in being AWOL to friends and moany!

All good here though.

juicy I am doubly diffed too...twins here....my sickness was ridiculously bad but it still disappeared from time to time. Worry not! I'm 14wks now and like shazza not sure how I got here with all the worrying!

shazza that sounds like a definite kick to me. I felt them really early with DD, 17weeks or so I think. Hope you are feeling ok with your back.

Hi to everyone else! Xxx

Question for the twin-carriers: at what stage do you start to show? Earlier than ladies with singletons?

juicy I think everyone is different on this too. I haven't had a previous pregnancy so nothing to compare to. I would say I am beginning to show a bit but am still in normal clothing. I think I notice but strangers wouldn't know. I feel a bit of a fraud looking at buggies, especially double buggies. Went out with friends last night who all know I am and they said they wouldn't have guessed from looking at me. I just think everyone is different.

juicy I remember being in the work loos at ten weeks, looking at my belly from the side, thinking 'I have just emptied my bowels (sorry TMI), it's five o'clock I haven't just had a big lunch, and that flab there definitely wasn't there before ...' So I started 'showing' if you'd like to call it that at ten weeks. No one else probably would have noticed, but me. I remember borrowing a pair of maternity jeans from my friends because the tummy wasn't comfortable anymore in my skinny jeans. At 13 weeks I announced at work and one of my colleagues asked whether 'I had already started waddling' ... but that was just plain rude! At 25 weeks I (apparently) measure 31 weeks (that is the singleton pregnancy measure). This are my first, so stomach muscles should still be relatively tight, well, I ain't 20 anymore though!...

Hi ladies

I hope you are all enjoying the sunshine. I'm still resting at home and am pleased to report a significant improvement. My friend is a cranial osteopath and he said it is a strained sacroiliac joint. I've checked in with dr google and apparently it is very common in pregnancy. I'm not sure how I did it expat. Apparently you can do it in your sleep or reaching from something. Doesn't have to be a huge movement or lifting anything g heavy. It was bloody painful that's all I know. I massively sympathise now with all back pain sufferers. I did some stretches and a little Pilates today. Dr google says rest and gentle strengthening exercises are the way to heal and improve it.

My other latest development are cankles! I've lost my ankle bone under a padding of fluid. And my feet are puffy and smooth. Shazlett has had a growth spurt and suddenly my hip bones and ribs have disappeared also. I've always had prominent hip bones so it feels funny.

Sweetie it sounds like your work is very supportive. I'm lucky that way too although I always feel so guilty. Like on Friday when I asked to work from home.

Crisps I appreciate your feelings about London. I got upset this morning after talking to my very good friend who left London to live in rural Yorkshire. While we were talking her 4 yr old son came up to her with a handful of eggs that he had been to collect and I could hear his little voice telling her that he had dropped one. I realised that I hope to live somewhere that my child can experience a freedom to explore that I don't feel we have here. But it is just my opinion. What do they say? You can take the girl out if the countryside but you can't take the country out of the girl! Hard as I've tried for most of my life to date!

Hello dildals

I'm looking forward to comparing bumps on the 3rd! It will be fun to see how much has changed since we last met and I was only about 8 weeks I think.

hey girls, I'm back from another weekend away. Well, gotta make the most of it as we're home in two weeks!!

I'd say I showed very slightly from about 9 weeks, but only I would know, and I suspect it was largely wind... Now I am almost 20 weeks I catch sight of myself in the mirror sometimes and am surprised, as I just don't feel pregnant! I am still in normal clothes, but have a more limited wardrobe, and many things have had to be put away. I think after we get home I will buy new things, but people are very little here, and there is a very limited mat clothes choice. I live in stretchy skirts, long tops, and leggings.

shaz oh what lovely news on your scan last week. But I'm sorry that you are having such bad back pain. do take care of yourself and don't overdo it.

Cankles - haha. I have had to take off my rings because of my eczema and fat fingers (it's v hot here). I'm hoping that my return to the UK will resolve both these things, as I don't like not wearing them.

crisps good to see how - how's things?

expat sure, you'll be at term soon enough! Over 31 weeks - great going. How are you doing? When will you be on mat leave?

ok, what are people doing about hair removal? I normally use veet but it seems a bit irritated, and I'm worried about chemicals. Waxing I just can't do.... Any genius ideas? I wish I had stumped up for laser treatment...

Hi keep and everyone

I'm still shaving my legs and armpits but to be honest I'm finding that my hair isn't growing as fast. Re bikini i know we have discussed this before. I havent done anything yet but was considering a wax that would see me through. I'll have to do it soon though.

I hope you had a good weekend away. Only 2 weeks left. How do you feel? Are you coming to London? Will you be nearby for the 3rd aug meet up?

AFM I'm going back to the office today. I've realised that I need to talk to my manager about making adjustments to my routine. I've been trying to carry on as normal and I am not able to do that now. Physically I'm slower and now managing pain and cognitively I need to concentrate and not crazily multi task as I usually do. I feel abit overwhelmed trying to manage work, household chores and extra curricular activities and slightly feel like I'm failing if I give in to it and admit that I can't cope as I did before. Anyone else feel this way? What strategies are you employing to manage all of life's demands?

Have a good (non stressful) day
X

Shazz, at home I had a serious talk with DH about what I could and couldn't do (I usually do everything except supermarket shop and bins). He took on hoovering, mopping, cleaning of bath and shower and other random stuff. He also cooked a couple of times a week and brought me breakfast in bed or at least a cuppa most days. He kept all this up until I was about 6 weeks post section. It makes a huge difference mentally and physically.
At work I had to carry on mostly as normal but due to my SPD I came in later to make sure I could always get a seat on the train and bus.
I gave up extra activities in exchange for rest!

Shazz I hear you on the cankles! I had work drinks on Tuesday and stood for too long, in heels, it took my feet four days to recover. They look relatively normal now, but they constantly feel so hot. On Tue night I sat up with my feet in a bucket of cold water! Glamorous! If anyone has any wonder tips to avoid cankles, let us know!

My SI joint is 'stuck', which is an old injury. My physio suggested stretching (lie on your back and rotate your leg over the other until you feel a gentle stretch in your lower back/buttock area) and another release exercise, my 'stuck joint' is on the left so I do this with left leg only. Find a doorpost that you can plant your left foot against, and lay your other leg flat, at a 90% angle, push your foot against the doorpost (or DH, but the door post is around more often), you will feel the muscles around your SI joint and coccyx tensing, hold for a couple of seconds and gently release. Shimmy up and repeate with a steeper angle. And again (at this point my knee is almost at my belly). Do the stretch I describe earlier and then do the doorpost pushing again. I must say it has helped for me. It makes sense of course to follow your osteo's advice, since you might have something different!

I definitely had the overwhelmed thing going. I feel it's so easy to lose perspective with all the different things that need to be done, not just on a work front, but also at home. Then on top of that there are the relationships that are changing and worries about the future. I find it really hard and I struggle. Because of all this I wake up really early (3/4), wide awake, and fret. I try and talk to DH about it, but I don't think he really understands. Yesterday we had friends over for a BBQ who just had a baby 12 wks ago, and I think he and the fella had a chat because on Sun morning all of a sudden he was offering a massage and was happy to talk to me about my tossing up of vaginal birth vs ELCS, normally not a topic of conversation. The massage by the way was like he was grooming a horse, but the at least the intent was good! :-)

Really looking forward to the 3rd too!

keep I use an epilator for my legs and a razor for my bikini line but my bikini line is defintely a lot more sensitive than it used to be, also a big mole, has gotten even bigger and I keep cutting it. Not helped by the fact that I can't actually see my genitalia anymore ...
I have also developed a fair bit of fuzz on my belly, and initially I ran the epilator over it, but now I am scared the loud noise scares the girls!

Just to add one more pregnancy ailment to the list of locked SI joints, cankles and certain body parts disappearing from vision ... I have developed really dry skin on my face and I have now had 2 'outbreaks' of whatever it is. I get really hot, dry patches, that sting if I put anything on it. It clears up after a couple of days, but in the mean time I look like I have eczema or something similar on my face. My normal moisturizer for dry and sensitive skin makes the reaction worse, it seems to bear E45. Anyone any ideas?

shazza glad you are recovering from your sacroiliac strain. I don't have a problem with cankles although this hot weather may change that. I did have an attack of feeling overwhelmed on Friday afternoon. DH is pretty good about sharing household chores, cooking etc, although I do get up early with DS and make his breakfast and DH's coffee 6 days out of 7, which I'd like to change...We also have a cleaner who comes once a week to do the floors, hoovering, major kitchen and bathroom clean, etc. I am not giving her up when I go on mat leave, it's completely worth the money.

Generally I don't feel worried about the changes the arrival of the baby will bring because I feel reasonably prepared for what it will be like (although who knows!) If anything I am just desperately looking forward to leaving work behind and spending time at home, cooking, looking after DS etc. Probably I will feel dead bored within about 2 weeks but at the moment it sounds like heaven.

The only advice I have is to just let things go. Don't clean the floor, don't feel you have to meet up with friends, don't make that special meal, just lie down instead. I must admit I find this really hard to follow because I get anxious if I don't feel as though I am accomplishing enough on any given day. But that is what I aspire to!

Yes, cut corners. I have an 'essentials' list of housework like cleaning toilets, whereas dusting and hoovering can be skipped. I only iron what absolutely needs ironing too.
Also don't be ashamed of buying more preprepared food if it makes life easier.

Never had the swollen feet or ankles but is imagine that raising them up would help and be a good excuse to do nothing.

Loving this weather but can't breastfeed in maxi dresses or even jam my enormoboobs into them. Unflattering cropped trousers and drapey tops is all I can wear. Frumptastic.

Morning girls

Thanks for all the tips. I know you are right. I need to learn to let some things go. DP is trying to help but unfortunately he is massively stressed about money so I don't feel I can bother him about cleaning the bathroom. But like Mariana I'm developing a list of essential cleaning and just taking those chores slowly. I came in the other day and DP had hoovered and mopped the floors. I don't think I've ever felt happier!

Mariana how is the darling trenchlet? Recovered from her cold?

Dildals thanks for the exercises i can't visualise the doorpost one. Are you laying down parallel to the door? I'm with you on the worrying for the future but I'm trying to think that the adjustments I'm making now are just that, for now. If I think that I have to make changes now to cope for the future it's just too much. I laughed at DHs massage. Bless him. At least he tried. Re noise on belly the one I'm conscious about is the salad spinner. When I'm spinning lettuce and holding it against my side it must sound like an earthquake to shazlett! I use DR Hauschka rose day cream for dry skin.

Fairy ditto on the dreaming of mat leave. At the moment the thought of not having to be on the mousewheel is so exciting. Of course I know I'll have shazlett to look after but I really feel the need to step off the work treadmill and reassess my wants and needs in that dept. I wish we could have a cleaner. We just don't have the money at the moment but I know so many people who have one and say what a difference it makes. I also relate to the feelings of not accomplishing. I used to be able to multi task and whizz through a to do list. I prided myself on my stamina to keep going and get a job done. Now I can barely get ready for work on time. Oh well. I'm growing a baby and that's the best accomplishment I've ever had

How is everyone else? Keep when is your scan this week?

Spotty, ceara, juicy all fine in your camps?

Expat, Gin, crisps, sweetie, MrsH we haven't heard from you for abit you ok?

Nokity Noks. What's occurring in Noks towers with the nipper rascal?

I hope I haven't forgotten anyone.

Have a good day. Shaz x

Growing a baby is no small task so try to remember that!

I used to have a cleaner but can't afford one since we moved but how I used to love getting in from work to a spotless house.

Trenchlet is great thanks, no cold anymore but a bit hot instead. I have her sleeping in nothing but a nappy under a muslin as it's so hot. There is a tyranny surrounding sleeping temperatures for babies but once it's 25 degrees it all gets rather tricky.

Fairy, DD1 has a library book starring a pangolin. I thought of you!

Hello all. I dragged myself into the office but intend to leave as soon as is decent and enjoy the sun.

Firstly, I'm pretty sure I didn't thank everyone for being so lovely when I wrote about my meltdowns. I was really touched and your kindness helped so much. This thread is really great and every day I hope that we all get our pot of gold at the end of the road.

Shazza, I echo what the others have said. Decide what you can let go of. For example, I don't mind the odd bit of dust but bathroom, kitchen and floors need to be clean. I can completely relate to your dp being stressed about money but you're growing a baby and it's only going to get harder so he does need to step in. I'm incredibly lucky in that my work is paying for a taxi home every day I'm in the office which makes a massive difference. DH keeps the kitchen ticking over and does a lot of the cooking and the big dog runs.
I started the BCT (NCT equivalent - used a lot of NCT paperwork) course a couple of weeks ago and there's a part where the trainer held up pictures of what our insides used to look like and what they look like now with a baby taking up a lot of the space. I think for a lot of men it made a difference as they could really see how much of our lung capacity is compromised and how much extra blood/fluid etc we are carrying. DH wasn't that enthusiastic to begin with but is really enjoying the course now.

Dildals, I smiled at your description of your dh's massages. Mine is exactly the same. I use Darphin chamomile oil for dry/sore skin. I put it under my moisturiser at night and it does the job. My skin was like yours 5 or so weeks ago but looks peachy now so hang on in there.

Keep, the due date is slowly marching forward (not quickly enough). I will prob have my cs at the end of August. For hair removal I'm still having waxing. I'm going quite often so there's less to remove and much less painful.
Somebody asked me ages ago why I was going to have a cs and I was a bit vague because I didn't really know. Apparently it is because when the uterus is still small with a preemie the surgeon has to cut through a lot because nothing is stretched iykwim. So next pregnancy when the uterus is stretched at full term the outer scar is low and tranverse but the inner scar can be a lot higher which means a larger portion of the uterus has scar tissue which makes a rupture more likely.

mariana i know what you mean re tyranny over sleeping temperatures. You can always wrap them up warmly but what can you do when the temperature gets over 25 as you say? I think though that it is different if the air temperature is consistently raised because it's warm out than if you wrap them up too warmly at bedtime but they are the rest of the time at a cool temperature. In the former the baby's body will be used to the warmth whereas with the latter they will not be and may not be able to handle it.

On pangolins when my sister was little she made me a book at school that was all about pangolins and I always liked the idea of a 'fairy pangolin' which is actually a rather unusual looking anteater type creature. What is the book called? I'd love to get it for DS.

expat I was the one who asked why you had to have a CS again. Thanks for the explanation, which makes sense. I imagine an elective CS must be the least stressful (depending on the hospital) option in any event. And you don't have much longer to wait! When are you stopping work?

dildals I have had a similar complexion problem in the past (not now thank goodness) and I found that just leaving it alone was the best option even though it didn't look very nice. I also sometimes found it helpful to use a different type of moisturiser every day so I didn't develop a reaction to any particular kind. But skin is very tricky and individual so maybe one of the potions Shazza and Expat have suggested will help.

Very glad to hear how all of your DP/DHs are stepping up to the task!

I have had four people over the past four days tell me how "enormous" or "massive" my bump is. I dread to think what comments will be like when I am over 35 weeks.