Its a girl!- bugger

[HotPie]

So I am 19 weeks gone with baby number one and just found out its a girl. The baby in my head was a boy. We were going to play lego and climb trees and get muddy together.

I thought at first it would be ok, after all its up to me and my partner how we raise her, but friends with girls have said I may not be able to avoid the pink princess stage, my mother in law is intent on dolls and frills and the other "mothers of girls" are drving me crazy with talk of "cuteness"

I have no interest in "sweet little outfits" or those flowery headbands (how weird are they) or playing with dolls and I dispise the kind of girl who plays "dressing up as princesses" just as much as I did when I was a little girl too. I am so scared I am going to get a pink loving girl and that I will dislike my daughter.

I feel like a terrible person, I know how lucky we are to have a ( hopefully) healthy child on the way. Please someone tell me about their mud loving daughter.

See, I can understand a woman being slightly disappointed with not having a girl (her own sex/gender) but find it harder to understand reservations about having a girl and not having a boy. Seems a slight betrayal of your own sex and identity to me !
My own mother was particularly delighted to finally have a boy, though she's tried to be a little subtle about it. I don't get it personally !
Hopefully things are moving on in our own generation with regard to gender preferences.

Thanks Rhonda,

Tinga I thought the sarcasm WAS having a sense of humour actually. Sorry, different sense of humour. Is sarcasm a bit of a no-no here? Suppose I will have to pick up the norms here that along with the whole DD, DH, DS and other random acronym stuff if I decide to pop back at all.
I have a reasonably thick skin, but I have a very short fuse for people who don't listen and repeat the same old stuff. That fuse has been lit quite a few times today.

Sorry, OP, your post disgusts me, from the offensive title to the small minded content. I hope nobody who is going through the hell of having to terminate a pregnancy after their 20 week scan saw it. That's not manipulative by the way, it's hitting you with some hard home truths that you need to hear, as you sound completely self centred and entitled. You have a healthy baby girl.

Stop navel gazing and start acting like a mother who is getting ready to welcome her beautiful baby into the world, regardless of whether she likes pink or not. Perhaps you should have thought about some of this before you decided to get pregnant.

In case no-one has said it, one of the positive things about girls is that it's harder for them to get wee in your eye when you change their nappy (all the way up their back and in their hair without you noticing on the changing mat, but normally not in your eyes! ).

I tried and tried to stop the whole "pink thing" from happening, but 3.5.yo dd has decide she likes pink and glitter and to wear dresses. It doesn't change the fact that she still does all the stuff children like to do irrespective of their gender. And her wonderful, hilarious, kind nature didn't change just because she has decided that pink is her favourite colour.

I'm an engineer. I don't really do girly. I don't get hours preening. I don't get this, or any years fashion. I do all the DIY etc at home. I have 2 DS and when I found out no.3 was to be a girl I was comcerned about the dynamic. DD is a girly girl. She chooses pink with pink and a bit of pink to round it off. She's two. She loves to sit and have her hair brushed, she loves having her nails trimmed, she loves having her hair blow dried. I hated all of these from being a young child. My mum teases that it must be nature because theres no way I could have nurtured such a pink princess.

I love her to bits. All the early worries of how the dynamic could work are dim and distant past. The DS's love her and so does her dad. In amoungst all the pink princess, singing and dancing to Angelina Balerina she likes jumping in muddy puddles, building with brio, knocking down her brothers lego. She will be brought up, as her brothers are, to be able to hold a saw, hammer straight, fix a shelf, wire a plug etc.

She wont convert me to pink, I moderate the amount she has, but even at such a tender age her prefference is very strong. So within reason I wont turn her into mini me i will love and educate/ equip her to have as many opportunities for her life as possible. Thats the best any of us can hope for isn't it?

Once they're born there's less time to worry about these things and somehow I'm sure you'll muddle through like the rest of us.

We went to the pub for a slap up dinner tonight, my dd is three and a half and announced to the couple sat at the next table
"I don't like princesses, I like PENGUINS"
hth.

I'm very disappointed to hear other women use the word 'girly'
So much for sisterhood.

Thanks MisForMum,

Thats was very helpful and I am sure you are right.

What you get first of all is a baby. Apart from the anatomical differences, baby boys and girls are similar. Obviously they are all individuals, some are quicker to smile or sleep better, but the differences between babies has nothing to do with being a boy or a girl. During the first year (and much longer probably) you can dress the baby however you like. DD had plenty of "boy's" rompers because the dinosaurs or puppies on them were really cute. By the end of that first year you will be smitten, truly head-over-heels in love with your baby. That means that if your DD asks for a princess dress or a baby and buggy you will be delighted that you have the opportunity to make her happy.

All children go through phases of playing with things that you might find tedious. My DD will change her doll's nappies over and over, and I find it dull. However my mother says that my DB's interest in playing with his cars was exceptionally dull too. Boys/girls, whatever their interests, don't have the monopoly in dull activities.

Not all girls have a pink, princess phase. Much of that will depend on what the girl is exposed to. Our house isn't full of pink stuff and, unlike friends of ours, I don't call her "my princess". DD has recently started to say "I'm a queen" , but there is no more to it than that at the moment.

Also, given both her genes and environment, there is no reason to think you will have a particularly girly DD. My DM isn't very "girly", nor am I, and I imagine as an adult my DD won't be either as she doesn't have a girly influence at home.

Thanks Breathes

'a very short fuse for people who don't listen and repeat the same old stuff'

oh dear.

How's your DH with people who endlessly repeat things without listening? Toddlers, just to pick a random example?

You could have got a boy who was into dolls and crafts and couldn't give two hoots about climbing trees.

My dd 17 months love teddies, mega bloks, kicking a ball, song time, painting, the playground....exactly what I imagine a 17 month old boy would like. The sex of a child does not determine its hobbies, interests or personality.

Ha ha,

I see what you mean. Actually I am fine with my nephew. He is 5. Maybe I should have said a short fuse with people who are old enough to know better. Though I was also fine with my granny when she had dementia.

I am also ok with small children peeing in their pants, less so with adults ;-), though again, granny had her moments.

And DH, does that mean Darling Hostage perhaps?

Yes, I know Little monster, Panic is past but thanks

Also what the hell is wrong with pink a glitter? I liked dolls as a kid, I also loved to read and as I grew up enjoyed rock and punk music....as a grown woman I enjoy violent action films and horrors and boxing as much as I enjoy clothes and makeup.

I have a degree am a homeowner, a full time career and I enjoy the colour pink.....really annoys me when people say they tried to avoid theirs girls liking pink and dolls. Let your kids decide what to be interested in....being a "tomboy" isn't something to be particularly proud of, it's not an achievement in any way, same way liking dolls isn't either.

Little monster

As an interest among many, nothing at all wrong with anything. I used "Pink loving" as shorthand for obsessively, outrageously, exclusively into girly pinky prettiness. And, as i said in one of my many replies in this thread, I have realised that I am scared of having nothing in common with my daughter. The pink girly thing is just one in a long line of things I could have hit on.

For this I am now eternally damned on mumsnet but I am sure I will get over it ;-).

Glitter gets everywhere. Allow it into your home and you will still be finding it years after your DC has left home. It makes its way onto your work clothes and embarrasses you in meetings.

breathes,

A bit like pine needles and pet hair then. Excellent

my 4yo dd LOVES lego, climbing trees and getting muddy, she also loves her dolls and princess dresses she's a child, not defined by gender stereo types and an extremely happy one wearing her brothers hoody a tutu and wellies

A while back I started to think that I really wanted a girl and immediately felt pretty guilt about having a preference at all. I tried to think about why I felt that way and came to the conclusion that it was because when I pictured what I thought a boy would be like I thought he would be like my brother (as he was the only little boy I had known that well). I had a horrible relationship with my brother, he was very violent and could be really nasty. When I realised that my brain had made that assumption and the reality of the matter was my child, boy or girl would be their own person, and hopefully I could teach them not to be violent/ nasty, my objection to having a boy disappeared. I feel that you have also unintentionally made the assumption that your child will be a certain way because of their gender when the reality is you have no idea who your child will be and what they will like. I think the main thing is not to make those assumptions and let your little one decide!

oh and my small girl rarely wears pink or frills she's 4mo and has gorgeous stuff from m&s in blue red green and purple stripes/spots etc.

I meant to add: the things your little girl will be discovering, she will be discovering with you by her side, so you will constantly be developing new things in common. Hope you can put these worries to rest now and become exited about getting to know your daughter.

Confession time: I'm ( almost) 37, and consider myself a girly or feminine woman. I LOVE pink, fucsia not baby, and wear it frequently (no proncesss dressers but some pink blazers, shoes, bags) to work. It makes me feel happy, creative and not like a corporate drone dressed all in black.

Brace yourself: I also love a spray tan, had one two days ago.makes me look and feel ten times better. No interest in seeing acres of white pasty flesh when I'm in a bikini.

I have a very successful career, run the Middle East and North Africa division of a well respected successful global firm.

So it's quite possible your lovely daughter will be girly yet cerebral, intelligent and high achieving. A spray tan and enjoyment of the colour pink has not turned me into Katie price. (And whilst you and I may not like her life choices or wedding dress style, her business sense is a force to be reckoned with. I'm sure she's much much better off financially than I will ever be!)

I must say I have no interest in DIY and usually pay someone to do this for me :)

Good luck and I'm sure you will have a gorgeous daughter and a great relationship.