Its a girl!- bugger

[HotPie]

So I am 19 weeks gone with baby number one and just found out its a girl. The baby in my head was a boy. We were going to play lego and climb trees and get muddy together.

I thought at first it would be ok, after all its up to me and my partner how we raise her, but friends with girls have said I may not be able to avoid the pink princess stage, my mother in law is intent on dolls and frills and the other "mothers of girls" are drving me crazy with talk of "cuteness"

I have no interest in "sweet little outfits" or those flowery headbands (how weird are they) or playing with dolls and I dispise the kind of girl who plays "dressing up as princesses" just as much as I did when I was a little girl too. I am so scared I am going to get a pink loving girl and that I will dislike my daughter.

I feel like a terrible person, I know how lucky we are to have a ( hopefully) healthy child on the way. Please someone tell me about their mud loving daughter.

[EeyoreIsh]

I'm sorry your sister has cancer, I hope she recovers.

And actually hotpie, I do frequently thank God for the blessings I do have. including being otherwise healthy, having a supportive DH etc.

I also hope you come to terms with not having a boy. It must be difficult to get what you want but not be happy with it.

[SoupDragon]

I feel like a terrible person, I know how lucky we are to have a (hopefully) healthy child on the way

The Offended did read this bit didn't they?

DD climbs trees. She did so wearing pink snow boots and a cream, fringed flapper dress. [shrug]

OP, deal with your "disappointment" and by the time your DD arrives all will be fine. What she is like depends on the opportunities you give her :)

[alcibiades]

I wonder if what you're feeling isn't so much any kind of disappointment that you're having a girl, but more a reaction to friends/family suggesting that your daughter won't be anything like you. It's almost as they're telling you that you have to dress her in pink and sparkling stuff, just like they did/would do with their daughters. But she's not theirs, she's yours.

If you don't want pink&sparkly (and I didn't for my daughter) that's your right. Just signal very clearly to your MiL and anyone else that anything pink/sparkly/frilly is not an acceptable gift.

[Chocoflump]

This is terrible- your poor child!! She should be able to like whatever she wants no matter what her sex! So what if she likes pink sparkly things? Just because you don't doesnt mean your child can not. I don't particularly like skylanders, however my son loves them, so I take an interest in them. I certainly dont despise him for having interests i dont share. How can you have nothing in common with your child??
This is YOUR child- you created her!! Get a grip!

[IAteTheCake]

I can also understand why people are offended re this thread, and as someone who has experienced fertility problems, my experience is that I just had an image in my head, and then things didn't match up. Not that I did not feel grateful or lucky to have Dd. I am very happy to have her. Becoming a mum is very complex emotionally and things need time to settle. Since Dd has grown I do have to say pink vs blue and boys vs girls what they should and shouldn't do is very strong in our society...it is tricky to navigate...I choose to try and give her a balanced experience...so I do think there is more to just saying the op is insensitive...there is a bigger picture

[kilmuir]

she may be girlie she may be a tom boy, whatever she will be YOUR DAUGHTER. grow up. poor thing a disappointment already

[BabylonReturns]

Well, there's no guarantees but my DDs are 8 and 3 and they both like pink and princesses as well as climbing trees and Lego.

My ds aged 1 tomorrow, is mostly fund wearing a pink headband and loving the baby born dolly

Do you know what, I love them all the same. Always will.

[HotPie]

Sorry Everlong, I responded a couple of times to clarify earlier. Its not the fact that I am having a girl so much as it is the fact that it has just occurred to me that the girl i have MIGHT be really girly and into princesses and sparkles and that I will not have anything in common with her,just like I don't have anything in common with the grown women I know who are into girly stuff. I am fully aware that it isn't a universal trait of women and was fine until people like my mother in law convinced me I was going to end up with a Katie Price wannabe.

[SolomanDaisy]

I have a toddler. Today they have mostly been wearing my pink framed sunglasses, a bracelet of mine which has sparkly hearts on and frequent applications of 'cream'. We bathed dolly this morning. Said toddler has a penis too (so does dolly).

[pooka]

Dd is my first child.

She never wore headbands or pink frilly stuff as a baby. Very unisex clothing.

She did go through a princess phase from age of about 3 until 5 or 6. Still keen on climbing trees, Lego, all sorts, but with an underlying love of ballet, tutus and pink. We rode it out, and actually I really loved how dotty she looked in her clothes. Was all part of a time in her life.

She's now 9. Doesn't like pink. Not especially girly. Keen on surfing, horse riding, cycling, books, friends and cooking.

She's ace - love her so much. Also have 2 boys now. They re different to her, but also to each other. They're all brill. :)

[BrokenBananaTantrum]

My DD is currently dressed head to toe in pink. She is 6yo. She is also using a power screwdriver to build her new flat pack kitchen with DH.
Your DD will be what she will be.

[HotPie]

alcibiades
I think you are totally right

[ExpatAl]

So what OP? You have no control over what your child will be like and that's the glorious fascinating thing. And your answer to EyeorIsh was shitty and manipulative.

[HotPie]

The post from EyeorIsh was shitty and manipulative. I did the same back on purpose to show her that.

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

Hotpie, I have a DD who refuses to wear dresses, insists on a short hair cut, hangs out with the boys at school and would eat mud if I let her, never mind roll around in it.

i equally have a big who wants me to paint his toenails and who wants to talk about the dresses I wear.

I didn't do anything to raise them this way. Just let them develop as they wanted to. Your girl will do the same. She may like princesses and pink. She may like mud. Your job is to support her whichever she chooses and let her express her own personality. This would be just as true if she were a boy as a girl.

Good luck OP. Be assured, that whether she dresses head to toe in pink glitter or not, once she is here you will love her to bits and will wonder what you were worrying about.

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

Equally have *boy. Not a big...

[Tingalingle]

OP, you could always go interestingly batty, give her a unisex name (I suggest Kim or Alex) and refuse to disclose her sex to anyone until s/he's at least 5.

The sell the story to a national paper and buy more Lego with it.

[SoupDragon]

It's an emotional response which you have no control over. It usually makes no sense whatsoever. For example, I was very upset to discover, at a late scan, that DS2 was another boy. When he was born 3 days later, I still fell in love with him right away, I'd dealt with any disappointment and resigned myself to the fact that I would not have a daughter (he was ment to me my last)

Fast forward 5 years and I discover at the 20 week scan that my third child was a girl. I was upset as my Boy Gang would be destroyed! Needless to say, I love her dearly and indulge her "unicorn vomit" tendencies with good grace. She still climbs trees, builds with Lego and does muddy stuff.

No logic at all to how I felt and it was all irrelevant in the end. At no point did I forget that I was lucky to have children at all.

[Sleepyfergus]

No OP, the post from Eyeoreish was not manipulative or shitty. She even back came on and wished your sister well.

[HotPie]

Tingalingle, love it. ;-)

And to the crazies - I am joking

[DoingTheSwanThing]

Well, my DD doesn't know what mud is yet, but DS (4) hates the stuff. Hates anything involving getting dirty. Frightened of climbing unless both hands are held.
His favourite colour is pink, he's the only one to notice if I have new shoes or change my hair, and he wants to be a hairdresser
He's my coffee & cake buddy though, so I can wait to climb trees

[TapDancingPimp]

If your biggest worry is having a girl who likes sparkly pink things then you're in for a big shock, OP.

Just be happy and love her for who she is!!

We are all unique and this is something to be celebrated. Just coz my DD likes Rapunzel doesn't mean it's going to shape her character...her dad loves spending time with her and surprisingly this does not involve pink or dolls.

Just relax.

[HotPie]

Really Sleepyfergus?

I think she pulled the "be grateful for what you have, I have it much worse than you" card. I did exactly the same to make the point that it was a crappy thing to do.

I said I was upset about having a baby girl, she said she couldn't have a baby and asked if I would care to swap with her.

She said she was upset about not having a baby, I said my sister was very ill and asked if she would care to swap with her.

Whats the difference?

[SoupDragon]

One plus of my girl is that she likes to do my hair as a bedtime avoidance technique. It's lovely having someone brush and style your hair, even if it does often involve pompoms and plastic monkeys. The boys never did this.