Its a girl!- bugger

[HotPie]

So I am 19 weeks gone with baby number one and just found out its a girl. The baby in my head was a boy. We were going to play lego and climb trees and get muddy together.

I thought at first it would be ok, after all its up to me and my partner how we raise her, but friends with girls have said I may not be able to avoid the pink princess stage, my mother in law is intent on dolls and frills and the other "mothers of girls" are drving me crazy with talk of "cuteness"

I have no interest in "sweet little outfits" or those flowery headbands (how weird are they) or playing with dolls and I dispise the kind of girl who plays "dressing up as princesses" just as much as I did when I was a little girl too. I am so scared I am going to get a pink loving girl and that I will dislike my daughter.

I feel like a terrible person, I know how lucky we are to have a ( hopefully) healthy child on the way. Please someone tell me about their mud loving daughter.

[Sleepyfergus]

I assume you're classing me as one if the crazies....

But read your OP back. You actually say you despise the kind of little girls who play at dressing up as princesses. Really??? Seriously??? So you randomly dislike girls who are play acting and having innocent fun. How very, very sad.

What if you had a boy and he liked dressing up as a princess? It happens. A lot, if watching some of my DDs male counterparts playing at nursery is a reasonable sample.

And you think we're crazy! Your poor daughter. I actually hope for her sake she doesn't want to play with dolls or wear pink etc. At least then you might actually like her.

[FiveHoursSleep]

I have three girls and one boy. They all love lego, mud and tree climbing. Don't make a big deal of it.

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

Hotpie can I try and answer the question about what Eyeorish did, without wishing to speak for her? She had an emotional reaction to your OP. In the same way that you are having an emotional reaction to finding out you are having a girl. in both cases, it may not seem logic or right to others but these are real emotions you are both experiencing. I struggled to get pregnant and can empathize with what she said because of the real pain I felt waiting years to get pregnant.

I can empathize less with your reaction to your news but I can see that it is a heart felt reaction and I don't judge you for it at all (see my post upthread).

We all react emotionally at times. Different things trigger different people. It doesn't make any of us bad people.

[SantanaLopez]

There's nothing wrong with feeling a bit guilty. But not once have you moved away from your frankly bizarre notion that you hate pink and sparkles.

[SantanaLopez]

Not guilty; disappointed.

[ExpatAl]

No Blame, the OP is not having an emotional reaction to having a girl. The OP is having a happy and relaxed self indulgent hissy fit.

[beth27123]

I think this is a very touchy subject as are quite a few on the board, but i also think we all have a reason we might not bond with our child.
Im 7 weeks pregnant (ish) and i have the same fears as you, but as other mothers to be too. Will I love my child if he comes out with a ginger afro (yes OH asked this)? Will i love him if he is a she? Will I even be a good mother to a child? Will I still love my step children?
I admit you didn't word things great but I can see your point. Hope nobody thinks Im trying to create friction here.

[Sleepyfergus]

ExpatAl

[YoniYoniNameLeft]

This thread has bugged me! I have two DDs.

Neither are girly girls or "Tom boys" really, they're just...well, children, i suppose. As I said up thread, they both like climbing and mud, building blocks, trains, just as I used to when I was little.

You don't have to dress a baby girl in pink - there's yellow, green, purple, brown, red. I used to put mine in red and, SIOB, blue quite often. Although they did get mistaken for boys quite often by people with no imagination. Today toddler DD2 is wearing blue jeggings with a blue and cream striped sweater with a mouse on it.

They also wear pink, I like pink. In fact I'm wearing a pink cardigan today.

Ooh, I must be such a girl.

[Pudgy2011]

Starting out reading this thread, I was ready to blast through with a scoff and a "don't worry, your DD doesn't have to be a pink sparkly nightmare" and continue on with an eye roll.

But reading through I have kind of want to jump to OP's defence here, especially in light of the "just be grateful you're having a baby, you should always remember there are people worse off who can't concieve" etc.
Those comments do nothing to address the OP's concerns and I don't think her rebuttal to Eyeore about her sister were unfair. They were putting the comments into context. We don't always go through life thinking about how others might have it worse than us. It's the human condition, we're born to be selfish and that's no bad thing.

I thought this forum was a place to voice concerns and get some support to deconstruct the emotions (of which pregnant women have plenty, most not always rational!), not a place to voice concerns and then have 100 people jump down your throat about how you should just be damn grateful you're having a healthy baby.

For what it's worth, I always wonder if finding out the sex of the baby in advance can sometimes lead to these terrifying feelings of preferred gender, whereas if you didn't know and baby popped out, you'd be so ecstatic to have your child here that you won't care if it's a boy or a girl?

OP, I was a tomboy, played with dolls but was never a fairy princess type kid. As an adult, I'm now a very healthy mixture of badass tomboy/feminine lady.

Your DD will find her own way to be herself, just as you have. Her young, possibly "girly" years are such a small part of her life. You will love her more than life itself, regardless of the colours she likes.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Quite Yoni. Your girls sound lovely and like they have a good time exploring everything

[Reiltin]

My wife could have written that! Our first kid will be a girl. As i said to her, Not all girls are girlie. Neither of us were particularly. She'll be your kid, raised in your home - you've got both nature & nurture on your side. We've found it not super-easy to find baby clothes that aren't pink, but they do exist. And they're lovely :-)

[HotPie]

beth27123, not at all thinking you are out to create friction, I think you are right, its the fear of not being able to like my child if we are too different from each other. Its in the same thing as the fact that I am a scientist, so how will I bond with a child who is more arty or maybe not academic at all? Thanks for your understanding.

[HotPie]

thanks Pudgy

[YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad]

I was feeling sorry for the OP until this post:

"I am sorry if people are offended that I do not like girly girls and have never got on with them. I have plenty of women friends. I LIKE plenty of women, I just don't like GIRLY. There is a big difference and maybe the people who don't see that are being a bit sexist."

That is so narrow minded and judgemental. You really wouldn't choose to be friends with someone because they like getting their hair and nails done and wear pink? Bizarre. I hope your DD turns your world on its head and challenges some of these assumptions because it sounds like you're the sexist one here.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

That's a nice post Reiltin - I hope you both have a lovely time preparing for your new baby and love her to the moon and back when she's here.
And the same to HotPie

[YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad]

"Its in the same thing as the fact that I am a scientist, so how will I bond with a child who is more arty or maybe not academic at all?"

Even more bizarre. Do you only have scientist friends then? Do you find it relate to anyone else who isn't exactly like you are? Think you need to broaden your horizons a little, OP!

[SantanaLopez]

how will I bond with a child who is... maybe not academic at all



Seriously?

Maybe you should have got a dog instead of getting pregnant.

[Sleepyfergus]

A boy dog obviously. Heaven forbid you got a bitch.

[AdoraBell]

My DDs still love running around and getting messy/muddy, only one of them does it with nail polish on and the other with blue streaks in her hair. They are 11. One has never liked pink and both have been adverse to Barbie for as long as I can rememeber. They loved playing with toy cars, toy frams, Lego type bricks, train sets and were very when their male cousin told them not to play with his Hot-Wheels because "it's for boys", so we bought them their own Hot-Wheels.

You don't have to do cute and sugar pink just because other parents do it.

[HotPie]

Sleepyfergus have you nothing better to do than troll? You are obviously not trying to be helpful, just nasty, so please go and be nasty to someone else.

Lopez, YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad, have you never been scared of having a child so different from you that you just can't connect with them? That you just won't have anything to talk with them about? Surely you have met people that you just can't get beyond a ten minute conversation with? People you just can't find any common ground with? Surely I can't be the only person in the world who doesn't find absolutely everyone else fascinating?

[NumberTwoDue]

Don't like vacant girly girls, but vapid enough to take what your mates are saying as gospel? Hmmmmmm

[Sleepyfergus]

Fair enough, my last post was uncalled for. So I retract that. But my other posts haven't been, I've either been posting my point of view on the subject and directing addressing comments YOU have made, or agreeing with others.

[YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad]

No, I can talk to anyone on some level, I don't have to find them fascinating to have a conversation. I also have friends from every walk of life. You do sound very limited, OP. Do you have any potential 'mum' friends? Because I have a feeling that you might be a bit lonely when you discover there aren't as many academics or scientists among them as you like!

With a child, well, they grow up in your house, you share experiences, you explore the world together - you will find something to talk about, trust me. You're overthinking this.

[HotPie]

NumberTwoDue

Fair comment, though in my defense, they weren't exactly my friends, they were Mother in law, and various "family friends" rather than actual mates. But you are right, getting myself in state because of their opinions rather than trusting my own experience is daft. I suppose its because they have kids, so I assume they know lots more about it than me, but thats no excuse.