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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant (IVF) Worriers

999 replies

Dildals · 31/03/2013 16:46

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others!

A few of us graduated from the IVF thread (link below) and are having a go at our own thread to get out of the other IVF-ers hair! So get your roomy jogging bottoms on for some virtual hand holding, mutual symptom spotting and staying sane until the next scan date.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1691674-Excellent-Egg-Buddies-continued-Anyone-having-IVF-ICSI-in-Jan-Feb-and-March-2013-please-join-us

OP posts:
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GinSoaked · 10/05/2013 08:58

Just popping in quickly to wish shazz good luck for later. From things scan, it sounds like all will be just fine :)

Happy Friday everyone else!

SweetieTime · 10/05/2013 09:03

Shazza good luck for later. I will be thinking of you. You have a lot on your mind and it always comes into your thoughts in the early hours. not long to go now, hope the day passes really quickly for you

Shazzamattazzerly · 10/05/2013 09:28

Thanks ladies

It's funny when you are waiting for time to pass you think it will never come and yet here I am. I'm ok. Don't feel too bad after the scan on Wednesday. Fingers crossed.
I'll let you know.

X

Foodylicious · 10/05/2013 09:36

thanks shazza and good luck x x

Foodylicious · 10/05/2013 11:15

God I am feeing stupid, was having a real panic this morning as tiny bit of pink discharge yesterday, so slept really badly and my boobs are suddenly not as sore as theye were before and maybe a bit smaller?
I had a clearblue digital in the cupboard and thought if i do the test and it still says 3+ i would be reassured.
It said 2-3, instant panic and lots of info searching and really cant figure out if i should be worried or not. The clearblue site says you may get 'unexpected' results if you test after 6 weeks, I am 6+2
help!!!!!!!!!!!!

fairypangolin · 10/05/2013 11:20

foody please don't panic although I completely understand your feelings. I really don't think those clearblue tests are at all accurate past an initial confirmation of pregnancy. They must rely on some standard increase of HCG and not all pregnancies increase at the same rate. I didn't keep testing after my blood test confirmed the pregnancy just so as not to torment myself if it didn't come up with the result I wanted (okay i did POAS once that day but that was just so I could at LONG LAST see those two blue lines!)

Discharge, spotting and bleeding are really really common. Also I would often feel that my breasts were "suddenly" smaller or less sore, really the fact is that symptoms fluctuate daily as your body reacts to the changing levels of hormones. It is totally normal to have a strong symptom one day that then tapers off and disappears only to reappear.

Please try to relax, my dear, even though I know it's hard.

Dildals · 10/05/2013 11:28

good luck shazza, although I am sure it will be fine and you won't need it!

I met up with the King's MW (wife of my colleague) last night ... I left shell shocked to be perfectly honest. It is good to be well informed (well, that's my opinion anyway), and it was really good to speak to her, but my goodness, I am still processing all the stuff she told me ...

We started off with talking about twin births and I told her about the awful description in Lesley Regan's book. She then said that they were a bit more relaxed at King's (re the 30 minute deadline on getting no 2 out), but then we started going thru the process of giving birth and we ended up with 'well, not really that much different then ...'. She said that with twins you are more likely to have 'uneven' contractions. With a singleton the uterus has a nicely shaped baby to contract aroudn, with twins it is a bit more of a mixed bag and the uterus often struggles to contract properly. This means that labour is not progressing properly and you will be put on a syntocin drip. She said, not as a MW but as a person, 'get an epidural in place before you go on the synto'. The contractions on a synto drip are god awfully painful. Then, research has shown that as soon as you have an epidural your chances of an assisted delivery (that means forceps/ventouse to you and me) increase. An assisted delivery also means increased chances of episiotomy (cut). So that's twin one done. ;-) Second twin, she said generally comes down on its own, it takes a while for the uterus to take on its smaller size and get contracting properly, so they don't have a 30 min cut off, but you should sort of get it out in 2hrs, max. What happens from here depends a bit on whether the waters break immediately or later, when baby is more engaged. If waters break and baby gets cord wrapped around its neck then obviously this is a risk and they will want to take it out asap. She said that this is not specific to twins but a risk for singletons too. She said it is likely to need synto for no 2 too, but that it is not that bad for no 2 because you are already well underway IYKWIM.

Pool birth not possible, some consultants will allow you to, but you'd have to get out of the water to get monitored every 50 mins for 20 mins, so sounds more trouble than it's worth.

The constant monitoring doesn't mean you're stuck on a bed, but you are restricted in moving around, you can move aroudn the bed, different positions etc, but you can't take the machine for a walk ;-).

Then she also told me about other risks of c-section that I didn't konw about, such as that it is often difficutl to get twin 2 out, resulting in dislocated shoulders etc.We talked a bit about that for preemie babies vaginal delivery is best and why.

She said that in the end I need to be happy and comfortable with my choice of birth. She also told me, which was nice, that I should believe in my body, being able to do this, and that I would not have fallen pregnant with twins and carried them this far if I wasn't able to do this. I didn't tell her a woman got me pregnant, but i guess it is still true that I did carry them this far.

Then she told me to start expressing already, when pregnant, in wk 36 and get a couple of sweeps booked in! What?! The expressing bit made sense, get the system up and running so that it is all ready to go for the twins. She also said that twins often have low blood sugar so to have a batch of colostrum in the freezer is not a bad idea. Turns out you keep on producing colostrum until you give birth, you don't 'run out'. On the sweeps thing she said 'you really have got quite a small window of opportunity to get in to labour unaided'. Me: 'Panic. I thought week 38 ...' She then went: Ah, no, they will want to INDUCE you in week 38. So you would want to give birth in week 37. Which means expressing / sweeps in week 36. Bloody hell, I just lost 2 weeks of my pregnancy there! I don't know why but that bit shocked me the most. (they want twins out in wk 38 because of space issues and deteriorating placenta)

Another good bit of advice was to stay at home as long as possible. You don't need to go in the hospital at 3 cms dilated, you can stay at home as long as you like. She said that often the adrenaline of coming in to hospital slows down contractions and it takes a good while before they are back to where they were. I asked whether it was not dangerous to not go in to hospital immediately. She said that the advice is to start monitoring from 3 cms (I think it was 3 I can't remember now, but there's this 'formula' so many contractions per minute lasting a particular time) but lots of women come in not knowing they are already 7 cm dilated and they are not monitored, and are fine.

She also told me that 9 out of 10 women have trouble breast feeding, and that is not painless, despite what NCT tries to tell you. Another reason to get expressing sooner rather than later. I didn't realise it was so many though! Blimey! Read up on anything BF beforehand!

I feel more confused now then I did before! But it is still good to have the info and practical tips on the expressing and sweeps. I need to process this all and let it sink in.

Ah, I also asked her her opinion on hypno birthing. She definitely thinks it helps, for the right person (ie control freaks - that's my interpretation anyway!;-). It requires quite a lot of prep antenatally to get the techniques down. She did say to (despite what the hypno people say) is to learn all the techniques etc, but then to completely leave it alone for 2 weeks before giving birth. She said that some women stress themselves out trying to apply all the right techniques etc, and then panic when it doesnt work.

Sorry for the long post. And apologies if I scared the shit out of you now for giving birth. Remember it doesn't have to be this way, this is just the twin thing.

My mother gave birth (obviously) and always said she never understood what the fuss was about. She didn't think it was particularly painful or dreadful. Hopefully this is hereditary!

OP posts:
Foodylicious · 10/05/2013 11:29

Thank you! I know, I have even posted previously my self that symptons come and go (as they did over a week ago) i have had the same level of sysptoms consistently for a bit so just got freaked out.
Sometimes wish the internet didn't exist! i will find something, then its followed by something saying the opposite. Need to ban myself from looking! Think I am worse today because I had so little sleep.

Dildals · 10/05/2013 11:31

foody please don't worry about a bit of pink discharge. Your endometrium is nice and plump, flush with blood, and sometimes it bleeds a bit. A bit of bleeding is nothing to worry about, unless you get cramps to go with it and the bleeding becomes quite heavy.

OP posts:
Foodylicious · 10/05/2013 11:35

Have scan booked for tuesday (at the cost of £100!), really going to try to hold it together until then. Like most women i am a bit of a control freak and not knowing exactly what is going on in my own body is driving me nuts!
fingers crossed all is ok in there

ExpatAl · 10/05/2013 11:46

Oh Foody I'm sure you're freaking out but as Dildals and Fairy said there's a lot going on in there at the moment and a bit of pink is totally normal.

Wow Dildals, that's quite a lot for you to take in. How are you feeling about it?

Shazza, have fun!

Mariana, how do you feel now things have settled down a bit?

Foodylicious · 10/05/2013 11:53

Didals I had never heard fo expressing before birth but I guess it makes sence! sounds like she went into lots of detail, hope it was mostly helpful and not too overwhelming Smile

fairypangolin · 10/05/2013 11:57

dildals thanks for all the interesting info re birth. I am quite amazed at how varied the experience is, some women have no problem at all and others it just goes completely haywire. Very bad design really.

I am a bit sceptical about the advice to try expressing before birth. I made a half hearted attempt to do that with DS and it was hopeless. But I had no problem breastfeeding him once he was born (and he had no problems latching on). I don't think it's right to say that 9 out of 10 women have problems BFing but the point is probably more that if it is difficult at first don't give up. I did find it painful when the milk would let down for the first few weeks until (I assume) the ducts get established, but it was never so bad that I couldn't keep on, and that is even having had mastitis twice. After the first few months I came to love breastfeeding as a really special time with my baby, but I know that is not all women's experience.

I would agree don't come to the hospital too early but I think the hospital won't let you come in until you're quite far along anyway. Also some hospitals now have wireless monitoring so you can walk around even if you have a belt on you monitoring the fetal heart rate.

Shazzamattazzerly · 10/05/2013 12:21

Oh foody it's worrying isn't it but as the others say try not to panic and STEP AWAY from the computer! Keep breathing. Do you meditate at all? That might help. Or go for a nice slow walk to slow down your thinking and heart rate. It sounds normal to have a little bit of pink and once you have your scan on Tuesday you will feel more assured. I know it's expensive but worth it. Goodness knows how some people get to 12 weeks without having a scan. All my symptoms disappeared at around the same time as you. i was also beside myself with Worry. Obviously if anything changes and you are alarmed before Tuesday with bleeding then seek help.

Dildals. Goodness me! What a lot to take in. What's a sweep? Am I being dense? I guess the thing is that it is better to have information but again not to panic. Everyone's experience is different and even the best laid plans could get thrown out on the day. The most important thing is that the baby/ies get out safely and you are ok. It is good to know in advance of possible outcomes so thank you for sharing.

I didn't know you could express before birth. Thanks for easing our minds with some first hand experience fairy. It all seems very daunting. I hope that like you I can persevere and enjoy that bond with the baby.
Thanks expat. Time is ticking along now. You ok?

X

SweetieTime · 10/05/2013 12:33

foody as the others have said I have heard that it is quite common to have a bit of spotting during the first few weeks. Try to take it easy and rest up until Tuesday and hopefully things will have settled down by then.

Dildals thanks for such a lot of information in your post. When we were first ttc I was so worried terrified of giving birth I felt this held me back mentally from wanting to get pregnant. It took me a long time to move away from those feeling but I no longer feel so strongly. I don't think it would be normal to not be a bit worried by the birth but I try not to think about it too much. I now think the miracle of modern medicine has got the baby in there and by the same score will get it out again.

Dildals · 10/05/2013 13:12

foody do you have an Early Pregnancy Unit nearby where you live? You can have my loyalty card for St Thomas! They are free on the NHS if you need comfort.

Shazza a sweep is where the MW separates the membranes from the amniotic sac with her fingers (although wikipedia might have more accurate info). It brings on labour, but only when baby / body is ready though.

fairy I do think that is what she meant, that lots of women need help establishing the latch etc. I think it is best to have a practical approach. Definitely try BFing but if it is really causing you massive amts of grief, babies grow healthy on formula as well and no point feeling guilty about it. A happy mum is the most important factor in their health right now (this does not include taking class A drugs of course). Same with the expressing probably. Have a go before birth, but if it's not working, it's not working. I can't wait to get a double breast pump ... (note sarcastic undertone). Strangely enough my DH is quite excited about this bringing on the milk prior to delivery thing. Weirdo. He's NOT allowed baby's milk!
King's don't have the wireless monitoring for 2 babies, I asked!

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Dildals · 10/05/2013 13:18

Ah, one more thing.

One giving birth. I grew up in the NL where giving birth at home was the norm. It never was seen as risky business. So on the one hand my rational brain still has this conviction that female bodies are meant to do this, and of course there are risks, but that is where your MW comes in to make constant risk assessments, but not necessary order you in to a particular intervention. Hospital births almost create a demand for intervention, because that is what hospitals do. As a result more and more women have not particularly great birth experiences, and you hear horror story after horror story. And the people like my mum, who had easy births, stay quiet for some reason (my mum said she always was a bit embarrassed that she didnt really have a story - I think the story is awesome). We, the MWs adn hospital staff are almost losing the confidence and experience to have an easy birth experience, not helped of course by all these old bitches like us trying to give birth, rather than supply 20 yos (although at King's there's a fair few of them around too) ;-). So that's my plea for just squatting down in a field, while milking the cows and just pop 'm out.

Then, my emotional head, now that I have to do it myself, times 2 ....

OP posts:
MarianaTrench · 10/05/2013 13:30

Foody, I know it's worrying but a bit of pink is really common. As somebody said, there are loads of fat blood vessels there now and it doesn't take much. I had a significant bleed at 8 weeks with DD1 and it was put down to an unnecessary implantation blood vessel detaching. I was convinced it was all over but it wasn't.

Dildals that is a lot to take in but better to know. I thought nipple stimulation could trigger early labour which sounds like it would be fine for twins but maybe not for other people.

I was induced with DD1 as my natural labour stopped. I'll be honest and say it was absolutely excruciating, I hardly had a break between contractions and had to have an epidural. After that it was ok. She had the cord round her neck too and am erratic heartbeat so I had a monitoring belt on the whole time. Everything felt very managed but they got her out safely (forceps and episiotomy) so I didn't care. However, had I known that was going to happen I would have opted for a section - I far and away preferred the section for DD2. It is a longer recovery but I didn't spend 36 hours in labour, have all the trauma of whether the baby was ok and frankly, a hastily done episiostomy is a total bastard in terms of healing just because of where it is.

Sweetie, I was almost phobic about giving birth before I experienced it. Talk to your midwife about it as you can get extra support. Also, I found reading up on it all helped and learning some relaxation breathing got me through the first 24 hours fairly ok. Even my intervention heavy birth wasn't as bad as I had initially feared. Once the baby is born you do genuinely forget about it and I have a couple of friends who thought it was all amazing!

Breast feeding does hurt in my experience. I thought it would be easier second time round but no. For the first week I cried with the pain of latching the baby on, my nipples bled constantly and the baby would puke up blood as a result. Three weeks on I wince rather than weep and in another couple of weeks it'll be fine. You need Lansinoh nipple cream, it's the only one that works. I breast fed DD1 for a year and loved it after the first couple of months but it can be a slog to get to that point and i have every sympathy with people who stop. I wish people were more honest about the pain as if you know it's normal and you know it will get better you can stick it out. I stick it out because its far easier picking up your baby at 4am and breastfeeding them than it is to have to go and make up a bottle, I see it as the lazy option!

MarianaTrench · 10/05/2013 13:32

Dildals, that also very true that you only hear the dramatic stories. When asked about my section I say 'yes, fine, a bit strange but fine.'

fairypangolin · 10/05/2013 13:52

I had a prolonged, complicated labour with DS that ended in an emergency CS and a haemorrhage. My problem this time round is that because I have had a CS I am not allowed to use the midwife led birth unit because of the risk of scar separation (although that is minute and other risks that other women face are much much more common so I think it is an absurd policy but there you are).

So I only have the option of a home birth or going back to the delivery unit where I had DS. Remembering my time there makes me feel very anxious and I really doubt I would be able to relax there. I agree with the Dutch way of doing things, Dildals, although I was too scared to try a home birth the first time round I have often wondered whether things might have been very different if I had just stayed at home rather than travelling to the hospital.

So I think I am leaning towards a home birth but I have an appointment with a consultant and with the chief midwife to discuss my birth plan so I'll see what they say. I'm not sure why I have an appointment with the latter since I don't think it's routine but my midwife (who was very supportive) seemed to just schedule it in the minute I pointed out the absurdity of the MLBU policy so perhaps she thinks I will be able to get better answers directly from the top.

Foodylicious · 10/05/2013 14:25

We are not meant to have pineapple???? how did i miss that one??

Dildals · 10/05/2013 14:27

Expressing is supposed to bring on labour, which indeed is fine if you want to pop these twins out in wk 37. Clearly you wouldn't want to start in wk 36 if you have singletons. Although MW seemed to think premature labour would not be brought on if body/baby wasn't ready.

OP posts:
Foodylicious · 10/05/2013 14:35

i have just phoned epu and the receptionist said she would put me through to the nurse. when she did not answer the receptionist asked if i would tell her what was wrong and she would see if she could help!!Shock what a ridiculous idea - she went to get the nurse, but she is busy so I will call back

MarianaTrench · 10/05/2013 14:58

If you're really worried can you not just go to the EPU? Ours just advised you to go in but their general rule was that unless you were soaking a pad an hour, or had bad cramps there was little to be overly concerned about.

Foodylicious · 10/05/2013 15:06

I am sure shesaysconvincingly that I am over reacting. have managed to get through though, the nurse was lovely and they have booked me in for a scan on monday (though the receptionist did offer to help when I could not get through again, seemed a bit put out when I said no then gave me the direct number for the nurse, then wanted all the details when she booked the scan, bloody cheek,)