Pregnant (IVF) Worriers

[Dildals]

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others!

A few of us graduated from the IVF thread (link below) and are having a go at our own thread to get out of the other IVF-ers hair! So get your roomy jogging bottoms on for some virtual hand holding, mutual symptom spotting and staying sane until the next scan date.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1691674-Excellent-Egg-Buddies-continued-Anyone-having-IVF-ICSI-in-Jan-Feb-and-March-2013-please-join-us

Hi all - I went to a gala dinner for work (fundraiser) on Tuesday night and actually stayed out after midnight! I don't think I have been outside of my house after midnight apart from chasing the cat for about three years! And I managed to find a great purple dressy Seraphine maternity dress at my local Red Cross charity shop for 9 quid the day before so I didn't look a fright either.

Shazza like the others, I can only urge you not to worry, although I know it may not make a difference. Focus on the 99% (or whatever) for whom the results are just fine. Glad to hear the bosoms are coming along, they will catch up! I only stopped wearing underwire when my milk came in with DS, then they would get engorged quite quickly and it was really uncomfortable.

gin I am really sorry you are feeling so sick. I was nauseated almost constantly (apart from a few hours midafternoon) from week 6 until week 11 so I know what you are going through. I never threw up but just felt dreadful unless I had just eaten something carb based. And to think all last year I was strenuously avoiding carbs! Ha! Bagels are now my best friend.

mariana the midwife must have been joking. I remember post DS my health visitor asked me about contraception and I thought, "what? have sex? again? why?"

Hello to everyone else. I wish I could save my draft message and then go back to check I haven't missed something I wanted to comment on.

Sorry crisps I forgot to sympathise with your MS too. I also just felt emotionally wretched during that first trimester and exhausted. If it's any consolation I now feel great most days so hopefully you and gin will be the same in a few weeks.

MS is wretched but unless you're very unlucky it does go around 12 weeks. Keep eating small amounts was my best bet. I thought it was like having a hangover for 3 months.

www.stevewiens.com/2013/03/06/these-are-the-lines-of-a-story/

lovely story - but will probably make you cry a little (in a good way).

Thanks dildals and fairy. I just called FMC like a mad woman and asked if by any chance they have the results. A very nice lady said that they didn't and even if they did they wouldn't give them to me over the phone but I have to wait until I have the scan as well. So I guess I have to resign myself to having to wait a week.

I feel like my pregnancy on hold, suspended until I get the results. I know that sounds weird and I don't want it to happen. I want to be able to enjoy each moment but I don't feel able to let myself.

Thanks for the story dildals. Really touching and yes I choked abit.

Xx

Ok I cried.

I find the physical changes from pregnancy easy to accept but only in the context of my marriage. I think I would feel uneasy if I had to start dating again and somewhat self conscious of all the scars, flabby and droopy bits I've accumulated over the years. Must endeavour not to ever be in that situation!

Fairy I'm impressed with the charity shop find. I'm going to scour the Streatham charity shops. There are some great ones so hopefully I'll find something.

Shazza, I read upthread that you're very artistic. Is there a project you could throw yourself into for this week? There is no point in suspending your enjoyment of being pregnant - you love this baby already.

The last 2 days I have been a bit weepy anyway, so yes I cried too ... behind my computer ... luckily my colleagues tend to live in their own world anyway. It must be the hormones. I went for a stroll at lunchtime yesterday and went in to a bookshop that also sells toys and I was thinking about picking out a soft toy for in their beds, and sleeping with it, so it had our scent on it to comfort them. It makes me tear up now, thinking about it. I just felt so overwhelmed with love, thinking I want to give these kids everything they want and need. Then cycling to/from home I get tearful as well, am envisaging all different traffic accidents! Time to stop cycling to work if this carries on.

I have a wedding to go to in 2 weeks time, I found a wrap dress in M&S that was marked down to £25 that will do well. To find maternity wear in the charity shop is really lucky! I might have to go to the charity shops in Dulwich to find some good stuff!

eBay is really good for occasion maternity wear. I bought a lovely dress for a wedding in January for £5. It had been worn once before and dry cleaned. As soon as I've had it cleaned I'll put it back on eBay.

Shazza, I know how you feel you poor thing. Expatal is right in saying find yourself a project.

Dildals, becoming a parent is like having your top layer of skin removed. You see danger everywhere and can no longer watch the news as it's all too upsetting!

Oh gosh, the weepiness at random things. Also, I must stop googling potentially weepy stuff at work. I must look permanently deranged.

My new stress is how will we fund education. What if it's a long course such as medicine or law and I will be working until I'm HOW OLD??!! Will it be enough? Will we provide a good life? Am I good role model? What if he/she doesn't like me? How would I handle the question of sex? Will I be uptight? Will I give them a complex about food? Will I give them a complex about anything? Have I given him/her an allergy before he or she is even born? Am I eating enough calcium? Is the brain okay in there? What should I be eating right now? Will I be embarassing? Is there enough amniotic fluid in there - bump looks kind of flatter today.

And so on.

Haha, they're all completely normal concerns, al.

We save £100 per month for education. This will probably result in a lump sum that will fund one terms fees or something feeble. We both come from fairly modest backgrounds so there are no inheritances that will bail us out. They'll just have to get loans! Or do something sensible like plumbing.

I dread the whole talking to them about sex bit. DH would be far better at it but it should be the mother with girls. My mum was soooo upright about all that I have no good role model. I try to be relaxed and matter of fact with DD1 but it don't come easy... I still cringe at our recent 'Babies come out of their mummy's bottoms' conversation. That we then had to repeat at Sainsbury's checkout.

Yes you will be embarrassing. That's a definite.

Oh ladies all those posts made me cry

Expat thank you for your touching reply. I do love this baby and would be heart broken to lose her. I realised today that i cant suspend caring for her until i get the results she is here with me now needing my support and care and i cant let her down. So i will take all advice and get arty this weekend. i will make her something.

I relate to all your questions and more. Im also worried about nutrition. This morning I had a conversation in my head about drugs to my impressionable teenager. Do I fess up to my very brief experimentation in my thirties? It's all normal for any parent I guess. I can imagine that the vulnerability of Mariana's top layer of skin being removed is very accurate.

Dildals I'm sorry you are also teary. I'm sure our hormones are doing all sorts of crazy things to our minds. Your post also made me cry. It is all becoming so real isn't it?

Mariana thanks also for your support. I read somewhere that you could search for maternity bundle on eBay and many people get rid of all their maternity wardrobe in one go. It's a good idea. I'm not quite ready yet but I'm going to keep a look out. Did you find that you stayed your usual size and just got a maternity version? I think I'll see how the next fee weeks go then maybe do some trying on in shops to get an idea of size before I sweep eBay. How is your sleeping by the way. Is DD sleeping a little better now?

Xx

expat Oh, let me add to that list: What if they have special needs, like autism. I am also worrying whether I eat enough / eat too much! Enough calcium, enough fatty acids, too much chocolate. Agree on the not liking, or what if I don't like them! (DON'T read/watch: We need to talk about Kevin!)

I used to worry pre-pregnancy about becoming a single mum, but for some reason my hormones / pregnancy head is telling me I would cope.

Personally, I am quite looking fwd to being embarrassing. My mum has always been really good at it much to my amusement!

With our without kids, we will be working until we off our zimmerframes anyway, so I am happy to send them to med school, so they can give me a discount on a new hip.

Oh another thought on education. I did think that if I teach them Dutch to a high enough standard they may be able to scrap by in a Dutch university, which is a lot cheaper than the UK ones. Lots of EU unis offer English education as well nowadays, which could be a cheaper (and formative) option. In my case they can still come home to grandma and get some home cooked supper (although in my case, I am not sure if you'd really want to!)

On sex ed - This is where being Dutch is a definite advantage. I don't think we have that same trepidation in telling them the facts of life. I wouldn't go in to detail at five years old, but I would explain how it works in a matter of fact way. I am a firm believer in explaining that it is normal and nothing to be ashamed of, am also a firm believer in educating my kids on contraception from an early age, and that sex should be part of a loving relationship, rather than casual entertainment or a tool of wielding power. (I do worry about porn being so incredibly accessible on the net nowadays. That's not the right image to start off with. We managed to get hold of some porn when we were young but it was extremely innocent compared to all the variations of nicheness available nowadays! But I've got a few years before that becomes a problem ;) TBH not too sure the Brits are any different! I have been on some girls weekends where I have heard things that were DEFINITELY new to me!

Re drugs ... hmmm.... DH has had quite some wild years and I don't think we will be able to keep that from them. I am sure our friends will be (with glee) telling them some 'stories' about their dad! So it will be his task to convince them that some innocent experimenting is OK, armed with the correct information, but that pissing away your late teens early twenties is generally not a good idea! Look at how your dad turned out! ;-)

I can't say I worry that much about my son and how he will fare apart from whether he will get a good degree and a good job. One of our interns just popped into my office this morning to say he was really happy because "my mum just agreed to buy me a house in London". Unbelievable.

DS hasn't yet asked me how the baby in my tummy is going to come out but I imagine that will occur to him at some point. Or perhaps he already knows? I wouldn't put it past him.

dildals I also do worry about porn being everywhere. I was once in a park and overheard some boys aged about 13 looking at "pictures" on their phones and discussing their views on them and the girls in their school. I was aghast. I would be utterly appalled if my own son ever said or thought anything like that.

I do think the Dutch have the right attitude towards sex ed. We have so much to learn as a society about all that. I worry about the pornification of everything and particularly with raising girls.

Drugs, hmm. Never been a big fan but have dabbled. I think I'd have to confess. It's actually alcohol that scares me more. I'm not a big drinker these days but I drank far too much in my youth and am amazed I didn't get into more trouble as a result.

Shazza, as you say, you can't stop loving them and you can't protect yourself from the pain if things do go wrong. But I think that nature makes us like that because most of the time things don't go wrong.

DD2 is still sleeping on me and still won't go in her cot but I got about 5 hours last night even with her on my chest so I'm just going down the path of least resistance really.

Too late Dildals, I've read it already. Ours will get educated in French and English so will be bilingual plus hopefully Dutch and I'm thinking EU uni too.

Mariana, are you sure she won't go in her cot or is mum struggling with putting her down??
Yes, agreed being embarassing is a parent's job. I think I shall excel at that.

Hee hee dildals I'm think I'll hire you to do the sex ed. maybe we could all club together and hire a hall and dildals could do the deed for us!

Fairy lucky intern! I work in a uni and I think that there is a good chance that education will not be as we know it by the time our little ones grow. Anyway ours will be an artist and learn from us

My SIl from hell actually said at a family birthday once that her DD would be a dr or lawyer and would NEVER be an artist. There were 3artists at the table!

Mariana I'm glad you are getting some sleep 5 hours sounds like loads! I don't think I'm getting that in a row at the mo. the anxiety has kept me awake.

I also worry about alcohol. DP doesn't drink so I hardly do now (well not at all at the mo) and yes porn is so freely available. So many dangers out there. Do you think it's ok to lock them in a cupboard until they are 40?

On a brighter note. I've just bought 2 new bras. I had a 'maternity fitting' at John Lewis. Basically this means that a woman with a tape measure gave me a bra that is 2 sizes to big for me to grow into! Anyway I went away with 2 size 34 c bras. 34c I've never been that in my life. She reckoned I'll be DD by the end. Yippee!!!!

I started off as a 32D so God knows what I am now. I don't like them one bit though. I can't wait to be back in normal clothes.

Shazza, we're both academics and yes, we get frightening glimpses of how things are going. It will likely be a return to a university education being the preserve if the rich. I don't really have any particular aspirations for mine, I want them to do something they enjoy, hopefully something socially useful but mostly for them to be happy. If they're happy hairdressers that's better than being unhappy barristers. I have a friend who is still estranged from her dad after 20 years because he thought her doing a secretarial qualification when she left school wasn't good enough. I would hate to fall into that trap and become a pushy mother. It's a balance though, like everything in life!

Al it's a bit of both! I do love her lying there like a little warm animal. But it's not good for her in the long run.

Interesting discussions going on today, I agree the news is all too bad at the moment. I feel like switching it off and forgetting any of it is happening. I haven't really given it too much though of the world and pitfalls that might befall our offspring. I think if I give it too much thought it will put me off completely. Although Shazza I am liking your approach of locking them in a cupboard until 40

Shazza glad the bra shopping went well, I hate bra shopping at the best of time.

I am so fed up with the progesterone pessaries, I am on these gel type ones and they cause such a mess. I have just been to collect a repeat of them and the thought of them is getting me down. I feel very icky today not sure if it the warmer weather but I never feel clean. I might try having a cool bath later see if that makes me feel a bit better.

In the end all you can do is try and raise them with a set of decent (enough) values and the rest is up to them really, you can't guide them thru life and hand hold them every step of the way.

Agree with mariana on education, it will totally depend on the child itself. Some are much more content 'doing' and others are happier being locked in a library (that was me). With the rates plumbers/builders etc are charging in London I would be happy for them to become happy little Bob the Builder types. :-) I would say to them to try and create options with their education, my dad got up every morning dreading to go to work, he hated it with a passion, but he had no option to retrain or do something else (although now that I am older I think that maybe he also chose to not do anything about it, bit of both probably), that definitely gave me a big impetus to go to uni, do well etc (and the rest is history ;-)

Bra shopping - hate it with a passion. I can never find anything that fits ... maybe need to check out the JL fitter then, although what's the point of too big a bra?

sweet aah the pessaries, I had almost forgotten about them! I found one, squished in the back pocket of a pair of cycling pants the other day!

Thanks folks...Ms is rubbish although I do like feeling pregnant, even if I spend a good part of the day turning myself inside out.

Having lost a baby quite late into a pregnancy, I can't say I regret doing anything that I did. We had scan photos and even some clothes and a pushchair...although it was devastating, it wasn't any worse for having done all of that. I still feel glad that we spent time thinking about her and loving her while she was with us. All of our babies are a result of hard work and perseverance and are very much treasured. Although I also struggle to be confident in looking forward to having a baby, I am determined to try.

With regards to the porn and the Horrible Wider World...I'm a teacher, and the vast majority of my kids pleasantly surprise me by how grounded and adaptable they are. I'll do my best to give my kiddies everything I can, but ime they are pretty resilient and have a good measured perspective on all the bad stuff...in fact they usually rationalise things like that better than I do! The uni stuff worries me though...some of my current sixth formers are very crelaxed about taking a fifty grand loan for a degree they aren't very excited about, eek. It will be wiped clean when they are sixty and they won't have to pay much back each month but it's still a truckload of money!

Off for a weekend break with the lovely DH and Dd now. Hope you all have a lovely sunny restful weekend...catch up soon! X