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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Scan tomorrow- Partner wont come

33 replies

NoVictim1 · 03/03/2013 20:15

Tomorrow is my 20 week scan and partner wont come. We find out what sex it is tomorrow. He really wants a boy to carry his dads name on. We already have a daughter and he says he doesnt want to ruin the experience because he will initially be disappointed if its a girl.
But it will ruin it for me anyway knowin i have to deliver the news if it is a girl.
Should I make him come? Is he being unreasonable?

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GuffSmuggler · 03/03/2013 20:21

Well he sounds like a total arse. Tell him there is a 50% chance your baby will be a girl, so he needs to deal with that NOW and come and support you when you need him.

BagCat · 03/03/2013 20:22

Sticking my neck out to say he should go with you. This is a joint experience and how dare he be so bloody selfish! You need his support and he should be there no matter what. It's a lovely moment for you both to enjoy and he needs to man up!

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 03/03/2013 20:24

Wow. Not like you can't go! Show Jim this thread - he's a tool.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 03/03/2013 20:24

Him. Don't know who Jim is.

looneytune · 03/03/2013 20:25

Agree with others, he should go as there is more to the scan than just the gender! It's not fair for you to have to break the news if it's a girl, he'll have to just man up and deal with it!

Wonderland121 · 03/03/2013 20:29

He should be going.
If he only wants a boy then why have another baby because obviously there is a 50% chance it could well be a girl.

Zipitydooda · 03/03/2013 20:38

The main point of the scan is NOT to sex the baby but to check for abnormalities!

How would he feel about his 20 week pregnant partner having to deal with possible bad news all alone? You should be angry with him for this. He is being pathetic to get so fussed about the sex that he doesn't want to be there to support you. Will he decide he doesn't want to be at the birth if its a girl too? .... Or what about the rest of his daughters life? ...

Pathetic and ridiculous! He needs to grow up.

LouiseD29 · 03/03/2013 20:53

My male cousin changed his name to his wife's when he got married, so it's no guarantee the family name will be carried on anyway! Sorry to make light of it, but he is being v unreasonable and selfish. This is something you should share. Good luck. xxx

ChairmanWow · 03/03/2013 20:55

Our DS and this baby have my surname. We couldn't decide and tossed a coin. It's no excuse to not support you at the scan, plus does he not want to see his baby? He should be excited!

itsmyfirsteek · 03/03/2013 21:01

As lovely as it is to find out at 20 weeks if you decide to the scan is there to check for any problems and that should be the focus. He should be there, god forbid there was a problem you would need his support

itsmyfirsteek · 03/03/2013 21:03

phoenixrose314 · 03/03/2013 21:06

Tell him that YOU will be disappointed in HIM knowing he's a sexist arse?

Sorry. Just tell him he'll be disappointed whenever he hears it, but that YOU may need emotional support at the hospital, especially knowing that his reaction will hurt and upset you so much??

What a douche.

specialsubject · 03/03/2013 21:07

wow, I thought Henry VIII was long gone.

disappointed at (I hope) a healthy baby?

AmandinePoulain · 03/03/2013 21:09

What if if is a girl? Will his disappointment be evident to her as she grows up? What if you then had a son, would he love him more?

I'm sorry but you seriously need to consider whether or not this man is worthy of bringing up your child

sw11mumofone · 03/03/2013 21:18

Why find out the sex now then? Surely he wont be disappointed that its a girl if he finds out as she is born. So go to the scan together and check for the important things and forget the sex of the baby for now.
But yes, agree with everyone else. He needs to man up and stop acting like a selfish two year old!!!

Splatt34 · 04/03/2013 07:36

He should be there to support you should they find anything wrong (not the sex). This is your ANOMALY scan, not seeing scan. They not infrequently get the sex wrong at 20 week scan. Why not NOT find out? we didn't

ChunkyPickle · 04/03/2013 07:45

On the other hand (and not denying that his reasons for not coming are ridiculous) - it is a medical procedure, you are a grown woman, and you'll be fine alone.

I don't know if DP will be coming to my scans, because they don't allow toddlers, so if we can't get someone else to look after DS then DP will have to.

PurplePidjin · 04/03/2013 08:14

But they can't scan for gay. Or never gets married. Or doesn't want kids. Or infertile due to a freak incident involving a rugby ball and seven classmates from 8TG...

Msbluesky32 · 04/03/2013 11:14

He should go, as others have said the main point of the 20 week scan is to check for any abnormalities and as your partner he should be there with you.
My word I'd be livid.

LemonBreeland · 04/03/2013 11:17

He needs to grow up and stop being a pathetic idiot. He can't opt out of being a parent, so he shouldn't opt out of this.

Msbluesky32 · 04/03/2013 11:24

chunky I saw a couple with their toddler at our hospital and they took her in with them. I think it can sometimes be allowed at the discretion of the hospital/ person carrying out the scan - it might be worth a try.

SeriousStuff · 04/03/2013 11:25

I would be extremely disappointed - my DH has come to all my appointments so far and I didn't have to ask him once. He sees this as much his journey as mine, and for him, it gives him an element of control (which he doesn't have when I feel sick, or I'm crying over spilling some soup!)

I think it's one thing to not be able to go with you, as often it's not possible because of work commitments or childcare issues, but to refuse to go because he might be disappointed by the sex is ridiculous.

As SW11mumofone said, do you have to find out the sex? Would it be better to wait? No doubt he will fall in love with his child when he sees it regardless of sex, no?

ButteryJam · 04/03/2013 11:33

He should go along with you, however I went to my recent appointment at hospital alone, just because I didn't want DH wasting another 3 hours in hospital, and having to make up for the work by working till late. So you can of course do it alone, though I understand you'd want your partner to be there.

I know my DH would probably want our second to be a boy (just because he knows he wont get anymore and would like one of each!) but if it was a girl, he would still be over the moon, and really glad that our little girl was having a sister and would have someone to have that 'sisterly' bond with.

Wonderland121 · 04/03/2013 11:38

I hope your scan goes well today NoVictim1

BraveLilBear · 04/03/2013 11:59

Hope the scan goes well today NoVictim1 - have to agree with post above - just don't find out the sex. Checking everything is okay is much more important and is the bit that you need him there for - as well as the opportunity to 'bond' with your bump.

I would be livid if my OH refused to come to a scan for any reason. I have mine tomorrow and we have both taken a day off work so we can have a nice relax afterwards. I hope he went with you in the end.

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