Co sleeping and SIDS leaflet at doctors

[Rowanhart]

I was planning in co sleeping when our DD is born in three weeks.

I was at docs today waiting for whooping cough jab when saw a leaflet called Risks of co sleeping.

In it said that infant mortality due to co sleeping is high the area we live in and we should never co sleep.

Also had quotes from two mums whose babies had died due to co sleeping,

I thought it was recommended? Confused now but thinking co sleeping is a big no no...

I dont think you should co sleep with a new baby- from around 5-6 months is not too bad but a new baby i feel is too vunverable (carnt wriggle around to move head from suffocation etc)
I co slept from 6 months and still am (17months) and i love it!

Dh doesn't sleep with me right now. It's me and baby who is 4mths and bfd, no risk factors, careful about sleep environment etc. Travelling by car is a huge risk by comparison yet no one advocates giving this up. In fact as a non driver I am positively abused for not being able to drive which claims huge amounts of lives yet cosleeping is seen as some sort of reckless cavalier death wish by many people I know!

I dont think its unsafe if your careful :) And co sleeping is LOVLEY! Especially EBF like i was very cosy

Thanks so much for all the advice.

I'm still unsure where I am with it all, but I think I'm just going to try and go with the flow amd decide what feels more natural.

I'm starting to be desperate to see her and cuddle her now. I can imagine never wanting to put her down....

Rowan - I'm sure you are and I'm sure it will be lovely.
Once your baby is here your instincts will kick in and you'll know what to do for your family.

Just be safe.
Follow the guidelines on safe co sleeping, if your over tired though hon always always always but her in her moses basket of whatever she is sleeping in next to you - I remember being so tired id wake up and not even remember putting DS in his moses basket id think he was still in bed and go in BLIND panic trying to find him in the duvet! My advice would be, moses basket until at least 4 months ish and then co sleep with safety - just because i think new borns are too easy to roll on or push out or smother rather than a 4 month old who can wriggle abit more and who may have a sleeping pattern developed - everyone is diff though!

I co-slept to get some sleep.

I think consciously choosing to co-sleep is safe. Accidentally co-sleeping with soft pillows etc around is not safe. And falling asleep on the sofa is so dangerous - and I did do it once - so I'm not judging.

I really felt my baby was safer. I was so aware of her all night every time she had a cold, or a snuffle, it was so reassuring. I still bring dd into bed with us when she is poorly.

All of my midwives AND my health visitor have said it is fine for us to co-sleep provided we stick to safe sleeping guidelines.

I remember with DD1 my MW actually tucking baby into bed beside me. Lovely memory.
Not sure what my point is.

horsebiscuit

I breast fed and sometimes fell asleep with him in bed but tbh I didn't sleep well as at some level I was aware baby was there.

I don't think its too much of a problem from when baby is able to turn over and move blankets off etc but I wouldn't personally recommend it before then.

Having a moses basket next to the bed was much better for me in the early weeks as I could see and hear him and it was easy to just reach over and pick him up to feed him and it just felt so much safer.

Just go with what feels best for you and try not to worry too much. Enjoy your baby xx

Mine are 15 and 9 now - so bear with me! :)

When ds1 was born, it was a long difficult labour, and he had to go to SCBU for a while.

I was still puking as they hauled me into my postnatal bed. I hadn't slept for 3 nights, and when they wheeled this baby in after me in, in his 'goldfish tank' I burst into tears. When asked what was wrong, I said " I've been in labour for 3 days, I've been cut from arsehole to breakfast, I'm still being sick, I feel like I've been runover - and now I've got a baby to look after?" (I was beside myself by this point, and hadn't had chance to bond)

the midwife was lovely, and very canny, and said "Aaah - i'll give you an injection for the sickness - why don't we put him in bed with you to warm him up - we'll keep an eye on you, and if he stirs, just press the buzzer. I grudgingly agreed, and we snuggled down - me with a suspicious eye out for trouble!

I stared at him, wondered about him, felt nervous, put him to the breast - he latched on, after a while, he came off, looked at me -and suddenly - it was like waking up to the best ever Christmas morning ever! WOW! This is MY son!! He's really really mine! And I haven't seen him yet properly - I carefully unwrapped my son, to inspect him and all his bits and pieces - his willy, his tiny toes, the tiny down-like hairs on his ears, the stork mark on his neck (he looked like a bat!), then hurriedly wrapped him up again - and beamed - and beamed again! Then the midwife came in.. "Had enough yet? shall we put him in his cot?" she said casually.. I clutched him to my very ample bosom as if she was off her rocker " No -erm - I think we are fine - thanks though..." Stitches? what stitches?...

But I never could really co-sleep, although I wanted to. I'm very much a 'sprawler' and could not sleep myself, having a tiny baby in bed with me - I just couldn't relax - that was just me though...
They slept in a cot right along side the bed, so I was there for feeding, and touching etc, but I couldn't sleep with them actually in my bed.

Interestingly, as they got older, they moved in and out of my bed quite a lot- but not when they were tiny - it was just that I couldn't sleep when they were so vulnerable, but that was just me. I'm not au fait with the current advice, as I'm struggling with different issues (GCSES and such-like) so can't help you there.

Not much help really - but hey! looking back at how it all felt - the whole bonding thing etc makes me quite envious! Good luck in 3 weeks time! x

Pix thats so lovley made me smile

After intending to follow all the official guidelines I ended up co-sleeping with DS1 almost as soon as we got back from hospital because it seemed to be our only way to cope with a baby who refused to sleep in a cot. Felt terribly guilty and anxious at first after all the scaremongering but after a few weeks it felt natural, safe and so easy as we all got plenty of sleep! I had no hesitation in co-sleeping with 2nd baby and after speaking to lots of other mums it seems to be a lot more common than I'd imagined. Obviously you have to do what you feel comfortable with but I'm sure both my boys were a lot more content and my partner and I kept our sanity in the early days. The thing I have really learnt from being a mum is to trust your instincts, whatever they may be.

I'm a doctor & I really didn't think I would ever co-sleep but painful birth issues (will spare details!) meant that I couldn't lift baby into and out of her moses basket without help and those first few days with frequent night feeds were awful until I gave in and we shared a bed for a couple of nights. I followed all advice & midwife was v supportive. It felt pretty safe and meant I could manage without waking my husband every time baby needed picking up/putting down. We have now got a crib which attaches to the side of our bed - brilliant little thing which is on the same level as our bed. She feels lovely and close. Best of both worlds??

I co-slept with both mine, still am with Dd2, she is attached as I write. As long as you are sensible, read about how to do and take precautions, it is safe. I have her in crook of my arm, pillow behind me, no duvet on me, just on bottom of legs and sleep in fleecy pjs in winter with button down front for bf access.Dd2 is in her sleeping bag.

A fan in the room is a good idea, co-sleeping or not, reduces SIDS risk.

Lots of people do it, and, like somebody said up thread, in some cultures it is the norm, as is baby wearing. No sleep issues for them!

I co-slept with my three (not all at once!) just had a bedrail on one side and draped the duvet off the end of the bed so it only came up to my waist. Then I had a light blanket to cover baby and me, they tucked in next to me with my arm above their heads and knees drawn up below them. It's not possible to roll forward on to the baby in that position. I found I didn't sleep as deeply with baby in with me, I would often wake just before they did for a feed or would occasionally wake with pins and needles from not having moved. My youngest still comes and has a snuggle in the mornings, it's lovely to still have a tiny connection to that time. Mmmm, memories of snuggly tiny babies, that's made me all misty eyed and sentimental

I found dr sears hugely helpful - reading it helped me learn to trust my instincts and follow my babies cues, not impose a sleeping arrangement using a cot that suited none of us.

My daughter is 3 now, but I co-slept with her from birth, me at one side and my husband at the other lol. Some of the time, I think when she was older, she was in a cot with one of the sides off, which was pushed up to my side of the bed, and the very small gap stuffed with blankets etc, which worked well also, however my daughter would always find her way over to me in the night :) Its a wonderful way to feel close to your baby, I loved being able to reach over and touch her whenever I wanted, and listen to her breathing... also, she would snuggle up to me to go to sleep :)
I was breastfeeding until she was over 2, and it really really helped with that- in fact I don't think I could have done it otherwise.

Apart from that, it's supposed to help regulate the baby's breathing to hear their mother's breathing, I read somewhere (obviously not an expert, lol). But my 2 cents is that its great and I'd recommend it to everyone who's not obese, or drinks or takes drugs- just because there's a small risk of rolling on the baby and these things increase the risk, I seem to remember.

I never planned to co sleep because I was worried about rolling over and squashing my tiny newborn.

With DS1 I lasted about 8 months, getting up and picking him up out of the cot when he cried etc. But when I went back to work I was exhausted, and I found that if he was in bed with me he slept all night, and I could function better. He's now 7, and has obviously been in his own room for years.

With DS2 it was harder, he woke even more often than DS1. Once night I sat up in bed to feed him, next thing I knew I'd fallen asleep and he'd rolled off my lap and was face down on the bed at my feet. That scared me, so after that I sat on the edge of the bed to feed him - then I fell asleep again and woke just in time to catch him as he rolled off my lap towards the floor! So I decided co sleeping must surely be less risky than this, so we co slept quite happily from then on. Actually he's still in my bed now at age 3.5 but I'm working on that!

I guess what I'm saying is that it's not really a decision you can make with certainty until you have your baby.

I should add that I don't smoke, very rarely drink and never get drunk, never take drugs, and am now such a light sleeper from years of listening out for the kids, if a leaf blows off a tree outside I wake up!

I feel as if I'm saying this to the void but anyway, fwiw...

You posters who recommend co-sleeping, some of you'll be found on another thread tomorrow saying not to put baby to sleep on his/her belly.

You have to realise the contradiction here.

If you do co-sleep, realise the risks you're undertaking and make a fully informed choice - don't just 'go with your gut instincts' - they are unreliable.

'Women around the world co-sleep with no talk of SIDS riks'...that's because the babies are much more likely to die of infectious diseases instead, or malnutrition. SIDS is much more of a first world problem.

We co-slept with one but not with the other. I think it is much more likely that the mother breastfeeds longer if they co-sleep and that is thought to reduce SIDS.

Plus DS#2 would.not.sleep.at.all.in.a.cot and I mean at all, my mother tried for three straight hours, every trick in the book to get him to sleep in the cradle next to our bed. I had a four year old escapologist who would leave the house at every opportunity and I had to drive and something bad was going to happen if I couldn't sleep. We tried sleeping in shifts but that wasn't working either.

It makes much much more sense to me to tell parents how to do it safely than just say don't do it.

They could just as easily say 50% of SIDS deaths happen in cots, don't use them, they aren't safe!

That's not strictly true. Japan has a low rate and in Bradford where poverty among Asian families is rife and the infant mortality rate is at developing world levels in places Asian cosleeping women have an incredibly low risk of SIDS despite other risk factors. Also lying on tummy has really been far more categorically proven as a risk. There really isn't enough research on cosleeping given that about 50% do it. The Back to Sleep campaign had dramatic effects on SIDS deaths but if cosleeping were a similar risk you would expect to see much higher death rates given its prevalence if it were a similar risk.

That was to LeBFG. Cross posts.

A couple of nights ago I had pain in my left arm and some numbness so decided to put the baby in my own bed after her 1am feed. I thought I might as well have her in bed with me rather than left her in and out of her cot (next to my bed) with my achey arm and risk her falling down. I am an extremely alert sleeper, my mattress is hard and my DH was away so there was plenty of space in the bed. I put the baby under her own blanket and on the other side of the bed to minimise risk. Now, I have done this around 10 times in last 2 and half months.

This time however, I woke up to my duvet covering the baby's face :( If I hadn't woken up I would have killed her :(

I will never do this again. A cot next to my bed is the best way forward.