Co sleeping and SIDS leaflet at doctors

[Rowanhart]

I was planning in co sleeping when our DD is born in three weeks.

I was at docs today waiting for whooping cough jab when saw a leaflet called Risks of co sleeping.

In it said that infant mortality due to co sleeping is high the area we live in and we should never co sleep.

Also had quotes from two mums whose babies had died due to co sleeping,

I thought it was recommended? Confused now but thinking co sleeping is a big no no...

I never planned to co sleep with my LO but after a ventouse delivery she will not sleep on her back (her head is still very sore) and she won't settle in the moses basket on her own. After 5 days of hell the MW suggested co sleeping, we tried it and we all sleep much better. My LO is only 3 weeks and I am very wary of the horror stories, however, so far it's been really positive for us. The only draw back is that I can't snuggle under the duvet, I have a large cot blanket that we both share.

I do worry about SIDS but atm it is the only way any of us can get any sleep so needs must!

Sparkle, I lay under my duvet and had DD on top of it in her sleeping bag. She always slept with her head on my arm, like a pillow (I have tiny breasts so they weren't in the way!) so I didn't worry too much about her lying on a soft surface. I don't know if that would work for you?

I have done it without risk, with 5 children.

I definitely agree that fathers are a different category- my h doesnt drink, but still managed to rll against the baby, so I learnt to keep him on my side, which wasnt always comfortable.

You need a big enough bed, and agree on firm mattress.

Finally, you DEFINITELY need to be heat aware. I think that cosleeping has an advantage and a disadvantage here- if you get a baby from a cot or basket late at night you can find he/she very cold, which cant be good. BUT also I have woken and found a baby too hot, and stickynecked, and needed to remove the babygro. I tended to cosleep with the baby in a vest, een in autumn.

Finally, I did find some of mine tricky to get to sleep even in a moving pram, after they had got used to cosleeping.

So it isnt black and white.

Having the baby on top of the duvet is more of a risk though (of suffocation or overheating). It's worth sticking with a firm surface and cellular blankets etc while they are tiny.

DH was a smoker so it was a no from that point of view, immediately. When I was BFing we did fall asleep together a few times and I'd always wake with a panicked jolt in the middle of the night, terrified I'd squashed him or he'd fallen out. I hated co-sleeping on the times we did it, but I was a very anxious new parent anyway and I think it just compounded that. I was much happier when he was in his basket on the floor next to me.

I've been co-sleeping with DS since he's born and he is now 18 months. I was first sleeping alone with him until he turned 8 months and then we got an extra large bed and are sleeping since then all together. From the moment he turned 1 he slept 12 hours a night so I am all in favour of it, as it gives me more sleep than my mum friends who put their baby in a cot bed and who are now getting up between 3 and 5 times a night (18 month sleep regression).
I'm working full time so getting the chance to be with him at night is bliss for me. We have a very strong bond due to this and DS is a very smily confident little boy. He never had to cry himself to sleep and I'm very happy he does not know this as my neighbour is sleep training since 6 months now and her baby cries for hours every single night, I find it intolerable, I'm not sure how she manages this as it's not working. Poor thing!

So why is the risk of SIDS higher if sleeping on sofa? I understoof that the danger with sleeping on the sofa is that the baby could potentially roll off you and become stuck between you and the arm/back of the sofa. But this wouldn't be SIDS would it?

The risk of death is higher on a sofa, rather than the risk of SIDS.

Sometimes we fell asleep in bed after night feeds - I perfected feeding lying down and barely waking up to do so! But I wouldn't take the baby into bed at the beginning of the night, nice for everyone to have their own space I think.

Also DDs were moved to their own cots in the next room between about 10-12 weeks. Couldn't get the cotbed in our bedroom and the likelyhood of them tipping over and falling out of their moses baskets when they got to a certain size/wriggliness seemed much higher than the risk of SIDS. Plus the fact they slept much better in a cot - good sprung mattress as opposed to wafer thin padded effort in the moses basket.

I co-slept with my first and third. I was under a duvet and they were up at the top of the bed in a space between me and DP in a swaddled blanket early on and a sleeping bag later.
My third had some sort of reflux and would wake, choking so I really felt that I must be right beside her.
DC2 slept on her own in a Moses basket from day one.

www.isisonline.org.uk/where_babies_sleep/

My advice convert a cot so it becomes a bedside sleeper and enjoy the extra space.

There are co-sleeping guidelines.

The deaths recording deaths from co-sleeping don't take into account whether people were doing co-sleeping according to the guidelines or not.

So as far as I know, they include deaths where a parent is a smoker, or was drinking, on heavy medication, where there were lots of pillows on the bed, etc etc. I wonder if they also include deaths from sleeping on sofas.

We didn't intend to co-sleep (DP was worried about squishing DS) but he quickly came round when he discovered how much more sleep we got with DS in the bed.

I co-slept with my first up to about 18m, DP stayed on other side of the bed, baby between me and a bed guard. EBF past 2 yrs, every couple of hours until over 6 months - I was working PT from 5m, simply couldn't have carried on without having him in bed with me.

Currently mainly cosleping with twins - again a conscious decision based on all the evidence I could read. They start the night in their cot but on waking we move into a double in their room, firm mattress, no gaps, duvet only on my half, small blanket for them. Then proceed to feed hourly... Again, I couldn't sustain EBF any other way - but we all sleep great and I'm very rarely really tired.

IF there was an additional SIDS risk with "safer" cosleeping (and I'm not convince there is) , I wonder how that balances against the long and short term benefits of BF?

I have co-slept with 3 DCS.

DC1 from when he was 3 months old - I kept falling asleep feeding him and decided it was safer to do it the planned way.
DC2 and DC3 from birth.

The older two are 5 and 3 and sleep in their own beds now. DC3 is 16 months and starts the night in her cot, but comes in with me when she wakes up around midnight.

I don't drink alcohol, don't smoke, don't take any drugs (prescription or otherwise). When babies were small, we slept facing each other, with the baby's head on the crook of my arm, and my other arm over the baby, with the duvet below my arm level (and no pillows around the baby).

I got enough sleep to function (which I wouldn't have otherwise), it was very lovely and bonding, babies slept beautifully and got fed before they even started crying. I was always very aware of the baby, never rolled (or moved in any way actually) and it worked very well for us.

One time with DC2, after he'd moved to his cot, he was up with tonsillitis, I had him on my lap on the sofa in the middle of the night and I felt myself falling asleep. I got this very strong premonition that something terrible was about to happen and leapt up as if I'd been given an electric shock. Took him to my bed, where I know how to sleep safely. Still feel that if I'd fallen asleep on the sofa that night, something bad might have happened.

I did it, and also recommend Three In A Bed.

It was fantastic for the first few weeks, DS2 slept soundly, was totally content and literally and didn't cry at all. (Honestly!) Then that all changed, and he was waking every 20 mins for a feed , moving in his sleep and I just couldn't get any rest with him there. Problem was that he wouldn't settle anywhere else so we struggled on like that for 9 months until I totally lost the plot through sleep deprivation.

I'm sad that it didn't work out for us long term but those first few weeks were blissful.

I personally wouldn't take the risk. I know they say it is low if you are a bf'ing mother etc, but why take any risk at all? No way of doing it in my view with NO risk. Even apart from drug taking or drinking what about duvets, pillows, exhausted parents etc etc. Who wants to be the exhausted unlucky one? Not me that's for sure. But that's always been me at the end of the day. I'm not the mum who insisted on going way past her due date so I could get a natural birth! I never considered a home birth. So bear that in mind with my comments, I am a VERY LOW RISK zone on babies!

On baby 2, I had one of those cots that tied to the bed. Loved it. Baby nice and close, could be pulled in for comfort, feeding etc, could be rolled gently back in. Bf'ing didn't work v well for me on either baby (CS, have PCOS which I dont' think helps personally, etc etc) so that didn't last but kept up the bedside cot until she outgrew it.

Baby 1 slept in a moses basket right beisde us. TBH that was almost as good, baby still within arm's reach all the time. But if you can afford it, the bedside cot is the business.

Think the SIDS risk is mainly with small babies, loads of people co-sleep with older kids who should be in their own bed but what can ya do? Ya let them in and everyone gets some shut eye. Ya do what ya gotta do!

We co-slept from about 4 months - 9 months

Saved my sanity whilst breast feeding. Didn't feel confident to do it when he was tiny and it was hard work getting him back into his cot at 9 months but I honestly think it stopped me having a break down.

SIDS risk is up to the age of 2, but highest between 2 months and 4 months.

ellee - sleeping in a cot is not risk-free. Every choice you make carries some risk. It is not true to say that by co-sleeping you are increasing risk. If you make sure you are doing it safely, then it is not riskier.

ellee - you realise that sleeping in a cot isn't NO risk either? Who'd want to be the unlucky one whose baby died alone in a cot? Or the unlucky one who fell asleep while feeding their baby sitting up and smothered them?

I did. We started out with a bedside crib because I was worried about rolling onto him and we followed the safety guidelines re pillows, divets, alcohol etc. I loved it and so did DS - he always slept brilliantly with me, night feeds were lovely and he went happily into his own room, through his own choice, at 2 1/2, with no fear of the dark or anxiety about being left alone there. He's still a really good sleeper now and I love the blessed few nights when I'm half-woken by him creeping in between us. As long as it's done safely it can be beneficial - there's research into how the mother's breathing helps to regulate the newborn's, for example (linky).

I am cosleeping with DC3, DS1. He will not sleep in the moses basket, the pram, the swing, the carseat... His default setting is Awake.
I am not exhausted purely because of the cosleeping. He sleeps on my side with his head just below the level of mine. I am a very light sleeper anyway.
My DDs were never like this- they slept in the basket/cot/swing with no problems whatsoever. He is very different in his needs.

Another advocate of the book three in a bed.

Does your area have a high rate of drink/drugs? Actually, not sure how you would know that.

I have co-slept with my ds on and off for 13 months. I contribute my successful breastfeeding to learning how to feed lying down first in the hospital.

Something to think about though is that men aren't as in tune as women when sleeping (I know this is badly worded, but hope you know what I mean). I always kept ds on the other side from dh. I used a bed guard to stop him falling out.

Having the baby on top of the duvet is more of a risk though (of suffocation or overheating). It's worth sticking with a firm surface and cellular blankets etc while they are tiny.

Very true, and thinking about it, I think DD was on the mattress when tiny. She was a spring baby and by the time I really wanted the duvet all around me, and she was on top of it, she would have been approaching five months, and able to roll etc. But she always, always had my arm as a pillow anyway, so her head was supported and away from the bedcovers.

I have coslept with DS till he was two years old. He is 3 now and stills comes to our bed every now and then.

For us, cosleeping was the only thing that kept me sane. As a baby, DS refused to settle on his own at night and breast fed several times. But when we coslept, he was calm, did not wake up crying and breast feeding him was also convenient.