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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Strangers touching your pregnant tummy

37 replies

jasper · 19/12/2001 23:58

I am 30 weeks pregnant . I am beginning to dislike going to work because every day this week someone I don't know very well has touched/rubbed my pregnant tummy and I HATE it! I know it is quite common for people to do this but for some reason it did not happen much with the last baby. This time my tummy seems to be a free for all zone! I don't mind if friends who know me well ask if they can feel the bump but I really don't like acquaintences just reaching out to touch it. Also I don't like the way some people just stare at your tummy, often saying thigs like "ooh, you're really big, aren't you". I mean, no woman wants to be described as really big, whether pregnant or not, do they?
Do the rest of you feel this way? I realise it is probably some kind of backhanded compliment that people feel free to touch your pregnant tummy, but it kind of gives me the creeps.

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SueDonim · 20/12/2001 00:44

I think I would find it very invasive, Jasper. Thankfully, I have never come across this 'tummy touching' personally. In fact I've never felt anyone else's bump, ever, invited or otherwise.

I don't know what you can do - maybe a quick "Excuse me, what are you doing??" as they reach out? They wouldn't feel your boobs, would they? Or maybe that'll be next.

Mooma · 20/12/2001 08:01

jasper, this used to drive me crazy too. It's just so invasive and innapropriate, especially if they don't ask first!
One quite close friend (male) wanted to feel my baby move, and I found it a shockingly intimate request. It was something I only shared with dh, my parents and my other children. I just said, "the baby isn't moving at the moment", but I felt really unhappy about the request.
Isn't it odd how some things can take you unawares?

bloss · 20/12/2001 09:23

Message withdrawn

Bee · 20/12/2001 09:39

I'm with you Jasper. I even hated it when my father in law did it !

Tinker · 20/12/2001 19:23

Oh, I'm with Bloss on this. I used to quite like it - clothes on of course. I wasn't too happy when my best friend hoisted my top up in front of her husband to see my bare tummy without asking! I have to resist the urge to do it to other pregnant women - feel their tummy, I mean, not hoist their top up!

Eulalia · 20/12/2001 21:21

I've only had people I know touch my bump but I think it would annoy me if it was someone I didn't know very well. I mean your body is your body, bump included.

As for remarks - yes people seem to be obsessed with saying you are big or small. Why do they feel the need to say anything at all? I've had a huge variety of comments from being small (usually other pregnant women) to "oh so you can't have far to go then?" from someone who was young, childless and obviously stupid/tactless. This was just last week (I am only 25 weeks now!)

I prefer it when people just ask how I am feeling.

Joe1 · 21/12/2001 10:07

I think it is quite nice, aslong as they ask. Noone can ever know how it feels to be pregnant unless you have been and to see the face of people who used to get a kick from ds was amazing.

honeybunny · 27/12/2001 13:20

Jasper, ditto to everything you said. I felt very protective of my little/big bump throughout pregnancy and absolutely hated people just helping themselves. After all, they don't touch you up at any other time do they? While I worked in a GP surgery, physio-ing, some patients seemed quite put out to be poked back by my ds in utero, as a lot of the time you have to get pretty close to your subjects! Especially if they hadn't twigged that I was pregnant! I even felt funny about it when my mum had a feel, and she and I are usually very "touchy, feely" people. I still cuddle up on the sofa at the tender age of 33 at times. Admittedly, not that often, as we live miles apart. Funny too that this time around no-one has prodded the bump other than midwives or obstetricians. Perhaps you could try prodding them back, and asking the slightly podgy ones "when's this one due?" Although I only had the courage to do this to my dad and dh!

chester21 · 24/11/2010 23:16

i work in the hotel indusrty and am constantly aroubd strange folk, i had this woman who insisted in touching my small but visable bump, when i moved away and said @i dont like strangers touching me or my bump thank u' she took offence and complained to the duty manager.

any way to cut a long story shorter luckly the dm is a mate and explained that she was an idiot and to get a life and leave the staff and their bumps alone.

Couldn't beleive the nerve of the woman. I just think that unless you have been invited by said pregnant person you leave the bump alone, or am i over reacting.

AlpinePony · 25/11/2010 06:57

Only one person did this to me. Approximately 30 minutes before I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and admitted to hospital.

We now call her "the woman who gave me pre-eclampsia"!

lilly13 · 25/11/2010 07:42

that's completely ridiculous. i would not let people touch my tummy. you should say you do not appreciate this.

broccolitrees · 25/11/2010 07:47

i don't mind if it's someone i know and they ask or i offer, e.g. one of my (male) friends, who i hadn't seen for a while, was congratulating me because he hadn't known i was pregnant and was saying how he thought pregnancy was such an amazing thing - a little person growing and moving inside of someone. i offered him a feel and he was totally blown away - quite cute really

as someone else said it is quite intimate and i did feel a bit weird about that afterwards - which did catch me a bit unawares - but also excited that other people are so excited by our news - i would offer again

broccolitrees · 25/11/2010 07:49

i would let just anyone else do it and if you don't like it, you should be able to feel free to tell them where to get off

broccolitrees · 25/11/2010 07:50

wouldn't not would!
crikey three posts to get my point across - that's what baby brain does for you

AlpinePony · 25/11/2010 08:18

Don't sit on the fence broccoli - tell us how you feel!

geekygiraffe · 25/11/2010 08:53

I'm 30 weeks and no-one has asked for a feel. (VERY happy about this, but also a bit offended!). Only one stranger has commented - woman in bookshop asked 'Got long to go?' Maybe I should leave the house more.

TooImmature2BMum · 25/11/2010 09:16

Only one person has touched mine so far apart from DH and close friends - she was a Polish girl at work who had just come back from maternity leave herself, and she said it was good luck to touch pregnant bumps. I didn't mind her doing it, even though I don't know her very well. Is it just in Poland that it's good luck, or is it more widespread?

PipPipPip · 25/11/2010 10:07

I agree that it is invasive and annoying BUT I guess people are genuinely fascinated by birth. After all, we all started out as bumps and some people haven't known many pregnant people - so are just kinda 'drawn' to the bump!

I think it is TOTALLY acceptable to ask them not to, or move away, and to feel uncomfortable about it. Perhaps you could just say "I'm not really a touchy person, thanks" and move away.

But please don't let it freak you out toooo much. I don't think these people are creeps, they are just kinda fascinated/interested but don't really know how to express it.

Kiki84 · 25/11/2010 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReshapeWhileDamp · 25/11/2010 10:14

I don't mind friends doing it without asking, as long as it's gentle and not a big pat or hug. Never had a stranger do it. But every time I go out, I get the Huge comments, shock/horror because I'm not due that week with twins, etc.

Diamondback · 25/11/2010 10:17

I think when we're pregnant we need to learn to stick our elbows out a bit more and just be blunt. A quick 'I didn't realise we knew each other so well' or 'have we been introduced?' or even just 'don't do that'!

If we're wusses about setting boundaries now, next thing is everyone wanting to comment on our parenting skills, telling us how to raise our kids, etc, etc. They can all bugger off!

theevildead2 · 25/11/2010 10:24

If i like the person I have problem with it. Haven't had many peopel ask though (everyone seems to just think I'm really fat)

I got my friend's husband to touch it though... we are working on him together for her!

theevildead2 · 25/11/2010 10:26

*no problem

beckylou1983 · 25/11/2010 10:34

If someone says Eeeh arent you big, I always reply with "yep but at least I know I'll be back to normal once baby is here, what about you??". Yes I know its offensive BUT they have no right to comment on our size!!!

As for bump touching.....I touch their bellys too! Im horrible arent I lol. If someone asks then Ill let them but its when someone does it out of the blue...GET OFF ITS MY BODY!!! Drives me insane!!! xx

Cyclebump · 25/11/2010 12:07

I don't mind if people ask but I too HATE it. A friend sent me a link to a site that sells t-shirts not to touch!

It's this page and I am seriously considering investing in one!

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