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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out the sex - would you? did you? would you again?

77 replies

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/06/2012 14:34

I'm a MW and from my experience, it is definitely more usual for the expecant parents to know the sex of their baby nowadays
When I was pregnant with DC1 I didn't want to know, and found out 'by accident' at 30 wks. I felt loads different about being pregnant when I knew. Felt more 'bonded' somehow, it was easier for me to imagine what life was going to be like (that sounds daft I know).
Anyway, now preg again and definitely going to try and find out this time. Completely changed my view on it.

Anyone not found out with DC2 but did with DC1? Anyone regret finding out etc?

OP posts:

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MrClaypole · 26/06/2012 14:38

I found out with DC1 but not with DC2.

Glad we did with DC1 as the whole PG/birth thing was so new and scary to me, it was nice to have control of one thing - even if it was just knowing the sex of the baby!

Glad we didn't with DC2. Had "been there done that" with PG and birth so it was nice to have a surprise!

tiredteddy · 26/06/2012 14:41

I haven't found out with dc 1 or 2 both boys. Am now pregnant with dc3 and as yet undecided. Am definitely feeling mire tempted to find out this time.

FFSIvehadenoughofthisnow · 26/06/2012 14:43

I found out the sexes of my twins when I had CVS at 13 weeks. I never regretted finding out, like the OP it made me feel closer to my babies and even more excited about their arrival.

BTW I had one boy, one girl:)

timetosmile · 26/06/2012 14:46

Didn't find out for any of my three.

I clearly remember the stunned silence in the delivery room when I helped squeeze a little boy out (work!) after a fairly hair raising labour. He came out surprisingly pink and lustily bawling, much to the delight if the labour ward team.

The new mum and dad said, "whaddya mean - a BOY?"

I felt like the little mite was 'wrong' from the first breath

I know now they probably love him to bits but that flash of 'disappointment' was something I never wanted!

Thumbwitch · 26/06/2012 14:47

Didn't want to with DS, but DH did. I wouldn't let him because I knew he'd let it slip, and I bargained by saying when we had another, we could find out the sex of that one if he wanted.
Now pg with DC2 - I gave DH the choice to find out or not - and he said no!

Mind you, I don't think he has a great grasp of biology - his logic was that not finding out with DS worked out ok, and we got a boy so it would work out ok this time too (He's not anti girls, I think he just enjoyed having a brother and thinks that would somehow be better for DS). I've pointed out that finding out/not finding out isn't actually going to make any difference at this point....

Beans1977 · 26/06/2012 14:47

I am 28w in my first pregnancy and I found out. I had always said that I wouldn't - but we had a MC at 14w and then I lost a twin early in this pregnancy, so I think as a defence mechanism I just assumed I would lose this baby too so I didn't get very attached.

Finding out the sex has been brilliant for me - I've become incredibly positive and excited, and it's helped me bond with my little girl and make up for those weeks when I didn't dare to believe I had her. A few people have made critical / judging remarks about me finding out the sex, which I find quite arrogant and ignorant.

I think there are pros and cons whichever way you do it and that the main thing is its personal choice, and different strokes for different folks - I have a few friends who are pregnant alongside me - three of them have found out, two haven't.

Original poster

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/06/2012 14:49

Timetosmile - I too have seen flashes of disappointment at delivery. Breaks my heart. Should be such a moment of joy and blessed relief

OP posts:

BlingBubbles · 26/06/2012 14:57

We didn't find out and I LOVED the surprise, you get very few in life and I think after 9 months of waiting finding out was just so special! My DH and I were convinced we were having a boy so when my DD popped out we were both stunned - in a good way not in a disappointed way at all. Phoning our parents to tell them that they had a granddaughter was the best phone call I have ever made.

when we decide to have another one, I think we may find out, just from a practical perspective but then again I we might not.

WeeDot · 26/06/2012 15:04

Me and DP have decided not to find out this is DC1 and i've got my 20 week scan next month, hopefully he/she has his/her legs crossed and doesn't spoil the surprise! Not sure how easy it is to see though if you have an untrained eye.....

DiamondsAndDaisychains · 26/06/2012 15:08

I am pregnant with my sixth child and didn't find out for the first four... then with the fifth we had IVF and knew the gender of the embryo that was implanted. I felt like knowing really stole all the mystery from the baby, and the surprise at the delivery. We definitely won't be finding out this time!!

RemembersButtonMoon · 26/06/2012 15:10

We found out at 16 weeks. I am a little bit of a control freak so wanted to find out so I could have everything prepared. Initially my partner had wanted a little girl, I am pleased we found out because any ?disappointment? he might have felt was long gone before our gorgeous little boy?s arrival. When he finally arrived he already had a name and it felt like we already knew him. It definitely helped with bonding and I would definitely find out again!

farfallarocks · 26/06/2012 15:20

I found out, we had to for medical reasons as I am a carrier of something than only affects boys and would have implications for the birth. I would have found out anyway though, i am inpatient and I hate suprises. Finding out has made me feel so excited and bonded to this baby, its starting to feel real and I like saying 'she' instead of 'it'.

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 26/06/2012 15:23

We wanted to find out for all the reasons you mention - but weren't able to (baby had its legs crossed). I'm gutted! :(

minipie · 26/06/2012 15:43

DH and I have always intended to find out - not because I massively care about the sex but because I am the sort of person who cannot refuse information!

I am only 16 weeks but in fact I have found out already (I had a CVS following high risk 12 week scan, and so was able to find out at 13 weeks).

I will certainly want to find out for any future pregnancies as well.

gigglewizz · 26/06/2012 15:53

Didn't find out dc1 and was sooo surprised when I saw the 'frank and beans' as I had hoped for and thought it was a girl. I called him 'her' for a day or so as was so groggy from labour experience! This time I went to find out at 20 weeks, praying again for a girl, and the lady checked 3 times before declaring, 'it's a boy' I cried for the rest of the day. But here I am 4 weeks later excitedly awaiting my second son and loving his kicks and how much the two little brothers are going to have. Will deffo find out again even with the £90 scan price tag!

mrswee · 26/06/2012 15:57

I found out with dc1 but am not going to find out with dc2. My DH really wanted to know first time, he was so excited bless him. I couldn't think of a reason not to so we did. It def had it's advantages but I think it took a little magic out of the whole expectant thing at the birth.
I want to experiacne to surpirse element so not finding out this time, kinda wishing I had done it the other way round though as for rpactical reasons it would be better to know this time so I could sort out what clothes to keep ect!

MrsHelsBels74 · 26/06/2012 15:58

Found out first time as my husband (not so secretly) wanted a boy & if he was going to be disappointed then I wanted it to be at 20 weeks rather then when they arrived.

I was half hoping for a girl this time but we found out it's another boy, but when it came to it, I didn't care at all...don't know if I could have waited until September.

raininginbaltimore · 26/06/2012 16:09

We found out with Ds, as dh wanted to. This time it made practical sense. It is a girl although we were both surprised (all boys for four generations in Dh family)

However I am nervous about the 1 in 10 chance they could be wrong. People keep telling me stories of people who got told wrong.

YoulllaughAboutItOneDay · 26/06/2012 16:20

I didn't find out with either of mine.

First time round, I really quite wanted a girl. I don't know why, I just did. I knew that if it was a boy and I found out at the scan and it was a boy I would have a 'flash' of disappointment and didn't ever want to feel like that about my baby. I knew that, in the moment he/she was born, it would matter not a jot what gender it was. I was right, I really didn't care (it was a girl).

Second time round we didn't find out either. This time we didn't mind at all whether we had a girl or a boy. In fact, after a rather sudden water birth, it took a minute or two before I thought to look!

I wouldn't find out with (hypothetical) no. 3 either.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 26/06/2012 16:21

I found out with both my previous babies and will be finding out again. I like to buy nice clothes and it's hard to find nice Unisex stuff ime. Also I always have a set idea of whether it's a boy or a girl, so if I'm wrong (both previous times) I like a little time (like 20 weeks or so) to adjust to the change.

Indith · 26/06/2012 16:28

I didn't find out with the first 2. We actually thought we wanted to with dc1 but he wasn't showing us at the scan. I found I liked not knowing and it was lovely finding out when he was born so we didn't find out with dd either. We were not going to find out with ds2 but the sonographer blabbed by mistake . I felt odd knowing, it was really strange. I was fine with the fact that he was a boy but I was disappointed that I knew and that I would miss that moment when snuggling him for the first time of checking and seeing what I had :(. Of course I didn't think about it at all when he was born.

JambalayaCodfishPie · 26/06/2012 16:32

We wanted to, but at 20 weeks baby had legs crossed and was tightly curled up. DP was heartbroken as it hadn't occurred to him that we might not find out that day.

Was the same at every growth scan I had too - just impossible to tell.

It was a girl.

horseylady · 26/06/2012 16:47

I found out (22weeks) pleased I did though I had no preference what so ever just means he is called he now rather than it as I never gave him a nickname!! Dh wanted to know from the day I found out, I wasn't worried but really pleased I do know now!!

CPtart · 26/06/2012 17:05

Yes I found out both times ( and they were correct). I would hate to end up having a cs under general anaesthetic and finding out all groggy what the gender was and try and take that info in. Unlikely maybe, but possible. I also had a slight prefernce for the gender of DC2, and again, wanted to get my head round the outcome beforehand.

vixreyland · 26/06/2012 18:05

Hello!
I have found out this time round and did with my son too! Too impatient to wait!
This pregnancy we did go for a private gender scan as at 20week scan we couldn't find out and scan wasn't very clear either! We are having a girl in September and i have loved being able to buy pink stuff as i already have a son! :)
hope you ladies are all well x

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