Fantastic 40+ Mums To Be

[10000fireflies]

A lovely shiney new thread for us to keep chatting on.

Fjord - Wow 1st October honey !!!
How exciting for you, keep that positive vibe going. You will be before me !!! I have my sweep on the 2nd October and told that they will induce me at 40+ 10. They did say they would do it at 40 weeks but I pointed out I had no issues through the whole pregnancy so why do it then, we agreed to the sweep. Anyone had one before and can let me know your experiences please.

Somwhere - Hope your MS is better today xxx

Hp Hows the new routine going?

Went to see the Citizens Advice yesterday and they were really helpful re benefits. Even they were a bit lacking of knowledge of child care vouchers. I wont get any benefits except the usually tax credits, so looking into the vouchers. done quite a bit a research today which has been useful.
Washed all baby Dylans bedding this morning so it smell lovely. Its all so tiny.
I am taking a leaf out of Fjord and having positive thoughts about the birth. I dont think I could nest anymore, I have cleaned and cleaned the cleaned areas. Cant believe I have been off work a month already time flys. I will be dragging the christmas tree out the loft soon. Never had more then 2 days off at christmas so this year will really freak me out . Sorry I know I said Christmas !!!!

littlered, I had a sweep with my DD on my due date. It worked a treat. It was slightly more uncomfortable than I thought it would be, but totally bearable. Just felt as if I had that first or second day period type feeling afterwards (you know the one where you want to put your tracksuit bottoms on and slob in front of the telly...). My contractions started in earnest about 24 hours later. DD was born in record speed in just under 3 hours so I tend to think they work. That said, think it depends on how 'favourable' your uterus is when they do the sweep. I think they like it be soft and bulging.... nice.
As for childcare vouchers, think they save me and DH combined about £70 off our nursery bill. Not much in the grand scheme of things as we still pay about £900 a month, but every little bit helps. Totally worth doing.

somewhere, hello my lovely lady. Yes, nausea has been intermittent for me this week, with a heavy cold to boot. The first trimester has been hideous, but it was last time for me. That said, you sound as if you've had an equally dreadful time, and I'm so glad today is a better day for you. I think I've had flutterings from beanie though it could be just my dinner digesting . Still trying to get my head round I'm pregnant to be honest. It feels very surreal this time, simply as we've wanted this for so long.

lrm I may have read your post wrong, but just felt I needed to say you cannot get tax credits and claim childcare vouchers.

Three sweeps did nothing for me, and they are uncomfy, more than I expected too. I have a very uncooperative cervix. I was saying to DH this morning I am crap at popping them out, but good at growing them.

Well, I am not sure I would be able to cope if I had a baby out of the blue, the first month is quite difficult, I'd rather have 9 months to get used to the idea that my life will change forever and for the better....
Knicky, I had overactive thyroid too and it did not affect at all my 2 pregnancies. Hope it will be the same for you.
Somewhere and everyone, thank you for the DVD thingy, I have always promised myself not to use TV or DVD as babysitter but I guess I was too naive and thought I was wonderwoman, but no, I am just a mum of 2 and have to find a way to look after the 2.
lRM, childcare vouchers, they come out directly from your pay, so you save on NI and IR, you can have up to £243 a month and same for your partner depeding on your income (income above 150K can only have £97 of childcare vouchers a month), I used to have them paid at the beginning of the month straight to nursery so that I have only the remaining to pay out of my pocket. The nursery fees I had was about £1600 though, in London. Where about are you to be able to have such competitive fee ?
Re sweep, my contractions started 11 hours after the sweep, the cervix was soft and dilated by 2cm then but they were not proper labour contractions, I was told. i had to wait for another 2 hours for them to be effective and by then I was already at 50% on the scale. I think with induction, whether it is by cream or sweep, the intensity of contractions is more quickly reached than a natural not induced labour. Be aware and prepared. Also get the pelvic floor to soften by doing massage, it will help baby to come out without need of instrument.

Anastasia has gone into her routine quite easily, the first 4 days are difficult because I hate the idea of letting a baby cry, but it worked. Who knows if her trust in me has been affected for ever ? Only future will tell. But at the time being it saves me and my relationship with my oldest son, I put her down at 7pm and then can spend 30, 45 minutes with my son before he goes to bed, but from 5.30pm I am 100% with Anastasia, giving her bath and feeding her. This is when DVDs come on the stage.... :(

Hugs to everyone. BTW has Exexe had her LO ? I can't remember...

Hey ladies for the advice about the sweep. Best make the most of the next week as I am going to be very busy soon . Still blows my mind that I am going to be a mum. How did everyone else feel about their first and those that are in the newbie gang how do you feel about it ?

Valium - Your right honey I can only claim vouchers, we dont qualify for benefits. Never mind they are changing the process next year so will keep looking.

HP - Holy crap £1,600 !!! nursery fees. We live in Lincoln so way up north. £173 a week full time so £692 a month. I am in a scheme but my partners firm isnt so I have spent the afternoon pulling off information for him to take to work so help them join hopefully.

Hp you are a wonderful caring loving mum. As I said before, a little crying or having to wait will not hurt either child. It hurts us like hell, but we only have one pair of hands. We cannot give all our children 100% of our time. It is impossible. Anastasia will trust you more than anyone else on the planet. Always. You are her mummy. And DS will always love you. Your relationship will always survive. You are his mummy. Consider yourself told, and big big hug! Make sure you find time for yourself too, and your partner.

Curious as to how someone massages their pelvic floor... Sounds like fun. I am guessing you meant perineum?

My childcare was £1600 for two. Thankfully they only overlapped for two months. That is what we get paid each month, combined. This one will overlap with his sister for 2 years. Gulp!. You would think if someone earned over 150K they would not need childcare vouchers!

Had a sweep today another scheduled for next week, if not induction 1/10 told to have sex and eag pineapple meantime!! Sweep was not as bad as I had expected but not expecting it to do much good no signs of labour here and less than 2 weeks to go.

43 #1, 38+2

LRM, yes, it is £1600 for one kid under 2y and £200 less when government funding applies. It is quite an amount, isn't it? A proper salary, no wonder why mums in London stop working when they have 2 kids... The way I see things would not involved having the 2 kids at nursery at the same time. Otherwise I would be spending £4000 monthly in nursery fees for 6 months !!! DS will be back at nursery in London until Jun/Jul next year as he was born in Oct 2008. Anastasia will enter nursery only in Sep next year, I think I won't start looking for a part time job (anyone has a well paid part time job to offer ? Really well paid, I mean, I need £4k net of tax monthly ) until DS has settled in his new school. But at the same time, separation anxiety kicks in around 8 months so I have not decided yet what to do. Shame that in the UK school does not start until kids reach 5. Here in France, some schools offers to take them for half day when they are 2.5 yo, and 3 is the usual age they start going all day... I am lucky I could get DS in a school this Sep for a trimester, it is free, I only need to pay for his lunch !

Re Childcare voucher, it is quite easy to put in place. It is a shame I don't work anymore as I wrote the process for my former employer. I will see if I can ask a colleague to send it over and Forward it to you.

LRM it is exciting and frightening to be a first time mum. I knew it would be hard but did not know how hard. You will have lots of wonderful moments with Dylan, when he first smiles, grabs your finger, says his first words etc ... and less funny ones when he cries and you have fed him, changed his nappy, rocked him and have no idea what to do next to stop him crying. Just remember that cry is the only way for him to communicate with you and you will soon learn how to differentiate his cries. Remember also that the first month might be difficult, adjusting your sleep with his, your hormones fluctuating, PND exists, don't feel afraid or ashamed to ask for help, and talk to other mums and your partner. But you might also have the perfect baby, who won't cry unless there is something wrong or uncomfy, who will sleep and feed... A baby is the beginning of a new life for everyone. It is a miracle we have to be grateful for.

VQ you are right, my English is far from perfect, and I must admit I have no everyday use for the word perineum. Hey, I have learnt a new word today ! Thanks!
And again, thank you for your wisdom, I will do my best for the 2 lovely and healthy children I have. Hopefully Anastasia won't remember the crying even if she remembers patterns and routine already at not even 8 full weeks...
I will try to remember to look after me and my couple as well. As you said before VQ, shagging might not be the priority anymore :)

Good night everyone

Hum hum, I only need £3k a month, baby brain still here ! Or have I lost all my basic skills ?

Hp Your English is not perfect? I forget you are French! That is how perfect it is! I am in awe of anyone who can speak a second language. I struggle having moved to Scotland!

I need to cut my hours and claim tax credits in order to afford to have my kids in childcare. It does not make sense.

lrm I found my first child shattering but truly miraculous. it was as if my childhood belief in magic had been reinstated - there was nothing more extraordinary, more supernaturally gorgeous, than my baby. At the same time, I felt I didn't know who I was anymore. I guess I had mild PND. I felt as if the person i'd been before had been shattered into pieces and i had to create a totally new self. Straight after the birth, this intensified into an almost hallucinatory sensation that i'd been abducted by aliens and replace with an identical version of myself with identical memories but not the same. It was as I say a new start of epic proportions.

Eventually I pieced myself together and i wasn't as different from the person before as i thought i would be, but i was different and in fact i was improved. It's what one mum-in-a-cafe called 'the identity stuff'.

in terms of caring for a child, i've had some horrendous times at work and i frankly didn't find it as difficult. you don't have a boss hanging over you criticising you. You have a little baby gurgling at you! My DS was pretty cheerful but DID NOT SLEEP. My lack of sleep definitely contributed to my struggling.

In terms of sleep i have some very firm advice:

1. Make sure your DP is prepped up on the need to support your sleep - mine wasn't and after the birth i wasn't in a position to fight my corner. He never once gave me a lie in and insisted I stay up in the evening after the DS went to bed for 'quality time'. I wasn't able to put my foot down. (He is great in many ways my DP but somehow this went very wrong)
2. consider using the bottle - bottlefed babies sleep better and if you are struggling, don't be a breast purist.

Really good advice about crying.

urrrm - trying to make friends with other mums is a bit like first year at college - you will never have spent so much time with people you have nothing in common with? Just becuase you're both mums? A strange sensation but eventually you find your people.

xx

I feel so old compared to local mums, so feel I have very little in common with them. The nearest I am getting to making mummy friends is at the school gate, as a lot of mums their youngest is the same age as my eldest (6). They are older, and often working, so it is nice. Still not the same as going through things at the same time, but as you say somewhere often all you have in common is being a mummy to a newborn, and I can get that support on MN!

I live some distance from work too so feel quite isolated from my work colleagues, which is a shame as they are a great bunch.

somewhere a lot of your last post resonates with me. I too struggled with the lack of sleep with DD (she also was a dreadful sleeper - not sleeping through till at least a year old and still has nights like last night when I had to get up several times....) That said she's most easy going wonderful 3 year old. So toddler life has been a doddle in comparison to her first year.

I did an NCT antenatal class the first time round. Most of the ladies were near my age (late thirties), but besides our bumps, I didn't find I had much in common. This time I won't be doing the class, but might try a local antenatal yoga class to see if I can meet some like minded people. This time feels different though as I have far more of a routine this time round with ferrying DD to and from nursery.

hpbp I had graves disease about 10 years ago. I was referred to the consultant last time I was pregnant but it didn't resurface. Just means a few more blood tests again. I think they worry that with the influx of pregnancy hormones, you may have the tendency to go underactive? Still, I was fine last time so fingers crossed all will be well this time.

As for me, because I gave birth in France and knew I had to move out of Central London with the arrival of DS1, I have not bothered going to NCT classes and have not met anyone... but nursery helped me meet other mums. I have 3 very good friends and mums now living near by. They happen to have each 2 kids too with a smaller age gap than my kids but we should still be able to hang out with all the kids later on, it is great that they all have playmates already, lets just hope they get on well.

LRM, I have the docs re Childcare vouchers, where do you want me to send them to you, I tried to PM you but I can't attach documents and pdf. Let me know.

knicky one of those driven, upbeat kids who dont' like sleeping? check! Have you told her about baby 2?

just had my nuchal. it was 1mm so can't ask for more, but i know the nuchal isn't definitive. Now I have to wait 2 weeks for the bloods and final risk - i didn't realise it would take so long. i have a private nuchal booked on next thurs and think i'm going to go for it - i just can't wait any more.

But anyway good news.

I don't find i have tonnes of mum friends i've met since being PG, whose children's ages neatly mirror mine. But gradually over time my 'old friends' have babied up and I've found new mum friends here and there who have kids my DS gets on with etc. My DP has lots of dad friends - all his mates became dads at the same time as him and their wives/girlfriends are sort of new mum friends for me.

xxx

Somewhere, this is a very good start ! xx

Hey ladies

Hp - Thanks for taking the time to send me the info. I have PM you honey xxx
Thanks also for the advice, its weird trying to mentally prepare yourself for whats to come. I will always look for the positive every day. Patner is good at making me smile when I feel like crap.

Somewhere - Thanks for the tips about sleep, partner will be fab and help out , but your right about the breastfeeding thing I thought he will be tied to me 24/7 and I know partner wants to play his part so will give the boob a go and introduce bottles after a few months so that we can go out for more then an hour or so, family and friends what to help out and I am more then happy to let them, as you say you need to keep abit of your self. My partner and I have a few close friends but we dont go out much except to the gym ( which I havent been to in months- God help me on my return sod it it january ). I know one new mum who leaves near to me of the same age .
I know what you mean about waiting for results, they take ages and ages. Thinking of you while you wait.

FirstBubba- Great to hear from you, how ya feeling today after the sweep yesterday? I will be bricking it and probably stay awake next Tuesday after mine sat in the car hands hoovering over the horn to wake up partner. Anxiety makes you go a tad mental !!! I have told my partner I would like my legs shaving and my lady garden tending to in some form.

Valium - I had to smile when you said you lived in Scotland, I use to have to put subtilties on the tv when I use to watch Rab C Nessbit, loved the show but partner use to get sick of me say what did he say all the time ?

Ladies , I have exceeded all expectations today and I am in my Jim Jams and slippers !!! Today I have slumming down to a fine art and only feel a small bit guilt I did not paint the skirting boaards as I had planned. xxxx

lrm you should not be painting skirting boards in your delicate state! I am having a lazy day with DD2. Peppa Pig, biscuits and cuddles. Lovely. Grandma is collecting DD1 from school, and I told DH to get the bus home, so I do not need to go out. At. All!

Hello you lot. Can I clamber into the snug? All v interesting chats here. Wish I could remember what it was like being a first-time mum. It was only 2.5yrs ago but it's something of a haze. My DS wasn't much of a sleeper either - I'm afraid we got quite tough on him as I realised sleep was so fundamental to us all surviving! I think we did CC at around 7 months... it wasn't long before he realised he might as well sleep through. This was a boy who was waking every hour to breast-feed at 4-6 months old. Really good luck with it all anyway.

I'm 25wks pg tomorrow and 41yo in 6wks time. Limey. All straight forward so far, as with pg1, but v keen to hear stories of managing toddlers and snuggly newborns. And, generally, to find out what you're all up to.

Nursery fees are appalling aren't they? I have found a local ofsted-approved creche who do 4 hours (am) for £5 - seems unheard of in London, and they are still a nice group in a big church hall with less than 20 under 4s. DS goes 2 mornings a week. Feeling v blessed. He also has a day with a childminder at £40 per day and she accepts childcare vouchers, which seems cheaper than nursery. Do any of you prefer the childminder route? He will get his 15hrs per week from next September, just as I come off maternity leave; that's helpful but it's one hell of a juggle isn't it?

Sending big hugs to all you excellent over 40 mums/mums-to-be...

Welcome clicking you are very lucky to find that crèche. Very lucky indeed. I did not feel comfy with a childminder, as my kids spent most of the day in the car or pushchair collecting or dropping off kids at school. Either that or plonked in front of the TV. I tried two, and they were similar, also found it frustrating having to pay while they go on holiday, and find alternative childcare, plus if they were ill etc. Nursery is actually cheaper for me, as the nursery hours come off the bill, and they do not have to be picked up from CM and taken to school etc. it is all in-house. Nursery is more reliable as they only close christmas to new year, so not charge extra for public holidays and are still open, and sickness is covered.

I am 43, have a 6yo DD, a 2yo DD and expecting DS in 4 weeks. I usually work full time as a nurse, but will need to drop my hours this time as I cannot afford childcare for three.

Hi VQ! Yes - I think I am lucky (every day). The creche just started up and they are v keen. Fingers crossed it stays open. I know what you mean about CMs - though DS seems to love this latest one and she has two young DS of her own so they play v happily and rowdily. I suspect (but don't know) that DS will have a li'l brother so this seems quite helpful at the moment. I'm also v lucky to work from home as and when I get the work for my biz so I can work around holidays etc but you are right about the inconveniences.

I bow to you working so hard as a nurse and raising your family. I can imagine that childcare for 3 is wowzer dosh. I just hope you really enjoy your mat leave and it's a good thing to drop hours rather than not.

As I find pg a joy and even managed a HB with my first I'd be v tempted to have one more DC (fertility allowing), but I know my DP is not into boosting the population beyond replacing himself and myself, iykwim. So I'm guessing this is my final pg and I'm trying to make the most of it.

TTFN.

HB for your first! Pregnancy a joy! Impressed and jealous!

Luck again VQ. And who knows if this baby will follow suit - s/he could decide that I'm due a hospital trip (tho' would prefer to stay home); I'm guessing each birth is different. You should meet my friend who's had four DC - DS/DD/DS/DD all about 18 months in between each 2-hour birth (max). Now that's impressive eh?!

Even more impressed and jealous! Please tell me she is fat with grey hair and a bucket for a fanjo!