Things I wish people had told me when I was pregnant

[katiegolightly]

Sorry - a long one. Ok so we're only on day 17 but now the haze is starting to clear I thought I'd jot a list of all the things specific to my experiences so far that I wish I'd been told about earlier - i.e. in pregnancy. Those marked with * are things that I was told about but damnit I wish I'd paid more attention to!! SERIOUSLY. Oh and it's all a bit higgledy piggledy order-wise such is my brain now :-)

1. Don't buy any cute outfits for your baby in 0-3. Get 5-10 vests (no arms or legs) like M&S ones have been brilliant. Layer with a babygro day and night. It's all you need. I feel bad that all the cute things she has been bought in newborn and 0-3 probably will only get worn for the thank you photo, they are too faffy to dress them in!

1. Take 2 hats into hospital. I was asked to take one into theatre for my CS because they like to put one on the baby straight away. I had a spare for taking her home luckily as it gets gunked up immediately.

1. Don't worry about dressing your baby in hospital if you don't want to. Ours spent 3 days in nappy/blanket. I figured I would learn 'dressing the baby' at home. Hospital was for learning to feed, nappy change and cuddle - the extra complication is not worth it, she will be PLENTY warm enough, hospitals are saunas.

*4. Don't do too much too soon. Fortunately the drugs they give you (post CS) are brilliant. In my case, I thought this meant I was superwoman. Just because you feel more than capable of unloading the washing machine and dishwasher on day 5, DON'T. Stupidly I seemed to forget that it wasn't just the healing visible scar I should be thinking of but all the layers inside that had been cut through. You need to heal, seriously, enjoy a good couple of weeks on the couch.

*5. When arranging your visits, tell them the curfew. All of my visitors have turned up late and all of them have said 'tell me when you want me to go'. This is great, but I'm not good at saying 'now actually'. Make sure when you say, 'sure, come over Wednesday evening' that you add on 'kicking out time is 9pm as that's when I have to go to bed to manage the night feeds'

*6. Don't have visitors every day. Give yourself at least 3 days in week 1 with nobody knocking at your door. You need it.

*7. Stock up your freezer if you haven't already. This has proved a life saver.

*8. It's ok to be in shock when your baby is born. Stupidly I wanted to ask 'is she mine' when they lifted her above the screen. I also expected to be blubbing uncontrollably (I am the emotional type...) I haven't at all yet. I wonder if I am emotionally broken. This is ok and normal. Don't put pressure on yourself of DP to react a certain way.

1. I love ted talks - I've watched this one so many times but I urge you to take 15 mins to watch this, it's inspiring and very comforting about 5 parenting taboos. It has helped me a lot. www.ted.com/talks/rufus_griscom_alisa_volkman_let_s_talk_parenting_taboos.html

10. If you know you are having a CS, buy some tea tree oil to massage into your scar once it has initially healed and also look at silicon gel / pads (you can buy from Amazon) to soften and fade your scar over time. You may prefer to dilute the tea tree in water, I didn't and it's been fine.

11. Apart from the M&S babygros I mentioned, most things that go over the head have been annoying. If you can find short sleeved & short legged vesty things like from M&P or mothercare that have popper fronts, these are really easy to work with. Our house is warm in the day and this plus blankets has been fine without a babygro.

12. Stock up on box sets or trashy books. You probably won't have any time to watch/read them - but when you do snatch an hour, indulge in something that will really pep you up and take your mind off stuff.

*13. Your baby will cry. Sometimes there is a reason, sometimes there isn't.

14. It's ok to admit there are moments that are boring or groundhog day.

15. Some foods when in your breastmilk may upset your baby. Some babies may be intollerant to dairy & gluten, some say chocolate, citrus, strawberries and egg are particular culprits. Eat things in moderation and if you notice something may cause issues, cut one thing out at a time. Everyone is different.

16. www.kellymom.com is a brilliant resource for all things breastfeeding. Get familiar with it before your baby comes out! It answers all those questions about how much and how often your baby should eat, how you know if they are getting enough when your are breastfeeding etc.

17. Photocopy your antenatal notes well in advance. I kept delaying and my waters broke - no copy. I'm told by my hospital (Chelsea & Westminster) it will cost me £50 to get a copy.

*18. Those first few days you have colostrum only. YOU WILL KNOW when your milk comes in. Mine did overnight on day 3 and it was painful. Like tingly severe sunburn. Hard, hot watermelon boobs, hot flushes, dripping with sweat. I was just not expecting it. They eased throughout the next day as I started to use them and felt fine 12 hours later! Get a couple of flannels ready so you can put hot water flannels on your boobs, it was the only thing that eased them.

19. If you want to pamper your little ones bottom, get a thermos flask and a little bowl for beside your changing station/s, particularly if you don't have a sink within arms reach. Water available for every change - warm to boot! I've been advised not to use wipes on a newborn.

20. When you are discharged your antenatal notes will be retained. You will be given 2 new sets of notes, one about you and one about your baby. These document your labour and stay in hospital and every check up, test, conversation you had with midwives and doctors in your dazed state. READ THEM BEFORE YOU LEAVE. I didn't. I didn't understand or agree with a lot of it. These notes stay with you until your last midwife visit at home. Photocopy these before your last midwife visit too. They are militant and will not let you keep them to copy yourself past this date.

*21. Yes, scratchmits are useless and fall off. Rely on the ones in babygros. Most babygros seem to have them in but most products online don't state this when you buy them. It's very annoying that this isn't clearer.

22. Get some Lansinoh cream for your nipples. Make sure it is in your hospital bag. Those first few days were the worst by far for cracked scabby nipples.

23. First few days of feeding can be frustrating / hellish. Research about hand expressing colustrum into tiny syringes, you may end up doing it and I was totally lost. Wish I'd known more.

24. Ask your hospital about checking your babys blood sugar straight after they are born if they are on the small side. They forgot to do this for me and a also an NCT friend this week which meant an extra day in hospital for monitoring on the 'blood sugar protocol' purely because they forgot to test something sooner.

25. Get a feeding app on your phone or find a way to record feeds. I'm the most organised person in the world and I thought this was a ridiculous notion - how hard can it be to remember when you last fed, for how long and on which side. Only after 2 weeks did we settle into this but I still often forget which side I've done - all feeds blur into one, it really helps to keep a record. Find an app now, the most useful time is that first 48 hours. I promise.

26. Write everything down as soon as you can. The birth story, how you felt. There is so much going on it's hard to remember a few days later. You'll be glad to look back on those feelings and thoughts. My DP took a video of DD being lifted out. If I'd known I'd have said no way. I didn't really realise he'd done it until a week later and I'm so pleased he did. Not to Facebook it, to remind myself what happened when I was so in shock I couldn't take it in at the time.

27. Right now all you can focus on is pregnancy and the birth. It's all you know to prepare for. It seemed so obvious after she was born that the delivery was only the tip of the iceberg but I can't believe how fixated I was on this part and how small that seems now we are on the other side. Spend some time considering week 1. Nothing will prepare you for it, but at least think about it!

28. Emma Jane bamboo vest tops have been my only attire for 2 weeks! No bras, just these and comfy trousers. Worth their weight in gold for feeding and easy covering up again when you have visitors. www.amazon.co.uk/Emma-Jane-Bamboo-Nursing-Vest-White-10/dp/B000V6N91A/ref=sr_1_1?s=baby&ie=UTF8&qid=1336029445&sr=1-1

29. If there's something you need/want to do, do it now. Whether that's redecorating your house, going to the theatre, whatever. You won't give a stuff about anything else in life when your baby arrives. I thought I would, I don't.

30. You may wake up in the night thinking you are holding the baby when she is in her crib. It's scary. I've done this 5 times now and seriously thought I'd dropped her in the bed. Weird feeling. (I've not fallen asleep with her in the bed at all)

31. Get some good hand cream and put it by your changing station. Your hands will be v dry with constant washing.

32. You can't have too many muslins. I have 20, I could easily use 30, they are scattered around every room in the house.

33. Microwavable sterilisers are the way forward. Even just for 1 expressed feed per day/night. I have an Avent one, it's awesome and I put my Medela swing in there every day too, I'd be lost without it.

34. Get a fruitcake or something that will keep. Your visitors (who are lazy and don't bring their own cake) can have a slice and you won't feel bad. Not that you should.

35. Get a banana shaped breastfeeding pillow. Another fantastic purchase for feeding on the bed/couch/anywhere. Otherwise you will need to stuff cushions around you awkwardly or get RSI!

36. Pack your change bag when you get home from an outing, not before you go out. You'll be more ready to up and go when you want to and less faffing.

37. Water in bottles. Glasses are great until you can't chug the whole lot and can't reach the table. Constantly calling DP to take the glass off me.

38. Get some almond oil (neals yard) or beeswax to moisturise any dry skin like on your baby's hands or feet. It's lovely to spend time rubbing their little toes too, nice time for mummy after a feed.

Ok, I think that's all for now, I've gone on for long enough. Hope some is helpful for some of you!

Wow Way to go Mumsnet HQ

I reported both my post and All4U's and they only deleted mine.

Don't think my one was the one making people cry!

Thanks Want and Nic. I shouldn't have taken it to heart-it just came a bit out of nowhere! Balloon I didn't see your post-you definitely didn't make me cry!!

There is a huge amount of hurt & anguish caused by pg/labour/bf when things don't go to plan & so on, but the whole bf/ff debate is one I just don't get. I mean, formula isn't poison.

I bf my DD & it was v tough at first, but I persevered & it got easier. However, it doesn't mean I can't empathise with people that want to & can't, or tried & it didn't work out. I had to stop for medical reasons at 9mths and having made that heartbreaking decision & struggled for 3mths with 2 feeds a day of formula, I definitely don't see formula as the easy option.

Long story short, its like the difference between a normal toothbrush & an electric toothbrush. The manual does a good job, keeps your teeth clean & so on, but an electric one does it just that little bit better... Every knows breast is best but if its not working out, why make life miserable for you & baby? Formula is a good substitute, it is not poison; anyone who says different has either never had a baby, never struggled to breastfeed or has no empathy for their fellow human beings who just want the very best for their baby.

I really hope nobody is made to feel bad by thoughtless comments on this thread, as it is a really fascinating, useful resource. Particularly that one post - the last part about Olympic yr, viral pandemic stuff just made me go

Kaloobear - I'll probably be flamed for this but I didn't bf either of my DC. I couldn't bf my first (not a single drop to be had!!) and chose not to try with my second. They are both strapping healthy young adults now (and had fewer illnesses than many who were bf, lol). Neither of them have allergies and they seemed to have far fewer colds or stomach upsets than most of their bf friends. I was calmer than most of the bf mums, as my h was able to help out with nightfeeds on a regular basis.

Both my DC are now university graduates and achieved top grades in their various exams. Please don't feel bad about how your DC is fed because nobody can tell once DC are at school!

I would just add a piece of advice a midwife gave me early on, which I really appreciated - that there will be times when you feel like throwing the baby out the window and this is perfectly normal. You just set the baby down in his or her cot, step outside the room with door closed and have a glass of water/deep breath and then go back in. Stepping out of the situation for a moment really helps.

Brilliant list From Katiegolightly...

Couple of things i'd add. Have a really comfy nice pair of pj's - I got mine from Mamas & Papas and they're fab....the most comfy thing I owned towards end of pregnancy and still wearing them now 5 months on as perfect for feeding DD in and will also make you feel better on those days when you just don't feel up to getting dressed.

It's ok to cry....in fact I would stay better out than in...clearly remember a couple of nights in the first few weeks where I was sooo tired that I'd be feeding and the tears would be rolling - immediately felt better for it AND the best news is that phase is usually very short.

I found I watched a lot of TV in the early hours so box sets may well be worthwhile.

If you can, get partner/friend to watch little one for an hour so you can sleep or have a bath whatever you need most but NOT to do cleaning....

I also agree - set a curfew....we didn't and one set of friends who will remain nameless but who did have child stayed til almost midnight when DD was just 6 days old...hubby and I could barely speak from tiredness and still they didn't get the hint.

If you want to follow any methodologies (dr Spock/Gina Ford etc) read up beorehand as you're knackered afterwards...but remember these books are guides don't treat as gospel, go on what feels right for you (our LO slept on her front virtually from day 1 - on that note the gro bag sleeping sacks are great as even quite small babies can use and they can't get cold due to kicking covers off)

Finally, after first few weeks try and get out for a walk at whatever time is good for you - even if it's just for 30 mins you'll both feel better for it and has stopped me going stir crazy on more than one ocassion.

They have fabulous baby clothes in Spain that fold over rather than going over the head. No idea why we couldn't manage something similar.

The glass of water one made me laugh I drove my oh crazy with that I was always thirsty when BF so always asked for a glass lol.

Ow another for the more leaky ladies disposable breast pads are the difference between swimming in your own milk and waking up dry as a bone i had cotton ones and disposable and gotta say as soon as my disposable ones ran out had nothing but hell really worth getting them

All of the above plus keep in mind that guilt is part of the package. Whatever you do, someone else thinks it's wrong. If it's the right thing to do for you and your baby and your family (meaning immediate family, not necessarily everyone who claims some blood/marital relationship with you), then everyone else can get stuffed.

I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis.

Good luck, katie, what a fab, realistic and amazingly coherent given your DC's age list you have here!

YYY to the disposable breast pads.

Thegimmer Are those people still your friends?!

Thegimmer- we had similar friends. They are no longer our friends!

Yeah they are.....we had to forgive. The male half of the duo has been fab helping with sorting stuff out, building baby stuff etc...

Just thought of something else to add to list:

Old towels are great for putting on changing mat as tiny ones tend to wee indiscrimanently - we had quite a few puddles/lakes before we realised....

Vasaline/petroleum jelly is great for nappy rash - I wish we hadn't bothered with anything else.

Milk pregnancy for all it's worth cos no-one gives a shit about you after the baby comes

I've been watching this thread and its been brill. All4u must have been sniffing Tippex.

Agree with Gimmer re the Vaseline. Slap a coat on babies bottom and the poop comes off easily!

Also Moses basket stands make good baby bath stands!

I wish I'd been told when pregnant about all the belly aches and pains you'll get and the smelly feet! And not to stuff your face with fruit the day you go in to give birth.

One of the MW showed me how to get the baby to close his eyes so he'd go to sleep by stroking your finger down his nose.

Some good advice on here!

I wish someone had told me my boobs would start leaking at 18 weeks pg! I'm sure I was way further on than this when pg with DS!

Do you think it gets earlier with each pg WantAnOrange? I leaked at 20wks with my DD & now 12wks with DC#2... I hope I get a few more weeks leak free!!!

That whatever your baby is doing sleep-wise, it's probably very normal, no matter what the books/experts say.

Maybe Chunkychicken. I have splashed out and bought some lovely soft cotton breast pads this time instead of the horrible papery disbosable ones. Isn't my life glamorous?!