Things I wish people had told me when I was pregnant

[katiegolightly]

Sorry - a long one. Ok so we're only on day 17 but now the haze is starting to clear I thought I'd jot a list of all the things specific to my experiences so far that I wish I'd been told about earlier - i.e. in pregnancy. Those marked with * are things that I was told about but damnit I wish I'd paid more attention to!! SERIOUSLY. Oh and it's all a bit higgledy piggledy order-wise such is my brain now :-)

1. Don't buy any cute outfits for your baby in 0-3. Get 5-10 vests (no arms or legs) like M&S ones have been brilliant. Layer with a babygro day and night. It's all you need. I feel bad that all the cute things she has been bought in newborn and 0-3 probably will only get worn for the thank you photo, they are too faffy to dress them in!

1. Take 2 hats into hospital. I was asked to take one into theatre for my CS because they like to put one on the baby straight away. I had a spare for taking her home luckily as it gets gunked up immediately.

1. Don't worry about dressing your baby in hospital if you don't want to. Ours spent 3 days in nappy/blanket. I figured I would learn 'dressing the baby' at home. Hospital was for learning to feed, nappy change and cuddle - the extra complication is not worth it, she will be PLENTY warm enough, hospitals are saunas.

*4. Don't do too much too soon. Fortunately the drugs they give you (post CS) are brilliant. In my case, I thought this meant I was superwoman. Just because you feel more than capable of unloading the washing machine and dishwasher on day 5, DON'T. Stupidly I seemed to forget that it wasn't just the healing visible scar I should be thinking of but all the layers inside that had been cut through. You need to heal, seriously, enjoy a good couple of weeks on the couch.

*5. When arranging your visits, tell them the curfew. All of my visitors have turned up late and all of them have said 'tell me when you want me to go'. This is great, but I'm not good at saying 'now actually'. Make sure when you say, 'sure, come over Wednesday evening' that you add on 'kicking out time is 9pm as that's when I have to go to bed to manage the night feeds'

*6. Don't have visitors every day. Give yourself at least 3 days in week 1 with nobody knocking at your door. You need it.

*7. Stock up your freezer if you haven't already. This has proved a life saver.

*8. It's ok to be in shock when your baby is born. Stupidly I wanted to ask 'is she mine' when they lifted her above the screen. I also expected to be blubbing uncontrollably (I am the emotional type...) I haven't at all yet. I wonder if I am emotionally broken. This is ok and normal. Don't put pressure on yourself of DP to react a certain way.

1. I love ted talks - I've watched this one so many times but I urge you to take 15 mins to watch this, it's inspiring and very comforting about 5 parenting taboos. It has helped me a lot. www.ted.com/talks/rufus_griscom_alisa_volkman_let_s_talk_parenting_taboos.html

10. If you know you are having a CS, buy some tea tree oil to massage into your scar once it has initially healed and also look at silicon gel / pads (you can buy from Amazon) to soften and fade your scar over time. You may prefer to dilute the tea tree in water, I didn't and it's been fine.

11. Apart from the M&S babygros I mentioned, most things that go over the head have been annoying. If you can find short sleeved & short legged vesty things like from M&P or mothercare that have popper fronts, these are really easy to work with. Our house is warm in the day and this plus blankets has been fine without a babygro.

12. Stock up on box sets or trashy books. You probably won't have any time to watch/read them - but when you do snatch an hour, indulge in something that will really pep you up and take your mind off stuff.

*13. Your baby will cry. Sometimes there is a reason, sometimes there isn't.

14. It's ok to admit there are moments that are boring or groundhog day.

15. Some foods when in your breastmilk may upset your baby. Some babies may be intollerant to dairy & gluten, some say chocolate, citrus, strawberries and egg are particular culprits. Eat things in moderation and if you notice something may cause issues, cut one thing out at a time. Everyone is different.

16. www.kellymom.com is a brilliant resource for all things breastfeeding. Get familiar with it before your baby comes out! It answers all those questions about how much and how often your baby should eat, how you know if they are getting enough when your are breastfeeding etc.

17. Photocopy your antenatal notes well in advance. I kept delaying and my waters broke - no copy. I'm told by my hospital (Chelsea & Westminster) it will cost me £50 to get a copy.

*18. Those first few days you have colostrum only. YOU WILL KNOW when your milk comes in. Mine did overnight on day 3 and it was painful. Like tingly severe sunburn. Hard, hot watermelon boobs, hot flushes, dripping with sweat. I was just not expecting it. They eased throughout the next day as I started to use them and felt fine 12 hours later! Get a couple of flannels ready so you can put hot water flannels on your boobs, it was the only thing that eased them.

19. If you want to pamper your little ones bottom, get a thermos flask and a little bowl for beside your changing station/s, particularly if you don't have a sink within arms reach. Water available for every change - warm to boot! I've been advised not to use wipes on a newborn.

20. When you are discharged your antenatal notes will be retained. You will be given 2 new sets of notes, one about you and one about your baby. These document your labour and stay in hospital and every check up, test, conversation you had with midwives and doctors in your dazed state. READ THEM BEFORE YOU LEAVE. I didn't. I didn't understand or agree with a lot of it. These notes stay with you until your last midwife visit at home. Photocopy these before your last midwife visit too. They are militant and will not let you keep them to copy yourself past this date.

*21. Yes, scratchmits are useless and fall off. Rely on the ones in babygros. Most babygros seem to have them in but most products online don't state this when you buy them. It's very annoying that this isn't clearer.

22. Get some Lansinoh cream for your nipples. Make sure it is in your hospital bag. Those first few days were the worst by far for cracked scabby nipples.

23. First few days of feeding can be frustrating / hellish. Research about hand expressing colustrum into tiny syringes, you may end up doing it and I was totally lost. Wish I'd known more.

24. Ask your hospital about checking your babys blood sugar straight after they are born if they are on the small side. They forgot to do this for me and a also an NCT friend this week which meant an extra day in hospital for monitoring on the 'blood sugar protocol' purely because they forgot to test something sooner.

25. Get a feeding app on your phone or find a way to record feeds. I'm the most organised person in the world and I thought this was a ridiculous notion - how hard can it be to remember when you last fed, for how long and on which side. Only after 2 weeks did we settle into this but I still often forget which side I've done - all feeds blur into one, it really helps to keep a record. Find an app now, the most useful time is that first 48 hours. I promise.

26. Write everything down as soon as you can. The birth story, how you felt. There is so much going on it's hard to remember a few days later. You'll be glad to look back on those feelings and thoughts. My DP took a video of DD being lifted out. If I'd known I'd have said no way. I didn't really realise he'd done it until a week later and I'm so pleased he did. Not to Facebook it, to remind myself what happened when I was so in shock I couldn't take it in at the time.

27. Right now all you can focus on is pregnancy and the birth. It's all you know to prepare for. It seemed so obvious after she was born that the delivery was only the tip of the iceberg but I can't believe how fixated I was on this part and how small that seems now we are on the other side. Spend some time considering week 1. Nothing will prepare you for it, but at least think about it!

28. Emma Jane bamboo vest tops have been my only attire for 2 weeks! No bras, just these and comfy trousers. Worth their weight in gold for feeding and easy covering up again when you have visitors. www.amazon.co.uk/Emma-Jane-Bamboo-Nursing-Vest-White-10/dp/B000V6N91A/ref=sr_1_1?s=baby&ie=UTF8&qid=1336029445&sr=1-1

29. If there's something you need/want to do, do it now. Whether that's redecorating your house, going to the theatre, whatever. You won't give a stuff about anything else in life when your baby arrives. I thought I would, I don't.

30. You may wake up in the night thinking you are holding the baby when she is in her crib. It's scary. I've done this 5 times now and seriously thought I'd dropped her in the bed. Weird feeling. (I've not fallen asleep with her in the bed at all)

31. Get some good hand cream and put it by your changing station. Your hands will be v dry with constant washing.

32. You can't have too many muslins. I have 20, I could easily use 30, they are scattered around every room in the house.

33. Microwavable sterilisers are the way forward. Even just for 1 expressed feed per day/night. I have an Avent one, it's awesome and I put my Medela swing in there every day too, I'd be lost without it.

34. Get a fruitcake or something that will keep. Your visitors (who are lazy and don't bring their own cake) can have a slice and you won't feel bad. Not that you should.

35. Get a banana shaped breastfeeding pillow. Another fantastic purchase for feeding on the bed/couch/anywhere. Otherwise you will need to stuff cushions around you awkwardly or get RSI!

36. Pack your change bag when you get home from an outing, not before you go out. You'll be more ready to up and go when you want to and less faffing.

37. Water in bottles. Glasses are great until you can't chug the whole lot and can't reach the table. Constantly calling DP to take the glass off me.

38. Get some almond oil (neals yard) or beeswax to moisturise any dry skin like on your baby's hands or feet. It's lovely to spend time rubbing their little toes too, nice time for mummy after a feed.

Ok, I think that's all for now, I've gone on for long enough. Hope some is helpful for some of you!

Don't expect BF to be automatically easy. I assumed it would be as the baby knows what to do. Not my DS! I found nipple shields invaluable as my DS was tricky to latch on. They are not part of hospital policy so I was unaware of their existence until a community midwife suggested them. I was about to give up and switch to formula as it was so difficult/ painful. If you don't need them, great, if you do, they may help you to continue BF. When things settle down you can concentrate on weaning baby off them gradually but in the meantime they are getting fed!

I cannot thank you enough katiegolightly this post is wonderful!
I've been so anxious about the fact that I'm sure to give birth to a baby with a giant head that I really haven't been thinking about what next!
Will store this away.

Jesus, you sure have a lot of time on your hands for someone with a newborn! I barely had time to eat at that early stage, let alone post essays on MN - how do you get the time??

1. Get bibs that close on the side rather than the back, and with poppers rather than velcro. Your baby will spend most of the time on his back and doesn't need an uncomfortable lump behind his neck the whole time. And velcro will get stuck to everything else in the wash and drive you crazy. Yes, even if you do them up before you wash them. I would stick to plain white as they can be bleached and go with everything. Tesco does lovely ones exactly like this in multipacks, and I think Mothercare too. Get loads!

2. Mothercare clothes have no neck tags tags are on the side of the leg which is more comfy for baby. Gap tags are the worst stiff, curly and always sticking out of the back of the collar. Horrible. I recommend Mothercare sleep suits with the built in scratch mitts. Soft, comfy, durable well cut and inexpensive.

3. Go ahead and buy a few teeny tiny sleep suits -- like Mothercare's New Baby size. Your newborn will swim in anything that's 0-3 months and it's nice to have one or two things that fit, even just for a week or two.

4. Don't worry about getting your lief back immediately. Anything that's really important can be built back in later, but for now just try to get to grips with being a parent.

5. It's fine to try book routines if you feel like you have no idea what you are supposed to be doing. Just remember the routines are for YOUR benefit, not the baby's, so don't feel bad about adjusting them, ignoring them or changing them to suit yourself. Doing things Gina Ford's way will not hurt your baby one bit and may make you feel more in control of things. Or it may make you feel pressured or anxious, in which case chuck the book out the window post haste!

6. Breastfeed wherever you like. Don't look around for disapproval and then if there is any you won't notice it. I found a loose-ish tshirt with a breasfeeding camisole under it to be the easiest and most modest getup for feeding in public. The T-shirt covers your upper chest and the camisole your mummy-tummy. Everything is draped. Button up shirts are the worst -- I felt like I was undressing in public when I opened them. Generally speaking, anyone who glances your way while you are feeding will assume you are just cradling the baby in your arms. So don't let worries about feeding in public keep you chained to the house! Arm yourself with a scarf or baby blanket if you prefer, but get out of the house every day if you can. Good for the head.

Good luck!

Lol, NapaCab I type quickly and am quite anally organised!!

Really pleased it was a helpful list people!

I am very impressed you produced that list at 17 days as a mum!!!

I would add - in direct contradiction to one of your excellent points, however - the following

• You will be told that baby wipes are bad for your baby and you must use cotton wool and water. Do feel free to disregard this advice. Baby wipes will not harm your baby. The clue is in the name. When your baby kicks the bowl of water all over itself, you, its clothes and the clean nappy waiting to go on for the second time at three o'clock in the morning you will probably come round to my way of thinking,

Thanks BalloonSlayer - I was hoping to ditch the cotton wool advice at some point, it's been fine at home but not so practical the couple of times we've braved the outside world. I can't imagine there is anything too astringent in baby wipes, as you say, clue is in the name! I might start leaning that way soon

Contractions hurt and dont actually feel like something is contracting.

Pushing out is not so painful but bloody hard work.

Babies can scream before they are all the way out.

Babies' fingernails grow at superhuman speed.

re baby wipes, Boots do some that are suitable for use from birth. Dd1 has terribly sensitive skin and eczema and I can use these and the Aldi sensitive ones on her, so I'd guess they must be fairly gentle. Just don't let the midwives see them!

There are wipes called 'waterwipes' that my toddler's dermatologist recommended to me, you can get them online via boots or ocado or sometimes in bigger waitrose/boots stores. They're great, literally just water and cotton.

Other top recommendations are

1. Next babygros are great quality, comfortable and they all have built in scratch mittens that 'fold' over baby's hands and don't fall off.

1. Create a comfortable nest for yourself wherever you like to spend time (mine was in front of the TV!). Have a side table with books/magazines, remote, phone and drink ready for long feeds.

1. If breastfeeding try to learn to feed lying down as soon as you can, you'll get a lot more rest..

1. You can't have too many muslins. I know this has been said but it's just so true. We still use them every day for spills and as bibs and DS is 20 months.

1. Have some ideas of indulgent things you'd like but don't NEED. People will want to get you things and it's nice to feel your gift is useful. I asked for a cuddle-dry towel (lovely for bath time when baby is small) or nice soft blankets.

1. Later on a colourful cheap plastic necklace gives curious babies something to play with when they're on the breast and stops them constantly breaking off to have a look around. I got some from Claires.

1. Invest in a nice playmat with sides that fold up and dangling toys. Until they can move around by themselves this will be their main toy.

1. Get a decent sling. I went through two (mothercare and babasling) before finally splashing out on a baby bjorn. It is so much easier to use.

1. A long cotton scarf is a very light and easy coverup for feeding out and about. I bought a beige one from monsoon, it let the light through which was nice because I worried about burying baby under heavy layers. It was also a quick and easy way to cover my tummy when I was still self concious.

10. Make sure your car seat is ready before you go to hospital ,you need it to leave with. If you don't get an isofix, practice strapping car seat into the car with a seatbelt in advance. We brought DS home in the rain and DP stood at the car door wrestling with the thing for about 20 minutes while baby and I looked on from the comfort of the front seat. Now we have an isofix. Much simpler.

11. Nip-tuck tummy fix really helped the wrinkly skin on my tummy when the bump went down. It's in boots.

this is brilliant! and to come to this 17 days in?!

just to add - don't buy or read baby books. ever. I chucked mine in the bin by the end of the first week!

midwife suggested we use baby lotion and cotton wool pads to clean the bab after changes, did the job beautifully!

ditto re olive oil for skin

'routine' is a dirty word (it seems) but 'rhythm' is not - whatever your view, if you know you've got to go back to work, getting some sort of one of the above established fairly early on is a good idea. and yes, it helps you perhaps more than the baby BUT that in itself is not a crime. you need to be well enough/rested enough to actually do the job of being mum :)

Here's mine:

1. don't decorate a babyish cutsey pastel teddy bearsish nursery - they are in your room for the first while, then you blink and they're toddlers demanding a room makeover and it'll all get torn down and replaced with lightning mcQueen/peppa pig/trains/princesses

1. you think you can avoid the blue - cars / pink princesses thing by providing your child with GN toys and colours, you will look back and PYSL at yourself, it is unavoidable! your beautiful GN nursery will be covered with tacky disney gender specific wall stickers in no time!

Hmm, my DC still has a GN room, aged 6. We started with animal decorations and they lasted 3 years.

I mean like this sort of thing www.toysrus.co.uk/Babies-R-Us/Collections/I-Love-My-Bear-and-Friends-Cot-Bumper(0089040)
www.kiddicare.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/productdisplayA_820_10751_-1_15552_130950_10001_14056

• outgrown shortly after they're in their own room IMO

buy decor and furniture with a CHILD in mind, not just a baby

I would like to amend one of those. You may not get enormous breasts when your milk comes in. Mine didn't change at all - in fact they never grew in size - and my milk did not come in until day 6. Yes, it is unusual but it DOES happen. I had never heard of it and was so anxious. I wish I had known.

Oh and:

Newborns don't always sleep as much as you think. Some only sleep and feed, others (mine) are awake for an hour or so at a time and will want entertaining. I was not expecting this! So have a things to wave at it and a baby gym.

Can I just say that this is a fab list? DC2 is due in about 3 weeks and I forgot so much of this stuff!

I would like to add that it is a terrible idea to get dressed in day clothes after the birth as if people see you in pyjamas, they will make cups of tea for you but if you are in your jeans then you are officially all recovered from the birth and people may expect you to put the kettle on.

Also, do try not to tell everyone you know about the state of your undercarriage. You have no inhibitions right after the birth as you have been institutionalised into having strangers doing weird things to your fanjo. You are also sleep-deprived. You will feel normal in a few weeks and then will have the shame of knowing that you told you boss/FIL/window cleaner about your stitches or prolapse. Or that you pooed in the pool. Don't do it.

Here are some that I remember:

• sort out financial arrangements for your baby before they get here. DD was born when they were handing out £250 cheques you had to invest for them - I know these have been superseded but I don't know what with. Mine sat in a drawer for 6 months.
• it's been said above but make a list of who gives you what so you can reply eventually, and make a note of their addresses from envelopes. You will be swamped with presents.
• the best advice I got from my NCT teacher was to go to bed with the baby for a fortnight after the birth - basically doing nothing but sleeping, feeding, having skin to skin contact - to help with bonding. Also this ideal for avoiding visitors if you happen to be sobbing incontrollably at the beauty of your baby's left ear, or whatever.
• get outside every day. Fresh air and daylight help keep your spirits up when you're tired and starting to unravel. Twice round the block is fine, and it's OK to leave the house in a state if it means you get out before the sun sets (eg in winter).
• buy the biggest, fluffiest bath mat you can find. In the evening run yourself a warm bath, let the baby kick around on the mat with their nappy off while you soak, then add cold water so you can bring them in to the bath with you. You will feel better collapsing into bed and waking up for night feeds if you've had a nice bath in the evening.
• audio books are great for night feeds - you can put one earphone in so only you can hear it/they don't wake or distract the baby.

It's been lovely remembering all these.

Oh, and one more: I lived in yoga trousers with a roll-over top after my c-section. I got mine from the Swetty Betty sale - loved them.

This is fantastic!!!! Thanks ladies :). Feeling emotional at how much MN has helped me prepare ;)

I'm preg with DC3 - so amazed, Katie, that you have gained all this insight only 17 days into the first (remembering myself at that stage, I was a weeping ball of paranoia and insomnia, so kudos to you!!)

Can I add to thisistheball's financial advice:

1. Get a will! And all kinds of other boring financial things (I live in the States - not sure how much of the terminology applies?) but living, revocable Trust, guardianship, durable power of attorney for healthcare. I know it's awful to think about, but what do you want to happen if you can't speak for yourself because of a birth-related injury and need immediate medical assistance? Who do you want to look after the baby if you both die? I know these sound far-fetched, and not nearly as much fun as decorating the nursery but I promise you if you don't get round to doing this pre-birth, you will so not feel like doing it for, ahem, about four years later (looks at self).

1. If you think people will be useful (parents, in-laws, so on) do invite them to stay. Conversely, if you think they will be useless (same set of people ) then don't! Nothing is more helpful than genuinely helpful people at home - nothing more annoying and totally useless than people who expect you to look after them post-birth!

My mum, being totally fab (also a doctor) got up every two hours to help with the night feeds - I had trouble latching the baby. I can't say enough brilliant things about her....

1. Go to a breast feeding support group BEFORE you have the baby. Breastfeeding can be truly harder to master than giving birth! Strange, but true - and it really helps to prepare yourself for this BEFORE you have a torn fanjo, leaking boobs and a starving baby......

Or even thereistheball

Forget the nipple cream! The absolute best advice I had from a midwife was to squeeze out a few drops of milk after baby has finished feeding and cover sore nipples then allow to dry in the open air. There is natural atiseptic in breastmilk which heals things up really speedily. Works so much faster than lanisoh (however you spell it) and has added bonus of not being all oily. Also, despite what it says on the packet, didn't feel right putting nipples covered in nipple cream in brand new babies mouth IUSWIM. Also breast milk is the best thing to put in the little scratches that your baby will give himself - heals everything within a day. Like magic. Honestly.

enjoy your first baby and the fact it's just the two of you and you can go back to sleep if you've had a crappy night that ended at 5:45 am. when you've got more than one it's not an option. not that i'd swop my tribe of monkey children! it's lust that first pregnancies and first maternity leaves are different to any others. Enjoy!

on a more positive note prepared to see your eight year old's parental side if you space your kids out enough! and completely amazed by his confidence. a glimpse of future grandchildren!