Pregnancy after miscarriage -support thread- Part 2

[cori]

A new thread for us all to share our mutual anxieties, hopes and fears.

Morning all.
Nikki- That's a good sign!!! Not long to go now hun.
What time is it tomorrow?

9.45 apt but got to go there before

I'll make sure i'm here then waiting and keeping fingers crossed.

Thanks hk I will be hoping that I will be home by lunchtime. x

FirstNikki- it's got to be a good sign that you've still had a positive pg test. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Nikki - sounds positive for you, hope you get some wonderful news tomorrow at the scan, i don't know how you have managed to wait this long, i would be climbing the walls.

Wools and Nicola- welcome to the group, so sorry for your losses, we all know how you feel. I ahve only started to properly relax about this pregnancy in the last week (24 wks now) although my miscarriages were both early before 12 weeks, i have been so on edge, and haven't really made the most of the early weeks to be honest.
I don't think that worry will totally go until i have my baby in my arms. its such a shame that i can't enjoy the pregnancy without worrying. I still check every time i go to the toilet for blood, just in case.
Hellkats advice is right, we need to make the most of the time we have with our babies, be it long or short term.

It takes a long time to become conmfortable with a pregnancy after having miscarriages. The hardest times are before you pass the point of your previous M/C. i found out after that I relaxed, but then using other peoples milestones as my own. there was a mumsnetter who had stillbirth at 27 weeks, and then a work colleague at 33 weeks. Diddle is right, the worry wont end until the babies are in our arms.
However I am not the neurotic, paranoid wreck I was a couple of months ago. Even DH who barely acknowledged the presence of this pregnancy is now looking at baby things and thinking of names. Am about to book a 4D scan I feel much more confident that I will make it.

Diddle and Cori- kind of glad I'm not the only one who still feels slightly neurotic (Diddle- I still check for blood and I'm 30wks now). Feel bad about saying this, but I'm having a lot of trouble relating the movements I'm feeling to a real live baby. I still think in terms of "if" I get to the due date. I spent yesterday washing out baby clothes but I still feel I shouldn't do too much in the way of preparation in case it all goes wrong.

Petunia, I am almost 30 weeks too. I feel like that, even though there are some pretty serious movements going on. I have spent so much of this pregnancy in fear, I do wonder when the baby is born that I wont bond in the same was as with DS. Another reason to have the 4d scan i think.

cori- i think a 4d scan is a great idea, i plan to have one when i am 28 weeksish- if i make it that far.
my hurdle is upon me and i am 22.4 today and feel very sad for my baby i lost at this point. i am still unable to talk about it. i had a conversation with a pg friend today who did not know the dramas of last year and she talked about her friends baby being born prem. i did not even mention my last baby. Its like she never existed anyway, family/friends don't mention it or even know what actually happened properly. dp never acknowledges it either
i have started looking at baby stuff on the internet which is nice but i will prob not get anything for a while yet.

I worry about the bonding too. Then I wonder whether I'm going to be an over-protective mother and wrap it in cotton wool. I think having another scan will be nice for you. It's a shame pg women aren't routinely offered another one between 30 and 40wks. I think for those who have had m/c's it would make the whole thing more real and be a bit of reassurance.

Slink, Dh and I have decided to give this one the name we choose for the one we lost as a middle name. It is a private acknoweldgement. No one in RL will know why we have choosen it. This baby would never have existed if we hadnt have miscarried.
Is this baby your DPs first?

Hi all ... slink can totally understand what you're going through. Guess if you find the loss of your little one hard to talk about, others are going to be cautious about talking about her with you. I've a well-meaning friend who said to me the other day "there's going to have to come a time when you start enjoying this pregnancy". So hard to explain that I am enjoying it and am so hopeful all will be well, but there's still this sadness for what happened and this wake-you-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night panic that the same thing is going to happen again. I'm 16 weeks now ... around the same time my little one died although I didn't find this out till 19 weeks ... so everything feels very raw. My fear is something happens and I don't know it, like last year. Agree with cori - totally imagine I'll get past this stage then start worrying about all the people who've lost babies later and later on. And I still check for blood.

Wish there was a pregnancy book "Pg after M/c", rather than the 2 lines it gets in normal pg books. Like - I know its normal to have some days when you feel pg, others when you don't ... wish I could see it in black and white when I'm having a non-pg day that I shouldn't climb the walls with worry!!!

cori - we are having a 4d scan as well in 2 wks, i can't wait to see baby again. It is all so surreal at the moment.

Slink - I am so thrilled that you have made it this far and can now rest a little that your baby is doing well. I know how hard this day must be, my dates have passed already and it is so hard, especially if nobody acknowledges it. in a way i wanted someone to say to me, that they hope i'm ok today because they know its tough, but nobody did. (apart from mumsnetters)
Well slink i know you won't be ok today, but we're all here for you, and if you do want to talk about it with us, or if you want to email me and get anything off your chest, i'm here to listen always. its times like this we need support.

slink - it must be such a hard day for you today. here's a big {{{{{hug}}}}} as you really do need it today and you really do need to stay postive about your current pregnancy. my dp never talks about how we almost lost our dd, i think men find it really hard to talk about their feelings. when i've tried to talk to him about it he tells me it's too upsetting and can we stay off the subject so i do. it would be lovely to talk to him but as time goes on i can understand where he's coming from, when i have to explain in to doctors what happened to dd i start to cry which is the last thing i want to do as i want to be strong but it's hard. when i wrote the email to the pals office i showed dp and he read it and just said everything i put in it was correct so at least i had a bit of contact on the subject that way. we got an email from the pals office to say they've recieved it but now nothing, if i don't hear from them soon i'm going to chase it up as these things just can't be put to rest sometimes, i need answers.

nikki - i hope you get good news tomorrow, the pregnancy tests sound good so fingers crossed for you. just try to rest as much as you can at the moment.

afternoon everyone, I am on count down to scan still only light bleed with odd pains. feeling very tired though even though just slept for 2 hours on settee.

slink {{{hugs}}} to you at this time xx

best of luck with the 3d/4d scans being had that will be so reassuring as you see so much detail

Petunia I also think if I get my baby in my arms its going to be so protected..esp as will be first.

Those of you who are coming to your milestones best of luck I am postive you will be fine xx

Slink- {{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}} Hunny you're nearly there. Not long to go. Your little one did exist and is a huge part of your family and always will be. Maybe they're just cautious of mentioning it incase it upsets you (even though it's worse not to say anything).
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Nikki- Good luck again for tomorrow hunny. Fingers & everything crossed for you. x

Thankyou everyone, you are all so great- i just realised how depressing i was being earlier. Im sorry i ran off, it was because i dropped my laptop and its broke I spent the afternoon trying to burn everthing to dvd's as i need to send my laptop off to the manafacturers to be fixed (luckily its under warrenty) i will be on dp's slow rubbish laptop for the forseeable future.
also dp's ran off to leicester tonight as his gran is expected to die tonight. ive never met her but she was a big part of dp's life once so poor dp His boss at work actually asked him to come in tommorrow too! same boss that only gave him a week off for the whole labour/birth/grieveing of our baby last year! i told him to tell her to eff off!

cori, thats a really lovely idea about the name, and yes this one and baby last year was dp's first as my dd and ds are not his biologically.

kk- im glad you contacted pals, im sure they'll pass on your email to the right people who will give you some answers.

fn- good luck for your scan tommorrow will be thinking about you.

wishingchair- have you got any scans booked to get you through the next few weeks? i might write a website about pg after m/c. i was thinking about doing an info website about stillborn/preterm labour etc for a while. i might get it done now that i am officially off uni.

hk- i know what you mean i really hope i can one day i ca talk about it and let people know what happened. although i doubt i will as i don't want to make family/ friends uncomfortable.

it must be so hard for some of you that have no reason for why baby did not make it last time. i know why my baby died it was because she was born too early, although wished i had answers to why she was born so early.

you mumsnetters are great i don't know what i would do without you sometimes. even though this baby will never replace my angel daughter, and even though this pg is so stressful, i think it has made things easier as i have something to focus on and when i wake up in the morning everything is remembered but now its followed by the fact i am pg again. so really i am really lucky.

wow sorry for writing an essay

FirstNikki, good luck for the scan, will be thinking of you.
Cori, 30 weeks! That's fantastic.
Nicola63, welcome, congratulations on your pregnancy and sorry to hear about your m/c. I'm even older than you are (44) and had a missed m/c last year. Completely paranoid about this pregnancy but am beginning to feel what's either a bad case of wind or some definite movement (or both).
And hello to everyone else. Slinkstah, I agree, this thread is brilliant--nobody knows what pregnancy after a m/c feels like unless they've been there!

Morning have hardly slept last night with the worry. I took my probiotic drink this morning and threw it up so its either ms or nerves hoping its ms though cos that would be good sign. wishing desparatly that dh could come be he can't. only a couple or so hours and I will know xxxxxxx speak later xx

Sorry to be depressing but not good news for me. I have had a "missed miscarriage", ie the baby has died, and am having a D and C today. The obstetrician has been lovely (have private insurance so am able to get everything done very quickly thank goodness) and will be fully investigating the reasons as this is my second m/c. It's awfully upsetting and the worst is seeing how upset my husband is, but he's trying not to show it.

I wish now I had not told my mother about the pregnancy, she is going to be so upset when I tell her this news. Oh well, all I can do now is go to the hospital and cope.

Sorry about the depressing start to the day.

Slink - your essay was fab, and i am so pleased you have shared some of your thoughst with us, i imagine ti has helped you a little.

the idea of a website is a very good one, there is not enough information out there about miscarriage and voices of experience are what we all need. If you need any views from us i know i'd love to help.

FirstNIkki - good luck for today hun, stay positive and make the most of seeing your little bundle fo joy. i bet its fine

Nikki- Good luck sweety!!! Thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yep everyone's fantastic on here, a wonderful, fantastic support. As Arabica said, no one knows what being pg is like after a mc unless you've been there. It's such a comfort being able to share all our worries and anxieties with eachother.
All together now group hug {{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Good Morning everyone. I'm so sorry Nicola about your missed m/c - life is so unfair sometimes. I'm glad that you may get some answers as to why it happened.

Good luck Nikki for your scan today.

Hope everybody else is doing okay.

Wishing Nikki good luck today
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