i heard on the radio today that the abortion deadline.....

[ShaysMummy]

was to be brought down sooner than 24 weeks. is it just me, or does anyone else feel this is long overdue?
I dont want anyone to rip into me or anything mind.
just wondered what your thoughts were?

Interesting question Fio. It probably is. I do think its a widespread view that having a severely disabled child is something that happens to other people.

ff I know that, I am just trying to decide 'for me' what I feel IYKWIM

To add to what i said earlier further down, I think what is clear is that this is a topic which is highly personal, sensitive and subject to each person's own experience and ethical stand point.

All that seems to be happening is that everyone states their view, resulting unsurprisingly in agreements and disagreements, and as a result, some people have felt hurt.

I think it is clear that we each have our views and are unlikely to convince those who have opposing ones.

Am particularly moved by Secret Mummy's tale, and you are right SM, no one should judge you because no one is ever able to judge anyone else, whatever their stand point. No one is qualified to say that their particular view is right, and has the absolute moral high ground.

I hope this topic is put to bed but I suspect it won't be. I feel free debate is all well and good but I feel sad that as a result of it, some people may read this thread - perhaps at a difficult point in their lives or when in the grip of raging hormones- and it will cause them pain.

xx

you've misunderstood - some people with a disabled child reject the child and it goes into care. Most people don't - but they have still made a choice that they can cope with bringing up a disabled child, whether they recognise that as a choice or not. Nor was I suggesting that every disabled child suffers, just that I would not personally want to give birth to a child who would die die at birth or live only a very short time because I'd be concerned that child would suffer. I know very well that some disabled children bring a lot of happiness to their families. I also know families where one parent has rejected the child and the marriage has broken up.

It is socially more acceptable to say your child died after birth than that you terminated it because it wouldn't have lived - hence the webpages.

I do know people who have known they were having a downs child with other health problems and chosen to go through with the pregnancy. Some people do make that choice and I admire them tremendously, I just wasn't sure I could be one of them.

What our laws say is that we value some lives more than others. I can see why you have problems with that.

We knew prior to dd1 being born that she would have a heart defect and very high chance of down syndrome given the type of heart defect( as much as you can know for certain without an amnio). When they first picked up dd1's heart defect at a 22 week scan we were told it was something very serious ( hypoplastic left heart) but with a not so good long term prognosis. It would have meant a number of surgeries and a transplant should she survive to be a teenager. Whilst we waited for our detal cardiac scan - we decided that if that was the case, we would have the baby and take it one day at a time.

WHen we had the fetal cardiac scan - we were told it was serious but with a very good long term prognosis. Dd1 in fact had a complete AVSD. Repaired at 8 weeks old and now to look at her - unless you saw the scar would not know.

We did not have an amnio for a number of personal reasons. Dd1 was born and yes - she definitely had down syndrome.

There have been a number of people in our situation who have decided for whatever reason not to go ahead and have a child with down syndrome and a heart defect. Who am I to judge them.... although when I look at my dd1 it saddens me to think that there are people who would deny themselves a life with someone as beautiful as her.

In fact in 2002 - when she was born, more babies with down syndrome were aborted than were born.

Sadly one of the first questions that medical people and sometimes non medical people ask is did we know before hand to which I reply YES - because I do not need their pity or their sympathy. I adore my daughter and can't imagine life without her. Yes we have been through some tough times and no doubt there are some ahead but the saddest thing is that most of our issues are created by others rather than dd1 and her down syndrome.

The irony - her NT sister was more demanding as a babe and toddler so far than dd1 was.

I had an unplanned pregnancy and subsequent termination at 19 years of age. The first test I did was a false negative and so I was 10 1/2 weeks at the time. Although it haunted me for years, I have always known that it was the right decision at that time.

Flash forward to age 37 and second pregnancy. Dh was 54 when I got pregnant and quite upfront about the fact that he did not feel up to caring for a disabled child. I had amnio, waited anxiously for the results, and, at 19 weeks learned that ds was fine. During that time, I realized that it would be absolutely agonizing to terminate at that point in my pregnancy, but I also felt strongly that I would need to honor dh's feelings.

We are currently ttc and if we are blessed with another child I will still have genetic testing done, but more than likely will go with cvs this time.

There are no easy answers.

Very slightly o/t - have just been listening to Radio 4 this morning. It seems the USA is withdrawing from funding for abortion in poorer parts of the world, resulting in many women facing unwanted pregnancies or undergoing dangerous abortions and, tragically, dying. The UK will be increasing its level of funding to providing safe abortion in these places.

Listening to this article made me realise how grateful I am to have choice - sadly, so women do not.