am i mad to want baby number 7 ??

[gemcgem]

hi im a mum to 6 want to be mummy to 7 !
my DH works full time , we own our own home , and have been married for 11 years in june .
BUT all mine and his family have TOLD us "dont you dare have any more"
but i really want another baby , i just love been pregnant , giving birth and breast feeding .
we dont ask for any help off any one , i can count on one hand how many times we've been out on our own in the last 11 years . should we listen to every body else or go with OUR hearts ??
i just dont want people to reject our baby , and im scared of how many " OH NO'S" we'll get instead of congrates .

what would you do ??

Personally I wouldn't because of population issues & environmental concerns but it's your decision and only you and your DH can decide on what is right from your point of view.

It depends on how much you rely on help from your family and your dh's family.

Its your decision, not your families. Personally (as someone who is 37+6) I will say, are you mad!? :o but that's only because I hate pregnancy!!

If your in a position to financially, and both you and your dp want another, I'd say go for it. Its no one else's business.

we dont rely on any one , i do everything and i want too , i just love caring for them all ! i carnt wait for the day there all adults and have children of there own and my house will be even more busy.
and as for population issue , i rember a news story about how the population is decreasing and the govement was worried how we would pay for the older genarations pensions when there will be less people paying taxes , also most people do only have 2 , so i making up for them .

So if anyone gets ills, they don't help? They never help with picking up children in an emergency etc?

Your family are overstepping the mark with comments like that. I have had them for wanting number 3 (hypocrisy much? I'm one of 3!!) but once I was pregnant everyone changed their tune and are very excited for us.

I would say that enjoying pregnancy and breastfeeding might not be the best reasons. Obviously that is a tiny, tiny window in the bigger picture of their whole lives and having a child isn't really about what you get from them, but what you can give them. If you believe that your family's lives will all be enhanced by another sibling and you and your husband have the emotional and financial resources to do it, go for it! There is a lot of prejudice against larger families and most of it seems to stem from "I couldn't afford/cope with it, so I don't believe you can". Ridiculous logic.

I would say if you both want another and can then its up to you. We are having 5 and we had had lots of negative comments but since its not their child people mostly just ignore. We dont get babysitters unless there is a medical emergency of some kind (last time was when i was rushed to hospital) but we didnt when we had one so no difference.

I think you could be making your life potentially very hard. I imagine with 7 children you could need the occasional outside help, and if your extended family are not willing to give you that help, then I think you need to consider that before you have another baby.

What if you have a very difficult pregnancy? Problems in the future? You or your dh gets ill? You may cope very well now, but will it always be like that?

And I think there is a difference between getting a babysitter for 5/6 children then it is for one.

We've found it hard enough finding a reliable babysitter for three children, let alone five.

Up to you isn't it!

I know some large families and it is clear that the addiction to pregnancy/birth and the newborn is strong, but please give a thought to your older children and think on.

IMHO teens need attention as much as newborns, and it's actually much more important for them who give it and how it is given than for a small baby, its not practical care input but it's not "we give them lots of freedom" ignoring either.

6 children in 11 yrs- so they are what 10 down to a year at the moment. THat, in 10yrs will translate to a bunch of fabulous teens from 10-20yrs. Rewarding but hard work.

What about putting baby plans on hold for a year of so and enjoy the wonderful family you have- give then the time that you would have spent with a newborn, then in a couple of years (still not giving you a big age gap) have the next 1 or 2 if you still want.

I just read your thread in contraception. I wanted to add I'm one of 6 and love the big family we have. Ours is an odd set up tho! My sister is married with 2 DC, I have 1 and 1 on the way, then a 21 yo brother and his girlfriend, number 4 is 20 then number 5 is 4 years old and 6 is 19months old (5 months older than my monster!) We all have the same mum and dad, my parents always wanted a large family, but it just didn't happen then 5 and 6 came along surprising us all!!

Like I said I love my big family as do my siblings and couldn't imagine life with out any of my siblings, but everyone is diffrent and some wouldn't like it. But then (even tho 3 of us don't live at home anymore) my mum still makes individual time for all of us, whether that's a phone call with out the little ones fighting for her attention or my dad coming to visit to help with the house etc.

belgo its not that people are'nt willing to help , we dont ask ! we had these children we look after them , if i do need anything there is allways sombody to ask , but me and my husband cope fine on our own 99% of the time .
i do think that what if this pregnancy wasnt straight forward :S but then i think should i live life with regrets ?? i know if i have one more this will be my last ( i arent getting any younger ) but the hole thing is just at the front of my mind all the time .

In that case, if they do, and are willing to help with your existing 6 children, then you need to take their opinions into consideration.

Agree with the other poster who points out how much time and effort teenagers need.

HAving another child does not only effect your own life, but the lives of your other children and your extended families. Your extended families presumably know you fairly well, and if your family and your dh's family don't think you should have another baby, maybe they have a point?

yes you are mad! lol

but mad people should be and are allowed to be mad! ;)

you go ahead and live your life just as you want to live it! it sounds to me like you are happy and have a great happy family unit :)

you could speculate about the future and how things might change and how you would cope if bad things happened etc etc but the only thing we really have is right now, and none of us know what the future will bring.

good luck with your decision!
Xx

great maths Theas18, yep my eldist is 11 next month , then 9, 7, 5 ,3 nearly 4 , and 18 months ,. its one now or 2 in 5 years time , (i think they would need a play mate) and i totally understand teenagers need more support than newborns , i had a real tough time as teenager , so i will defo not be repeating mistakes there ! and have allways said when my children have grown id love to foster teenagers , i think they get a really bad ride sometimes , and some times all they need is a good cuddle i allways hug and kiss my children and tell them i love them more times than i count in one day .

How is whether she needs occasional help from anyone else relevant? I hve just had dc2. My mother and MIL look after dd1 sometimes at their insistence and, shock horror, I might ring my mum in a minute and ask if she can have dd1 for a couple of hours tomorrow morning. Should I not have had a second child?

OP yes you are bonkers but if you want to and are in a position to do it, then go for it. Only you know if your circumstances are right.

My friend has 7 and had to spend the last month of her pregnancy in hospital as the lining of the womb becomes thinner so the risk of haemoraging increases I think ?
Anyway they are extremely well off, neither has to work if they don't want to but still the impact on the whole families life having mum out of bounds for a whole month was awful.
I'd be too worried about the impact on the family if anything went wrong.

6 healthy kids and mum intact, I wouldn't push my luck personally.

My husband grew up in a big family, and he never felt him and his siblings got the attention growing up, that children in smaller families received, and has said no more than three for us. He said at five children it was great, so I assume six would have been okay, but when his parents got to eight......... and then the twins.....

We can't tell you what to do, neither can anybody else, go with what feels right for you.

I'm with Heswall... But it's your choice. How do your 6 DC's feel about the possibility of another sibling?

of course you love your children and you will love another.

But perhaps your families are more aware of the practical realities of life? Risk of illness, redundancy, and countless other problems? None of us are immune.

And of course whether or not her family helps is relevant - if you have seven children and need help from someone else, you better hope that they are willing to give it.

I don't want to give too much information, and expose myself, but it was having a child with special needs, that made the in-laws stop reproducing by the way. Do consider how you will cope if things don't go to plan.

xx

Have you asked them why they say " don't have another" one? I would.
They might have a reason that you haven't thought about or they might be talking nonsense but it would be worth asking.

but i carnt all these comments be the same for if you have 3 or 7 . would any of us have any children at all if we way up the risks all the time ??

i have asked and they dont have a reason QuickLookBusy .

No these comments are not the same for three children or seven.

House size, car size, cost of each child, different for 7 then it is for 3.

The more children you have, the more you need to support all of them, and if anything goes wrong, the more you will need the support of other people.