am i mad to want baby number 7 ??

[gemcgem]

hi im a mum to 6 want to be mummy to 7 !
my DH works full time , we own our own home , and have been married for 11 years in june .
BUT all mine and his family have TOLD us "dont you dare have any more"
but i really want another baby , i just love been pregnant , giving birth and breast feeding .
we dont ask for any help off any one , i can count on one hand how many times we've been out on our own in the last 11 years . should we listen to every body else or go with OUR hearts ??
i just dont want people to reject our baby , and im scared of how many " OH NO'S" we'll get instead of congrates .

what would you do ??

Can I add a view, being a 7th child?

I would add all the stuff about doing what suits you and your family etc etc. And whatever you chose I would not judge, and good luck to you

But I would never do that.
No matter how much love you have, how much attention you pay, how hard you try children get the time you ice them. And as children get older their beds become complicated and increasingly like cooking a complicated meal - the pot that is boiling over is the one that gets the attention.

There are loads of great things about being a 7th child. But loads of bad bad things. My parents were devoted to us, absoloutely. But there is just not enough attention to go around.

Bloody sodding iPad.

Their needs become more complicated. Their beds just get bigger.

My DH is from a large (ish) family. 6. He says he did not get the attention and care he needed, and has limited our family to 3 because of that. I respect him and his experiences. As so many others have said, newborn is one thing ("space for one more little one" you said) but when they get bigger the care changes. And the little ones grow!

Crikey Pag. I may as well give up now then, eh?

of course i enjoy been pregnant ! i wouldnt have done it 6 times , but im also saying its not just about a baby , i know its about a person ! iv had lots to do with teenagers in my training , so i do get them and of course that dosent mean i'll get my own but i'll give it a god dam good go. :)

Largeginandtonic

Well no. I think giving up is probably a bad option.

But the op asked for views. Not just the views of those who think it's a good idea.

Am I the only one from a large family that think my parents do have/had enough attention for all of us?

Addictediam

I am sure not. I suspect spread of ages, temperament, family circumstances all play a part.

I just said what my experience was.

Clearly a bad idea.

thankyou addictediam you'v made me feel a tad more poistive that i aren't setting my kids up for a horrible life ;)

Oh Pag i was pulling ya leg

Of course i am not going to give up. I am bloody marvellous at this parenting lark and have no idea what the likes of you lot with a few children find so tricky

< takes another slug of gin >

"""largeginandtonicFri 20-Jan-12 11:41:39

HimynameisFred one of my daughters has a chromosomal abnormality and has some fairly major special needs. We still cope ok with it. Just as you do with your family.

I read this today

It's all relative how we cope with life.""

No please don't assume I cope okay, I really don't right now.

My son appears to be possesed by evil spirits, he's almost 5, the school can't take him. I'm ALWAYS sleep deprived.
I ended up giving a mouthful to the bus down at a driver yesterday because he was rude about the way my son was acting, my son screamed and growled on the floor for a half hour journey.
My younger son has to listent o all this constant screaming and roaring.

My 5 yo has the understanding of a 9-18 month old, he can't tell me what's wrong.

I really don't cope okay at all.

If all my kids were like my second son whose the easiest child on earth, I would probably also have 8 of them and it'd be a joy!

Ask any parent of a severly autistic child 'oh it all depends on how you deal with it if you cope'.

Every parent I know going through this is just on the brink of not coping.

You never know what you're gonna get, whether your child is going to attack the cashier when you go shopping, run under a car, etc etc, they're too big to be picked up and carried.

I can barely leave the flippin house.

Largeginandtonic

ok.
I would have had more than three if my life had been a bit different. I think four or five spread over ten to twelve years would have suited.
But ds2 put paid to that.
But I get to keep him forever.

My point was Himynameisfred, that you have gone on to have 2 more children since your first son. You are right, you never know what you are going to get. Life is like that.

It shouldn't affect the OP's decision to have more children just as it did not affect yours.

I am sorry you are struggling. The special needs board on here is fab for support. Hope you manage to get some extra help with your ds

Pag.

Thanks.

Yeah I had two more, but I never knew that he would get this much of a hand full. When I had DS2, DS1 was a 'normal' child. Autism isn't much of problem when they're two or wasn;t with us.
When I got pregnant this time DS1 hadn't yet started all of his wonderful night tremours.

I understand wanting to have more children, really I do.

It has affected my decision to be honest, DC1's disability, and the daily strugle my life is.
I want to stop now, at 3.

Thank god DS1 came first and not 7th or 8th!

I completely understand where you are coming from himynameisfred, my cousin's eldest is autistic. A school friend's eldest has cerebral palsy, and DH's youngest brother has Down's Syndrome.

Being so close to families with a special needs child. DH and I have talked about how we would cope, if our baby has special needs.

There is a lot of negative thinking out there about large families. Personally I think if you would like another (or even more than one!) go for it, it has nothing to do with anyone else. And once they meet the baby, what are your family going to say really...?! 'Oh, now that thats number 7 it looks ugly and you shouldnt have done it and we dont want to see that grandchild/neice/nephew only the other ones'??! Of course not! They'll love it just the same as the ones before.

The whole population argument is nonsense, its a top heavy population being poorly tackled by govt increasing retirement ages and raising taxes. You are effectively creating more future earners, spenders and tax payers than most families so I'd ignore comments like that. There is a lot of be said for the social side of larger families, the relationships the siblings will have (usually, not always) will last them through life, even when friends seems scarce.

My sister has 8. On the trot, the eldest is about 9 I guess (I lose track to be fair!) And they are the happiest brood, its heartening. All smart, happy kids. I see how much work she puts in and can only be impressed. She's a stay at home mum, husband works. Not, as some people like to paint large families, living on benefits and popping out sprogs for the state to look after. There can be a snotty attitude - her previous GP told her to stop when she had five. As if it were any of her business.

Also, its not really about money. You dont need a tv in every bedroom and 100s spent on individual xmas pressies and all that jazz - I see my friends do it and I think its mad to be honest. You need enough money to feed them and keep them clothed and in decent health and all the basic things. But a lot of people see luxuries as essential these days when its not the case. If you are happy to sacrifice annual hols and gadgets and trendy clothes and satellite TV or whatever it is you might have given up, then fair play to you. Their happiness isnt tied that closely to your finances.

Also, as much as people are free to choose to have one or two or three, you are free to have 7 or 8 or any number you want. It galls me that people who exercise their rights to limits numbers wish to deny others their right not to limit (I'm riled about that as I heard a lady on a radio show only this week say that a caller who had 10 children 'had no right' and was costing the taxpayer etc.)

I'd say you need to want another baby for the whole package another baby brings, for the childhood and growing up, another little being in your family, rather than just because you like breastfeeding or something so finite, but I'm sure you were just remarking on that as a by the by...

Sorry but the story you read about the population falling is just utter tripe. UK population is projected to rise from 61 to 77 million by 2051 - good luck to you if you still live there- it'll be harder and slower to just move around on heavily trafficked roads, harder to access resources and will basically be unsustainable from an environmental point of view. Every extra person in the UK emits around 11 tonnes of carbon dioxide per annum, without taking into account their impact on landfill, food and water resources etc.

If you think, taking these figures into account that it is morally defensible to add further to the population then go for it.

big thankyou to KathleenMay ! of course everything you say is ture , why do we have to cap how many children i person would like , i think to is wrong :) and of course its not just a bout a new baby , but a hole new person . thankyou.

gem why are you just thanking the people who agree with you? about 2 people on this thread have said go and have another one. others have all raised very valid points. I don't get why you have asked when you have already made up your mind.

I think that if you can afford to raise and put 7 kids through University, then it is your own business. I think it is socially irresponsible to bring lots of children into the world and expect others to pay for them.
Parents with a strong work ethic generally raise children who will contribute positively to society. The more children we have like that, the better. :)

Who says all 7 are going to go to university anyway ? My friend with 7 will not have that problem so she's better off than many with 1 child, doesn't mean her lovely children won't make their way in the world.
On £50,000 a year the OP would still be entitled to £1,000 a month in benefits which is a lot out of the public purse by anyones standards.

My friend has 7. Eldest is 13 and youngest is 1.

To me, with 2, her life seems like hell on earth - she quite simply never stops. But she loves the chaos and copes with the complete lack of sleep. I think she is addicted to newborns and she certainly has had lots of 'oh no' comments with each pregnancy (so much so that she didn't tell her parents until the last one was born).

There is certainly lots of love and laughter in their house, along with constant noise and fighting. But I feel the children really miss out on time with and attention from their parents.

I think you need to look at why you need to keep doing the pg birth bf part of it, does your need/ want to keep experiecing that drives your want for more children?

I'm a childminder ad looking after 6-8 dcs doesnt faze me in the slightest but I wouldn't want to do it 24/7 purely because I wouldn't want to try and keep on top of the clothes (washing, buying, ironing, sorting out whose outgrown what etc) I also feel I can give 2 dc's a better standard of life if I don't have more dc's I want them to have thier own rooms, to help them go to uni and help them set up a good life for their future but I can't afford to do that if I have more of my own dcs and I'm happy to borrow children and give them back and get a good nights sleep. I was 1 od 5 dc's growing up and there were times it was great but a lot of times I felt I couldn't reah my potential because there wasn't enough money and attention for example I would have loved to do ice skating as a hobby but that wasn't possible because we didn't live near a rink and we couldn't afford it.