am i mad to want baby number 7 ??

[gemcgem]

hi im a mum to 6 want to be mummy to 7 !
my DH works full time , we own our own home , and have been married for 11 years in june .
BUT all mine and his family have TOLD us "dont you dare have any more"
but i really want another baby , i just love been pregnant , giving birth and breast feeding .
we dont ask for any help off any one , i can count on one hand how many times we've been out on our own in the last 11 years . should we listen to every body else or go with OUR hearts ??
i just dont want people to reject our baby , and im scared of how many " OH NO'S" we'll get instead of congrates .

what would you do ??

"I think you need to look at why you need to keep doing the pg birth bf part of it, "

Surely you could ask that of anyone who has more than one child.

"There is certainly lots of love and laughter in their house, "

That's what gets people through the difficult bits.:)

"But I feel the children really miss out on time with and attention from their parents."

Perhaps she feels yours miss out on sibling stuff and the organised chaos she enjoys.

As someone who is struggling with two I salute you. I love the idea of a large family. But I'm genuinely interested, how can you parent effectively when that many children need your attention and without extra help? Do the older ones help parent the younger ones? Or is it, as Pag says, the one that shouts the loudest that gets attended to? Am curious.

The implication in my message is that I don't think it can be done and I didn't mean to imply that btw. I just can't imagine it.

It really is your own (family) decision and not the decision of your relatives. They don't live with you and after they issue their opinion, they go off back to their own lives and probably don't think too much more about what they've said to you.

Some comments about being from big families and not getting enough attention, well, that's pretty individual to the parents. I came from a smaller family but my parents believed in more old fashioned parenting styles. Giving too much attention was seen as mollycoddling us. To this day, there is only a passing interest in my life. DH came from a similar sized family with parents of the same age but his parents are never shy of showing affection or of giving it still.

my children all get the atention they each need , weather its reading there books or playing games ! we dont have sleepless nights in our house they all have a good bed time routine and sleep through the night , organisation is the key , 2 loads of washing a day isnt that bad and thats mainly the husband :S to me life is easy , i dont find caring for my children hard , i hate sitting down doing nothing ..... i harnt only looking for the poisitives but it is nice to hear some, as all i ever hear is " are you mad " no i just like to be busy , if ones sleeping at a friends house i carnt settle wondering if there all right , i like and want to care for all my children , and look forward today the day when all my grown up children sit round my table , i'll be the proudist mum :)

P.S i have all the time in the world for my children , i no plenty who work 9 till 5 with only 2 children in nursery 7 till 6 now do they get all the love they need from there parents too?

Latsia,

I think it is an impossible question to answer to be honest. I think every child has a different role in every family. Serpveral of my siblings would post on here waxing lyrical about how astonishing our parents were - endless attention and support all through their lives. My parents would honestly tell you I had loads of attention but was very independent and smart.
I was. But I decided somewhere in my childhood that my parents were very busy and so I shouldn't bother them. One of my siblings was always having some bigger crisis - exams, bullying, poor behaviour , illness or even good stuff like birthday celebrations or a new school or a sporting success.

I learnt early that I was clever, I was well behaved, I was quiet and thoughtful so I didn't get unsolicited attention. They just didn't have the time.

My early years with all those siblings was quite a laugh. It was once there were more older than 10 than younger that the experience became less fun. A lot less fun. I denied that for years though, telling everyone how fab it was until I had my own kids at which point I saw it more clearly.

The upside is that I remain incredibly close to my eldest sister who became a support. The downside is that my two attention seeking siblings learnt early that a crisis pushed them to the front of the attention queue.
A couple of them still do it to this day.

But every family will do it differently. My experience is only mine

My mum was the eldest of six and had a wonderful childhood-they all played in the road with a stick/shared a bed/had one dress etc, but if you talk to the youngest two-they talk about their parents always being knackered, there being no privacy in the house, they never had anything their friends had, never had enough money for them to go on school trips etc. It's interesting.

You say that there are no money worries, but if anything happened so that your husband couldn't work-could you support your children? How many share rooms-would this bother the older ones as they hit puberty? As children get to be 11+, I think they do really start to want to fit in and ask for more pricey things (plus university at the end!). I would be concerned about the costs for 3, let alone.

If you were ill during pregancy (or afterwards, or if, God forbid, something happened to you)- as risks will increase the more children you have what would your DH do to cope. Presumanbly he couldn't just give up work. Maybe that's what your family are concerned about?

Will you feel fulfilled at 7? What about 8, 9, 10!?

I am interested to understand why you want to have a seventh child. What is it that you want from him / her that you can't get from the other six? Or does your family need an extra kid to feel "complete"?

I agree with lovemygirls about helping kids reach their potential, assuming you have a pot of money and 24 hours a day, surely if you have one extra kid, each other sibling get a smaller share of money and your time? Even if you are a billionaire that money isn't an issue at all, you still only have 24 hours a day?

Of coz at the end of the day its up to you and your DP, but I would probably also consider what's best for the kids.

Ultimately, it is your decision :) We have little or no family support so we have learnt to be self-sufficient even in an emergency, similar to you :)

However, I picked up on your comment about something going wrong, or having a difficult pregnancy... I am pregnant with number 4, and my DDs found out that I was pregnant when the MW came to the house for booking appointment at almost 12weeks. I've always been straight talking with my girls, so explained gently about it being early days. I am facing a high risk pregnancy, my screening was high risk for Downs etc and I am awaiting amnio. The worst part of all of this for me is having to potentially put my girls through a baby loss at such an early age. Even if I'm lucky enough for this pregnancy to continue, the thought of something happening to me because of pregnancy / childbirth terrifies me. The more pregnancies you have, the higher risk you are of postpartum haemorrhage / complications. While it is only a risk I think you should consider how you would feel in a high risk pregnancy. I can hold my hand on my heart and honestly say that had I known how this feels, I think I would have chosen to have stayed with three beautiful, healthy children. Saying that, ask me in July when everything is OK and I've got a babe in arms, I might say it was all worth it

I hope that makes sense and isn't too negative, but just wanted to put it out there that you can't take it for granted that you will have an easy, problem-free pregnancy and its worth thinking of it from that perspective. If its a risk worth taking, then who is to tell you when to stop?!

Suzy x

Thanks Pag I can see how that might happen. Particularly with a perceptive child who realises that it might be simpler just to get on with it vs dramatic children who fill the space that is left. That's easier to watch for with fewer children I guess (guaranteed I will still 'do it wrong') though.

Pah only 7? I went to catholic school with several families of 10 - 15!!! now that is crackers :)
do what you want, often in life as on here, people project their own anxieties onto you when you request an opinion...
good luck!

"i just love been pregnant , giving birth and breast feeding"

I think that's the wrong reason and if I was one of your older kids that would make me feel a bit crap.

Do you want more CHILDREN? not just another BABY?

because if you have another baby, guess what soon it wont be a baby and you'll be back to not having a baby again.

what you will have is another CHILD who won't be fulfilling your desire to be pregnant/BFing any more than the ones you already have do, and they might pick up on that!

OP - I think that you need to remember that the 6 children you have are allgrowing fast and yes you can afford all their needs now but everything is about to get much more expensive. Food, clothes, underwear, shoes, school expenses and their need for some pocket money is just about to rocket. Totally crazy of you to pursue a desire for a baby above everything. If you want another child that is a different matter but tbh I still think you should think again.

BTW - it's extremely insulting to insinuate that you love your children more than parents who work outside the home do - do you mean to be so rude?

I think it would be seriously silly to have a 7th, you have too many already, and having another would be selfish and unfair to your other 6. You should have any time at all to even be thinking of having a 7th! You hands should already be very full! Spend time and energy on the children you already have.

This planet is in a horrendous state because there are 7BILLION people on it and that figure is rising every day. It is socially irresponsible and environmentally treacherous to do any more than replocate ourselves.

northernlurker I think op was querying how much time parents who woh could give to their children as a response to people telling her she couldn't possibly give enough time to 7 children. Not that wohp don't love their children. And if her comment was interpreted as rude then so are the comments from others that its not possible for her to have enough time for her children.

Do it I love big families and if u can afford to do it then why not - hey what's one more anyway!

OP only two loads of washing per day with 6 kids?

Lucky!
I do 2 loads per day with two kids, lol.
But they always manage to leak through nappies onto their beds and spills milk bottles, etc

The answer to the first question is yes You are bonkers, but that is because the idea of having a large family makes me want to lie down in a darkened room. However, I am not you.

What I would like to point out is that DD is 11 going on 12 and is more demanding than she was three or four years ago. Multiply that by 6 or 7 - that way madness lies.

Besides, the stress of going through GCSEs and A levels x 7

You may be mad but it sounds fantastic! Go for it, your family your choice.

Enjoy your babies no matter what number they are.

if you can afford it and you and your dh both agree then go for it!

if i had stopped at a number my family felt appropriate we would only have had 2, but dp and i wanted 4, so we had 4 and then had a bonus baby. we are happy with our 5, its great tho it has its moments!

tbh if we could afford it then i would be very tempted to have one more, but we cant so our family is complete (unless we win the lottery!)

just make sure that you and your dh are in agreement and that you want a CHILD and not just a baby :)

"its one now or 2 in 5 years time "

You have clearly convinced yourself that you are the perfect Mother and there is no problem with population despite the facts and figures, in fact on the contrary, you are helping that situation along.
Why did you post?

Lots of I wants in this thread, OP. As an adult it shouldn't always be that. It'd be selfish to not take into account the views of DH, 6 DCs, other family members. Also, from a societal and environmental point of view to not consider the impact of having such a large brood. I suspect all of this would fall on deaf ears though as I want seems to be he overriding gist of most of what's been said.