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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

What not to say to a pregnant woman

105 replies

BrightonNim · 27/09/2011 11:43

No doubt this sort of thread has been done before but I'm 33 weeks pregnant with third DC and still amazed at what people feel they can say to you when you are expecting - some if it really quite rude and at times upsetting!

So - what are the worst things someone has said to you when pregnant? How about a top ten things of NOT to say...

e.g. last night 'if you're that size now imagine what you're going to be when the time comes...' (i'm really not that big, this was from a female neighbour who I know as a neighbour rather than a good friend).

Some ideas of cutting responses would also be great!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bennybenbear · 28/09/2011 09:45

From my line manager (male, over 50, no kids):
So did you conceive naturally or have ivf? ( I'm 31 and been married just over a year)
Also he came out with the little gem that 'postnatal depression can affect anyone you know not just those with issues in the past'

Thanks for that positive comment! That was in response to me saying that I'd be back at work in 6 months due to financial reasons.

spannermary · 28/09/2011 10:38

From my Aunty: "Have you thought about names yet? Well, of course it's up to you, but whatever you do, if it's a boy, whatever you do don't call him 'insert our chosen boy's name here' I hate that name.

EsmeMrsP · 28/09/2011 10:54

Lifeissweet, bloody hell, I can't believe someone would say that! How rude, I'm fuming for you!

EsmeMrsP · 28/09/2011 11:33

I've just remember another one that a very good friend's husband said to me whilst out for dinner:

(In a bit of a whisper so that no-one could overhear) "Don't take this the wrong way, I was looking forward to seeing you tonight because you're pregnant and I've heard your boobs are huge" - How inappropriate!! You're married to my friend, you bastard!!!

findmeintheflowerbed · 28/09/2011 11:50

A good idea for when people touch your bump is to touch their stomach too...it should make them see how inappropriate it is. Unfortunately I heard about this tip after I'd been telling people 'don't bloody touch me', or 'F* off' instead.
I was answering the door to some friends when we had a bbq last month and one girl came in and touched my massive 36 week bump, then said 'sorry, i should have asked first, you don't mind do you?' and I said 'actually, I hate it.' Didn't speak to me for the rest of the barbie. Good. And keep your hands to yourself.

Crosshair · 28/09/2011 11:53

My mum actually bought some formula a couple of weeks ago ''just in case'', knowing I want to try bf. Im only 26 weeks and I might of wanted to pick what to feed my future child.

Daiso · 28/09/2011 12:17

Oh i've got plenty of these but the worst has to be:

Woman in health food shop " Have you come in for your raspberry leaf tea" me" no, got another 13 weeks to go" her "oh my god, you are huge, you're baby is going to be MASSIVE" Needless to say i shot a look at her and walked out! Silly bitch. Midwife says i am measuring perfect for dates.

Having had 4 scans now, and currently 33 weeks pregnant i still have to correct people when they ask me " are you sure there's not twins in there. Oh yes, yes there is but it's been ignored by everyone in the hope we don't realise....

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 28/09/2011 13:21

Daiso - "gosh, the trained medical professionals didnt notice, how did you? You must have x ray eyes or something?"

whackamole · 28/09/2011 18:07

I had ID boy twins the first time round, so have had the inevitable 'are you sure there's only one in there?'

And, 'another boy? Aww, shame'. No...not really!

Also didn't really get when my friend told me I was glowing and I'd had such an easy pregnancy - the day after I came back to work having been signed off for 2 weeks!

pregnantmimi · 29/09/2011 00:00

"got a ooooo your big all over it must be a boy " across the supermarket by checkout woman lol

learningtofly · 29/09/2011 00:05

The worst thing ever said to me when I was expecting was when I was helping my dad move house. One of the removal men remarked that I looked "fit to burst" and when I was due whilst I helped them load boxes into the van. His face when I said (through gritted teeth) "week last Wedsnesday " was a picture I wont forget in a while

learningtofly · 29/09/2011 00:08

Can I add the worst thing I ever said to a pregnant woman to this thread?

Remember the terrible snow we had last year? Well it took me 4 1/2 hours to complete a 4 mile journey home. I text my heavily pregnant friend saying "whatever you do, dont go into labour tonight!!"

She did and ended up getting an emergency 4x4 to our local hospital

Snowgirl1 · 29/09/2011 00:21

Colleague "Are you pregnant?"
Me "Yes"
Colleague "It's just it's difficult to tell with you"
Great, so I always look 22 weeks pregnant (despite being size 12).

TheFantasticFixit · 29/09/2011 00:26

"I can't believe how small your bump is! So small! I was much bigger than you at this point!" - my sister, attempting to be supportive. Of course, being 31 weeks and completely irrationally hormonal, it sent me into a tailspin that my poor baby wasn't growing properly.. no need to worry though, I am bang on measurements and she shouldn't have scoffed icebuns every day for 40 weeks or she would have been too

"You are too fat to sit in that seat" - Thank you nasty cunt lady on the number 65 at 28 weeks pregnant, after politely asking her to stop jabbing me in the bump with her spiky elbows on every corner deliberately because she wanted the entire two seats to herself. Grr..

"There's no need to tell the team about your pregnancy just yet. I was pregnant many, many times but didn't carry past 12 weeks so you never know.." - my boss, when i was 9 weeks pregnant (after a dramatic bout of severe morning sickness, we share an office, she was concerned she might catch something so I ended up telling her). So very sad for her I know, but seriously, the absolute LAST thing I needed to hear when so paranoid anyway in early pregnancy!

Pregnancy does seem to be a bit of a licence for people to just say what pops into their heads at times, that's for sure!

TheFantasticFixit · 29/09/2011 00:30

I just want to point out btw, that I am a size 12 for comment 2...

Jacksmania · 29/09/2011 00:49

"Labour is the worst thing you'll ever do".

Yes thank you, fuck off now.

(It actually was, but still - fuck off for that.)

Kiwiinkits · 29/09/2011 01:42

I did a low-key announcement on FB about being pregnant with #2 and one of my friends commented that I was a "baby maker" !!! Not sure why, but I was

Jacksmania · 29/09/2011 06:01

A baby maker? WTF?

Kiwiinkits, are you a New Zealander living in Kitsilano? If so I'm a relatively native Canuck in Langley :)

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 29/09/2011 06:14

I had this conversation in a fabric shop last week.

Her: So, how long to go then? Me: A couple of months. Her: A couple of months? Oh my God. you poor thing. You're so big already! Me, dagger-eyed: Yes, I know I'm showing ahead (please note: I am not actually measuring ahead, nor have I put on more than the 'recommended' amount of weight). Her: No, you don't understand. I wasn't even that big when I delivered. Me: Okay, thanks for that. You're making me feel much better. She kept talking.

Pastabee · 29/09/2011 06:32

Woman at work says every day, without fail, you're getting bigger by the day.

Teenage lifeguard at the pool 'are you ok' multiple times every swim. This particularly annoys me because I'm demonstrably a strong swimmer!

chocolatehobnobs · 29/09/2011 07:17

From pregnant friend on the day that I found out out I was pg with first baby -
"Well it's early days, all I'm saying is don't count your chickens - will you have a private scan to check everything is ok?
Me -"no just wait till 12 weeks"
But are you not worried? Well I wasn't before talking to her...

newbroom · 29/09/2011 08:27

"You want to have your baby in a midwife-led unit? Ooh no, you mustn't do that - a friend of a friend did that and her baby DIED"

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 29/09/2011 08:30

Heh, last pregnancy I got a lot of shocked responses to the fact that I was having my baby in a small semi-rural public hospital and not the big private one further away from me. Lots of "but what if something goes wrong?". Um...I'll be in a hospital?

AmINearlyThereYet · 29/09/2011 08:45

from the other side of the fence, as it were (not the right expression but can't think of a better one)
I was mortified when I once said to a colleague's wife - whom I hadn't seen for over a year and whom I remembered vaguely as being a plus size - "oh, are you pregnant? I didn't realise. How exciting! :) :) "

"Yes, under a month to go. Did you think I was this large normally?"

Gingersnap88 · 29/09/2011 09:00

Midwife upon reading my partners gender neutral name of forms:
"do you know who the actual father of your baby is?"
Me: "I'm sorry?! My partner, my fiancé" (in shock)
Her: "yes but your partner is a woman so who is the real father?"
Me:" umm no my partner is a man"
Her: "why has he got such a stupid name? Everyone will think you're a lesbian. I'm going to write MR on all the forms"
Me:

Actually happened at my booking appointment.

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