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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

mum at birth

29 replies

redglow · 06/09/2011 20:32

Hi my daughter is in a long term relatiionship she is nineteen and pregnant and wants me to be at the birth with her DP which I am thrilled about. However lots of people said its their time and I should not be there. What do you think?

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pootlebug · 06/09/2011 20:35

I think if she has asked you to be there, you should be there.

If you were hassling her because you wanted to be there rather than it coming from her, I'd see their point, but it doesn't sound like that at all....

Original poster

redglow · 06/09/2011 20:40

No i did not ask and her DP suggested it to her.

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tiredteddy · 06/09/2011 20:42

My friends mum has been at the births of three of her daughters children, that's 9 babies between three sisters she has seen born alongside their DP's.

Toobluntforboss · 06/09/2011 20:42

My mum was at the birth of our eldest as was my DH. She would have been at the next 2 as well but we needed her to look after the DC. It is a very special time for everyone so if they're both happy for you to be there then you should go.

Eglu · 06/09/2011 20:42

If she wants you there then it is good for you to be there. Obviously if her DP has suggested it, he may be worried about being able to support her, so would like you to help too.

pootlebug · 06/09/2011 20:42

It sounds like all 3 of you are happy with it then - ignore people who say otherwise; it's not their business!

mrsrvc · 06/09/2011 20:43

My mum was at both of mine, and I was 33 and 34 at the births. There are times in your life that yo just want your mum about!
My dh didn't mind at all and infact with the vb it gave him a chance to have a bit of a break. She was also their at my elcs and was able to be in the room, but not next to me.

MaMattoo · 06/09/2011 20:43

If she has asked for you to be there..go! I wanted my mum here and I am double her age..birth is scary and having mommy close makes a huge difference

planetpotty · 06/09/2011 20:44

I had my Mum at my first birth along with DH - dont listen to other people saying its thier time they wouldnt have asked you if they were not happy about it.

She would have been at birth no 2 but for looking after DC1.

Go for it - my mum and DH even got praise in the birthing notes for how supportive they were being, oh crap! .... im bloody filling up now remembering it .

Also DH gets a bit bored of talking about the births 2 years on where Mum will tallk for hours about it.

Crosshair · 06/09/2011 20:52

If she wants you there, ignore others. Her baby her rules.

Original poster

redglow · 06/09/2011 21:35

Thanks everyone feel a bit better now.

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Leo4 · 07/09/2011 00:12

I am 20 and 36 weeks pregnant, I want my mum and partner there and I wouldn't want it any other way! I don't see any problem with my mum being there....We have a close bond and I think as she has had the experience of birth...she may be more helpful than DP!

madhattershouse · 07/09/2011 00:18

My mum was there for the birth of first child (babysitter for the other births). She was the one who pointed out that telling me not to push, they were not sure I was ready, was pointless with her fab 3 words to the mw "uhhh..I can se hair!"..Before someone jumps on me I don't count the uhh as a real word, I really can count

madhattershouse · 07/09/2011 00:19

see ho humm, apparently I can't spell though

shavmcv · 07/09/2011 00:25

You have to be there !! There is absolutely no way u could have done it without my mum !! I was just about to turn 19 when I had dd and I am now 25 and just about to ttc %232 and will want my mum there for my second as well. If they told me I had to pick between my mum and dp , I would pick my mum !! doubt dp would go for that tho lol !!

Labour is the most physical and emotional thing in the whole world and no one can support a mum-to-be like her own mum !!

Good luck

DontWorryBaby · 07/09/2011 00:34

My SIL had her mum and my brother at the hospital for the birth of their first when she was 19/20. Close to delivery the midwife said only one could be present and I think there was a bit of an awkward moment as they decided who was staying but that policy seems to be unusual now. Given that they have asked you, I'd go for it but if you feel like you are imposing or that you're not needed you can always wait outside when the time comes.

Offspring · 07/09/2011 03:38

If she wants you there and you want to be there, then do it. My sister thought she'd only want her DH there (as well as the mw :)) but when it started getting tougher with her first she called mum to come in. She said it was the biggest help to her and what she needed. Then with her second baby, she thought she was all good with just DH again and mum got the call up. Mum arrived 10 mins before he was delivered! But my sister also said that mum gives the best post birth showers when you're too knackered to do much yourself.

Mum was on standby for me, but when I was in labour I really didn't want anyone there who couldn't do it for me. I was even trying to convince DH to go home as he obviously wasn't doing anything constructive . Will put her back on standby for the second though and I'm 10 years older than your DD.

Rainday · 07/09/2011 17:58

if you want your mum there then it's up to you. At times of stress we tend to want the people around us that have supported us in the past. This suggests you've got a strong relationship with your mum and you trust her to help you through what may be a difficult time so go with what feels right.

Rainday · 07/09/2011 18:00

sorry just realised it was mum asking the question in the first place. however I still think if your daughter want you there then you should go for the same reasons, she needs you at this time

LadyOfTheManor · 07/09/2011 18:02

You might find once she's actually in labour she can either way...either want you there as can be natural for some women, or not want you in there-resulting in a lot of swearing!

CeeYouNextTuesday · 08/09/2011 00:34

I Always want my Mum in a situation, and she was with me for my first birth. She was marvellous! Only someone who has given birth themselves can truly know how/where to rub, when to butt out or when to help! If she wants you, be there!

madhattershouse · 08/09/2011 00:41

Lady might have something there. I was not sure about who I wanted at the birth, partner was a given (he has to suffer it too) but my mum was called on the morning of the birth. We called as we were totally broke and needed to borrow enough for the parking and telephone, ds came a little early (sadly money didn't). On the spot I said please come, all I could think about at the time was needing her there. Sometimes you need to go with the flow. If she wants you there, she wants you there. On the day be prepared to back off if she changes her mind or be there all the way if she wants, we all know labour can do funny things to the female psyche .
FWIW my mum loved being there for the birth of her first grandchild, although she did mention how much it pained her to see me in so much pain (so be prepared for that too). Enjoy it, and your grandchild.

mummylin2495 · 08/09/2011 00:43

I was with my dd when she gave birth to her first baby.I was asked, and i was delighted although i didnt know how i would face seeeing my dd in pain.It was the most wonderful thing in the world and i was so grateful to be given the chance to be with her.If your dd wants you to go and support her then please do.I was also happy to hold the baby second as her dad was too scared of such a tiny baby

MadamDeathstare · 08/09/2011 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

redglow · 08/09/2011 15:00

Thanks for all your comments I am going to go there and enjoy it.

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