Boys, boys, boys...

[H007]

Just a random thought, over the months I've been reading threads on here I've noticed that there seems to be an underlying disappointment with many people when they find out that they're having a baby boy. I was just wondering if anyone else had noticed it? At present I really don't think I mind what sex baby I have but with my 20 week scan coming up I worried maybe deep down like other I do and I will have this feeling of disappointment for one sex or the other and that maybe I shouldn't find out at all...

Contrary to some posters, I found it very useful to find out gender at 20 week scan - that was when I realised I didn't know much about boys. (Men - yes. But not boys.) It gave me 20 more weeks to get into the idea -which I did, bigtime. I recommend Steve Biddulph's Raising Boys for a warm & informative insight to the wonderful world of boyhood. I have one of each now. Gender doesn't matter - it's all about the individual.

I'm pg with DD 3 here and I have had plenty of disappointing comments so it goes both ways. I love finding out he sex and at the 20 wk scan and for me it's more about wanting to know everything about your child that the Doc does, then really realising it's a little person inside me, bonding etc...

I think boys are fab and would love one. In fact I always assumed I would have one (I have 3 brothers and no sisters) but girls are fab too and that's what I got. At the end of the day I think most people secretly want a mix and this makes sense but then you realise how the dynamics of families work and the now the 'one of each' dynamics seems almost a little boring to me. The madness of having all girls is very special and I think that must be the case with boys too.

My first was a girl. now 4.5...I was delighted to find out at 20 weeks that she was a girl as it's what I had always imagined, being a very girly girl myself (I am the sort who has close girlfriends rather than male friends etc). Also somehow easier for me that she was a girl as she was conceived eventually through donor sperm (after a year of trying naturally & then 2 years of very intensive IVF (x6).
Anyway - we then had a son, now aged nearly 3...and the funny thing he is actually far more like me, very gentle, calm, emotional...my daughter is a born leader, very stubborn, confident and hilarious. So although I got the dressing a baby girl thing in the early years, as others have said that fades into being almost irrelevant (esp now as she refuses to wear any of my outfit suggestions anyway!). And I find myself identifying so much more with my adorable beautiful boy - even though I do, of course love them both to distraction and to equal measure.

Neither of my ds's are bouncing off the walls types. However, they are VERY different in personality. Ds2 and dd (much younger) are far more similar in personality. All three were very cuddly but dd for the longest. Different children, different personalities. I don't see it as a gender thing at all.

I didn't find out the sex of my little one and after one mc was too terrified about having another to worry about anything but health. My son is 15mth now and he is bright, loving, kind to others and people always comment on what a happy, smiley little boy he is. Babies are just little people and whilst it's fun to analyse differences, and argue about who has the better clothes/toys etc, ultimately they are all individuals. The real thrill is in creating a life and watching him or her develop their own distinct personality as they grow :)

As a mum of 3 fantastic boys, I am constantly amazed at the stupidity of people who say 'oh 3 boys, poor you'. When I found out that my 3rd was a boy, I received comments from friends and family ranging from 'oh that's a shame', 'poor you', to even a 'couldn't you do any better?'! There seems to be an underlying assumption that for a family to be complete or proper you need to have one of each, and anything else needs to be pitied. I must say that these comments usually come from those who have one of each and who seem to feel superior because of it. Surely what counts is the health and happiness of your family, and not the sex. And anyway, at least there's no pink in our house...

How times change! From a feminist pont of view I suppose its pleasing that girls now appear to be more "valued" than boys. But from a parenting point of view I'm horrified by the comments being made to expectant mums who are carrying the 'wrong' gender. I'd suggest you tell them to where to get off and leave it up to you how politely you word that!
I didn't care what gender my first child was - turned out to be a girl. As a pragmatist I then kinda hoped for another girl so holidays would be easier - need only 2 rooms not 3! Baby number 2 was a boy and I wouldn't change either of them for the world. In my experience most little boys are more 'of a handful' than little girls BUT come the teen years give me a teenage boy over a teenage girl any time
I can empathise with any parent who already has 2 or 3 of children of the same gender and who would 'quite like' to have a different gender for their next child. Yes I know its stereotyping but I'm sorry men and women are different and its only human for most mums to want a daughter to dress up and go shopping with and for most Dads to like the idea of a son to play footy with and look forward to that first adult outing to the pub! BUT if they are really going to be diappointed if baby turns out to have the wrong bits then maybe they shouldn't be having a child?
I'm afraid for me personally the only acceptable reason for parents to be desperate for a girl/boy is if the genetic parents are carriers of a severely debilitating sex-linked disorder.

i am lucky enough to the proud mum of 2 boys (2 and 4) as at one point we didn't think it would happen for us as it took 4 years to conceive initially.
I just wanted to say that we are all blessed with our children, and it shouldn't matter what sex we have. i found out 2nd time round and was overjoyed that we were having a healthy baby boy, others did give me a sad look when i told them it was a boy. i remember thinking ' how odd is that?' of course i'm sure its nice to have one of each as you get to experience parenthood from different angles, but i have to say i wouldn't have it any other way. They make me smile everyday and frustrate me too but i'm sure there's other mums out there with daughters who would say the same!

Between ds2 and dd I had a mmc. Initially I got the "oh at least you have children already" type comments but then we found out she was a girl (she had Turner's syndrome) and then people were much more sympathetic. I found that strange, as if losing a baby boy didn't matter because we already had two but losing a baby girl did?!?!

i'm glad i found this thread, OH already has two boys (5+7) and i must admit I really wanted a girl so she would be 'different' and could be a daddy's girl, and he really wanted a girl too, i had a gut feeling i was having a boy and had an early gender scan, i feel ashamed to say my heart sank to the floor when she told me I was having a boy, and I couldn't hide it, I was gutted for a little while and although i felt bad, i couldn't help it. over the months i've gotten used to the idea, he has a name and almost an identity and i know we will love him no differently, but I am still worried OH is disappointed, he really wanted a girl... I get asked a lot if I know 'what i'm having' and when I say boy I thought I was being paranoid that people seemed slightly like their attitude was 'oh. never mind' but i thought it was just me... anyway, thats my two pence worth..

I agree with lots of comments above - the stereotyping is unbelievable! This is my first baby so can't really judge from personal experience but I have worked in a nursery for the past 4 yrs with children as young as 6 months to almost 5 yrs and honestly, MOST of these stereotypes just don't apply - for a long time I preferred little boys as I found them easier and I have had my fare share of tomboy girls and boys who love to dress up and their favourite colour is pink etc etc etc
When I got pregnant for some reason I convinced myself that it's a boy and must admit was a bit disappointed when told at scan that it's a girl - it's hard to explain but really disappointed that I was "wrong" and just sort of annoyed that I had gotten to used to one idea and now it's totally the opposite - not disappointed with a girl as such :) At 25 weeks I am absolutely ecstatic that we're having a little girl and my husband actually was very happy the moment he found out, I am not going to deny that next time we would like a boy in theory just to have a taste of both worlds but I am sure that we will be just as happy with another girl :)

*fair ;)

Hello, I'm new to this so don't understand half the acronyms, but I just wanted to say that I wholly empathise with stillstanding - your message listed exactly all my worries about having a boy. Having specific needs and wants is what makes us human, so I am not going to feel guilty about desperately wanting a girl. When my boy was born I was surprised by my own nonchalence, and handed him to his Dad with whom he stayed for the first few hours of his life. I just wasn't interested in him. I didn't enjoy him as a baby and I actually resented him being such a parasite, when I just wanted my life back.

You might ask why I am having another child, but that is because I wanted another shot at having a girl, and I didn't want my boy to be an only child. If I'd had a girl first, there is no way I'd have considered another.

I have spoken to my husband about having this new baby adopted if it does turn out to be a boy, as I don't think I can give it the love and life it deserves. Obviously my husband doesn't want to, and has said that he will give up work to look after the baby, which I am happy for him to do.

It just helps writing about it and knowing that there are 'some' people out there who understand.

Popsiepops your post is really, really sad and I have to admit I feel really sorry for your son. Have you been to see someone about this?

I feel the opposite. I'd be overjoyed whatever but really hoping for a boy. I just find it hard to see what 'to do' with a girl if that makes any sense!

Ive got 3 girls and their dad has 5 sisters, ive got 3 brothers.

At our school i have 3 girls, a family of 4 boys and a family of 3 boys with 2 half brother siblings from dad.

The mother of 4 boys has been looking after her niece everyday. She said girls are a bloody nightmare how do i cope. She said her niece has put her off ever trying again for a girl.

Popsiepop - just read you post. What about the son you already have. Sometimes people need to be careful what they wish for. I do not agree at all that having girls is better than having boys.

They are equal. You could have a girl who is a complete toyboy. One of my dd's is. What woud you do then if she didnt want to be dressed up in frilly pink dresses and rags in her hair

I think for the vast majority of people it all becomes totally irrelevant once the baby is born. I am fortunate to have one of each, but my best friend has two girls, and constantly says things like, 'I have no idea what I'd do with a boy', which infuriate me.

I was disappointed when I found out that dc2 was a boy, but my goodness, he is 18mo now, and the light of my life, as is dd. My relationship with each of them completely transcends their gender.

I feel very sorry for anyone who does not feel the same.

I was so relieved when they said I was having a boy. I loathe pink and all it seems to stand for these days (ie appearance/fashion worth more than personality and intelligence for girls) and I was relieved to not have to fight it. Also I'm not exactly a girly girl apart from being a bookworm: hobbies and job are stereotypically male ones! So I can identify with lying on the floor with the lego, whereas even as a child, I only had dolls so friends had something to play with when they came round. I was usually in the lego then, too.

I adore my DS! He's into diggers, trains, building things, buses...

I honestly don't know what I'd have done if I'd had a girl. Probably I'd have adored her and spent years convincing relatives that I was serious about burning anything pink she was given. And taking her on steam trains, and into the allotment, and the like.

Popsiepops my father was the second boy of two. He was dressed as a girl from day one until school and never loved by a detached authoritarian father and a mother who wanted a girl badly. It gave him a lifelong lack of self-confidence, an inferiority complex and depression. Not being loved by one parent (even if adored by the other) is a really bad thing and psychologically scarring. I wish you and your DCs all the best. (Look on the bright side - you may one day get loads of granddaughters!)

Luckily Dad got me - he'd wanted a girl, and I am still his little girl even though I'm in my 40s and he's nearly 80! But he also thinks the world of his grandson.

Popsiepops - Your post is really sad but I do completely empathise. Whilst I don't have the depth of feeling you convey, I do share a lot of what you write about. There are people out there that do understand.. I think time is a great healer and i'm sure you will find a peace with your family if it is indeed all boys.

Popsiepops, I was desperate for a girl but I waited to try for another child until I was sure I wanted another BABY, not a daughter.

I think you really need to have a long think and some psychological help.

You might ask why I am having another child, but that is because I wanted another shot at having a girl, and I didn't want my boy to be an only child. If I'd had a girl first, there is no way I'd have considered another

But then the girl would be an only child

I have spoken to my husband about having this new baby adopted if it does turn out to be a boy, as I don't think I can give it the love and life it deserves. Obviously my husband doesn't want to, and has said that he will give up work to look after the baby, which I am happy for him to do

If you have a son adopted will you son not still be an only child

I am

Popsiepops, your post almost made me cry, it is so sad. I hope you are talking to someone about this, I don't think it is normal to feel like you do. I am so sorry if this sounds judgemental, it's not my intention but I feel so incredibly sad for your DS & your unborn baby. Can you imagine being rejected at birth by your own mother because you were the 'wrong' sex? Maybe you should adopt a girl rather than have another baby.

I feel like the odd one out among my friends. Obviously, as long as there are ten fingers, ten toes and everything is where it should be I will be over the moon, but deep down, I can't imagine being mum to a girl. I know that if I have a daughter, as soon as she is placed in my arms I will love her without compare or reason, but for some reason, I can only imagine myself raising a tribe of smelly, dirty, muddy boys.

Tanif - you might end up with a trible of smelly, dirty, muddy girls

I know quite a few toyboys. One of my friends has a dd who is on the local football team. When shes 12 shes not allowed to play anymore with the boys.

Out of my 3 only one is a girly girl who likes all things sparkly.

One of my friends has a boy who dresses up in tinkerbell costumes, has his own pram and baby, wont play with boys and will only sit on the pink chair at nursery.

I dont get this girls wear pink and play with prams, boys wear blue and play with cars.

Pops - you need to seek help for how you are feeling. This is not normal and i am shocked you describe your son as a parasite. Do you know of any reason why you feel like this.