Boys, boys, boys...

[H007]

Just a random thought, over the months I've been reading threads on here I've noticed that there seems to be an underlying disappointment with many people when they find out that they're having a baby boy. I was just wondering if anyone else had noticed it? At present I really don't think I mind what sex baby I have but with my 20 week scan coming up I worried maybe deep down like other I do and I will have this feeling of disappointment for one sex or the other and that maybe I shouldn't find out at all...

Tell that to my wall painting-lampshade swinging-curtain shredding DD BikeRunSki

I have 4 dc (boy, boy, girl, boy) and am 38 weeks with number 5 (another boy). This thread captured my attention if only for the honest fact that with each boy I have had, I have a little disappointed. I realize that I am opening myself up for huge mumsnet criticism here by admitting this but I am being open and honest. Of course, I love them all dearly now and they are each individual little people with wildly different personalities, however, I would have chosen a family of 4 or 5 girls..... slopes off waiting for the onslaught................

ive heard it all ! I have 5 boys and am preg with baby no 6, my god, people are obsessed with what this one is and they all say " i really hope for u" etc etc - oh bugger off the lot of you !!!!!

honestly it winds me up to the MAX - ive now taken to being rude to people as i find it quite rude when they say "poor u "

I've heard that people are disappointed at first but I have NEVER heard of a parent disowning their child because of their gender though.

andypandy - love it - i always seem to have people having a dig at me on here !! i agree i would be lying if i said i havent been disappointed AT TIMES and would love a girl more than anything - but i love my boys to bits & have never struggled to bond. I keep telling myself i will b soooo poor if i have a girl !!!!!!

I have two DDs and am very happy about it. Plenty of people have asked me if I would have another child because I might then have a boy. I'm sure if you have more than one boy you probably get this too. I think there's a belief that if you don't have one of each, then you're missing out. But it makes me a bit cross - I wonder why people think I should not be satisfied with the beautiful children I've been lucky enough to have??

Sorry, haven't read all the thread...so apologies if repeating...

You're having a baby...not a doll...so whilst the "lovely clothing options" may be a disappointment with a son, as there really is a sea of blue/khaki logos and skulls out there once they're past five...it really isn't the big deal some may think. My son has had very strong opinions about what he will and won't wear since he was a toddler...and where possible I have accomodated the stripes/no stripes/writing/no writing/suits and tie?!/casual/dress-up/belts/etc. phases he has had fun with along the way. We buy bright yellow/orange/red/purple/green stuff in France when we can.

Otherwise, as you've rightly been telling yourself...this is a baby you're having so...boy or girl...how lovely!

I have thoroughly enjoyed being a mum of a son (now nearly nine) and whilst I have had plenty to learn along the way, this would probably have been the case with a daughter too.

I have noticed it. TBH I rather hope that this DC2 is a boy - we have a DD already.

Although if it is a girl that will be lovely too.

I am pregnant with a girl at the moment (previously had a boy and was utterly delighted as I really wanted one). I have always gotten on better with males though and worry a little as to whether I will be able to do my daughter justice if she's a girly girl. Also a bit daunting to have to learn various things from scratch.

Delighted to be having another though. :D

I have a boy and didn't care either way what sex the baby was when we found out at a scan. From a practical point of view, a second boy would be good because I can recycle all the clothes but if we have a girl, it doesn't matter either. Hope she doesn't mind wearing a few boyish clothes, though... :-)

This thread really has come as a surprise to me. I really didn't realise so many people wanted girls.
I have 3dcs: 1 ds (9) and 2 dds (7&2). I didn't find out what I was having with ds or dd2. And I can honestly say I wasn't dissapointed when dc1 turned out to be a boy. In fact I'm pretty sure I was secretely hoping for a boy as I had a lot of childcare experience and always found the boys easier. Girls I looked after were often very screetchy.
My ds is an absolute delight, calm, caring, loving, etc... Always looking after his sisters and when I was pg with dd2 and on crutches with SPD; he used to clean and vacuum for me all out of his own choice as he could see I was struggling. He also hates football, much to DH's disgust
Dd1 is not a girly girl at all and so pink and princesses have never really entered the house in high doses (difficult to be completely pink free nowadays).
Dd2 was always a boy in my mind while pg, so when the mw announced she was a she, I was surprised, but never, not even for 1 second was I dissapointed. Of the 3 she's my most loving, while dd1 is the least loving, dd1 is the most destructive dc too; gender clearly doesn't play a role.
I love all 3, they all have their own amazing personalities and neither of them seem to fit any stereotypes.

as my name suggests i have four boys! and now i also have an almost 7mth old dd! i have to say i am enjoying the girly clothes, not much pink, but lots of pretty clothes and dresses with matching knickers my dp says we shouldhave just bought a doll

i got lots of comments when no 3 and 4 arrived and were boys and then when we found out dd was a girl at the 20wk scan i didnt believe the sonogropher, had another private scan at 28wks where they confirmed girl and still didnt believe them, when she was born i said 'is it really a girl'

but we were never bothered what sex our babies were, healthy was fine and when we decided to have our 5th we KNEW the comments we would get and we just assumed we WOULD have another boy, so a girl was a real suprise! the boys all love her to bits, but we would all have loved another boy just as much :)

I was more disappointed with not being able to find out what sex my first was. I always expected girls due to the male/female generations in the my husbands family. One generation all girls, the next all boys and so on for quite a few generations back.

My DD was my first and I was just grateful that everything was ok. With my second it was different as I had always imagined myself as having 1 or each and was thrilled when I found out that I was having a boy. Although thinking in the back of my head that they have got it wrong.

I can see the difference between the two sexes as DD was an easier babier but a nightmare toddler whereas DS is the opposite and so much more loving. Def swings and roundabouts.

My friend has 2 boys and has no desire to try for a girl as she is happy with the children that she has and enjoys the fact that they are both boths.

I think its strange that people would feel disappointment when having 1 sex over another. Mind you if you had kept trying for that elusive sexed child and kept on having the same sex as you already had, I could see that.

Anyway, congrats, good luck and have fun with the baby when its born x

I think I had something in my head that said I'd be able to understand a girl better - because I am one, so I 'speak' girl, as it were, and was just a little worried I wouldn't be able to 'speak' boy. But then worked out that that just makes boys more interesting, as they are something unknown/unfamiliar - that makes the journey to learn about them more exciting.
Having said that - if DH is anything to go by - he's not exactly a complex beast!
My DS is 9 months old now - love him to bits and wouldn't change him for anything.
Also, maybe - I think there may be a little emotional longing for the 'other' one - whichever one you're having. It's a bit 'well, what would THAT be like, then?'. I think I had some of that going on in my head while pg.
Sorry for the unstructured contemplative waffle - still a major case of baby brain going on here...

Goodness.

I knew the shops were bad with the stereotyping of the sexes, and the segregation thereof, but I didn't really think that people thought like this in RL, except Daily Fail readers. Especially MNetters, who may be supporting the anti-pink campaigns etc.

All of you, take note. Girls can play with trucks. Boys can be sweet and docile. It is not forbidden.

Their personality is governed more by them as an individual rather than their sex. Until they meet the wider world that is, which tries to put them in one box or another. That wider world is you folks - do try to think a little before you make such sweeping generalisations.

I have 2 DDs who are as alike as peas in a pod, and as different as chalk and cheese. They just are who they are, DD1 likes pink and dresses, and I seriously think DD2 could give any boy a run for his money in the collecting spiders/climbing trees/visits to A&E stakes.

hi I have a son who is nearly 19 and 2 girls,1 nearly 18 and the other 15.
I'm also a childminder and have looked after over 50 wee ones plus worked in a few nurseries and I can honestly say boys are defo more cuddly and just get on with things and are generally happy wee souls where as we girls as lovely as they are are filled with lots more drama,even from an early age.
My advice is ignore people and their comments as long as you are happy and your lilt one is well then nothing else matters.
good luck and I hope everything goes well for you xxxx

I've got 4 boys and I get a lot oif sympathy for that. Ridiculous! I laughed my ehad off at ds4's scan; made my day. OK so a girl would be nice (only as my boys carried a higher risk of a genetic disorder that they have to varying extents) but heck, my boys are great and so very different to each other.

I do think that girls are seen by some as easier but really, different kids present different challenges and that's part of the ride.

I had pretty crap pregnancies (months of lying down) so I was happen just to get somewhere relatively close to the end! However, I must admit that before finding out that I had the same problem in my second pregnancy as in my first, I was disappointed to find I was having a second ds. Felt really guilty after I was found to have the same problem and was just happy he wasn't any earlier than 5 weeks early. He is the most amazing ds too. A really lovely 20 year old :)

Really? I am so surprised to hear this. Why would mothers prefer girls over boys? So that they can dress them up in cute girly dresses? - but a boy would never raid your wardrobe when he's a teen and ask to borrow your favourite skirt or cocktail dress and come home with drink stains over it. Because girls are "easier" and less rumbunctious? - not really, boys may be more active and not be happy to be cooped up indoors as much (that's the general consensus among friends with sons) but conversely, it means that you get out and get fresh air.....they are also great personal trainers keeping you fit and trim while you run during ball games with them! Plus, (so mums with daughters say) girls apparently take longer to get dressed and out of the door for school/parties/appointments, even as toddlers. But look, these are all generalisations and stereotypes, whether positive or negative. You can have an energetic girl who hates dressing up and being given girly clothes, and is ready to go out in a flash. And a boy who is happy to stay home and play quietly. I thought the most important thing when my child was born was that he was healthy and thrived.

That said, I occasionally get a pang of nostalgia/longing when I see pictures of really gorgeous little girls' dresses that I can't get one for my son (then again, I'd probably feel the same if I had a daughter and couldn't buy the smart trouser suits!)....as a result my nieces have a great collection of random pretty dresses I have bought "as an excuse for buying them"....other times I look at the price and think, thank goodness I don't actually have to spend that......!!!

I have two DSs and absolutely love them - they are the most chilled out, happy little boys you could ever hope to have and I wouldn't change a hair on their head. Buuuut .....

I was disappointed when I found out that at the scans that they were going to be a boy. I had the scans (both times) because I knew that I would feel that way and wanted to get that out the way before the baby arrived. Which did work exactly as planned. A few days later I had completely adjusted to the idea, was absolutely thrilled with the idea and wouldn't have had it any other way. Buuuutt ....

I still have this niggling little anxiety about them being boys. Not because of the clothes or because I think one sex is easier/cuter/smarter than another but rather because I worry about what happens when they turn 18, leave the house, marry some one else. Mine is a very long-term concern re DSs!

I genuinely believe in the "your son is your son until he meets his wife, your daughter is your daugher for the rest of your life" scenario. I am one of four girls to whom I am very close, I am also very close to my mother and my maternal family. I am on the phone to my sisters and mum (and my dad!) every week, quite often daily. I don't know my paternal family that well. My husband hardly phones his own parents, has to be reminded of his mother's birthday etc. Not because he doesn't love them, he does, very much, but he is a guy and (sweeping generalisation coming up) is just rubbish at that stuff as are most of the guys I know.

I know that this is purely anecdoctal and that there are plenty of people out there who are very close to the husband's side of the family but my RL experience doesn't back this up. In our family I am the one that makes decisions (by which I mean organises!) weekends, holidays, visits etc and - honestly - I prefer my own family so am naturally inclined to be with them more. I have to be very aware of what I organise and conscious of trying to make it fair.

I know that there is no reason to think that my sons will be the same and that they won't scamper back to me every chance they get (here's hoping!) but I truly worry that that won't be the case. I also strongly suspect that when they have children I will not be able to be as close to them as their maternal grandparents. I do so hope I am overthinking this!!

whats all this about the boys keeping you busy and being so difficult?

my daughter is bouncing off the walls, and more than most can handle. she is amazing but please why do people say girls are easy and calm...mine is not!

I am expecting number two and already have the whole family hoping for a boy! I hate to think another girl will disappoint... or that some family members will immediately say you have to have a third to try for a boy...

anyway scan in a few weeks...we shall see

I had lots of "sympathy" when DS3 was born, including a grandmother at school looking into the pram on the first day I was back and shaking her head saying "oh, you poor thing"!

However, I don't know if that is really expressing sympathy that I had a boy, or that I had yet another boy (which I was very pleased about).

I still occasionally get asked whether I'll try for a girl. Absolutely not happening, and if I did want another one I'd want another boy I think (cheaper to have more of the same, and they're lovely, as I'm sure girls are too ).

I also have 3 boys and experienced the same scenario...I hope you have a girl etc. It would have been nice to change the dynamic in my family but I always knew I would be a mother of 3 boys! When I found out I had another boy (9 months and starting crawling today) I was over the moon and he is adorable! Also, whenever I speak to older mums of three boys they say they would never change a thing! Yes they are boys and love to tackle (even their girl friends) but that is what they are like. I would rather that then screaming girls .

good thread,

I honestly think it does not matter....
When PG with DD - I was told at scan she was a boy, I said ok and carried on PG as usual thinking - 'ok PG and labour I tihnk I can cope with, but there is no manual coming so I hope I do ok, oh crap, oh crap another person relying on me'.
When she was born and I found out she was a girl - it made not a jot of difference, I still thought 'ok - I can do this'.

11.5 years on and I can honestly say there has been ace bits, hard bits, frustrating bits, funny bits, heart warming bits, bits where I am disappointed in how I've managed things, but isn't that parenting? I'm not sure it would have been different with a boy. She is now into pubity and I will admit it's challenging, but thats part of her growing up, so just another step in this unscripted and sometimes difficult but rewarding job.

Now PG again - I've not found out the sex - it really won't make a difference except I already know how to clean girls bits when I change a nappy. My mum, because she had 3 girls has it in her head I will have all girls (yeah I know WTF) and I am carrying out way in front again (maybe thats just the way my body holds babies mum) but so many bits of my PG have also been different (I do feel like screaming to mum - I'm having different PG symtoms because I am having a different baby - nothing to do with sex but they are all individuals!!). It could be either sex and I will find out in about 7 weeks time.

I will admit to a very slight preferrence for a boy this time - but that is only because DD has told me she would really love a wee brother. It has nothing what so ever to do with already having a girl, as some folk keep suggesting - "oh I bet you want a boy". "no I want a healthy happy dragon actually (Our bumps nickname)" DH and I know that if dragon turns out to be a girl then DD will love her wee sister just the same when she sees her but DD grew up with all women until I met her dad (my DH 6 years ago)....and she also says boys have better toys :).

She loves pink things (more neon the better) and blue and red and orange and loves yellow and clashes colours and plays football and goes to dancing and is obsessed with glee and reading books and collecting stones and gems and rocks. If I tried to get her to wear a pink frilly dres she would give me one of her eye-rolling looks. Then go back to her skinny jeans and neon vests :)

I guess what I am saying is they are all individuals, they are all ace in their way - who knows what they will like and it certainly won't be driven by having girl or boy bits.
Just enjoy what you get - they are almost as tall as you ALL too quick! Oh and then they try nicking your shoes....I may not be able to wear any of my beautiful heels on my flumpy swollen feet just now - but get ya paws off them minipoo!!

Exactly what stillstanding said. Sigh.