So Let me set the scene, it has not been an easy pregnancy but the day of my 20 week Scan was to make up for it. I booked the day off work and it was my sisters 24th birthday which mean that we would all go to dinner after. I couldn?t be happier.
Then we find out that what I thought was just me having an accident Saturday night a family party whilst waiting in the queue for dinner was actually me leaking all of my amniotic fluid. When the nurse taking the scan told me she just said I'm so sorry but it?s all gone. I'm so sorry I don?t know what to say, I can't get a good look at the baby as its not moving. Neither did I know what to say, I just cried how could this be? We were all so happy and now this.
It was explained to me that the baby was at high risk of being underdeveloped especially in the lungs area. There was little to no chance of it surviving and it was made clear to me that my strongest option at this stage was termination.
I did not for a second want that or think that was it. Everyone at the hospital was just full of apologies. What about the good news, where was the silver lining I kept thinking??
I was taken to the labour ward a doctor that I saw only weeks before said she couldn?t understand on the scan I had then everything was fine. She explained the risks to me and the baby and that there was little hope or little that we could do. My partner was in tears, to see him cry just felt like it was over. But I didn?t want it to be over!!! How can I fight this?? I only lost my waters 4 days ago surely there is hope???
I was asked to call my dad how was innocently making his way to the restaurant, he was egar to hear what the sex of his first grandchild was. I told him through tears that there is a problem and you must come to the hospital. My sisters where in bits in the waiting area. I felt awful for weeks the thought of bringing new life into the family kept me going made us all happy and now this.
My dad joined us, again I had the risks and outcomes explained. Then i was poked and jabbed with needles. Come back tomorrow they suggested you have been through enough today.....
That night I felt my baby or Peanut as we affectionately call it and in the morning we felt is heart beating away. Its then I decided that I should fight; I should fight because that is what my Peanut is doing. Through all the risks surely there is some hope. Surely there can be something we can do!!??
At the hospital I was sure to get answers, I found out that as long as I don?t go into labour before week 24 then they will revive my Peanut. A san showed that there were NO abnormalities as yet I am free from infection and today I have felt my wonderful Peanut kick several times. So the fight is on.
I am trying to be positive but I need to know what movements are baby and what feelings I should go to hospital for?? I.e. going into labour. This is my first baby so I have no idea what that would be like.
I am mostly worried that Peanut will try to come out earlier then 24 weeks and the doctors will not help him/her. I'm not ready to lose!! I really am not ready to accept what the doctors are saying neither is my partner nor is our Peanut. Am I crazy??? Any advice any one can give would be great!! xxxx