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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Watford hospital won't tell me the sex of my baby

87 replies

PinkFondantFancy · 04/05/2011 21:44

I understand my baby might not be lying in the right position to see the sex, I understand that they are concentrating on taking lots of important measurements, and I know it's not guaranteed to be accurate, so why can't Watford hospital treat me like an adult and if they can tell the sex of the baby during the course of the scan, tell me what it is?? Are there any good reasons for them not to? It just seems a bit petty.

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Wigeon · 04/05/2011 21:46

Yup, that's their general policy for everyone. Nothing to do with the baby's position etc. I have heard that it's because of the ethnic mix in the area and certain local ethnic groups not wanting girls, but I don't know what they'd say officially.

(Watford is my local hospital and I've been through 2 pregnancies there).

A private scan is abotu £90 if you are desperate to know.

RobynLou · 04/05/2011 21:48

same policy at northwick park, not hillingdon though, they'll tell if they can.

jamama · 04/05/2011 21:49

Hi Fondant, a friend of mine who is a consultant obs at a large teaching hospital in a very ethnically-diverse area said awhile back that in some places, they have a blanket policy not to tell, since there is a risk of sex-based abortions being performed if the sex is not 'right'. If that is their policy it is tough to get around it without paying for a private scan. Sorry not to have a more positive answer, it must be frustrating but I can see why they do it. hth

sleepybump · 04/05/2011 21:50

I think it's a blanket policy that they don't, especially because there are certain cultures that would encourage the aborting of female babies. As far as I understand it that's why the NHS had to impliment the policy that they 'don't tell' but it seems some midwifes/some areas of the country are more lax on this than others...

Of course this policy does not extend to private scans x

NonnoMum · 04/05/2011 21:52

Will definitely be to do with hospital policy and risk of babies of the "wrong" sex being at risk...

Ad perhaps to do with things like women going into shock/failing to bond if they thought they were going to have one sex but the other one came out.

Hope the scan went well for you otherwise.

skislope · 04/05/2011 21:53

Northwick Park will tell you the sex now. Apparently they change the policy quite frequently though!

Original poster

PinkFondantFancy · 04/05/2011 21:57

Thanks guys. It still makes no sense though, as if a person is bothered enough about the gender to terminate, surely paying £100 to find out isn't going to stop them? Anyway it's not a disaster, just a bit irritating! Reckon I'm going to have to pay to get a private 20 week scan anyway if their second attempt at it is as half-arsed as the first one. Baby not lying the right way? Scan for 3 mins then give up seems to be their answer-no opportunity to walk around or have a drink to try and wake the baby up. sorry didn't mean to turn this into a random rant, just frustrated!!

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ohanotherone · 04/05/2011 22:04

It is bollocks. It is free in some hospitals, Wrexham/Chelsea and Westminster. You read/are told or sign a disclaimer saying that you are aware that the scan may not accurately tell the sex of the baby. Fabulous. They do this as someone (I have heard second hand) once tried to sue the NHS as they had bought stuff for the wrong sex baby.

It is totally insulting and probably illegal/discriminatory to apply blanket policies based on culture issues, blanket policies have been legally challenged in other areas of healthcare such as moving and handling.

If they charge you to know, this is particularly offensive because clearly it is just about making money as like you say, if they couldn't see the sex then you would just be okay with that and not take up extra time. I would write to the chief executive stating that you wish to know the sex of the baby because of bonding issues and cannot afford a private scan, ask them to explain why they have this policy. When you know why they have this policy, point out how discrimatory is it.

I had a choice to go to Shrewsbury, who do charge, so opted for Wrexham who don't charge. If Shrewsbury had been my only choice I would have done above.

midori1999 · 04/05/2011 22:09

My hospital won't tell the gender during the 20 week scan. Apparently it is for insurance reasons as they have been wrong in the past and parent's have made a fuss/sued.

However, if you have consultant care (as I do) then the consultant will reveal the gender if you ask them. I assume this is as consultants may have their own insurance.

We still paid for a private gender scan at 18 weeks though as otherwise I would have had to wait until 24 weeks to find out and I really can't wait for anything. Our consultant has since sonfirmed the gender twice.

Original poster

PinkFondantFancy · 04/05/2011 22:13

ohanotherone sorry, I meant that you'd just pay £100 privately to find out rather than Watford offering to tell you if you pay them. When I go back for the second attempt at the scan I'm definitely going to ask the sonographer why and see if she can give me a good reason. It's a good idea writing to rhe chief exec, i reckon I'll do that. You're right that I do want to know for bonding reasons rather than because I want to buy blue/pink stuff. I've previously had a MC and am finding it hard to believe in this poor little baby-I feel like if I can call it him/her
rather than it, it'll become more real.

Anyway all I'm really bothered about is knowing whether all is well at the scan, this is a secondary niggle-it just irritates me being treated like a child!!!

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Bearslikehoneyintheirtummy · 04/05/2011 22:20

I had mine in Watford 18 months ago and apparently no they don't. Luckily for me I transferred down from Manchester just after my 20 wk scan so found out up there. I think someone told me the reason they don't tell is because of the big multicultural population (as if Mancs doest have one!) and there still being a preferance for boys over girls in a lot of cases.
I am now in North London and having my scan in 4 weeks so I wonder if they will tell me!!

Bearslikehoneyintheirtummy · 04/05/2011 22:22

Thinking about it.........that is pretty sad that women should consider abortion at 20 weeks just because its a girl! But it must still happen if thats the reason. :(

sleepybump · 04/05/2011 22:24

Watford's been highlighted before:
www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/should-you-have-the-right-to-know-you-unborn-babys-sex-435266.html

Whilst I am personally not bothered about knowing the sex of my baby if that's the way it goes, I think it is Wrong (as reported in this article) that within the same hospital after someone asking the sex of the baby those parents-to-be are then 'offered' to find out if they are willing to pay the £100 private fee for the very same consultant to then tell them... I would absolutely complain about that consultant if that happened to me, you work for the NHS, that does not give you licience to offer 'special' treatment to line your pockets...

ooo I think that mad me a little angry . lol

Rosebud05 · 04/05/2011 22:25

The reason for the 20 week scan is to check for any problems or abnormalities. Sorry to be blunt, but it isn't to find out the sex of your baby. No-one's treating you like a child; I agree it's frustrating that different trusts have different policies.

It sounds like you've got another scan anyway - you may even be able to tell yourself. I certainly could with ds.

Rosebud05 · 04/05/2011 22:28

sleepybump, most consultants work part time in the NHS and part time privately. They have different remits in different roles. If a particular PCT says that their obs can't tell pregnant women the sex of their babies, then they can't. There are less such restrictions on private work.

Not saying that I agree with it, just that it's not the consultant's decision.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 04/05/2011 22:30

Its odd isnt it?
I live in an area with large populations of those cultures/groups considered most likely to terminate girls (whether it is based on fact I dont know).
Yet they have no such policy.

I would be interested to know what research the HAs are basing their no tell policies on.

Bearslikehoneyintheirtummy · 04/05/2011 22:34

I wonder if those that don't tell have stats or experiences of it happening maybe? I find the thought pretty depressing.

duckypoo · 04/05/2011 22:35

Can I give you a little tip, let it be known that you want to know, I had two different sonographers for 20 week scans, amazing how the prefix changed from baby to he about halfway through .

duckypoo · 04/05/2011 22:37

I did like the guessing though, I was pretty sure after seeing for myself and the way in numerous scans it was all he/his, still could have been all in my mind though.

Bearslikehoneyintheirtummy · 04/05/2011 22:55

I guess its easier to see if its a boy for yourself though?

Happygomummy · 04/05/2011 23:03

It's not really because people might abort if sex is 'wrong', it's that domestic violence can increase against women carrying the 'wrong' sex. Whilst it must be frustrating that it is a non-uniform policy throughout the UK, I think I personally I am comfortable regarding the rationale.

TheSecondComing · 04/05/2011 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

PinkFondantFancy · 05/05/2011 06:24

secondcoming no it doesn't really matter to me. It's just that Watford hospital are the lucky recipients of yesterday's hormanal rage. Who knows who will get it today..... :) bears is right though, it is absolutely tragic if there are stats showing harm to the mother or baby :(

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Original poster

PinkFondantFancy · 05/05/2011 06:25

And if there is harm being done regardless of whether stats show it IYSWIM Urgh too early to make any sense!!

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magicmelons · 05/05/2011 08:20

Knowing the sex of your baby is a bit of a luxury and an added extra imo. I would much rather know that if each sonographer has a 10 min appt they spend that time looking at babies organs to make sure there healthy rather than spend 5 mins getting baby in a good position to tell you the Sex. I don't see why all people don't have to pay privately to find out the sex after all its hardly nhs work.

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