Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Watford hospital won't tell me the sex of my baby

87 replies

PinkFondantFancy · 04/05/2011 21:44

I understand my baby might not be lying in the right position to see the sex, I understand that they are concentrating on taking lots of important measurements, and I know it's not guaranteed to be accurate, so why can't Watford hospital treat me like an adult and if they can tell the sex of the baby during the course of the scan, tell me what it is?? Are there any good reasons for them not to? It just seems a bit petty.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

PinkFondantFancy · 05/05/2011 09:16

magic I completely agree and don't expect them to give me a longer scan to sex the baby. I just think that if they happen to be able to see the sex in the course of the scan, they should tell you if you'd like to know. Maybe that's the reason they don't tell you actually-saves a barney from people demanding a longer scan just for sexing purposes.

OP posts:

ShowOfHands · 05/05/2011 09:26

My friend is an ultrasound tech and says though it's often said that it's because people will abort a child of the wrong gender should they belong to a certain ethnic group (which is a problematic assertion anyway), it's actually nothing of the sort.

She says there are myriad reasons why some places don't and she welcomes it in some ways. The scans are more detailed now, the number of things looked at, measured and ruled out are increasing and the time allowed is the same. She says the pressure is enormous already and some parents can be very cross with you if you can't see. She is kind and will slowly scan that area if time allows and the parents want to know and she might add in a knowing 'he' or 'she' if it's obvious but she says taking away the option means they are better able to do their job without the weight of uncertain expectation.

She did confirm the domestic violence stats sadly but said that if a couple want to know the gender the level where they're going to act on it, they find out anyway.

Our hospital are very clear that if you want to know, you speak up before your scan and they will let you know if they see it in the course of the normal scan. They will not look specifically. They have a 100% accuracy rate apparently. Largely because they only tell you if they're absolutely certain (or as near as possible). A lot of the time they say it's not clear.

differentnameforthis · 05/05/2011 09:29

I can't get too outraged about this! I think it is more important to have the baby checked & measurements taken, rather than seeing what sex it is.

Certainly not the worse thing that WGH do/don't do! Save your annoyance for the real cock ups!

thefirstMrsDeVere · 05/05/2011 09:46

A few years ago I would have been nodding furiously at all the 'you should know, dont ask' s.

When I had my oldest DCs they didnt tell you because it was too fuzzy to be accurate anyway.

I feel very differently now. I ask with DCs 4 & 5. I really did have to know. I couldnt have a 'suprise' on the day. If I was having a girl I needed time to adjust and get my head round having another DD after losing mine.

I cant explain it properly but it was so important to me to know that I had a panic attack when the poor sonographer said she couldnt tell me. When I explained she was lovely and understanding and did her very best.

But I can absolutly see why its a pain for them. I think its the first thing people want to know in a lot of cases which is weird.

ShowOfHands · 05/05/2011 09:56

I'm really pleased you had a nice sonographer MrsD. I have a friend who needed to know due to very similar circumstances and was under the care of a hospital with a no tell policy.

I see you btw. On here. Not working. How's it going?

thefirstMrsDeVere · 05/05/2011 10:03

I am off now. Had a day's worth of internet now back to the grind.
Thanks for keeping an eye on me though

magicmelons · 05/05/2011 10:07

pink thats exactly why, some people seem to think this is what the 20 week scan is for and don't feel satisfied until they know.

ShowOfHands · 05/05/2011 10:08

Good girl. You may come back when you have a body of work to show for your time away.

ohanotherone · 05/05/2011 10:22

I feel it's basically a human rights issue. What right has a professional who has met you for 5 minutes, if they see that you are having a boy or girl to withhold that information from you, the person that is carrying the baby???

It's all about the paternalistic power of the NHS and money in the case of certain hospitals offering "£50-100" private scans or should I say scams.

I understand people who are not bothered knowing not being bothered by this issue, but for me it is so important to know, this time I am having a girl. I felt so stressed not knowing but am so happy I do know now.

How insulting to women and families to tar all women as being baby killers if they know the sex of the baby. People know if their babies have Downs Syndrome but apparently it's okay to abort disabled babies but not because of the babies gender.

It is a totally discriminatory policy based on the Equalities Legislation that we have, it means the hospital applies blanket policies on the basis of a minority which therefore discriminates against other women.

NormanTebbit · 05/05/2011 10:27

Christ it's not a human rights issue.

You'll find out the sex of the baby soon enough. We have one scan in Scotland for anomalies. This is for medical reasons. You are not told the sex of the baby. The sex of baby is irrelevant. It's not up to the NHS to help you decide on whether to have pink or blue wall paper in the nursery.

If you are that desperate to know, pay for it.

NormanTebbit · 05/05/2011 10:28

"apparently it's okay to abort disabled babies but not because of the babies gender"

ummmm....well that's quite a statement isn't it.

juneau · 05/05/2011 10:31

It's the policy in West Herts to not tell. We had our scan at Hemel Hempstead and they wouldn't tell us, even though we asked. It's apparently because this is an ethnically diverse area (my SIL who works for the NHS told me that). We paid for a private scan at 24 weeks and found out that way.

juneau · 05/05/2011 10:33

ohanotherone - private scans are not on the NHS. You have to go to a private clinic to have them - so the NHS is not making money on the side by charging for a service they could provide for free.

littleducks · 05/05/2011 10:36

I wouldn't want to be scanned by a hospital with this kind of policy. I had lots of scans when I was pg with dd but asked not to be told the gender. So I am not someone who is desperate to find out. I did find out when pg with ds for purely practical reasons, dd was still small and i hadnt given away any baby clothes, so i wanted to know if i should hang on to it all or just the unisex stuff.

But it wouldn't sit comfortable with me to have the hospital deliberately withold information from me about my pregnancy. If it isn't clear/obvious and there isnt time that is fine but to know and not say would upset me.

DilysPrice · 05/05/2011 10:50

I suspect that if you told the sonographer your feelings, and she took a liking to you, and, (bluntly) you and DP were apparently White British, then she'd probably give you a hint if she knew - I've heard of that happening a few times.

I never understood the people who didn't want to know, precisely because of this concealment issue. If nobody knew, because I didn't have a scan, or the foetus was in the wrong position, then that's fine, but I'd find it intolerable to think that the sonographer knew but wasn't telling me.

nethunsreject · 05/05/2011 10:53

You don't have a 'right' to know fgs

NormanTebbit · 05/05/2011 10:58

Do you know that women who find out the sex before borth have a higher risk of PND? This could be for all sorts of reasons predicated around why the woman wants to know, including medical issues etc, but one of the reasons is that as soon as we know we start to set up expectations for that child "Oh I didn't want another boy, he will be just like his brother, I can't cope with two of them, I wanted a girl etc"

BoffinMum · 05/05/2011 10:59

Put in a Data Protection Act Subject Access Request for the witheld information and see what they do next?

ohanotherone · 05/05/2011 11:02

Juneau. At Shrewsbury hospital they will tell you the baby's sex if you give them £50. You hand over the cash to the sonograpgher, they give you a receipt. That is a NHS hospital in an area of predominently white british people. NHS trusts use the ethnicity thing as an excuse.

The statement I made about Downs Syndrome babies is strong but when you think about this issue in equality terms. We are told we should not discriminate against people on grounds of religion, sex, gender, race or disability. So on the one hand, NHS trusts actively support parents to find out if their baby is disabled (because aborting disabled babies will save them lots of money in the long term in health and care costs) but make parents pay to know the sex of their baby (because it will make them money).

You may not agree but it's an anonomly worth pondering on......

BoffinMum · 05/05/2011 11:03

I usually ask what colour clothes they think we should be getting down from our enormous stash of pink and blue baby stuff in the loft, given we have kids of both genders already. That makes it nice and social, and takes the pressure off a bit.

marie14 · 05/05/2011 11:03

I'm at St Mary's in Mancheter, where the population is very diverse! And they offered to tell me the sex of mine!

I don't think asking the sonographer is a good idea though, mine was very moody! My mum left london at 4am to be there for my 10am scan, and was told she wasn't allowed in! (i'd called the week before and checked). If she isn't going to budge on that, i doubt she'll appreciate asking loads of hospital policy related questions!

JustCallMeGrouchy · 05/05/2011 11:03

when ds1 born lived in a area where they did not tell as there was considere dproblems if baby was known to be of the wrong sex

Moved and then was told with ds2 but then 5 years later dd and ds3 born same hospital and policy had changed by then even though ethnic mix had not

BoffinMum · 05/05/2011 11:04

Some can be grumpy but pg tears usually work in such circumstances.

ChateauRouge · 05/05/2011 11:09

Boffin- would that work??
And more importantly... would it come through in time?

My DH is of 'swarthy' appearance- 1st DC he was clean shaven, short haired, smartly dressed for the scan- they told us the gender.
2nd DC he had longer (black) hair, full beard, shabbily dressed- they refused to tell us, the sonographer was quite rude about it actually.
Same trust, same hospital, totally different experience.

We went to a private clinic for a scan a week later, and it took the poor sonographer 40 minutes to manipulate baby into a position where she could see the genitals- shy baby boy!

lostinwales · 05/05/2011 11:10

Trying to ignore but can't. Sonographers in maternity clinics very rarely go a day without having to break some pretty bad news to parents about their unborn child, it is a highly skilled job which requires intense training. If you knew how small the heart is at the anomaly scan and they can look at all the different structures to check that they are ok. As someone said above it is NOT an issue of ethnicity just makes it easier for the Sonographer to get on and do a highly pressured job with one less thing to worry about. And yes they are human, you will have grumpy ones sadly and also lovely bend over backwards to help you ones (very happy you got an understanding one MrsD). But a 'human right' to know the babies sex, when you are there with these well trained people and state of the art equipment getting your child thoroughly checked over for free, pah.

(Not pointed at you OP but the person who hates the 'patriarchal' NHS)

And they told me DS3 was a girl so there!

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread