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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How will i manage with a second baby

87 replies

callmemummy · 02/05/2011 21:01

My DS is 18 months old and Im 12 weeks pregnant with our second child. Im over the moon (obviously), but cant help but be a little worried about how i will manage with a second baby. My DS takes up so much time and Im constantly busy as it is so I just worry how on earth I will cope with another.
Do any other mums of two (or more) have any pearls of wisdom they're happy to share?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MarathonMama · 02/05/2011 21:24

I'm in the same position callmemummy - I'm a nervous wreck worrying about how I'm going to cope! Will watch your post with interest

AlmightyCitrus · 02/05/2011 21:53

You'll do the same as everyone else who has been in your position, and just get on with it!
Your DS will be about 2 before the new baby comes, which is plenty big enough for him to do little things to help such as fetching a nappy or the babywipes.

Obviously you are going to be changing your DS's routine, but he'll cope. As will you.

My DD1 was 19 months when DD2 arrived, and she was 16 months when DS turned up.

Yes, it can be challenging and difficult at times, but you soon learn to take a deep breath and carry on!

bramblina · 02/05/2011 22:00

You'll look back at this in a year or so and laugh as it's quite amazing at how it all just falls in to place. And, without really thinking about it! You will change the way you do thigs because you have to, you will find shortcuts where you need to and will save time on things that needn't take so long. Do you rememebr how you felt when you were about to have your ds and wondered how you would have the time for a baby?! And now you get everything done AND look after your baby. You'll probably watch less TV, make bigger meals and freeze half to save cooking one day next week, start online supermarket shopping, and spend less time on here if you are anything like me!!

I'm sure you can think of things you'll change already...?

RobynLou · 02/05/2011 22:04

you'll be fine, I was the same a few months ago, now if I have a couple of hours with just one child, esp if it's the baby, then I find it a total breeze - can't think what I spent all my time doing with just one to look after!

you'll quickly adjust, good luck!

PrincessScrumpy · 02/05/2011 22:07

I'm hoping my twins will fit into family life - they kind of have to, whereas dd1 (now 3) got all our attention and the world revolved around her. She now has a routine which is a good basis for the babies so that's what I'm hoping

lucamom · 02/05/2011 22:28

I agree with the posters so far - my son was 18 months old when my 2nd son was born, and we not only coped but enjoyed the experience! Being organised is key; I had a basket with wipes/nappies (both sizes!) etc, so when one or the other needed changing I could do it in the lounge and not have to leave toddler or baby.

My son didn't walk until 15 months, so for a lot of the pregnancy I was carrying him around, which was probably the most difficult thing (I suffered with back and pelvic probs). As your little one sounds a bit older, it might help you if you can encourage him to be as physically independant between now and then (simple things like him climbing into his car seat himself, which might make it easier when you're heavily pg).

Don't know how you're eldest is in pushchairs, but I'd have been lost without my 360 nipper twin, I lost most of my baby weight pushing the 2 of them around the town or the local park. It was suitable for the newborn and the toddler, and as they got older they could chat and play side by side. My eldest is now 4 and I'm gutted he'll no longer sit in it as it made life much easier!

I know it sounds trite, but it will be wonderful, the best thing we ever did for my son was give him his younger brother, they're really close now and company for each other. When I was pg first time around, experienced moms just loved telling me I didn't know what I was in for, and then when people learned I was pg so soon again they just loved telling me how I was going to struggle with 2. In my opinion lots of people love scaremongering! And I'm now 15wks pg with number 3 so it can't have been that bad...!

Try not to worry, make plans but don't drive yourself mad with things which might never happen x

Chynah · 02/05/2011 22:57

15 months between mine. Honestley it was fine and they are great playmates for eachother. I love that they are so close in age. Best tip I was given was to "treat them like twins" and change/ feed/ath etc at the same time.

D0G · 02/05/2011 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

buttonmoon78 · 03/05/2011 00:52

You will indeed laugh. A lot.

Do you remember how you were at this stage with dc1? All that 'I'll never get out of the house' stuff? Yet you did.

And you will again. It will be fine and you will enjoy it. So what if things change. IME things usually change for the better...

OmicronPersei8 · 03/05/2011 01:15

I think that the stress of having a (first) baby is partly down to all the choices you have to make - how they feed, when, where they sleep, what they wear etc. Second time round you know what you'll choose for each, so all that's left is the tiredness. I won't lie, it is hard work, all babies are, but unlike the first time you already have a family life and family rhythms to your day. Your baby can come along to any activities/friend's houses/toddler groups with DC1, you will find you may get out much more than you did first time round.

It's a bit like the day before your DP/DH finishes paternity leave, and you wonder how you'll ever cope, but somehow, you do. And then it becomes your new normal.

jellyhead188 · 03/05/2011 08:49

You will be fine, its v scary to contemplate it I used to think "how do you manage with more than one!" now expecting number 3 any day and feeling the same, even though I know you just get on with it!!!

Try not to stress about it - enjoy your just you and your DS time and just let things happen! xxx

daimbardiva · 03/05/2011 09:45

I'm in the same position - I'm due in September, ds will be 27 mo by then, and we have a labrador too! You will cope because you just do - I'm lucky in that I have lots of friends/family who've been through this before me, and they've all not only survived, but enjoyed it. 2 years seems to be a great age gap.

We'll all be fine!!! And if we're not, we can come and moan to each other here :)

wolfhound · 03/05/2011 09:50

Yes, don't worry, it will just happen. Your first DC will have developed so much further by the time your second is born - it's impossible to imagine now all the things they'll be able to do that they can't now. 21 months between my two DSs, and will be 23 months between second and DC3 when born this summer - i can't imagine how 3 under 4 will work, and comfort myself with the fact that i just adapted to 2 under 2 so will again...

QueenofDreams · 03/05/2011 09:54

Do you know I worried about it as well while pg with DD. But to be honest it's been FAR easier adjusting to having two than it was adjusting to having one. I know that sounds odd, but the jump just isn't as big. And she's sort of slotted right in. She's just coming up to four months and it's hard to remember life without her!

thegingerone · 03/05/2011 11:11

You'll be amazed how much more grown up your first one will be by then. I've got a bigger age gap between mine, but I found myself "training" my big one to be more independant by the time ds2 came along. They'll be best of mates (or will beat one another up constantlly, in my case!) but bottom line once baby is a bit bigger you'll have less amusing for you to do because they'll have a playmate and it won't be you!!

Other advantage is that the second one will (hopefully) be easier becuse you're already an expert,so things will "slot" so much easier. ds1 was kinda the boss when we were first timers, but we def felt more in charge with ds2 and he has always just fit in with the routine(loose sense of THAT word) that ds1 already had.

And at the end of the day even if you find yourself still in your pjs at lunchtime once or twice, you'll have so much fun having two kids.

(PS dc3 is on his/her way for me, so it can't be too bad and I'm not known for my organisation)

All the very best.

Undutchable · 03/05/2011 11:19

15 months between mine, and DS2 was very poorly much of his first 6 months... but it was fine! I also had the problem of a non-walker for all my pregnancy but we got round it! I don't have family nearby so I've just got on with it, and whilst we had our moments it was fine.

They love playing together - so many times my heart just melts seeing them together :-)

And I agree with RobynLou that if you have just one of them for a short time, it's a total breeze! Remember DS is going to grow up pretty quick - it's amazing how different 3 year olds are compared to 2 year olds.

I'm not looking forward to them being teenagers though...

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 03/05/2011 11:32

Going from 1 to 2 was the biggest shock for me, too.

My DD2 was very colicky, too and bath and bedtime were particularly trying. Then I did baby massage with her and found if I did that before she started getting colicky, she would sleep while I was dealing with her sister.

The other thing to say is that she was also much better at being put down in her cot and staying there than her big sister ever was - and she learned to self-soothe (not because I left her there until she did - more that I didn't pick her up the minute she murmured like I did with her sister.

You do find a way and you get there - and it didn't put me off - I now have 4 DCs!!

Asinine · 03/05/2011 11:39

Don't panic

Remember two is not twice as much work. The baby will be entertained by coming along with you and dc1 to wherever you are going, by watching you cook or watching dc1 play. Little babies sleep during the day and they can't run round the house . You already have to wash, cook, clean, shop so although theres more washing you don't need to iron baby clothes.

By the time baby is walking dc1 will be a lot easier and more independent.

I had 4 in 6 years and used to panic when pg about how we would get the older ones school, depending on who could walk the distance or manage a buggy board. It all worked out somehow in the end.

nunnie · 03/05/2011 11:45

I am in the same boat kind of to be honest, I have a DD who is 4 next month, a DS who is 7 months today (which was a nice gap and pretty easy to manage), I am now almost 20 weeks pregnant with number 3 so there will be under 12 months between them and am slightly worried I have bitten off more than I can chew

Lovemy2babies · 03/05/2011 12:48

Remember you are now an expert in your children, having made all the mistakes with the first!

It will be more work with 2, but you will find it easier then being a 1st time mum.

Make your DC1 as independant as possible before DC2 arrives.
Keep to DC1's routine as much as possible when DC2 arrives.
Get out of the house for DC1's sake - like playgroups
If you can afford it hire a cleaner
Remember when DC2 arrives that DC1 is still a baby.
Get as much sleep as you can when ever you can.
Get DC1 to love and accept DC2 as much as possible.
Use TV as a babysitter for DC1 when ever you need to.
Get some sit down activites for DC1 when DC2 arrives - nice and calm activites like drawing and puzzles.

Trust me, it all gets easier when DC2 passes the 6 month stage.

I have 3 year old and a 10 month old.
I have lived through it (just) :)

SilkStalkings · 03/05/2011 12:53

Erm, imagine you have a third too?

Seriously though, two words: wrap sling.

jugglingjo · 03/05/2011 13:02

I'd say, from my experience, having your second is quite a big deal !
But everyone's different, some seem to find it a breeze !
Enjoy a nice relaxed summer with your DS ( I have such fond memories of both summers with just me and DD1 ) and start developing some support networks for when DC2 arrives. I found toddler groups a real life saver, and used to get out to one nearly every morning with DD and baby. I also had DD start at nursery two afternoons a week, which gave me some much valued and (for me) needed time with new baby. My DC1 was 2.5 yrs when DC2 hit the scene !
Quite liked book on having second child called "Three socks, one shoe and no hairbrush" though some have said it paints a negative picture.
As they grow up and become good friends it's great having two !
Worth it !
Good luck

messylittlemonkey · 03/05/2011 13:02

Well, it's certainly easier second time round in terms of you being more experienced as a parent. WRT coping with two that's just something that you get used to. Having said that, there are four and a half years between my two DDs. whereas your gap will be smaller, so that may present different challenges. Just enjoy it!

wolfhound · 03/05/2011 13:19

Asinine! 4 in 6 years. You are my new hero. Perhaps you should start a thread offering tips. I'd read it :)

pearlym · 03/05/2011 13:26

I spent the whole of second preg dreading it, cos DD1 did not sleep, so when dd2 arrived when DD1 ws 19 mopnths I was reasdy for anything. to my surprise, DD2 slept from 7pm to 8am from the age of 7 weeks - it was so unbeleivable that I thought she was ill.no, just a big sleeper, actually 2 was better as it was less boring

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