How will i manage with a second baby

[callmemummy]

My DS is 18 months old and Im 12 weeks pregnant with our second child. Im over the moon (obviously), but cant help but be a little worried about how i will manage with a second baby. My DS takes up so much time and Im constantly busy as it is so I just worry how on earth I will cope with another.
Do any other mums of two (or more) have any pearls of wisdom they're happy to share?

"My DS takes up so much time and Im constantly busy as it is so I just worry how on earth I will cope with another" mark this page for future reference because believe it or not you'll look back and wonder what you did all day when you only had one! I should add, however, that although it is a bit of a juggling act at the start (I have a two year age gap), ultimately two is much easier than one as they each have a ready made playmate - well that's been my experience.

I wont lie to u, having 2 isnt like having 1 but a lil bit tough, its like having 6. Its hard bloody work, u need eyes in the back of your head.
at first u r sleep deprived and have to remember not to get cranky when DC1 gets up to mischief, then when they get to toddling, they squabble over anything and everything. Shopping is a nightmare, ones whinging they r too tired to walk and the other u r trying to bounce down steps in a pram!!
oh well too late now!
I'm a single mum, was on my own from 7 months preg with DC2 so whatever u feeling, cant be that scarey!!

Sling was essential for me too as DD always wanted to be held, and I slinged her almost constantly for the first 6 months. But the negative side was that it made it hard for me to cuddle DS when he needed to be comforted and felt like a real barrier between me and DS.

I think it depends on your support network family etc. My 2 boys are 14 months apart and I found it really hard, it is a lot of work and exhausting.

On the plus I have a three and a two year old now and they are best friends, so lovely to see. Never lonely or needing a play mate as they have each other.

My advice if you can get lots of help, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Thanks for all your lovely messages. You've really helped me feel more confident about DC2.

You've given loads of really useful tips, and two things in particular which many of you have mentioned....

1. I now know how to look after a baby so I dont have to relearn anything.
2. Its not twice the work, just a change in how you do it. I know it's going to be hard work, but I really cant wait, and I guess Ill look back and wonder what i was worried about. The book "Three shoes, a sock and no hairbrush" sounds like a wise investment. To those mums with 4 children, Wow! You're amazing!!!!

Your DS will be 2 yrs and 2 months when baby arrives just the same age as my DS was when DD made her entrance and it was hard, top tip make sure he is out of nappies before baby comes if you can as that makes it so much easier believe me and although it is difficult you do manage and my two are so so close now they play together all day long and are best of friends so it is worth having them close together I promise and you will see another caring side to your DS when your baby arrives that you haven't seen yet and it is lovely, good luck and stop worrying it will be great and you worry
less with number 2 they kind of muddle through and you are not bothered if they get fed heinz tins or bottle instead of breast so long as they are happy whereas with number 1 you want all to be perfect!!

I've got 3 years between my two. In all honesty, I found it really difficult to begin with...perhaps more of a shock than going from 0 to 1. I did manage to get help from my mum, 18 yr old niece, then we went to stay with my mum. That was great.
My DD (now 10 mths) was also uber clingy and only wanted me and to be held by me for every second! So personally I found it quite hard and stressful. BUT now we have got into the swing of things and we can get out the house, and DD just kind of gets taken around with her big brother. It's got a lot easier and I can cope more. Now she is crawling though, into everything, that is challenging. I have to say I am also not the most patient of mums and do get stressed quite easy...i wish i could enjoy it more!!
Oh dear this isn't very encouraging is it! I am just being honest about my experience, but you might find it a breeze...good luck. And of course they are the two very best things to happen in my life

Oh and forgot to say, you do feel so much more relaxed with DC2, and confident

Lets just say I had convinced myself that it would be SO AWFUL when baby number 2 came along (18 month gap) that the reality has been MUCH better. Clearly there are days when I am knackered and both of them are cranky and I think "Really don't think I can do another day of this", but on the whole, it is fine. My toddler goes to nursery 2 days a week which really helps - it is like a day off, even though I have the baby!

The first 8 weeks can be tricky but as someone else said, the sooner you can get the baby into the same eating/sleeping/bathing patterns as your toddler the easier it gets. Also, don't forget how much newborns need to be held for the first 12 weeks so get a good sling and chuck them in there whenever you need to be doing something with your toddler and the baby needs attention.

Don't feel guilty about using Cbeebies and snacks as bribes to give you breathing space to feed/change the baby.

You have none of the shock into motherhood that you get with your first and the baby will end up being dragged around in the wake of your toddler which actually makes things easier than the micro management of your first baby. I actually PREEN when I walk around my part of London village with my two as I feel such an uber mummy and I have to stop myself from laughing at the new mums with one baby faffing about with parasols and the like (which of course I did with number 1!).

I listened today from another room as my 2 year old got a belly laugh out of my 6 month year old and I thought my heart would burst with the overall "can't believe those two are mine" or it all!

There was 2 years 3 months between my DS and my DD. DS was fascinated by DD and so keen to fetch things for me, talk to her, etc. It's a good idea to have a box of books, toys and DVDs that is only brought out at baby feeding times (or if you have a constant feeder like my DD it stays out almost all the time at first!). It will be absolutely fine most of the time, and it is amazing to watch their relationship develop.

Hello.

It is bloomin' hard work for the first year (I have 25 months between mine). It is also fantastic fun .

The first few weeks gets lots of help with your older one (grandparents/Dad etc) so that you can concentrate on the baby and not feel like you're neglecting your toddler. Then, once over that first bit and you're recovered from the birth get back into the toddler routine- whatever you did before, the baby will slot in pretty easily.

I found I was a lot more relaxed with baby no. 2. The hardest thing for me was dealing with both of them (especially tantrumming 2 year old) when sleep deprived- no.2 was dreadful sleeper, unlike no.1!!!.

Also, expect sibling rivalry and roll with it, it comes and goes and will continue to whilst they grow up!

Enjoy your pregnancy!

I have a 2.9 gap between my two dd's

things that have helped me are

1. Tesco home delivery

1. play school 3 sessions a week for dd1
2. A routine for bedtime

Im a teensy bit neurotic and like to plan things out and have plan b's etc if things go wrong so I would imagine in my head how I would carry out tasks with two.

for bedtime at around 6 pm I take dd2 upstairs for her bath while dd1 watches cartoons ( and yes I initially had promised that my pfb would never be left to watch cartoons - needs must etc)
I breastfeed and put dd2 to bed at 630 ( all the while checking on dd2 whenever I can)

once dd2 in cot I bath dd1

when she is out of the bath If need to, I go and give dd2 a cuddle if she is unsettled and help her to sleep
then dd1 has story time and cuddle time and bed and off to sleep

and then if im lucky and both dd's are asleep at 730 I come downstairs to survey the wreckage of my house!! clean up cook a meal for me and dp if he is home and then relax until dd2's feed at 10pm

some days it all goes well and other days it falls apart and I have to remind myself that tomorrow will be better!!
I have been very lucky in that dd2 is a much much less demanding baby than dd2 ( if it had been the other way around not sure I would have coped as well)

good luck and enjoy your two little ones x