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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

If you didnt want your mum in during labor?

88 replies

Crawling · 03/03/2011 16:28

Can I ask why? are you not close to her? or does she not handle this sort of thing well?

I am not being judgemental just curious I couldnt imagine not having my mum there, she was great had done this before, was not interfering. Knew when to tell MW no, did tea and pee breaks for DP. But she stayed in the backround leaving DP to support me but dealing with the other things so DP could concentrate soley on me. (but to be honest DP not having given or seen birth was a bit panicked and lost) so having my mum helped him to see how to support me.

Just wondering why others dont want thier mum there.

OP posts:

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Janoschi · 04/03/2011 12:33

Never in a million years would I want my mum with me. I think it's wonderful that people have such close relationships with their mothers, but many of us have had very difficult ones.

My own (manic depressive) mother repeatedly beat me with a slipper, locked me outside in winter for hours wearing only pyjamas (we lived on top of a Scottish mountain), pushed me down the stairs, called me 'evil' etc etc from the age of 4 until I left home. I try very hard to have an admittedly very shallow relationship with her but I feel very vulnerable with her near me and for that reason I wouldn't want her with me for the birth. My mother doesn't understand why we're not close and gets upset by it. I can't find the words to answer.

nannyl · 04/03/2011 12:35

My mum lives 5 hours away.

No way do i want her here (and therefor to stay) when im in labour and when baby is born, (even though she has had 2 painrelief free births)

She wont even be visiting until OH has had his 2 weeks paternity leave!

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 04/03/2011 12:44

If she's only had CSs then half the point of having your mother (supposedly an experienced woman who can reassure/mop brow/help) is gone, because it will be as new for you as for her taking. The potential emotional support depends on your relationship but I think a lot of people who choose to have their mothers there have mothers who've 'done it'.

I've told mine if I have a CS she's coming on the first plane though - she's well up on recovery from them, BFing afterwards and looking after the house/mother so new mother can look after baby

NotSoPukeyMum · 04/03/2011 12:52

I did quite want my Mum there or around, but DH wanted it to be us going through it as a couple.

The compromise was to hire a doula, who took care of a lot of the "mum" stuff the OP mentioned in her initial post.

Planning to do same this time around (DC2), but with my Mum staying at our house to look after DD1. So she will be there when I get home.

I wouldn't say I'm particularly close to my Mum, but have got closer since having DD1.

JitterBug2 · 04/03/2011 13:10

Each to their own.... I love my mum dearly and have a close relationship with her but there's no way I'd want here there for the birth. Firstly she's no very good with anything blood related and has a tendency to panic - she'd stress me out, hopefully DP will maintain his usual calm aura. Secondly it's been 30 odd years since she gave birth and things have changed a lot in that time. She was induced on the due date for no good reason, automatically had an episiotomy, my dad wasn't allowed to be there (born overseas) and she was kept in for a week with PND while I was sent home with my dad.
Besides all of that, I think it's an experience that I just want to share with my DP.

Moffit · 04/03/2011 13:19

I am very close to my mum and we have a lovely relationship, but I do not want her there whilst I am in labor and giving birth. It will just be me and my DH, which we are both very happy with.

However my Mum was with my sister for the birth of both of her children, so I am not quite sure how to tell her that she wont be invited to my births?!

comixminx · 04/03/2011 14:23

I love my mum a lot and generally have a very good relationship with her, though there are plenty of things that we have different ideas about how to do! I wouldn't want to have her at the birth: she did offer but we'd already arranged a doula. That was someone that both DP and I had agreed on and hired together, and someone who was there to support us both, whereas I'd feel a bit too much like my mum would be mostly there for me and then I'd be the hinge between her and DP in a slightly uncomfortable way.

Ragwort · 04/03/2011 14:35

No way (and I am sure my mum would not even have wanted to be there) - thinking of all the 'horrendous mother-in-law' threads on Mumsnet it is totally unreasonable to expect the baby's Dad (assuming he is there for the birth) to have to put up with his mother-in-law as well - my DH would have gone mental if I had suggested my mother was there - academic anyway as she lives the other side of the country - we didn't arrange a visit until I was home and rested (EMCS). My mother and I get on well but as an adult, I certainly didn't need my mother there when I gave birth - to me it was an important bonding experience for DH, baby and I (although I was completely knocked out by the anaesthetic!!).

bobblehat · 04/03/2011 14:36

I'm really close to my mum but it never occured to me to have her there at the birth. That's what dh is for.

That said, I had a very quick unexpected home delivery with ds2, with just dh and mil there. How I chuckled at the text from sil the next day that just said 'ha ha mil's seen your fanjo!!

MrsAlanKey · 04/03/2011 14:43

I'm very close to my mum but I can do without her and DH chating away while I give birth in the corner.

LaWeasel · 04/03/2011 14:57

Would hate it because I don't get on with my mother. And it is exactly the kind of situation with her which would freak me out (ie she would have influence over mws etc instead of them listening to me) and petrify me.

However, even if we got on really well I would not have wanted more than one person present, I wanted my companion to talk to me not each other.

And if there's only one person, DH wins every time!

Supersunnyday · 04/03/2011 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minipie · 04/03/2011 15:03

I haven't given birth yet, not sure whether I would want my mum there or not.

On the one hand I'm incredibly close to her and I think she'd be brilliant if something went wrong or if I got anxious (better than DH would be actually).

On the other hand I do feel like it should be just me and DH, something we do together.

(Also if my mum was there then my dad might pop in as well... and then my sister... )

Will probably compromise on having DH there and mum "on call".

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