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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

If you didnt want your mum in during labor?

88 replies

Crawling · 03/03/2011 16:28

Can I ask why? are you not close to her? or does she not handle this sort of thing well?

I am not being judgemental just curious I couldnt imagine not having my mum there, she was great had done this before, was not interfering. Knew when to tell MW no, did tea and pee breaks for DP. But she stayed in the backround leaving DP to support me but dealing with the other things so DP could concentrate soley on me. (but to be honest DP not having given or seen birth was a bit panicked and lost) so having my mum helped him to see how to support me.

Just wondering why others dont want thier mum there.

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vj32 · 03/03/2011 16:31

Because it is going to be a 'special experience'?!? for me and my husband. I don't really understand why people want their Mum there, unless they are really close to their Mum. And it would be a bit wierd for my husband - after all his Mum won't be there. But then I know my husband will be able to cope and will do the best for me however things work out.

blowninonabreeze · 03/03/2011 16:33

I'm really really close to my mum but wouldn't have dreamt of having her at the birth of either of my DDs.

BooyFuckingHoo · 03/03/2011 16:34

i am not close to my mum and i was having EXP tehre anway. also, my mum is a midwife and told me she would prefer not to be tehre as she would feel she wanted to take over from the midwives caring for me which would be wrong.

jeee · 03/03/2011 16:35

My mother is desperate to see a baby being born. She's always said that she'd love a woman sitting next to her on the bus give birth. But, although I'm very close to her, I didn't want her. I mean, she might find out that I know some bad words .

To make up for not wanting her there, I took her to a farm park so at least she saw a sheep giving birth

Mutt · 03/03/2011 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Crawling · 03/03/2011 16:38

I dont think there is anything wrong with not having her my mum wasnt there for my DC2 because she was looking after DS. I was literally just curious

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MrsTittleMouse · 03/03/2011 16:39

My Mum is lovely, but her birth experiences were not good. She would have wanted to do her best and to have concentrated completely on me. But she would have been sat there (for hours and hours) getting very stressed and making the atmosphere very tense.

DH had to go away for work a few days before DD1 was born, and he jokingly told my Mum that she should be there if I went into labour and couldn't get back in time. I was so with him, as it wasn't what I wanted at all, and she then thought that that was the plan. Muppet.

Luckily I was in labour for days, so no problems with him getting back.

memphis83 · 03/03/2011 16:39

i wanted my mum their, she was worried dh wouldnt want her there, but he did, he was worried about being able to support me,it went on for 44 hours so they were like watchmen one napped while the other talked to me when the time came i had a fit, lost a lot of blood and dh was able to sit with his new son while mum looked after me, he really appreciated her being there and has actually said if we did it again he would want my mum there again!!

TooManyPufflesInMyIgloo · 03/03/2011 16:40

LOL! My mum would be horrified and disgusted at the mere thought and would make up 12 excuses why not. She might be required to put in some effort doing something for someone other than herself and that would never do.

I learnt at a young age not to go to her with my cuts and scrapes unless I really couldn't get the bleeding to stop without assistance.

She doesn't even touch my children when she visits now ...

MrsTittleMouse · 03/03/2011 16:40

DH was the muppet, not my Mum, by the way. She, very reasonably, thought that we had talked about it before he told her.

charitygirl · 03/03/2011 16:43

Because more than one person is overkill IMO, and my mum would only be that person if my husband couldn't be there!

Maybe for a teen/unplanned pregnancy where the relationship with baby's father was not rock solid, but I dint think grown woman with partners need their mum there. Hope that doesn't sound mean, I just think the couple relationship should be clearly foregrounded here.

RobynLou · 03/03/2011 16:43

I wouldn't have dreamt of having my mum there, DH was and is more than adequate!

SeeJaneKick · 03/03/2011 16:45

It's nothing to do with my Mum! It's my baby and m DHs....not hers! She'd have been if I asked her too!
It's an American thing is'nt it? It's not a bloody party....there should be 2 people...you and your support person..DH or otherwise.

deemented · 03/03/2011 16:47

TBH the only person i'd want there is those that are there at conception...

izzybiz · 03/03/2011 16:48

I had my mum with me when I had Ds1, I was 16 years old and only wanted her.

With Dd and then Ds2 it was just me and Dh, it was our baby, our special moment IYKWIM.

Original poster

Crawling · 03/03/2011 16:48

DP did support me my mum did more of what a doula would do speaking to MWS and explaining what they wanted to do. So dp could concentrate on me, should probably say I was 17 on DS, but I didnt find the experience any less special than DD who was just me and DP. I really was just curious. Perhaps it was just that I was young on my first.

OP posts:

OnlyWantsOne · 03/03/2011 16:49

I didnt want my mum there because she has done it before, and would be a terrible bully and unsupportive, and probably roll her eyes at me

and she stinks of fags

MrsVidic · 03/03/2011 16:50

Because she would have taken over and Dp wouldn't get a look in. Also I didn't need to be annoyed by her tips

Tolalola · 03/03/2011 16:51

No way - I had a very traumatic labour that ended in a crash section. My mother did actually come to the hospital, but I wouldn't let her come onto the ward.

I was in excruciating pain, throwing up constantly with blood etc. everywhere and really didn't know what was going on at that stage. My sister and DP were with me and my mother would have freaked out, fussed and likely cried, which makes me crazy.

I am so glad she didn't come in. Don't want her there this time either.

Fluter · 03/03/2011 16:51

Well, it's a bit academic as she died 8 years ago, but we were never close in that way, even though she trained as a midwife. And quite honestly, I'm not sure (and this is after having 9 complete strangers looking up my fanjo in the space of 10 days during IVF) that I'd want my mum staring at my bits... I'd never be able to face her over the dinner table again!

PS: SeeJaneKick: love the "It's not a bloody party" :o

suiledonne · 03/03/2011 16:51

I have a superficially good relationship with my mother but she is a difficult person to be around and we are not close.

The strange thing is though that when I gave birth to dd1 (DH with me and being great support etc) I remember calling out for her. I'm not sure if I did it aloud as DH never mentioned it but nearly 5 years on the memory of justing wanting her there is very clear.

schroeder · 03/03/2011 16:51

God no, she would have freaked and we are not very close.

I would not be able to relax with her around.

When I had to ring her to say I was in labour with dd and could she please come to take care of ds (as we had arranged months before)she stressed me out so much my contractions got further apart.

TheCrackFox · 03/03/2011 16:52

I didn't want my mum there because I was giving birth - I really didn't have the time to murder someone too.

nickelbabe · 03/03/2011 16:54

I don't think i want my mum there - i mean, she did give birth to me, but she has a habit of making me feel like i'm doing it all wrong
not on purpose, of course, but it's just her - she picks the easy way for everything, and I want to do it the hard way!

I have asked my friend to be with me, cos she's had 4 home births and has the same ideas as me on that and also breastfeeding.
but she lives in Nottm so might not be able to.

I've got another friend who said she's interested in being a Doula, so i said she could come too!
(my mum wouldn't fit in the house after all that!)

nickelbabe · 03/03/2011 16:55

TheCrackFox - see, you would! imagine squeezing your hands round her neck to release your contractions!

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