sure start grant cut...i now have nothing for my unborn baby

[witter]

Hi everyone,,,
I'm looking for some advice as i dont know what to do anymore just as i get back on my feet something else seems to knock me back down.

Does anyone know is there any help out there as ive missed the sure start grant and now have nothing for baby due in april 2011.

I had to claim income support late last year as my partner left us and i was not working so had no income what so ever.
I have recently gone self employed and dont really have much income at the moment with starting up and everything.
I am due to have another baby in april 2011 but i have nothing i was told i could claim a sure start grant months ago but when i went into the jobcentre they said no first child only now.
I do have another child who is 1 year old but have never claimed this before as myself and partner worked before.
I have a few bits that baby could use but my son is still in his cot and only have his buggy now which i use for him as he cant walk the next baby is a girl so dont have mamy clothes either nether mind bottles, blankets, or anything else.
i really dont know where to turn next..i cant claim a loan because i need to be claiming benefits.
is there anything at all i could do??
thanks for reading xx

'But you save and are financially secure before getting pregnant. So even if relationship seemed secure, clearly her finances weren't.'

I did this. I planned to have a baby with my partner. I conceived twins and he left. My savings didn't last long, and I am still waiting to see a penny from the ex.

'Anyway, I was just pointing out the hypocricy on here with regards women who have affairs and women who get pregnant without stability. I have been in neither position btw but always wonder why we treat getting pregnant like this as a 'can't be helped' situation.'

Until forced abortions are put in place in the UK (as presumably you would advocate) this IS a 'can't be helped' situation'

Meh! How thoroughly unpleasant.

I would advocate no such thing!

You plan and save and ensure you are in a stable relationship before you conceive.

The average age of my NCT group was 36. We talked about it often and most waited 8-10 years after graduating until they had enough financial and emotional stability before trying for a baby.

I was 38. Of course I completely accepted that it might not happen. But it would have been wholly irresponsible of me to have a baby before then as we did not have enough financial security.

Becoming pregnant recklessly is no different to having an affair recklessly. As an adult, you know both are wrong and selfish and therefore you don't engage.

And I would never have planned to have a baby with a man I didn't know was thoroughly commited to it himself and not morally bankrupt enough to abandon his responsibilities.

longwalk lots of women have babies within seemingly established, good stable relationships......it doesnt always stay that way.

People can be surprising.

FFS longwalk everything going perfectly in your life then!

JESUS CHRIST! WHERE is your compassion, your help, treating your neighbour as you would like to be treated yourself.

There but for the grace of God go you

longwalk how would you KNOW your partner wasn't going to leave you. THINGS CHANGE. PEOPLE CHANGE.

FFS What a middle class post grad idealistic view of the world. Lets hope your DH doesnt fuck off with you pregnant

I agree with the last few comments. The OP is already pregnant, we do not know her exact circumstances, the pregancy may have been unplanned or perhaps she thought her relationship was stable, things change.

The OP is 7 months pregnant and has found herself a single parent with another small child too. It seems she is trying to do her best and doing some sort of work in what must be very difficult circumstances. I think she deserves some credit for that, not to be berated.

I do have compassion. I'm hardly saying the OP should be whipped and her child taken from her. And of course, she needs help.

However, it is irresponsible to get in that position. It can often be prevented. I'm not saying every time but often contraception is lacking. Two babies in 2yrs! Come on!

My DH may well 'fuck off and leave me' but he would never in a million years abandon his kids. Even if I left him and was an utter bitch, he would not abandon his kids. As a decent man and a lawyer he is aware of both his moral and his legal obligations.

Not sure what 'post grad' has to do with it. And I don't particularly consider myself middle class either.

I have had two unplanned pregnancies longwalk, one the condom split and I took the map within 12 hours, the second time I had the coil fitted and still got pregnant. Life can't always be perfectly mapped out.

My Aunt waited until everything was 'perfect' before ttc, she was 39, and unfortunately she couldn't get pregnant and then she was refused ivf for being too old.

The cut off due date for the Health in Pregnancy Grant (£190) is the SIXTEENTH OF APRIL. If you are due on that day or before you absolutely ARE entitled to it.

Personally, I really wonder in your opinion what is the ideal money to save before having a child? Enough for all 18 yrs? Enough for a few years?

Does that also mean anyone who earns minimum wage shouldnt have children?

I have to admit I find your views concerning, but maybe that is just me.

Has nobody else said " ask the father of your baby to contribute what is required"? Or am I being naive?

Are you claiming everything you are entitled to? Statutory maternity pay or maternity allowance if you are self employed. Tax credits can be paid along side maternity allowance.
check entitled to

Lola, it would be ridiculous for me to state a figure as of course, people will save what they can.
However, you cannot deny how many people have children without a concern for how they will provide for them without any help.

Even on minimum wage, a couple could themselves save a bit. It is much harder to save when you have a child. Lots of women think about having a baby with their partner at about 22. Well all I'm suggesting is saving for 8-10 years and then trying. There are lots of couples who have hold abroad etc for 4 years then have a baby, one gives up work and then they say they are struggling. Well how about instead of that £1500 holiday to Lanzarote, you put that away each year for 10years?

After university, I went on to do a PGCE then a Masters. DH went to law school. After that, we were both on starter salaries with lots of student debt. It would have been completely irrisponsible to have had a baby then. We paid off the student debt, then we saved-rarely went out, no expensive hols. Then we decided it was ok.

Of course it's not all black and white but thousands of women do spend all their wages on having fun for years then decide they want a baby and go ahead. They would have had far better stability had they planned ahead.

Long walk

I have
A post graduate qualification

My husband does too

My father died when i was 27 and i had severe depression. I had to stop working. I spent my savings over 4 years trying to recover

I married my dh who had a great career.

Got pregnant, had a baby age 29, paid for everything.

Got meningitis, couldn't return to work.

Then recovered, got pg again age 33, but when dd2 was six months old my dh got made redundant.

He has now had sever depression. I have worked very hard to return to work and am now going back, and will be a high rate taxpayer once again.

When should i have had my children? Should i still not have had them?

Long walk

What if your dh was mentally ill? How would you cope then? Wht would you say if he was mentally ill and COULDN'T take care of your children

Some people might plan to have two children in two years you know.

There are plenty of reasons to have DC when you are younger.

As I said, it is never black and white. However, too many people do have a baby without thorough financial or emotional planning.

I don't think being educated has much to do with it. I'm not a snob at all and I don't for one minute imagine that life doesn't through curveballs.

I grew up on one of the most deprived council estates in the country. I lost both my parents in their early 50s. I have no help whatsoever and my husband is often out of the country for 2wks at a time. I cope on my own a lot. We pay nearly £500 a month in insurance to cover as much as possible from long term sick to death to redundancy.

I have saved since I was 16yrs and working p/t 12hours a week whilst studying. I put myself through university and have no bubble around me when it comes to understanding the realities of poverty or hardship.

wannabe - i think your bang out of order for what you are saying to witter. She is obviously just a pregnant girl asking for advice and help and all you can do is put her down.

Witter - you should speak to your mid wife about what benefits you are entitled to she will help you or put you in touch with someone who will help. Also, look on the net, eBay and other web pages for baby stuff and charity shops are great.I'm sure your family will support you once the baby is here too.

Wow, what a heated debate over a little request for advice.

Longwalk, firstly, you're a teacher and your DH is a lawyer? That kinda sorta makes you middle class whether you want to accept it or not regardless of your apparent working class upbringing. I would say that the person who claimed your view was "middle class" had a point. I appreciate you are entitled to your opinion but I think the way you have voiced it is rude and inconsiderate. I also wonder if you are just trolling because that is the way it appears to me. Nobody who grew up on a council estate and saw how hard working people end up there would pass such blanket judgements. I also find it difficult to believe that a teacher holds these views as I don't know any that are so narrow minded and I am also a teacher.

I would also like to counter your argument on getting pregnant young being "irresponsible". I am 25 and am pregnant with my first child, my plan is to have 2 children and to have had them before the age of 30. In my belief this is the responsible thing to do rather than selfishly leaving it till I'm 39 when the health risks are greatly increased (to me and baby) just so that I can enjoy an extra few years just me and my OH. I would hate to feel that I would not live to see my grandchildren or see my own children get married. I would also hate to have left it that long that I would be too old to conceive. I would like to enjoy my children's teenage years and have the energy to do it. I greatly treasure the relationship I have with my (still living) grandparents as I know my daughter will treasure hers with my parents when she is grown up, she will know them as people rather than just grandparents. I think it is only fair to see both sides of the argument and to appreciate that both sides have valid points. There is no perfect age to become a mum for everyone. Finally, this is completely off topic and if you want to continue the debate then maybe you should start a new thread of your own on "Why you should be with someone for 10 years before ttc".

I knew my ex-dh for 12 years. we'd been together for 6. married for 4. had 2 children, aged 1 and 3. Then he fucked off out the blue. These thing happen. get off your fucking high horse longwalk.

OP, the Healthy Living Grant is £190 and doesnt finish until April so you are definately able to claim that - with ebay and freecycle you should be ok. 2nd hand shops are great - the only thing I bought brand new was a mattress, but that was from kiddicare at £20.

Christ almighty if every student waits until they repay their future student debt and have saved for 8-10 year to have a baby then the woman will be past childbearing years. This is provided they go to uni in 2012 and onwards.

Longwalk, I didn't even wait until I met a committed man before I got pregnant, no-one I liked wanted me and I would couldn't live with the ones who wanted me. According to people like you I should have remained childless. If I had been expecting £500 to fund the basic equipment then had the rug pulled, which is what is happening with all the wonderful help the last government brought in, I would have struggled. As it was I saved the money as it wasn't available 17 yrs ago.

I think the point here, is not about the age or financial situation you find yourself in when you get PG, but whether the OP started the thread to get good advice - which she has been given by the shedload, or to get handouts, realising that MNetters are generally a lovely and generous set of people.