surprise for 16yr old pregnant neice

[debbie2003]

Hi, wondering if anybody had any ideas. My neice is 16 and due to be induced next week or 2. Would really like to give her a nice surprise as i know how hard it is to treat yourself once babys born. Was thinking of a new haircut and meal after. Or arrange some beauty treatment?
Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Just been reading this post in awe.
I did actually sit through and read all 76 posts!

Firstly I totally agree with planner26 about the dressing gown, my baby isnt due till march but id love that as a present its completely thoughtful. Saves me throwing on my OH'S jackets every morning!!

And to buttonmoon and chocolatemoose your comments made me laugh alot. but very truely said!!

I am only 20. I know its not 16 but when I found out I was bricking it and may aswell have been 16 as thats how young i felt.

I came straight on here and posted my feelings on it and recieved over 40 replies every single one positive comments even when I spoke about abortion everyone was so supportive and amazing I felt like I had 40 mums/sisters/aunties it was great and it actually made me feel ok about telling my mum.

now if I had of got this kind of response I cant imagine what I may have done or how I may have reacted, it may have been very different.

but since I didnt I am now almost 18 weeks feel very fulfilled and any worries I have had I have posted on here and got a lovely response.

I really feel for you Debbie that you had to face this ridicule and your only the aunty. If this was your niece she'd be gutted.

I suggest an empty house a new dvd and loads of munchies. and before the baby is born just a lovely meal out and buy her a nice treat for the baby to get her in the mood for impending happiness :):)

Bustle - and you call me rude?!

I wasn't being rude. I was making a fair point. If more 16 yr olds took contraception seriously after their first child, we wouldn't be in the current situation where we have the higest rate of teenage pregnancies and mothers with 2 or three children before they are even 20 - a number of which (although I realise not all) do not have stable relationships

IIRC Puss I got more sex ed than I could shake a stick (or anything else) at the day after my DD was born. Certainly wouldn't have needed to be preached at by anyone else about using a bloody condom!

The OP was asking about nice ways to treat her niece. I think hair cut would be great. Or a goody bag with p.js, fave bubble bath, books, magazines, photo album for baby pictures, fave nail polish....

'a number of which do not have stable relationships'

A quick look at the lone parent threads show that there are a lot of mums in there 30s and 40s with young children or pregnant that arent in stable relationships. Who knows or can say if and when a relationship will break down?

If I had got pregnant at 16 and my relationship would have panned out how it has my child would have been 6 when me and my ex split...As it is I will be having my first child in december and she will never know who her father is (different thread entirely)...sorry to go on that just really riled me.

Debbie I also want you to be my auntie!! A girly night going for tea then the pics for the two of you possibly? I do like the jamas idea :-)

Puss: FFS keep your beak out and take your soapbox elsewhere. For all you or any of us know, this girl might be happily married - there are plenty of cultures where marriage and motherhood at this age are seen as virtuous and right bang in line with what some or other IMaginary Friend approves of.

OP you've had some good suggestions in between the crap, I would add, maybe something glamourous, loose-fitting and adjustable to wear after the baby comes, like a button-fronted top with a few sparkles on (disclaimer, am not great on teenage fashion) and some nice bath/body lotion stuff.

I don't think the op came on here for a debate about teenage pregnancy.

Op it's lovely that you want to get your niece something and would second everyone who has said clothes/treatment/haircut.

FWIW I don't think education is the answer - they know how babies are made, all of them do. My DD started sex ed in yr 5. She's 11 now and knows how to and how not to get pregnant.

Bottom line is, most of these girls have babies because they want babies - for whatever reason. They need educating on how hard babies actually are, and how expensive. Also I think the boys involved should be held accountable too. Ie: A reduction in benefits/increase in tax for any children they don't support. Something that makes them think twice and take some responsibility. But that's a whole different thread.

Op I've made some very generalised comments, and these are not aimed at your niece - I know nothing about her. She sounds like she has a very supportive family, and I wish her lots of luck.

Thankyou so much for all the wonderful suggestions. Its decided - Hairdo, dressing gown then a curry! Thanks to all those wishing her the best.

Debbie, i'm a bit late to the thread, and ignoring the insensitive crap spouted at you.

If she is uncomfortably big at the mo, some hairdressers will do home-cuts. Worth asking around.

All the best to your niece, she sounds lucky to have you!

sorry Puss but I think you are a liar.

it was very obvious what the OP wanted and you took it upon yourself to patronise and belittle - how wonderful for you to be so perfect.

As someone else said I think if you turned up to see anyone who was about to give birth or had given birth and brought a sex ed book as your gift - you would look like a complete tit - you knew excactly how nasty your remark would be.

completely needless

plus I think the niece's age could be relevant if this was a birthday gift woudlnt you want to know the girl's age as a way of determining what might be of interest/use? the purpose of the this gift is essentially the same - something for the niece to enjoy.

Good luck to your niece Debbie, they sound like great gifts.

And not that it matters, but my friend got pregnant at 16. We are both now in our 30s. She still only has one child. She is still with his father. They have both always worked.

There may be teen mothers out there with lots of kids, but there is no need to come and belittle someone you don't know on a thread that is not about the rights or wrongs of teen motherhood.

Debbie, don't let the horrid, catty posts put you off MN. You came on here with kind intentions, and your niece's age is relevant because you obviously don't want suggestions aimed at someone twice her age.

And while it might not be the ideal for girls of your niece's age to get pregnant, the fact is that with support and understanding from close family like you, she and her baby will be off to a good start. She needs that more than a book on sex education.

Whereas Puss could do with this: [http://www.amazon.com/Miss-Manners-Citizens-Guide-Civility/dp/0609801589/ref=sr_1_13?ie=UTF8&qid=1286457113&sr=8-13]

I was 19 when I had DD1 and she was very much planned and wanted.

I think it's a lovely idea Debbie - what about a box of pamering bits - I got some bath bombs and other bits and bobs and found it blissfull being able to relax in the bath for half an hour while DD slept. Or a vouchers for a manicure or something - just something simple as she when she probably does get half hour to herself she wont necessarily think of pampering herself

Debbie I was bought some perfume for my birthday two weeks before my daughter was born, five years ago and now every time I smell it, it reminds me of her and how happy I was and obviously still am!! It's a really lovely memory smell. Hope all goes well for both of them, vvv envious at how quickly she'll snap back into shape.

Puss this is the Pregnancy section not AIBU, go annoy someone else.

My Mum took me for a posh hair cut and colour when I was a couple of days overdue. It cheered me up no end and I really appreciated that in all the new baby photos my hair looked lovely and freshly done. (even when the rest of me was sweatpants and dressing gown!)

Just felt compelled to post on here as I'm pretty gobsmacked at how rude and nasty some people are being about this girl's age. It's relevant in terms of providing some guidance on suitable presents, and for no other reason. It might very well be true that we have a lot of teenage pregnancies in this country, but WHY do you feel this is an appropriate place to bring that up? If someone posted a question about their pregnancy, and mentioned that they were 35, would you feel it was relevant and appropriate to start quoting the greater risks of complications and disability?? NO - of course not, because that would be rude, nasty, and IRRELVANT to the question - just like this is. What is wrong with some people?!

What a lovely welcome.

How nice of some MNers to spout off their opinions about young mothers amid some sneeriness about how useless most young mums are perceived to be.

And the barely veiled assumption that the OP is a bit commmon, so get ye to Netmums.

OP - I had dd at 17, it is not the end of the world, I have done a lot better than many posters on this thread would assume. I am the proud mother of a 14 year old brilliant girl, have gained 2 degrees and have a fantastic career.

Tell your niece to develop a VERY thick skin to deal with the kind of remarks as made on this thread.

Oh, and a haircut is a great idea, but would probably leave that for post partum, she will look as if a train has hit her (if she is anything like me) and having a cut and blow dry a couple of months after with cheer her up.

Lovely bath stuff would go down a treat I Or a pregnanct massage
(some spas have specific pregnancy treatments)

Nice idea, debbie2003. Also think a beauty treatment would be good - perhaps a nice pregnancy massage?

Don't really understand some of the mean responses. Yes, teenage pregnancy isn't ideal but really not necessary to be mean! What's done is done etc.

When I was due to be induced I had a blow dry and manicure the day before so I could look my best for the big day. She might like that.

(I still looked rough as hell in the photo with DS a couple of minutes old though )

How judgy can some of you get? I know several woman who's 3rd babies were surprise pregnancies.
But for the grace of God I didn't become a single teenage mother, and it wasn't' because I wasn't educated in the facts of life.

Debbie,

What a lovely auntie you are...All the very best to your neice. I'm sure your support and love is enough... however a treat would be lovely, I'm sure all Mum's too be would love such kindness. x
:)

V.good point, Lynette.

I didn't have my DC till I was in my thirties, but the fact that I didn't get pregnant when at school isn't because of my superior education in sexual matters from school (which was limited, from what I remember) or because of my exceptional moral purity. I just didn't get the chance to even worry about it because I wasn't having sex till I got to university: the guys I fancied at school didn't fancy me, and the ones that did fancy me I thought were repellent.

But had Jonathan C reciprocated my feelings when I was 16, and we'd been overcome with lust behind the bikesheds, who knows what might have happened - and that's why judging Debbie's niece is so unfair. It could have happened to most of us, with the exception of the saintly and sanctimonious Puss, obviously.

Er I used contraception thanks very much - belt AND braces approach - it is not rocket science

Jeez, sometimes Mumsnet really disappoints me. OP came here here for the first time for some well intentioned advice and suggestions for her niece and look what she's been subjected to.

I am pretty disgusted at some of the sneering, patronising comments. It's actually made me quite angry (that and being overdue and hormonal no doubt). And it's just so MEAN and judgmental.

As others have said, there but for the grace of God went my 16 year old self . . . Time for a bit more support and a bit less smug moralising?

Bah. Grrr. Am turning off computer and having a soothing piece of cake.

I agree honeybee I've been defending MN to some friends as they feel its very judgey, patronising and slightly obsessed with spelling and grammar!!! but to be honest don't know why I bothered, some of the posts have really pissed me off and a 16 year old is having a baby, that's it, the OP niece is in exactly the same position as you or me and she deserves the same respect. Enjoy your cake, can I have some?