Pregnancy post mc: Totally's grads continued part 4...

[SamanthaB123]

Our shiny new thread - all welcome!

Banana - so sorry to hear your news. Two m/cs in a row is horribly bad luck but isn't down to you. There are loads of people who then went on to have a baby - including on this thread. Hope this doesn't come across as trite but just want to reassure you that it's not the end of the journey as it probably seems now.

Louisesh - you are one very brave lady and Georgie had a fantastic mother. She was part of you for 9 months - just so sorry you didn't get to share more time with her. From reading your webpage, it sounds like you have fantastic family and friends around you - hope they are wrapping you up in a blanket of love and that next year brings you what you so dearly deserve. I have a friend who have multiple micarriages followed by a stillbirth - she now has a very healthy one year old. Hope you don't mind me mentioning it - people must be trotting out all sorts of stories at the moment - but just wanted to reassure you with the story of someone who has gone through the hell you are in and has come out the other side.

SamB - sounds like you're in a real limbo land. Hope your little one gets a wriggle on soon.

Louise
I am so very, very, very sorry for what I can only grasp as a exceedingly cruel blow of fate.

There are no words. You and Georgie are in my thoughts.

banana sorry for your news too.

viv thanks for sharing your positive news, a ray of light in what seems like very sad times on this thread.

Hello, I often pop in to have a look at how the grads are getting on and I was so very sorry to read your news louise.

I'm sorry if i'm intruding on your grief, but I couldn't bare to read your terrible news and not say something.

I think you did the right thing to ask for the tests to find out why this happened, i liked the way you said you owed it to her - so well put. I think i would do the same as I would just be full of, "What if" and "If only".

I noticed that you were wondering if it was because you went to 41 weeks but I wouldn't think this would be it (although I am by no means qualified to comment), it's just that I know of lots of babies who went over-due, especially first babies. I'm sure your mind is a whirl and you are trying to work out why and how this could have happened.

I cannot begin to image your pain. You're family all sound so lovely and I hope they are being a comfort to you.

Once again, I'm sorry if I'm talking out of turn because I don't really 'know' you, I'm just so sorry to hear your news.

banana I'm sorry to read your news. I'm sure it probably doesn't feel like it at the moment, but there will be another chance.

louise hugs. sorry I have nothing better to say. thinking of you and yours.

not much from me, feeling utterly miserable, and I swear I'm getting sicker, losing weight and generally feeling very weak with the low bp and sugar. on top, my best friend has just been diagnosed with MS and is going through hell. No idea how to help. :(

Oh no no no banana... I'm so sorry. But do not give up hope yet, I don't want to quote statistics at you, but two in a row in NO way means you won't go on to have a successful pregnancy. And I can't wait for you to come back and tell us about it. In the meantime take your time and get all the support you need.

Louise still thinking of you and your family. Take care.

In a (possibly stupid) attempt to cheer the thread up, I had my 4 hour antenatal class today. Wowzer. That's a long time. But it was quite good. Although if we'd played midwife bingo and had only words like moist, leaky, gush and fluid on our card we'd've won hands down. Eugh. The labour bit wasn't as bad as I expected, the bit that freaked me out was all the talk about our waters going, and how messy it is, and how you need to look for colour, and how it might ruin your carpet, or happen in a shop... not happy about that idea.

Good night all, sleep well (I wish!)

Has anyone here heard of hyperfertility? Getting pregnant after only one or two tries? Higher rates of mc for those people and I am "lucky" enough to be one. Great. Really not filled with confidence AT ALL now and getting on to a fertility clinic Monday about testing DH's sperm for morphology and me for anything possible.

Thanks DORCAS and MEITA for your donations.Hope all are well.1 week annivarsary today of my daughters birth...Its not fair we should be celebrating that not in this hell hole of a situation.Yesterday was a bad day i just didn t want to talk at all.Every day seems soo long at the moment an hour feels like 24hours and i just want it to be a years time and i ve got my baby.Been researching , as you do, and ,just like after a MC, you are more fertile after a pg soo roll on....

Of course you are advised to wait until 6 weeks post but bugger that as soon as i ve stopped bleeding we re back at it.Then i ve got a fear i wont concieve for ages but can t think like that as got to be positive in the last 2 years i ve got pg 4 x.No one will ever replace Georgie but.....

Sorry this post is me,me,me.X

Don't apologise louise... your posts should be exactly that. We're all just so very sorry you're having to go through this. Post MC I was advised whenever I felt ready, and I think that's exactly how you should go. I have to admit I found sex utterly overwhelming emotionally, which my DH wasn't quite ready for, but go with it as you can... and know that there will be a lot of women around the country keeping their fingers crossed for you.

And banana I haven't heard of it either, but I can see how it might make sense, people do seem to say "at least you know you can get pregnant", which I think is insanely unhelpful, but there are lots of stories on here of women who've had more than one MC and gone on to have healthy babies. I think the fertility clinic is a good idea... the why questions are really hard, so any answers you can get will help.

Thinking of you both today.

banana I have always got pregnant very easily. First time it was the second month of trying. After that didn't end well I got pregnant right away again. And then it was first time back once we were allowed to try again after the ectopic - which was our third time lucky.

I still believe you will get your baby. Even if there is a reason, there is a lot they can do to help. I'm keeping hope for you.

louise it is unfair, and it is fine for you to scream that whenever and wherever you need to.

Nothing to report

Sunday?s List:

Effilump - Baby#5, 40+1 wks, due 16th Oct
SamanthaB123 baby#3(2x DD's 12 & 9 yrs) 39+4 wks, due 20th October; sweep #2 19th October
Sarahlou8 - baby#3 (DD 11, DS 9) 39+1 wks, EDD 23rd October
Unbuffy - baby#2 (1 DD) - 34 wks EDD 27th November, scan 1st Nov
HappyGirl - baby#1, 32+4 weeks, EDD 8th December
Zayja - baby#1, 31+5 wks, EDD 11th December
Goodluckbear - baby#1, 31+1 wks, EDD 18th December
Malteser1981 - baby#1, 31+1 wks, EDD 18th December
Gilda - baby#1 - 30+1 wks, due 25th December
BunnyBaby - baby#3 - 30+1 wks, due 25th December
sparklyrainbow - baby#1 29+3 wks EDD 30th December
AlbaDeTamble - baby#2 (1DS, 3yrs) 28+6 wks EDD 3rd January
toomuchteaching - baby#1 28+4 wks EDD 5th January
Redheadgal - baby#1 28+2 wks EDD 6th January
diggingforvictory - baby#4 (DS 1) 27+1 wks EDD 15th January
WestYorkshireGirl - baby#1, 26+6 weeks EDD January 18th
Dorcas111 - baby#1, 25+2 weeks, EDD 28th January
Ba8y1 - baby#1, 24+2 weeks, EDD 4th February. Next scan 24th October
Clareanna - baby#2, one DS, 23+2 weeks ADD 3rd Feb 2011
Muser - baby#1, 21 weeks, EDD 27th Feb
Northerngoldilocks - baby#1 18+2 weeks EDD 18 March - next scan 12 November
Magic8ballhastheanswers - babies#3&4 17+5 weeks EDD 20th March
Liahgen - baby#6 17+3 weeks EDD 23rd March
Hopefully - baby#2 16+1 weeks EDD 2nd April
stuffedmk - baby#2 15+6 weeks EDD 4th April
Ivysedai - baby#2 13+3 weeks EDD 21st April
PenguinsMummy - baby#3 13+3 weeks EDD 21st April
BatteryHen - baby#1 12 weeks EDD 1st May
VivClicquot - baby#1 11+4 weeks EDD of 4th May
Loopymumsy - baby#? 11+3 weeks EDD?
Tigerbear - baby #1 9+6 weeks EDD 14th May

The babies are arriving! Huge congratulations to:
Totally with daughter Faith Juliet, 9lb5oz born Tuesday 16th February 2010
Amyboo with son Matthew James, 4.714kg (10lb3oz) born Tuesday 30th March 2010
Hoops with son Benjamin Scott, 7lb4oz born Friday 2nd April 2010
Memorylapse with daughter Olivia, born Friday 16th April 2010
Jacanne with daughter Lotta Eliza, 8lbs 5oz born 20th April 2010
Becky78 with son Thomas Christopher born 22nd May - 9lb 1oz
Meita with son Ianto born 23 August - 7lbs 4
Boodleboot with daughter Alice Elizabeth born 10 Sep - 8lbs 2oz
LeeWT with son Andrew Anthony born 28th Sept 7lbs 14oz
TFLS with son born on 29th September

In our thoughts and prayers:
Louise with daughter Georgie born asleep on 10th October

banana so sorry to hear your news, can't believe it after all of your ups and down's. You are definitely right to push for answers and as many tests as possible. There is definitely still hope though, fingers crossed for you.

louiseh thinking of you all the time also, really hope you are as well as can be expected. i definitely think you are right to get back going as quick as possible, as hard as that will be but it will give you hope and i found that i needed hope after MC.

Not feeling so great myself.. bit worried about a few things, won't bore you all but definitely going straight to the GP in the morning. Fingers crossed baby is okay xx

Happygirl Hope everything's ok, let us know how you get on tomorrow. If you want to talk about it, we won't be bored, I promise!

happy hope all is ok - let us know how you get on tomorrow x

Louise, full of admiration for your bravery and positivity. I'm glad you feel you can stay here and talk to us, and wish you all the luck trying again. I'm sure it's what Georgie would want you to do.

Banana, please don't give up. I had two miscarriages before this pregnancy and I know others who've had more. Unfortunately the NHS don't do any detailed testing till three, since it's a sad fact that two miscarriages is really quite common and often down to bad luck (aka chromosome abnormalities and nothing that can be done). I know after one I absolutely wanted to check for anything that could be helped, and the one test I did do privately (at a cost of £80) was the blood test to check for antiphospholipid antibodes (Hughes syndrome) which is treatable. Details here. I thought it was well worth finding out, thankfully wasn't a problem for me, but a good confidence boost to know that. I needed to know that it wasn't my body letting down the babies and to know I was doing everything I could for them. If you have a sympathetic GP you may be able to get thyroid checks, which can also be a risk factor. It's a standard test, so won't need to be miscarriage related. I'm afraid I can't remember any others of use, possibly progesterone checks on around day21 to make sure that you're producing enough, it helps sustain pregnancy.

Someone on another thread I'm on has been told she's hyperfertile and that therefore also more prone to miscarriage as her womb is more welcoming to any embryos, whereas others are more hostile and therefore only the most robust of embryos implant. So she gets pregnant easily, but the embryos aren't always ones that will make it. It is so distressing to go through losses, so it really doesn't help to be told 'at least you can get pregnant' (I was told that once too, I would have been more upset but that the person telling me had been trying herself for a while).

Happy I hope your GP can reassure you tomorrow and there's nothing seriously amiss. fingers crossed for you.

And thinking of SamB and Effi.

One other idea Banana is to ask about taking extra folic acid, I gather from other mumsnetters and a bit of googling that it helps with cell division very early on and therefore can help prevent abnormalities. Some women who've had babies with specific abnormalities are advised to take a much higher dose when TTC. Again, possibly something to check with your GP or discuss with the fertility clinic?

I'm so sorry you've been through such a rollercoaster recently, and for now, hope you're going easy on yourself. One day at a time.

Hi ladies, I haven't really checked back here since I left you all in July (i was Moofold then) and I don't know what made me wander over here today but I couldn't leave without saying how very, very sad I am to read about Louise's story. At times I really struggle to grasp why some of us have to go through so much in our quest for our little ones, its just so unjust and unfair. I can't make any sense of it. Louise I'll say a wee prayer for you, your family and your wee darling Georgie.

Banana we haven't met before but my heart goes out to you too. I've had 2 MMCs since the end of last year but got pregnant again shortly after my last ERPC. There is hope, I must admit I'm not super confident myself after what's happened, but we've got to keep trying and keep some hope alive. Look after yourself.

Louise exactly three years ago this week my SIL lost her DD on her due date. She hadn't felt her move for a while and when she was checked out in hospital sadly there was no heartbeat. Like you, they carried out some tests but didn't get any answers as to what had happened to her.

We met one year later close to her DD's due date and she told us she was pregnant again. She now has a darling 18 month old son who is a great wee soul and very much loved. I know you will try again and just wanted to share a story with a happy ending in the hope it may help in some small way. My thoughts are with you.

Best wishes to all the lovely ladies and your bumps x x

Thanks Alba. I did notice on the fertility clinic website that they sell extra strength folic acid so will be asking when I go. Will call them tomorrow as they do a miscarriage profile package and I want to know what it includes. Obviously I have to wait for AF, so another 4-6 weeks. sigh

Louisesh - one week must seem like a cruel milestone. It must be so hard when you wake up and it's all real. I think of you every morning xxx

I'm sure the hospital will have mentioned it to you but I've read about SANDS on other threads.

www.uk-sands.org/

I guess only you will know when the time is right to try to conceive - but I know after my m/c I had a theory that my body would only let me conceive when the time was right. Maybe over simplistic but I found it made the decision easier for me.

Banana - hope you're doing OK xxx

Happygirl - hope you're feeling better soon.

Sam - hope this week brings your little one.

Thanks all.Had quite a nice day went to a local beauty spot had a nice walk and at 14.03 laid some flowers and said a few words for our Georgie.Then out for lunch was quite nice though hard as lots of families with babies, some in my pram walking around.

Something to get used to, i guess.Just have to keep believing next year we WILL be back there pushing our pram with our baby....Have to BELIEVE,

Thanks LOOPY,ALBA,TFLS and MOOF lovely story MOOF thanks....

TFLS have been on SANDS website not rung them yet.Spoke with a bereavement midwife seeing her on Tuesday

Good luck HAPPYGIRL X

Banana I have two friends who both had 2MC's after their first child but both then went on to have a second child with their next pregnancy so it definitely does happen. Hope that you get some reassurance from the tests that you are planning.

Louise thinking of you.

Happygirl hope all is well.

Samantha hope things start moving this week!

CaribouMoo Many congrats

Happygirl hoping to hear soon that all is well.

Louise sounds like you had a very healing day yesterday. Of course there will be good days and bad days but every day brings you closer to the day when you welcome Georgie's brother or sister into your lives. Thinking of you x

Banana thoughts out there for you too. Don't give up (hug).

Carimou lovely to hear from you and I have been keeping my fingers crossed for you for ages now! Cramperama!

Waves to lovely Jolls too. Miss you.

Keep us posted Sam, sending easy birth vibes your way...

Hellos to all x

PS Clareanna re human glove puppet - EEEK - how VERY dare they!!!

Louise that sounds like a lovely way to celebrate Georgie and remember her. You said before that it's strange to miss her but I think that's totally to be expected after all you are her mother and you carried her and loved her for 9 months. I'm so glad you stayed here with us I hope it is of some comfort and you never have to worry because in a way we are all grieving with and for you xxx

banana after my little girl who was a "surprise", we tried for our second and got pregnant first try. Unfortunately it was a missed mc and I was absolutely devastated. As soon as my periods came
back we tried again and again, got pregnant first time. Sadly this was also an mmc and for a while a suspected molar pregnancy. I couldt believe it and figured there must be something wrong that I had two and both were missed mcs. I took a break of a couple months as I was so run down. We used natural methods of contraception and a month before I was planning to try again I ovulated late and got pregnant again. Andrew is now 3 weeks old.

Sorry for the very long story but seems like my story is similar to yours and that it might show you that it really can just be good luck (getting pregnant quickly) and bad luck (subsequent mcs) ..

I wish you all the luck in the world x

Hello Ladies,

I also echo what everyone says here. I went overdue by 17 days to 42+3, so don't think it is anything to do with Georgie being a little late arriving.

I was considering a home birth, but what has happened has made me very risk averse, and I am now going with a hospital delivery despite the distance. We will be leaving at the first twinge.

I found this poem very reassuring Louise and everyone else.

What Makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes.
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a mother and
I know I heard him say,

A mother has a baby.
This we know is true.
But God, can you be a mother
when your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, He replied
with confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies.
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime
and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
but there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this. God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
with other children and say,

"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of life and love and fear.
My Mommy loved me, Oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom
who had so much love for me,
I learned my lesson very quickly.
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy, Oh so much,
but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
on her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
'Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'"

So you see, my dear sweet one,
your children are okay.
Your babies are here in MY home
and this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with ME
until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother?
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with ME one day,
and know you're the best one.