Post your unrealistic expectations here...

[banana87]

Before I had DD I was convinced that:

1. She would sleep...alot...from birth.
2. I would go to the gym everyday from 4 weeks post-birth!
3. She would function on my schedule, not hers.
4. I would not love her any more than any of the kids I have worked with (I used to be a SN nanny).

A friend of mine (expecting her first) thinks that:

1. Baby will sleep in a cradle until 6 months then move to a SINGLE BED.
2. Baby will take a dummy, and be on a schedule, from birth.
3. She will not love her baby more than her goddaughter.

Next...

DH had a few expectations,

That his scary mother would at least likeme a little,that she would leave us alone and focus on her GC,that she would love her GC,that she would stop wanting to be me,by this i mean she wants everything DH gives me,a story for another thread'ditto to all

she now likes me,enough for both of us to be left alone in the same room without her asking me how many of my family members are HIV positive,

she adores my DD and has been wonderful with babysitting so these expectations haven't been too much

LOL at these, a very nice distraction as my 31 week feet swell so much they are now in a separate post code....and I thought the bump was what got bigger...

Let's see, DS due in a few weeks but our expectations of him are not high, based on DHs 10 week premature twins - not a hard act to follow...so...

I expect that:

• I will get dressed and possibly even leave the house sometime before Christmas
• my mother won't annoy me/give me random advice about bfing
• I'll be able to bf without crying/bleeding/squawking in agony
• I'll have sex with DH before Christmas

That ML would be spent domestic-goddessing in the kitchen producing yummy delicious cakes and super healthy meals, while DD gurgling charmingly in her chair.

Reality, DD screaming if left alone in chair in pm (although fine in am..), so veggies half cut up etc. Brain too addled to do anything. So DH would have regular masterchef-style challenges of me having bought: chicken, pasta, beetroot, yoghurt, oh, and some marshmallows...

Ridiculously, I still think that I will be baking and cooking during this forthcoming ML despite all evidence to the contrary from last time! DD will probably be eating a lot of beans on toast....

Oh can I join in. I'm not PG yet (we're not even TTC till at least summer 2011) but i'm bored at work!

1. DH WILL have his new job, which comes with a £6000 a year pay rise by Christmas.

1. With DH's new job, we will be able to afford a bigger mortgage and therefore be able to move out of the ridiculously tiny 1 bedroomed house we live in currently.

1. We will find a stunning 5 bedroomed detached house 5 minutes from the town and seafront being sold a stupidly low price.

1. I will amazingly be 10 stone ready to TTC by Summer 2011 (never going to happen!)

1. We will somehow manage to save up an entire years wages for me by the time we are TTC/pregnant/baby arrives so I can take at least a year off work to look after bubba!

1. We will have no problems conceiving. (Out of all of these this is the one I hope comes true).

1. And of course I will have a text book labour, baby will be the perfect sleeper/feeder etc. following a wonderful pregnancy where I glow constantly from 6 weeks with no sickness, swelling, bloating, aches, pains, tears, hormones etc.

Ha ha... i'm not deluded much surely!

My labour would begin being accompanied by dancey music and a couple of friends around making tea and I would dance my way through early labour which would be about 4 hours, before stepping into a lovely warm pool at home and continue to have an empowering female experience, doula by my side, candles, jasmine oil and ethereal music.

In reality it was an induced 26 hours of inconvenience, and agony, ending in being ripped in half by forceps and then an emergency c when they didn't work.

Post natal depression was a suprise-I wasn't going to get that ever-even when I did have it i didn't admit it to myself until I was half way to getting better.

I was going to co-sleep in a cosy family bed, in reality I was so tightly wound that I could not bear having her in bed next to me and never got a wink of sleep when she was there. A co-sleeper bedside cot saved my life.

I would never have the telly on and I would only feed my child organic, home cooked food.

My child would be so secure and loved in her relationship with her parents that she wouldn't have the terrible two's. Shes not quite 3 yet and there are some days when I could just walk away. She would never ever be one of those children that threw themselves on the floor of the supermarket.

I had ideas that I would be in a birth pool playing with rubber ducks - it didn't happen.

I had no expectations re. after having a baby - in fact it was completely the opposite. I thought I would hate being a mother, would never sleep again and DH would get fed up of my incompetence and have to step in. I have found all the opposite (apart from the sleep which is a bit erratic).

Yes I have been enjoying this thread - though some of you ladies are far too pessimstic!

Why, much like one of my favourite previous posts, I am counting on a, preferably orgasmic, otherwise at least pain-free, natural hypno-birth. I shall be one of these women who serenely asks the curmudgeonly midwife (who doesn't believe she is in true labour, as she is too calm) whether it is normal to be feeling a pushing urge - and presto, perfect babe shall emerge into the music-filled, candle-lit birth room. Hurray!

Showing precocious mastery of newborn skills, baby shall latch on shortly after birth and then continue to feed perfectly at regular, pain-free intervals, while baby weight melts away at top speed.

Visits of parents and Pils will be a serene time of family bonding and love, unmarred by tension or disagreement. Mil and own mother will be bowled over by natural parenting skills of self and partner.

Meanwhile, our house-hunting will have borne fruit and we shall a stress-free house move to our new dream home with our little family of three.

Awwww, I'm quite looking forward to it all. Sheesh, what do people make all the fuss about?

this thread has had me laughing out loud - the kids think I've gone mad!!!

I am 29+3 weeks pg with my 3rd child (a girl) and despite not really having any expectations the first two times (I was much younger), this time I am expecting:

1. to be back in my pre-preg clothes as soon as baby pops out (no c-section/forceps/episiotomy etc)
2. to be back at the gym within 6 weeks
3. To not bleed for 3 months as with previous pgs
4. to be up, washed and dressed in latest trends, baby fed, 2 kids breakfasted and ready for school by 8:30pm weekdays
5. that DD2 will fit straight into our routines
6. that BF will be a doddle (it did get better from DS to DD) and she will feed properly then sleep contentedly

TV/dummies/odd jar of pre-prepared food...I got over that stuff the first time around....why make life more difficult than it has to be?

Excellent stuff - really enjoying this

I was convinced:

1. I would reach the end of my pregnancy resembling a snake that's swallowed an egg, rather than the beached whale look

1. I would immediately morph back to original size once the baby was out - bit shocked to still be looking 9 months pregnant a week later

1. The breast milk would be delivered in steady, even, single-flow stream - the sprinkler effect really caught me by surprise

1. A 20-pack of maternity pads would see me through - had to send DH scurrying off after using the whole lot on day one

1. I would immediately bond with MIL through our mutual adoration of the new baybee (as if)

DD is now 9 months old

I was convinced

a.) that I would fit into my size 8 clothes by the time I went back to work when she was 5 months old - Ha! still in size 12's :(

b.) That I would love going back to work, I almost hate my job as it means I have to be away from her so much

c.) that I wouldn't do the messy hair, puke all over me look. First few weeks I didn't even get a chance to shower every day.

But despite all of that, every crap feeling I have about myself just vanishes when DD smiles at me and holds her arms up for a hug

I love this thread! I'm nearly 32 weeks and am shocked to discover that my expectations aren't realistic. After all, surely I'll be a size 8 again before Christmas? Pleeese?
The baby WILL sleep enough to enable me to finish my PhD by February. I will go out for a walk every day with the baby (despite the fact that it will be wet and cold). I will rediscover the joy of baking and home cooking and hubby will come home to freshly baked pies and bread. I will have a schedule for housework and be a super-organised whizzo cleaner. Hubbys clothes will be mended as soonas they develop holes and I will knit/crochet lots of fab baby clothes (although to be fair I have done a few already). Oh yes and I will have no problems with bf, even in public.
Surely this will all be true??
PS What IS lochia?

some of them are not unrealistic,,i thought i would fit into my size 32 jeans soon after having the baby,

i wore them as soon as my c section healed,they were a bit tight but at 3months all was well(grin)

I watched a programme yesterday on sex education and there was this one woman nearly jumping about with excitement at the thought of labour because it is apparently possible to have a so-called "orgasmic labour". I can only imagine that she has never had any contact with other women in her life and has never read a single book on giving birth apart from that one, which apparently suggest you bring your vibrator to the maternity. Oh my.

During 1st pregnancy I was convinced that all 5 stone of baby weight would melt off as I was breastfeeding. Reality - I put another stone on. No one tells you how hungry it makes you!!

Oooh, this is funny! I am 35 weeks with my first:

1. Labour will be swift and, although painful, I will forget it as soon as I see the baby. If anything is slow to progress and rather than even consider forceps etc, the lovely MWs will whisk me into theatre for a calm and semi planned CS;

1. As I now have a full time job and do all cooking/housework etc, when not working I will have sooo much free time...;

1. In that free time, baby and I will regularly pop into London (baby in sling) to visit galleries etc;

1. Also in all my new found free time, I will bake and cook wonderful things; and

1. I will always look glamorous wearing make up and nice clothes - no baby sick, ever.

That's going to happen, right?

That "I will sleep when newborn sleeps".

I thought, OK, I will have disrupted nights but I will just get my head down when she is napping.

Of course when it came to it DD wouldn't nap anywhere save in a sling on my chest and walking round. So she napped very happily and I was permanently knackered!

This went on for 2.5 before DD would deign to sleep in moses basket ...

2.5 months, I mean!

I was convinced that you could put a baby down to sleep when he/she was tired and would gently drift off to sleep. I had no idea that they would scream, you would have to pick up and cuddle, back down, scream, pick up and cuddle and that this might go on for hours, especially when they were ill.

I didn't realise that babies get bored and you have to entertain them, and that this is really quite boring itself after a while.

I thought I'd be able to carry on my distance learning course as I'd have loads of time to do it on maternity leave (I must have thought it'd be like some kind of holiday)

Oh, how deluded

Legallyblond,YES it is ALL going to happen EXACTLY as you wish,,lol,,good luck

You know, I really didn't think any of mine were totally ridiculous before I gave birth

1. I didn't even really panic too much about the whole newborn thing. I'd read Gina, it was going to be fine. (I kid you not). Seriously couldn't have got that one much more wrong as, tragically, DS hadn't read Gina.

1. Birth would be OK (not pain free, just OK) as I'd done hypnotbirthing CD. In reality, birth was fine (short labour, gas and air only). Didn't count on massive tear followed by PPH and 2 hours surgery immediately afterwards though.

1. I would lose weight after the birth. i was so bloody immobile and miserable with badly healing tear that i think I gained another stone in the first 8 weeks.

1. I would nap when the baby napped. He only ever napped in the pram, with me walking endlessly. Helped me finally lose all the weight though, once I realised that walking for 3 hours a day meant 3 hours napping a day

That I would attend my graduation ceremony 3 weeks postnatal, little darling (quiet) baby in pram, me a neat size 10 in my graduation dress...

pfffff

had to phone uni in sleep-addled panic requesting to graduate in absentia the week before the ceremony...

Mind you I did have some expectations that were pessimistic.

1. I thought DD would probably be a moderatly attractive baby, but that she would probably have DHs eggy shape head and my too-close-together eyes and big nose. Turned out DD is actually God's own blond haired blue eyed cherub and is perfectly formed (by objective assessment, not merely my own!) I often look at her I wonder if it can really be true that such a pretty child came from me!

1. I expected DD to inherit the family genetice mild senso-neuro hearing loss taht most of us have and was just hoping it wouldn't be too severe I worried about having to put her in hearing aids as a baby and what a pain that would be for her. Turned out DD has bionic hearing - not sure how that happened.

Is she really mine?!?!

Terrible spelling, sorry!

I cant begin to tell you how much you have cheered me up.
DS is eight months old and refuses to sleep at night unless in bed with us. I had so many unrealistic expectations which have all crashed and burned round my feed :)

and I meant feet not feed.... so tired !!