Post your unrealistic expectations here...

[banana87]

Before I had DD I was convinced that:

1. She would sleep...alot...from birth.
2. I would go to the gym everyday from 4 weeks post-birth!
3. She would function on my schedule, not hers.
4. I would not love her any more than any of the kids I have worked with (I used to be a SN nanny).

A friend of mine (expecting her first) thinks that:

1. Baby will sleep in a cradle until 6 months then move to a SINGLE BED.
2. Baby will take a dummy, and be on a schedule, from birth.
3. She will not love her baby more than her goddaughter.

Next...

My hubby has more unrealistic expecations than I do

1. I will be washed and dressed by the time he gets home from work (conceivable!)

2. That all cleaning, washing and cooking will be completed during the day

3. Dinner will be on the table when he gets home

4. There will be no nappies, wipes, toys in the lounge unless the baby is wearing or playing with it

5. That I will run up and down the stairs each time the baby needs changing

6. That anything linked to the baby will be kept in the nursery (that would be the room that is 6 foot by 7 foot?!)

7. That we don't need anymore storage in the house as the baby won't bring much more with it!

Unrealistic - I think he might by slightly deluded - still he has 5 months to come round to my way of thinking!!!

I hope you're joking burtoc?

I wish!

I have never been a domestic goddess, we have been together for 8 years and if he hasn't worked it out now, he must realise that I'm not going to change - I think it's his way of coping with the changes that are about to happen - I hope!

You never know.

DS2 now 3 months old.

Has surpassed all expectations!

1. Very easy pregnancy, went to gym whole way through. Even worked up until day before he was born no problem. No scares etc.

1. Easy birth, no stitches. Only around 3 painful contractions (no time to fill pool though as midwife did not beleive I was in active labour I was too calm and chatty with her.) No pushing either, body did it by itself! No internals. Delivery in NHS hospital room that looked like a spa. Saw no other patients. Home that evening. Our lovely nanny didn't mind being called at 3am and looked after DD and DS1 all day.

1. No bruising, and very quick recovery - fanjo looked normal within 24 hours, and was in swimming pool 2 weeks after birth (bleeding already stopped).

1. Baby breastfeeds well, but also happily accepts bottle if I want to go out.

1. Baby happy to fit in with DD and DS1's routine and totally serene, settles himself, happy to lie under playmat looking at his hands for hours on end.

1. Baby consistently sleeps all night (from 10pm-7am) at 8 weeks onwards.

1. Baby happy to be held by anyone else. Older children not jealous at all as a result of baby's ability to lie on babygym and get no attention.

1. Baby happy in gym creche, has been there since 6 weeks!

But I am 2 stone overweight. And baby is a happy chucker (ie pukes a lot).

Well you can't have everything.

I am fondly imagining that this baby will sleep for a decent stretch from early on with no regression(s). After horrendous first year with DD, this one has to sleep, right...?

DD (2.8 when baby arrives) will love being a big sister and spend her days kissing the top of baby's head, helping fetch and carry nappies etc, and sitting quietly with me whilst I read to her and BF the baby. DD will also not have given up her daytime nap and DD and baby will miraculously sync nap schedules so I get an hour's nap every day.

Breastfeeding will be pain/hassle free and I'll wander around the house getting on with jobs and playing with DD whilst the baby just latches itself on in a sling.

I'll use cloth nappies from word go (even though baby due in Dec and nowhere to dry them).

Baby weight will all fall off through BF (in all fairness, this actually DID happen last time).

MumNWLondon - I'm moving in with you, we shall arrive mid September, thank you.

getstuffed - you are welcome!

I do think a lot of it is luck (and certainly easy birth & breastfeeding) because he is 3rd child), but I try to be as calm as possible, and i think baby settles himself as he had to learn to as he's a 3rd child (ie has had to do some crying) if needed to deal with DD or DS1.

1-that i can quit my job (Dh is student and i live in the US so all our health insurance is through my job)

2-that i can start a Masters in Fine Art when my bump is 9 months old and ds1 is 3

let's face it i thought with ds1 that i would never get stretch marks and that i would have a wonderful natural birth....i was induced...epidural...emcs so plans change

no telly...thank god for Monsters Inc

MumNWLondon

i was about to have a nervous breakdown until you posted about your weight

Torn between not wanting to have fantasies shattered and PMSL!

I firmly believe:

Baby will be highly decorative, largely silent angel who will coo endearingly from buggy while I eat cake and drink coffee at friends houses

Freed from time-consuming jobthing for 9 months, I'll write bestselling novel in daily one hour slots in cafe with laptop while DH/MIL entertain DC

I'll go for daily run and figure will snap back (so lovely to only have tiny baby rather than demanding job, can fit so much more in)

Finances will somehow add up differently so I can take 9 months mat leave and we can keep cleaner and cars and still go on holiday

Labour and birth will be exciting and pleasurable excursion, similar to staying in adventure spa hotel, DH will develop mind-reading skills and we will bond deeply

DS will have routine from birth, DH and I will have date night once a week, and I'll look pityingly yet sympathetically at harried mothers who haven't yet worked out how to do things my way

[runs away before anyone can tell me it might not be exactly like this]

I am going to have an orgasmic birth, failing that at least a completly pain free hypno-birth.

My baby will be an organic vegetarian and never shall refined sugar pass between his/her lips!

He/she will also only play with gender neutral toys and games and never watch television

Also I won't poo myself in the delivery. Please god don't let me poo myself

sanielle

The midwife was totally wrong when she breezily estimated a '7 or 8 pounder', because nothing that size will ever pass through me. Of this I am sure. Oh no. DS will be small yet perfectly formed, and will pop out with one good cough.

He will sleep 18 hours a day straight and will feed in his sleep, thus eliminating the need to wake up.

DH and I will be so connected to him, that we will instantly develop the ability to read his mind at all times and our baby shall be the most contented little chap you ever saw.

Sick shall not pass his lips.

Colic will not happen.

Nor will reflux.

All poos shall be neat little things, confined entirely to his nappy; but that won't go on for too long since I shall have him potty trained by the age of one.

I did know about lochia either! that was a lovely surprise :-S I had a C-section and thought that my catheter was leaking.

I thought i'd have no stretch marks, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! They go from the tops of my thighs right up to my rib cage.

I thought i'd have a lovely, not very painful because I would relax, birth with no intervention. But baby decided not to move that day so I ended up on the belt for the whole labour, couldn't stay still enough for the traces during contractions so had an epidural, so was lying on my back not being mobile, failure to progress followed by C-section, for which I had a general anaesthetic, lol! So couldn't be more different.

But on a positive note:

I thought that if I had a medicalised birth I would come out traumatised, not bond with my baby and get PND, but I haven't had trace of blues and feel very happy with how it went :-)

I expected my baby to wake constantly during the night and never stop crying, but he is lovely and has slept through from a few weeks old :-D

Nappies aren't anywhere near as stinky as I imagined, but then at the moment he is ebf.

mmm, in my sister's case, it didn't! Back to size 6 after dc1 in no time at all. She used MY clothes for maternity wear...

When I was pregnant I thought that....

1. I would have a lovely natural birth in water with no pain relief.
   (While high on gas and air, just before the epidural I told my mum and the midwife that, "This natural childbirth is a heap of shite!")

2. Since I was told that my baby would sleep for ages at first, I thought I might be bored during maternity leave.
   (Really glad I didn't waste my money signing up for that Open University course for right after the birth.)

3. I didn't agree with dummies.
   (Bought one from the hospital shop after two nights of being used as a human dummy. DS was a sucky baby.)

4. Baby wouldn't watch TV.
   (What would I have done without In The Night Garden?)

5. Baby would never eat shop bought baby food. I would home cook EVERYTHING.
   (I'm not a good cook!)

mmmwine I actually packed a pair of my pre-pg size 8 jeans in my hospital bag thinking I could put them on after the birth. That was a bit of a shock, had to come home in my pjs and then wear maternity jeans for weeks afterwards!

MoJangles - I want to go to an adventure spa hotel!!

I was recently asked what I was looking forward to most. I said being able to turn over at night without having to wake up. I am not which was worse - having my head in the sand about how much I will have to wake up during the night or when they clarified the question - "no what are you most looking forward to about having a baby?"

That I would NEVER resort to fishfingers...

(ha diddly ha ha ha)

1. I didn't expect that there would actually be a living, breathing little human being at the end of uncomfortable wonderful pregnancy

2)That I wouldn't get stretch marks. Two years later, I still look like a lion attacked my stomach

3. I would be able to sleep. Ha, what a joke.

My MIL was convinced that after the birth of my 1st I would be continuing my studies uninterrupted, including a 3 month research posting in a US library - whilst I left my PFB in her care in the UK at just 3 months old. (I'm ambitious, but not a nut job)!

I was convinced that for a few months at least I could enjoy getting to know my LO and bask in the refleted glory that a new baby brings. I was centre of attention for about 8 weeks - after that RL came back to bite me when my DH was diagnosed with a life threatening illness .

Happily he lived to tell the tale, and we now also have a little brother for DD. My relationship with MIL is not so good...

I thought I would write a novel during maternity leave.

I realised when I went into labour that I had read five or six books and endless web pages about pregnancy and natural childbirth but not even one chapter beyond getting home from hospital with a baby to care for and raise.

I also thought I would never need a cot, that my baby would move from the baby hammock next to our bed to a normal single bed.

I thought I would maintain the same contact levels with friends and family, and keep my active social life and weekends away.

I can't remember what else I thought. I certainly didn't think that I would forget my life pre-baby in its entirety and be unable to remember what childfree life was like.

EldritchCleavage Harsh!