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Original poster

If the prospective father of your planned baby's first words were ......

77 replies

hetookthecorkscrewtoo · 19/07/2010 21:23

'Is it mine' and 'I've had the snip' when he blatently hasn't, and this baby has been much wanted since you both decided to start trying nine months previously,what would you do??!!

Am i right to feel very hurt and frankly angry to have my what I though was fantastic news, ground into dirt. I have never betrayed this man, and am now in shock. He's left saying he doesn't resent 'the kid' but does resent me. I was telling me how much he loved me last week - this is a long term relationship by the way and at 37 with a ds (from a previous relationship), too old to do it on my own.

Sorry if a ramble - just don't know where I am at the moment

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 19/07/2010 21:26

OMG!!!

well in answer to your title, i would be leaving him

thisisyesterday · 19/07/2010 21:27

did he offer any explanation at all as to why he continued to try for a baby,...???

CityChildminder · 19/07/2010 21:28

what an absolute arse. I would be showing him the door. What a disgusting and disrespectful thing to do.

Is he mentally stable??

MammyG · 19/07/2010 21:35

Bloody Hell!
First I would prob faint with shock! Then find my best friend and waaah like no other.
Finally I would find him and ask him what the hell he is playing at and would warn him to think very carefully before replying.
Even if this is some kind of brain fart and he has left his mind for a little holiday he has fair ground to cover before sailing back home. You are right to be angry - you have been deceived horribly.
Get support from someone you trust around you fast. Take care and try and stay calm.

Original poster
hetookthecorkscrewtoo · 19/07/2010 21:37

tiy - no - it has all been great up until his response to the test result - I did ask him that - but he just said it was me getting what I wanted (the baby - not sex!!)This is the man who only last week said he thought it was about time I became pregnant in a happy prospective family sort of way.

CC - he does like to watch conspiracy theory documentaries - the world is against us and can seem like he feels superior to others in a 'I know what's going on really' sort of way. He is very clever but always wants to in an argument - this is why I feel so bruised - I can't see a way of resolving this insult if he thinks he is in the right

OP posts:
Original poster
hetookthecorkscrewtoo · 19/07/2010 21:42

MG - thank you - I did just that, I can't cry, too shocked and also don't want to upset the ds, dog, goldfish etc...

I guess I have to decide if I can do this on my own, I know it'll mean at least another six years before I can look to regain some career, financial stability etc but this baby has been in our lives for so long, mentally, that I can't think of how to plan life knowing it won't be here- sorry to be maudlin and thank you all for your answers x

OP posts:
buttonmoon78 · 19/07/2010 21:47

Poor you, I can't imagine what you're going through. You are not too old for anything, you're just in shock, as anyone would be. Take some time to get your head together. By all means ask him what he thinks he's up to, but don't let him get away with it that easily.

thisisyesterday · 19/07/2010 21:48

Why on earth would he say things like "i've had the snip"????

does he have any other strange behaviours? is he mentally unstable in any way? is he on drugs?

this is really quite bizarre!!!

i wouldn't even be giving him a chance to backtrack and make excuses for it. he'd be out

LadyintheRadiator · 19/07/2010 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hetookthecorkscrewtoo · 19/07/2010 21:56

I think maybe he says such crass things out of shock - but I'd far rather he had a huge panic, ran out screaming that he can't cope and buying a very expensive techy toy than this - I'm scared that it'll happen again and the child will in someone suffer from the first words he said - iywsim?

He has just texted to say he's sorry he upset me. UPSET ME!!! Shame he couldn't pick up the phone or apologise in person. I am going to go to bed and hopefully wake up feeling strong and focussed - thank you again xxx

OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator · 19/07/2010 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rafwife · 19/07/2010 22:21

What a total wanker. He sounds crazy, I'd be thinking long and hard about showing him the door.

Original poster
hetookthecorkscrewtoo · 19/07/2010 22:51

He's just asked me to provide him with the dates of my last period. Oh and sorry he's feeling 'synical' (sic) Was I a bit petty to respond with the correct form of spelling? This man has made me feel so shit and I'm normally rather mild but I'm so fed up - and i now feel I'm fighting for the (nearly)three of us. Is it pathetic to wish I had a partner who wants to wrap me up in cotton wool and be so proud he wants to tell everyone? I hate self pity but it's kicking in

OP posts:
buttonmoon78 · 19/07/2010 22:56

Hell no! It's not pathetic at all! And not petty either. I can't understand why he is doing this? Was it totally a shock or have there been some warning signs?

Keep your mild manners under lock and key. He sounds like a right tosser. One minute saying he's sorry you're upset then asking for 'proof' it's his.

Change the locks then get on with your life. Though I know that's far easier said than done.

Original poster
hetookthecorkscrewtoo · 19/07/2010 23:03

He has a history of trust issues and cannabis abuse - guess I'd hoped his intellect would enable him to see it's not healthy to accuse everyone of being in the wrong and that medical evience points very strongly to cannabis induced paranoia issues. So yes there have been signs, I feel a fool for trying to think the best of him. When the most fundamentally important moment has occured, I have been proved wrong. Thank you again - I will make the decision based on my children and not what will keep him happy. Thank God for MN xxxx

OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator · 20/07/2010 07:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 20/07/2010 07:59

God, do NOT give him the dates of your last period. The man has major ishoos. I suspect that, the more you tell us about him, the more we'll be saying "better off rid", tbh.

You poor thing, though. And congratulations on the pregnancy, if they feel in order at the moment.

ReasonableDoubt · 20/07/2010 08:00

You poor thing.

Honest answer: He sounds like a dickhead of epic proportions. No excuse for his behaviour. I'd tell him to fuck right off.

Northernlurker · 20/07/2010 08:03

OP you aren't the first woman, and you won't be the last, to discover that the man you've planned a baby with is in fact a total arse, unfit to have charge of a goldfish let alone a baby. That doesn't mean that the baby is a mistake or that the situation is impossible but it must be very hard for you to have your dreams shattered like this.
Don't give him your period dates - or any thing else. He will never be satisfied but I suspect will just keep on asking new things to undermine you.
You need some RL support - have you a friend/sister/mum you can confide in?

PortBlacksand · 20/07/2010 08:09

Are you sure he hasn't had the snip secretly and therefore thinks the baby isn't his? Of course, it takes a while for it to work and if he didn't want you to be suspicious would have carried on as normal.

ihavenewsockson · 20/07/2010 08:14

That's what I wondered...had he had the snip but 'played along' with trying for a baby, knowing he couldn't father one?

That aside, he sounds like a complete arse and so paranoid that he won't acknowledge your version of events, he will be so convinced that he is right.

ihavenewsockson · 20/07/2010 08:15

Congratulations on the pregnancy BTW.
How old is your DC1?

loveydovey · 20/07/2010 08:16

Leave now or be unhappy forever!

You dont need to worry about how he is going to bond with your child!

I would send him on his way.

I would say
'thanks for the sperm now fuck off'
And smile like a mad woman hahaha

hope your not feeling to rubbish xxx

Laquitar · 20/07/2010 08:17

He sounds nasty piece.

You can do it on your own. No, it will not be easy but it will be easier that doing it with him. I mean it is day 1 of your wonderful journey and he allready sucked your energy.

Congratulations!! Meet a friend and celebrate the good news. Or go for a treat with ds and tell the miserable idiot to pack his stuff.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 20/07/2010 08:23

Yes, congratulations on your pregnancy, and commiserations on the revelation of your partner being a complete dick .

Even as a stranger who doesn't know you, I'd have to guess that in the long term it's got to be better not to have someone like this around to hurt you further. At least you've found out now, no messing about -- he's being about as big an arse as it's possible to be, straight from the off.

Dates of your last period, indeed. Who does he think he is?