"I'm not being rude but ...

[yama]

... your're HUGE!" said the cheery man working in Hamleys as I entered this afternoon.

I said "actually, that is rather rude." He carried on with "Do you know what you're having?"

I'm only 34 weeks and I've had comments from strangers for months.

I mean, under what other circumstances is it appropriate to comment on the size of a woman's body?

Bluetit been asked by 3/4 different people whether it was planned, never really sure how to answer, next time I want to say 'yes my husband and I have been having alot of sex for the past few months'

Someone even asked me if 'it was wanted', was really cross at that one, why would you ask that?

On the weight issue, I'm 17 weeks, someone was saying I had a nice little bump starting to show at the front then another work mate said i was starting to show from behind...
Also had offers to open up both sets of doors incase I cannot fit through. Who knows what it will be like when I get further along.

Awful. Have you read Viv Groskop here on this very subject?

On the other hand ... I do think that the sight of a pregnant woman makes most people feel a bit giddy and obliged to make some sort of comment. Perhaps they feel it would be rude to ignore it - a pregnant belly does rather catch one's eye. And the options are quite limited; if a woman does look quite big, the uninitiated are bound to say something.

I do remember how very peed off my SIL was that people who had previously not dared speak to her suddenly felt it was ok to have a wee chat about the fact of her child-bearing. I made some sympathetic noises at the time, but later brooded whether she meant included me in their number She WAS difficult to approach and seeing her waddle about a bit and have to swap her Choos for Crocs cheered us all up. I quite sympathised with the foolish receptionist who had tried to strike up a conversation.

Without children to discuss, she and I would have very little to say to each other.

Druzhok - it's a simple rule, you always but always should simply say: you 'look well' or 'are blooming'. And then stop talking

2 days after I had given birth, my midwife said "it looks like theres still one in there".
Very rude from someone that should have known better!

I've just posted elsewhere about this. I actually had a 'friend' call me a whale on Wednesday!! I'm thinking about emailing this thread to her!!!

And here's that post: I know that I'm quite sensitive and emotional at the moment( 36 weeks with 2nd). But I have one so- called 'friend' who has made a comment on my size EVERY time I've seen her while pregnant. I'm proud to have a big bump, it's a big bb, but I'm not sll that big elsewhere- well not abnormally anyway. she actually called me a whale in front of a mutual friend and all our kids in the park the other day?!

AIBU to want to push her in the sand pit??? And can I get away with it in my current state???!

She wants to meet up with me next week but I've really gone off the idea... On top of which, she is religious and I'm not at all, but aren't they supposed to be nice to people?

this thread is quite ammusing!

iam a hairdresser so i get it all day long, as many people come in every 6 weeks (iam 29 wks) and say- wow havnt u grown,ur massive etc
of course my answer is always well i hope so i have nt seen u for 6 weeks!

when pg with dd there was a very annoying traninee at work that called me fat mama all the time. that grated a bit!

i think the worst thing is wen people say o ur not all out are u? u look astho u have put on weight everywhere (me thinking bloody great so i just look fat!!)

o p.s none of this is as annoying as when a client spins around in chair and grabs my bump! hate it!!!!

Same person who called me a whale (and had baby herself last year so should know better): 'with the baby that big aren't you worried about how to get it out, you might tear really badly and have to have lots of stitches'

really, don't want to talk about that any more than I want to discuss my bump

have to say though, it is often the people who normally have weight issues or are 'big boned' who make the comments.(one's my mother who tells me she didn't show until 20 weeks with my sister - so I must have my dates wrong- or be having twins)

I'm thinking about something along the lines of 'i don't have the child bearing hips to hide it' but then I'd sound like them

Worst thing I had, was also the so called "friend" who was always bigger than me when not pregnant and who made comments via email constantly about pregnant women putting on weight to the point where I avoided seeing her as I felt like I would be so judged! (I had put on loads!). And her wet behind the ears husband would always say things on the phone to my dh like "so is she piling on the pounds" etc (he'd really obviously been asked to say this by his wife too!).

You know, I don't get so offended by people saying 'your bump is huge' etc as long as it's clear they are talking about bump and not weight in general which is just plain rude!

Last straw with said friends was when they finally wangled there way round to coming to see the baby (we really tried to put them off with excuses!) 3 weeks after ds1 was born and they walked through the door, then both proceeded to pat my no longer pregnant belly and then ask 'so is that how much it goes down now or is that it?' (the woman patting as well had strangely had the urge to attend slimming world for the past 9 months also after years and years of being very overweight and it was the first time we had seen her when she was not looking overweight herself). All very convenient of her! It was all so obviously planned between them that they would do and say that when they walked in it was pretty shocking really!

Needless to say, we don't have anything to do with these weirdos anymore!

zabba I would avoid that so called friend for a while if I were you!!!!!!!She might get the hint then that her comments aren't helpful.

I'm 36 weeks and hate the you re huge comments. People come into work, see me do a double take and say surely you shouldn't be working anymore???? I am a bit sensitive as I was large for dates and have a bit too much amniotic fluid. I think people don't think that there could be a medical reason for the way you look.

I'm loving all the "yes but I'll be skinny again in a few month but you'll still be fat and bald" comments ladies! I am planning to use this when I go back to work next week to an all-male offcie full of podgy, balding middle-aged men who will no doubt feel the need to comment on how big I am!

Am also planning to say "yes but in a couple of months I'm going to lose at least 2 stone with just a couple of pushes, will you?"

preghead : do it!! and report back!!

lol, I had a drunken man passing by the other evening who said to me "I really like fat people"!

Best thing is when you are overdue and some asks you "so when are you due then?" "last Thursday!" "last week" or "6 days ago" they always look shell shocked as if you are going to go into labour there and then. I once got asked if I was ALLOWED out!

I'm a size 8 and even on no4 have always had small neat bumps, of course it's just as bad if you are neat, you get accused of not being as far on as you think you are. Even the MW sent me for a growth scan at 28 weeks as I was measuring small (how accurate is a MW feeling your bump?), sonographer said MW was crazy.

Then you get the "carrying for a boy/girl comments"

I have had 4, 3 girls and a boy and have the same shaped bump everytime but didn't stop people guessing the sex, my Mother was convinced DD1 was a boy even after 2 scans, her eyes could tell more than a trained sonographer!!!

One of my neighbours repeatedly complimented me on my breasts during one of my pregnancies, ignored the enormous bump and repeatedly told me how firm they looked, and how excellent his wifes breasts had been during pregnancy... pretended my phone was ringing and escaped

My top horrible comment was from my sister, the was pregnant too, 3 months behind me and I was suffering from high blood pressure, water retention and had admittedly ballooned a bit anyway, my mum commented on the size of my bump and said to my sister that that would be her soon, my sister looked me up and down and replied "no, I'm never going to look like that" complete with catsbum face.

nasty!

MIL told me I looked 'chubby' at 14 weeks...hadn't put on any weight at all, in fact had lost about 4lb at that point and only put on 8lb in total (am a bit overweight so didn't need to put on any more) - nice woman.

Then after that the whole way through I had people obsessed about how small my bump was - I am really tall so assume there was just more space for baby to stretch out lengthways than just out.

But in the last 6 weeks crappy midwife kept telling me it was going to be a huge baby and would prob need CS as its head was too big to engage...WTF? Was measuring spot on and DD was 7.5lb so neither titchy nor massive.

Worst comment wasnt weight related and was from my own offspring...
After I said I was glad I only had a week to go til I was no longer pregnant then the heartburn would go, my eldest said 'does that mean you wont smell anymore either then?'

Cheers.

I too was very big in all 4 my pregnancies, as I have a small frame. Once, a total stranger in a lift full of people, asked when my due date was (after expressing horror at my size - I was only 7 months pregnant) - I took absolute delight in telling him: "Actually, I'm due TODAY - I'm expecting my waters to break any second now".

Just came into work this morning and one of my colleagues said "your huge" - err thanks. Oh well will be out of here from Lunch Time for a wee while.............. hooray!!!

I was told that I was "the perfect advert for contraception"!!!!

DH said he could tell I'd got bigger as I made more of an impact on the matress when I got into bed. He got a Look and a reminder that despite being 17 wks with twins I've only put on about 2 pounds so far.

I once wore a brown smock type dress with small flowers on it and was told I looked like a giant Christmas pudding.

I worked with an office full of male surveyors when I was expecting my first, and one guy who I thought was really fanciable but never really talked to me, came and sat with me one lunch time and told me at great length about the varicose veins on his tesicle. What was that all about?

Just remembered an even worse insult. Four weeks after delivering baby number 2, I went to husbands colleagues party in a normal dress. One nasty little man said to me "Youre showing again!". I wouldnt have minded but I had slimmed to get into that dress! Yes I did cry afterwards.