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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Original poster

Please reassure me he's just not ready yet!

38 replies

NinthWave · 19/04/2010 18:53

My DS is 2.8 and we've been attempted potty training a couple of times over the past few months, always trying to keep it low-key and not make too big a deal out of it.

We've NEVER had a wee in the toilet/potty - he used to sit on the potty but now complains it hurts his bum, I think it's too small so we've moved onto a trainer seat on the toilet.

He'll happily sit on it but won't actually do anything. Have tried praise, bribery, etc but nothing works. He chose his own pants - but he won't wear them! Yesterday we managed to get a pair on him after much dicussion of how brilliant and comfy pants are, hooray for pants etc, but he weed in them and then asked for a nappy...

I'm getting comments from friends/family now which is bugging me as I've never had to 'push' DS into anything, but am being made to feel like I ought to be encouraging him a bit more.

He's just not interested though. He doesn't care about being a 'big grown up boy' or any of that, he likes his nappies!

I'm going to leave it a bit longer, but hoe much longer? How will I know when he's ready? Will he ever wee anywhere except the carpet?

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Original poster
NinthWave · 19/04/2010 20:12

Bump - do I just have the stubbornest 2yo in the North West?

OP posts:
justaboutkeepingawake · 19/04/2010 20:13

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Original poster
NinthWave · 19/04/2010 20:28

Thankyou. Anyone want 5 unused pairs of Bob the Builder pants?

OP posts:
mummywizz · 19/04/2010 21:04

My DS is 2.11 and have just started potty training and so far it's a disaster, he has NEVER peed on the potty/toilet like your son and just wees in his pants/on the carpet even 1 minute after getting off the toilet (having not done anything saying 'no wees mummy')
I'm also thinking like you he's not ready and am tempted to leave a bit longer

cookielove · 19/04/2010 21:07

NinthWave - when you do restart i would get more like 20 pairs of pants, 5 may not last one day

Original poster
NinthWave · 19/04/2010 21:11

I've got 2 weeks off work at the end of May so will try then, see how it goes. And I'll be sure to stock up on pants too, even if he does just put em on his head

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 19/04/2010 21:13

DD is 3.6 - last month SHE decided to potty train. She's had four accidents. We tried earlier. She just wasn't ready. Don't sweat it. No-one goes to university in nappies (well apart from the very mature, mature students). Just leave it a bit and then try again.

The tipping point for us was that all her friends at preschool went to the loo and she didn't and she felt left out.

MmeLindt · 19/04/2010 21:14

My advice on these threads is ALWAYS the same.

Wait.

There has been research that showed that the age of starting potty training has no bearing on it's success.

You can start training at 2.5yo - if your DC is not physically able to withhold his wee until he is 3.5yo then no amount of bribes, encouragement or praise will get him out of nappies sooner.

Let it go. Try again in a month or so. Save yourself and your DS the stress.

justaboutkeepingawake · 19/04/2010 21:58

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MmeLindt · 19/04/2010 22:03

Not sure about Switzerland, because our DC were trained in Germany.

Certainly in Germany there was a lot less pressure to potty train (except my MIL).

DD was 2.5 when we visited MIL and she decided she would try potty training her. Worked well, tbh.

DS was over 3yo, about 3.5yo I think. Kindergarten were happy to have him in nappies, no stress whatsoever.

preggersplayspop · 19/04/2010 22:15

I'm going through it at the moment, but have deliberately taken it very gradually and only gone into pants because his nursery kept dropping heavy hints that he was ready to start wearing pants. He has been doing wees and poos in the potty for months now, but I didn't feel he was ready to come out of nappies until more recently.

I don't see any point in rushing it. I think they have to be physically and mentally ready for it for it to be a success - my DS has told me a few times he still wants to be a baby (he has a new brother, one of the reasons I didn't really push it) so I could tell he found the whole concept a bit stressful and held back until I felt he was more prepared for it.

I have a friend who said she started training her son in August and he was still doing poos in his pants daily by the following January. IMO he definitely wasn't ready! On the other hand, I have another friend whose little girl just told her one day she didn't want to wear nappies anymore and that was it...trained!

We started off with DS sitting on the potty and I would read to him. There is one particular book he liked to read and he would sit there for 20 mins at a time while we read it together - eventually he relaxed enough and something happened. Would this be worth trying?

JaynieB · 19/04/2010 22:20

For what its worth my DD aged 3 has only just got the hang of pottys (still not pooing in them though, she waits until bedtime and then does it in her nappy) but we tried and failed at about 2.5 and decided to leave it for a while. Kept offering her the potty or nappy-off time in a low key way and she gradually spent more time out of nappies and started using the potty occasionally and then one day recently she decided she wanted to wear knickers not the nappy when getting dressed and has been dry since. One small almost accident a couple of days ago when she got a bit engrossed in playing in the garden!

MinnieMummy · 19/04/2010 22:38

My DS has just turned 3.5 and approx 10 days ago suddenly said 'I need to do a wee. I need to do it in the potty' - he has been in pants for a week, averaging 1 accident a day but today none whatsoever - so I completely agree with the waiting approach. He decided he was ready and it really hasn't been stressful at all.

I know it's really hard to ignore people's comments but for yours and his sake you must - it's ultimately none of their business and your DS will do it when he is ready. I was beginning to think my DS would be the last of his peers, and he probably is, but so what - like WMMC says, they all do get there in the end. And as it turns out, a friend's DD who was supposedly potty trained almost a year ago is pretty much at the same stage as my DS now after a week. So I think people's definitions of 'potty trained' vary quite a lot...

My advice would be to 'mention' the potty now and again so he knows it's there and that he can use it if he wants, but if he says 'no, nappy' then that he knows that's absolutely fine too. And good luck!

Joolyjoolyjoo · 19/04/2010 22:44

Ds is 2.6 and has been talkign about wanting to use the toilet/ potty for a while, so I thought I'd put him in pants this week while DH is off work. Started on Sunday- 9 pairs wet pants and trousers, no pees/ poos in the potty. Today- only 4 pairs wet pants/ trousers, 1 poo in the potty (but only just!), no pees. I wasn't too downhearted, because I know my 2 girls were a bit like this first couple of days, so was just going to let it go for the rest of the week....until today he fell off the trampoline steps (DH couldn't quite catch him in time) and broke his collarbone , so I'm thinking possibly best to scrap the potty-training for now, although he still seems quite keen. But his arm is in a sling, so he can't pull down/ pull up his trousers, and we were thinking he might have enough to contend with??

MmeLindt · 19/04/2010 22:59

Jooly,
poor DS. Yes, I would leave it a while until his collarbone is healed.

ClaudiaSchiffer · 19/04/2010 23:27

Justaboutkeepingawake FIVE?! FIVE? No way is a 5 yr old child not yet potty trained in any way reasonable (SN aside of course).

I agree with the waiting a bit approach, particularly with some boys, but honestly, you have to take the lead at some point.

justaboutkeepingawake · 20/04/2010 10:18

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justaboutkeepingawake · 20/04/2010 10:19

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justaphase · 20/04/2010 10:35

My DS will be 5 in October and he still has wee accidents. He has been out of nappies since he was 2.6 and was trained for poos in a week. But he regularly regresses for wees, goes through periods of several months when he will have accidents daily.

Believe you me, we have taken the lead. We have done everything humanly possible. MIL of course hinks the reason is we left it too late in the first place by not starting him at 3 months.

He does not have any special needs. We checked with paediatrician who said there is nothing that he can see wrong with him. He will not refer him for any tests at this age. He said about 10% of 5-year-old have regular accidents. Anecdotally, I think it is probably more than that.

DD on the other hand is 20 months and has been asking to use the potty since she was 15 months old.

I am not sure what the point of my post is really. I do not have any answers.

But "not taking the lead" comments I also find very unhelpful in our case. I am sure there must be a situation out there that it applies to though ...

Sexonlegs · 20/04/2010 10:38

Glad I am not alone.

DD2 is 3 today. We have tried a couple of times with pants; asking her regularly if she needs a wee etc. Seconds later, wee all over the floor. She helped me clear up bless her.

I am getting quite down about it, but at the same time don't want to push it.

She knows her friends wear pants, and dd1 often goes to the loo in front of her and explains what she is doing, but dd2 just doesn't seem to get it. She tells me when she has weed in her pull-up!

Do you think I should just leave it? Some say put her in pants and after 3 or 4 days of wee etc on the floor, she may just get it.

Dd1 was so easy; within days she was totally dry at the age of 25 months.

ClaudiaSchiffer · 20/04/2010 10:56

Ok so actually the nhs will refer 5 yr olds, it's 4 yr olds that are still classed as (hateful word) 'normal', right?

A 4 yr old having accidental wees is, I agree, fine (if a bit irritating for mum). But a 5 yr old who is still incontinent - to the point of needing nappies whilst at school will get extra nhs investigation. As something may be wrong.

Sorry, if i'm missing something. I'm too tired and i really don't actually care that much, and I'm sorry if I pissed (ha) you off by my astonishment.

Sexonlegs, a just turned 3 yr old is totally NORMAL (aarrgghh) to be having accidents. Personally I would be taking her to the loo every 30 mins or so. But don't stress too much.

alicatte · 20/04/2010 11:04

Its a long time ago for me and I honestly can't remember how old my DSs were when they trained. However I do remember that I got into 'training' with the baby group for DS1 and it took several months. I didn't do anything for DS2+ except read 'I want my potty' repeatedly and leave the equipment in the room. They trained themselves within a couple of weeks when they were ready.

warthog · 20/04/2010 11:07

dd1 potty trained at 3.5. she's only just been doing poos in the toilet reliably for the last couple of months. she's 4.

MmeLindt · 20/04/2010 11:10

My DS is 5.5yo and still has the occasional accident, generally now because he forgets to go to the loo, waits too long or gets tickled.

We have a wet bed every couple of months.

At 4yo - 5yo it was more common for him to wet himself. Probably about once or twice a month. Sometimes he would go for weeks without a problem, then he would have a week where we had wet pants 3 or 4 times.

I was told by my paediatrician that it is considered completely normal, and only after the age of 5yo would an investigation be considered.

Sexonlegs
It does not sound like your DD has the control yet, and letting her wet herself for several days in the hope that she will learn it seems a bit cruel, tbh.

Kew posted a very very good link a week or so ago, will try to find it.

MmeLindt · 20/04/2010 11:17

Justa
Your DS sounds very like mine. Have you asked in your family, it is often hereditary. SIL's DS was still wetting the bed when he was 9yo, and I know that both DH and BIL were late at potty training.