Daughter had accident in soft play help!

[BusyCat]

My child has been potty training for around 3/4 weeks now. They only had 3 accidents the whole time so was definitely ready after a few failed attempts. Shes 3.5 years old

Today before leaving my child they went to the potty and done a substantial pee. Then we got to soft play I took them to toilet and they said they didnt need but tried. Within 5 mins of being there they had an accident. She told me straight away and was near to the entrance in and out the soft play. It is a small one so can have eyes on. I had her younger daughter with me also so bundled them up to change and tell staff. As I was walking out a grandad grabbed my arm and starting moaning that the whole place will need cleaned that its ridiculous shes had an accident. He went on and on. I could see my daughter picking up on this and I really tried to explain to her accidents happen and encourage going to potty/toilet. Once I came back from telling staff and changing her. He greeted me again to say staff still weren't here and that she my daughter shouldn't be going back in till shes not having accidents. I told him I told staff im trying to manage both my kids safely this soft play is in a cafe there is hot drinks etc. I genuinely didnt know what he wanted me to do. Another grandparent said to him shes told staff they will be.coming just leave it now. I was on the verge of tears and just got my stuff and left.

Was I wrong to take her to soft play? Would other parents not have done this so soon? I feel so guilty

3 weeks into potty training and you’re taking her out without pull ups on? Especially to something like soft play, where she will be excited and distracted and won’t be thinking about getting to the toilet in time. Why have you taken her out only wearing normal pants?
She should be wearing pull ups until she’s bomb proof in places like that. If she’s had an accident whilst in the apparatus then there would have been quite a mess getting her out of it.

I would have had a pull up on her for soft play as they get distracted in there but I don’t think you need to beat yourself up about it though. People do much worse things at soft play centres

Am I misunderstanding or, after she had an accident, did you bring her back (after cleaning) to play again in the soft play? After she very clearly showed that she's not ready for this?

No I had left all my stuff like jackets etc and just went back to get it sorry I thought I said that.

Shes been at nursery fine and not had an accident either. Shes not had one since the first week of training.

She had the accident right at the start of the entrance to get in it was in the one spot. There are three ways in get in the frame so easily avoided. It wasn't trailed about and the staff member did say it happens at least once a week.

At nursery, staff are always on it and reminding the kids and offering the toilet etc. That’s not the same.

When you take a newly potty trained toddler out, you need to have them in pull ups. Especially somewhere they are going to be excited and distracted. Doesn’t matter if it happened at the entrance this time, tomorrow it could happen on a climbing frame. Just be more prepared.

Gosh it could have happened to anyone. Bet it happens all the time. Forget about it now. Dont worry.

No worries will stay in house for next few months 😁

Ah it was an accident. These things happen.

FWIW when I toilet trained mine (all in their twenties now!). They were in pants from the start and never went out in nappies or pull ups as that seemed the wrong message to me!

I don't see how thats odd? Others are saying give it time or pull ups. Not all children can go in pull ups and keep going with potty training. She certainly can't and would make her distressed every child is different. She has just had all her birthday and Christmas toys and a large back garden. It wasn't a dig at you I was genuinely saying until she is further down her potty training journey I will keep her at home until she can build up more on outings. Does that make me unwell? I don't understand why your being rude.

I was genuinely looking to see what others experiences were. There is people like those above who want to give help and advice I don't need judgement as I wouldnt judge you?

Small children can have accidents, don't beat yourself up about it. That man was very rude.

Did you notice the emoji?

Accidents happen and I wouldn’t think on it too much. But yes avoid the soft play or stick to pull-ups for a good while longer.

That man was horribly rude, if we followed his rules ..pregnant women would be under house arrest (no waters breaking) or anyone really; what if you had a nose bleed. It was an accident, a natural thing every one of us has had in our development..sod that miserable man. Sorry OP ..try and put that nasty experience behind you and feel such gratitude he isn’t a relative lol 💐💐💐

Agreed; we never used pull ups and my last kid was potty trained about two years ago. One still needed nappies at night and the other two didn't. There were no accidents out and about because we waited until they were ready to toilet train them (and didn't venture far during that period). I find the admonishments about using pull ups kind of odd.

Edited to add - sorry he upset you OP; he sounds really mean. I don't think you've done anything wrong at all.

Maybe you could do outer super girl pants at next visit and make a funny joke of how clever she is to get dry …hope it hasn’t knocked her confidence to try

It happens, OP, and soft play is somewhere it happens more than most as it tends to have a lot of young kids excitedly running around! I definitely wouldn’t be putting her in pull-ups, the occasional accident is just part of potty training. And a venue for young kids won’t be a stranger to it!

DD2 had a random pee accident in the soft play cafe a few weeks after potty training. They were nothing but gracious about it. And yes, we stayed there, she continued playing and all was fine.

Accidents happen - celebrate when she tells you she wants to go to the potty/toilet and don't worry about the odd accident - soft play centres have accidents frequently because children are excited and distracted, and not just with newly potty trained children.

The old man was a dick - don't let him ruin your day out!

....and wearing pull-ups hinders potty training. I've worked with children for years and it always slows down potty training - part of the learning is feeling when they are wet and understanding what wee feels like.

I didn't use pull ups and never would.

Look forward to your next time out x

I don’t think the advice of pull ups on exciting outings that involve physical exercise is judgemental. It’s good advice. That way a small accident doesn’t bring a fun day to an early, sour end. Once she is dry, then you know she is ready to go in regular underwear.

You will never know when she is ready staying at home. You can only guess. In the meantime she misses out.

In addition, the we are staying home until you don’t have accidents will feel like a punishment to the child who is being suddenly deprived of fun outings. And if you guess wrong and she has another accident, she will feel like she’s a disappointment and not normal.

Just use pull ups. They are a great tool for advanced potty training.

You can put the pull up on top of the underwear if you think the wet feeling is that important. I don’t think it is. There is no proof that pull ups slow down potty training. It is largely physiological and each child is different for when they can sense the need to pee versus the urge to pee versus the sensation of peeing. What you wear has no influence on the development of introspection.

This is the most Classic Mumsnet response I've seen in a while. Shame you didn't ask her if she's on glue, then you'd be Hall of Ultimate Wankery Fame worthy.

Thanks everyone for the advice and support. I probably did over estimate her but im sure she didnt pay much attention to the man and knows how supportive we are of her. Im so proud of how she is doing. It's just keeping me awake feeling guilty.

I don't think she will see being at home as missing out as the weather is so rubbish just now not much to do. She also has a sister 15 months younger than her so they are besties getting to play with all their new toys etc. Then she still goes to nursery and family members. I didn't mean suck just at home with me cause yeah that probably would send anyone crazy 😂😁

Suppose the pull up/no pull up can be child dependent but the nursery did advise me not to do it. I'll take this one on as me probably not thinking enough and keep going how we were until more time has passed.

I do appreciate it all though as it's a tough hurdle to get through is potty training. And I'll be doing it all soon when her sister is ready too 😂

There is widespread 'proof' in my sector that pull ups slow potty training down. While not all children are ready to potty train at the same age, and some may be dry during the day long before they are dry at night, in every child I have cared for who wears pull ups - without exception - their journey to being trained has been longer than average. All my colleagues I've worked with over the years would concur.

Pull ups dull the senses and recognition of triggers required to potty train. You'd be surprised to see how often they come off in soft play centres too. When I was a student, the restaurant I worked in had a soft play area. We had to deep clean it frequently and found loads in the ball pits.

Honestly, ignore the miserable old man. Accidents happen and she won’t have been the first. My son is 3.5 and has been potty trained since two and did a full on wee on an outdoor climbing frame last month. I was shocked but what can you do? I changed him and let him play again of course, I wasn’t going to punish him for an accident.

And I once flung pee around the cafe in soft play trying to run with my toddler and his travel potty to the loo. As I ran, pee leaked out of the potty and left a trail behind me. All the elderly people having lunch were very helpful and nobody complained. I cleaned it up and laugh about it now. There will be more accidents so try and keep calm and reassure little one it’s ok. Not sure I agree with other posters that she has to be in pull ups, but maybe avoid soft play for a few more weeks if possible

The rest of @Bobiverse posts read like a handbook of classic Mumsnet responses. What a dick.

OP, once my kid was in some stupid reusable swim nappies I was using to be eco friendly. She then had a massive poo, leaked everywhere and the pool had to be evacuated. This stuff happens. People get over it. Grandad was having a bad day. Hope you and kiddo are alright.