Day 1 of potty training and I want to give up already

[Mudonstairs]

My son is 2 years and 5 months. Started trying to potty train him today. Trying the oh crap method. Took all morning to get him to behave normally as he doesn’t like having a bare bum and legs. He has basically held his wee in all day and only peed when he’s woken up from his nap. Peed a bit onto the waterproof bed protector and then finished it in the hallway and when I tried to pick him up and take him to the toilet he has laid flat on the floor kicking and screaming saying he doesn’t like the toilet. I have tried him with a potty and the toilet with a step. He doesn’t like either of them.

Is this normal? Is it supposed to feel like you are torturing them? How is this stress going to teach him good potty training skills? I’m reluctant to give it up on the first day but how long is this stubbornness going to go on for and is this going to be damaging for him? I was hoping he would at least have grasped the concept of using the potty by Christmas but with perhaps a few accidents still. I wasn’t expecting complete defiance at the mere idea of it tbh, but he is a pretty headstrong boy so I don’t know why I thought it would be any easier!

Probably still too young especially for a boy. And this time of year isn't ideal for adding extra stress.

Why don't you wait until the new year? Just leave the potty sitting around in the meantime and talk a lot about "after Christmas you will be a big boy and use the potty" etc.

I won’t have time off in the new year. I am currently off work now until new year so I thought this would be the ideal time. Probably not going to get a week or two off work until next summer now. He is going to be 3 in July and starting nursery in August so I was hoping he could be potty trained in time for nursery. Should I just accept that this isn’t going to happen and that he’s likely to start nursery not potty trained then?

eric.org.uk/why-are-children-potty-training-later/

"Over the last century, the average age that our children are being toilet trained has moved from 12-18 months, to an average of around 3 or even 4 years today."

Eric website has lots of useful tips re potty training too.

He's still quite little. I couldn't deal with cleaning up wee. So I used pull ups and my boys were about a year old than yours. We just went straight to using the toilet no potty. They were in pants by the end of a week of pull ups and no accidents. We just talked a lot about being a clever big boy using the toilet and gave a lot of praise when they used the toilet.
The no nappy potty method I guess us probably better suited to summer time when you can be outside and it's less stressful when they have accidents.

@Mudonstairs it's generally easier when they are more ready though. Can be done over a weekend.

If you are keen to go for it then I'd just say stick with it. Reward charts or chocolate buttons - 1 for a wee, 2 for a poo. Stickers if you don't want to give chocolate.

Set an alarm for every 30 mins and sit him on the potty for a minute each time. Reward each time he sits to start with and gradually he will get there. Don't reprimand for any accidents, just a "oh dear! Accidents happen. Let's get this cleaned up and remember next time you have to sit on the potty"

Watch episodes of shows like bing / peppa about potty training, there's potty songs on YouTube and get books about it.

Don't worry if it takes a while.

But this is what makes me think, if we could as a society train an 18 month old to use a toilet then why should we be doing it much later? I haven’t read the link yet so will take a look and maybe I’ll see some answers. Just makes me feel so useless that we can’t do this, in this day and age where most people have warm fully functioning bathrooms in their homes. Back in previous centuries we didn’t have the facilities we have now and people still managed to potty train earlier.

We made the potty a fun place. Read books, iPad, toys etc and got him to just hang out on it. No pressure to wee or poop. Didn’t get cross if weed somewhere else, didn’t get cross if he didn’t wee in the potty. Just lots of praise for sitting on the potty.

Also re your post about nursery. Summer is an ideal time to potty train especially with the no pants method. I used it for 2 of my 3 kids and they got it within a few days. All fine for the August nursery start. I have one July born and one May just fyi, which made them just about 3 years old.

We tried to potty train dd about same age and it just didn't work she hated it and had no interest. However a month ago she just decided herself she wanted to use the potty and it's been a dream since and although the odd accident she's got on really well with it
Just getting use to the out and about and using toilets when out the house

I'm glad I waited until she was ready rather than forcing anything as this way worked out much calmer all round for all involved.

She was 2 years 10 months when potty training

We can’t do it because nappies are too efficient and they never have the feeling of being wet. (Perhaps someone should invent a nappy in size 5 or 6 that has a layer of dampness.)
It should feel like pushing on a door that’s already ajar. If it doesn’t, he’s not ready.
It shouldn’t be loads of work, either. A day or two and then a bit of a extra planning when you go out for a while.

Pick it up in summer when there are less clothes needed / easier to dry stuff. If there are regular times for bowel movements like first thing in the morning put them on the potty then

I don’t think using pull-ups would work for us as we already were using pull ups anyway as his regular nappies. I think if I were to put a nappy on him he would think it’s the perfect place to do a wee or poo. He only holds it in when his nappy is off, he very rarely pees during a nappy change or when he’s naked before or after a bath. This is why I thought he clearly has got some sort of bladder control. It’s just his defiant nature I think that is holding him back. He sees the potty as more of a play thing tbh and the big toilet it too scary and I think he finds the seat too cold and hard. I have thought about getting a padded seat thing to put over our toilet but I’ve read that they can cause more problems and a bit of a hazard too so don’t know what to do for the best 🤷🏻‍♀️

I couldn't be arsed with the fannying about, Dts were done in a couple of days after they just turned three, we had a big holiday just before and couldn't deal with the stress.

With all mine, I’ve waited until they could recognise when they needed to go, hold it in long enough to get to the toilet, get own trousers down, get on and off the toilet themselves and wanted to be in underwear.

It made it stress free, minimal accidents, no constant reminding, asking if they need a wee, no potties just straight on the toilet.

Forcing him is going to have the opposite effect and also a potential UTI if he's holding
Take a break from it at least for a few days. Buy some toddler leg warmers (used this with both DSs as the same they didn't like being naked) some chocolate buttons and potty stickers.

Get him to choose a potty and keep one upstairs and one downstairs.
Lots and lots of praise for even sitting on the potty.
Get the pirate Pete potty book and read it to him a few times Get him to press the hurray button etc.

I used chocolate buttons in the beginning if they did anything on the potty they got a chocolate button. Then slowly stretched it to doing number 2s then stretched that to at the end of the day til no more chocolate buttons.

Thing is, they would be cleaning a Terry nappy or tbh, probably just mopping up a floor. Call the Midwife mentions the old method of just letting them run around in a jumper until they get it. Less laundry. Disposable nappies are much more convenient than either of those, with the double whammy of keeping a child dry.

And they may not have had indoor plumbing but chamber pots were very common, so it's not like they'd be hovering a baby over a spidery dark hole. Tbh, I wouldn't be surprised if young children used potties inside for quite a bit longer, rather than using a toilet as soon as possible nowadays.

I could have written this. Started today and it’s been a total nightmare - nothing in the potty and toddler vocally anti-potty. Previously she’d been saying potty a lot and was interested on sitting on it. We read Oh Crap so hid the potty away and introduced it again this morning. Have given up today, going to try again tomorrow. I might keep the potty out to pique interest in it.

This was normal for my DC. DC2 hated it at first and took something like 6 days before realising that it's quicker to just wee in the potty rather than having to be cleaned up each time. Some kids do get it very quickly but for some it's harder work.

While I would not wish to denigrate the good work of ERIC, I do think that the claim most children were trained at around 18 months years ago is misleading and I’d go as far to say wrong to be honest.

I do think two years five months is on the young side but it isn’t completely out of the question. However, it’s horrible when it doesn’t go to plan at all. I’m not a massive Oh Crap fan but I’d be inclined to try again in a few months.

I suppose it depends how you define trained. I imagine it's probably more accurate to say that on average toddlers had stopped wearing nappies by 18 months but I bet in most cases there was still a lot of mopping up accidents.

I posted on here a few years ago to say day 1 was hideous. Thread full of comments that my child wasn't ready.
Trained a few days later. That being said I didn't do the bare bum stage of oh crap, I didn't like it, so I went more for the put them on a potty every 20 mins method.

Yes, that’s what I mean.

One of my friends has a daughter born in 1984 (she is older than me) and she said that HVs used to make out you were horribly behind if your child was still in nappies at 18 months. So people lied.

Takes a couple days to toilet train them when they are actually ready. Apparently boys do it later than girls don't know how true this really is I have 2 girls and a baby boy . The girls were both trained bang on 2 day and night, nappies gone all together

Mine were both around 2.5, one girl and one boy. Trained them in the same way, didn't find boy any harder. Not everyone's cup of tea but I did reward them - one Smartie for anything on the potty or toilet. (Didn't give more for #2, tried with my daughter and at 2.5 she didn't really get why she sometimes got 2 and not others, so we stuck to 1 for everything).

What I would say is that potty training does take perseverance and consistency and there will be accidents, which is fine. Don't throw in the towel over a few wet pants and puddles. Some books say it should take no more than 3 days if ready but I absolutely did not want to wait until they were 3+, just personal preference. I was delighted to stop changing nappies! Neither of mine were delighted by the idea initially but we just rolled with the punches and after a few days it clicked. If you give him a bit more than usual to drink and let him have a few accidents, he is unlikely to enjoy that sensation and may be less resistant to sitting on the potty?

I ended up skipping the bare bum stage with DC2 because he would just wait until no one was looking and wee on the floor. They needed the inconvenience of stopping and changing before we made any progress.

Personally I'm not convinced that because it's not instantly clicking that means that they aren't ready. It's just more difficult for some to get it.