Day 1 of potty training and I want to give up already

[Mudonstairs]

My son is 2 years and 5 months. Started trying to potty train him today. Trying the oh crap method. Took all morning to get him to behave normally as he doesn’t like having a bare bum and legs. He has basically held his wee in all day and only peed when he’s woken up from his nap. Peed a bit onto the waterproof bed protector and then finished it in the hallway and when I tried to pick him up and take him to the toilet he has laid flat on the floor kicking and screaming saying he doesn’t like the toilet. I have tried him with a potty and the toilet with a step. He doesn’t like either of them.

Is this normal? Is it supposed to feel like you are torturing them? How is this stress going to teach him good potty training skills? I’m reluctant to give it up on the first day but how long is this stubbornness going to go on for and is this going to be damaging for him? I was hoping he would at least have grasped the concept of using the potty by Christmas but with perhaps a few accidents still. I wasn’t expecting complete defiance at the mere idea of it tbh, but he is a pretty headstrong boy so I don’t know why I thought it would be any easier!

Is there a toy/book/device that he really really loves, that he can play with while sitting on the potty? If so only allow him to have it while sitting there. He will soon be sitting happily and eventually he will wee on it.

Don’t give up! Keep going, put him on the potty every 20 mins, be ecstatically happy anytime he does anything in it and forget about poos for the minute. Hard floor is your friend if you have it though!

Put your child in pants and a pull up on top

wait until the summer and try again,

the reason toddlers trained earlier was due to the reusable nappies feeling wet

We have resorted to sticking him on the potty in front of the tv with his favourite tv show on! He still resists and fights us to go on the potty but he has had some success on it and seems really pleased once he’s produced a successful pee/poo. Just don’t know how to make it less of a battle to get him on in the first place. DH and I don’t want to give up at the moment because he does produce results just not reliably. Seems like slow progress but maybe we need to relax and just go with it? This is a rare opportunity because we are both off work together until 2nd week of Jan so to give up now would feel like a massive failure I think!

We potty trained ds1 at the same age yours is. Within the week he had it down, only had one accident after the first week. Was out of pull ups for night sleep 2 weeks after that. It can be done.

We had a potty in the living room, and one in the the bathrooms. 4 potties available and we grab the nearest one or take one with us.

We kept him in his pants and joggers. That way, when he wet himself, he felt it the first day. We didn't get annoyed if he made a mistake, we just celebrated every success. Cheerios in the potty to make it fun, chocolate buttons to reward and big cuddles. Made a big deal out of him choosing his own pants to wear.

We have begun potty training our 20 m old. So far, so good. Very gently introducing the potty and making a game of it. Taking him at key points ie. After nap, first thing in the morning and before going out. Will ramp it up more in the next couple of days.

Can't wait to be nappy free!

If he’s stubborn with good enough bladder control to hold it half the day at not even 2 and a half then those things are only likely to get worse when he’s 3+ and likely that it’ll be even harder. I would not quit. Don’t even consider it until you’ve tried it for a week.

However, you don’t have to do bare bum. I personally wouldn’t in winter, especially with a child that is resistant to it. I do think there’s some useful stuff in Oh Crap but you only have to skim read the utterly batshit chapter and it’s clear that the author really doesn’t know it all. Some kids learn better from the yucky feeling of wet pants and the inconvenience of having to get changed after an accident. Maybe try that along with lots of fluids, regular potty tries and also contrary to oh crap but a small reward for any success. Or stick with Oh Crap if you really want but definitely try for a week before deciding if it’s working- it’s a process and it takes time.

We have resorted to sticking him on the potty in front of the tv with his favourite tv show on
This is fine! Gina Ford recommends this in her potty training book, well actually it’s a VHS because the book is ancient now, but it’s a perfectly acceptable method and if it’s getting results and he’s proud of himself afterwards then it sounds like it’s working so that’s great!

Give yourself a break and follow Janet Lansbury's advice.
https://www.janetlansbury.com/2014/08/3-reasons-kids-dont-need-toilet-training-and-what-to-do-instead/
I did this with my two ds and both were well sorted by 3, never had an accident (yes really) including on car journeys, out and about etc. I didn't stay in with them either. Imo this is the way to go and saves all the headaches and stress.

I hate "Oh crap" it just makes no sense we recognise in all other development that children do things at different rates then go all Draconian on potty training. If your boy is ready he will already know how to pull his trousers down because you and childcare worked on it over the last year. I'd put him traditional training pants to contain the mess so he feels he's wet and you're both less stressed and see how he goes over the next few days only encouraging him to sit every 45 mins or so. Lots of praise for trying.

As a nanny I have potty trained 12 children, I've never done the no pants/trousers thing - to me that isn't respecting the dignity of the child, expecting them to run around half naked. I've never found wearing clothes a barrier to successful training - I've always dressed them in pants and loose joggers or shorts that are easy to pull down quickly.
If he is rebelling against being naked, I would try him with clothes on instead and see if it makes a difference.

I agree, I would also mention it caused great confusion with a toddler I recently came across - as when redressed, she would sit in potty with her clothes on to urinate. So then this made an extra teaching/assisting step in the process

We are coming up to 2 weeks now of potty training and I am well and truly missing nappies! The problem now isn’t so much about him not liking being naked, but actually getting him to sit on the potty when he needs to go. It can quite often be a battle or like we are coaxing him to sit on it. He very rarely goes on it happily. I am now getting sick of being at home and unable to go out anywhere.

On Boxing Day I caved in and stuck a nappy on him so we could go to the park and have a coffee with friends. I feel bad that this may have confused him but I’m also struggling with staying in doors so much and want to take him out to play etc.

I am so torn between becoming more relaxed about the whole thing and maybe just accepting that using pull up nappies for days out is harmless, along with a travel potty to give him an option of using a potty if he wants to. We have used pull ups as nappies for a long time now so they won’t feel like ‘special pants’ to him, they will just be used as nappies.

Or do I need to stand firm and go cold turkey with no more nappies but accepting this restricts our lives as there’s only so many spare clothes and puppy pads I can take out with me? Also means we can’t meet up with friends at toddler groups and soft play etc as I wouldn’t want him peeing or pooing in the equipment other kids use. Just limits us to trips to the park when weather permits and maybe short shopping trips, very boring! So the cold turkey approach would mean weeks or months of basically him missing out on a lot of stuff. I know a lot of people would say there’s no need to miss out on stuff, just take a travel potty and change of clothes but it’s really not that simple when he isn’t fully on board with potty training at home, how can I expect him to use a travel potty when we are out. I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t go down well so I would end up with a tantruming child and having to change his clothes every time he wees. Doesn’t really entice me into leaving the house. It’s so hard to know what to do. I had no idea that I would be met with such resistance by my toddler 😂

so id either go back to nappy/pull up and wait a while and try again or put pants on under the pull up so he gets the idea of not being wet

ive seen 2 or 3 month make all the difference between potty refusal and being happy on the potty and being dry in week 2 and dry pull up each morning by week 3

We had a nightmare potty training my eldest. We tried the oh crap method, she sobbed and fought and was so distressed. By day two we were both covered in wee and crying. My friend (ex nanny and potty trained 100s of kids) was totally nonplussed why I was so adamant about doing it by a certain time, battling and putting pressure on my DD and me. We parked it, back into nappies for a few months and left it till she was at nursery and seemed ready. She got it in a day or so, no trauma. Am definitely being led by my DS second time round. He’s two and not ready - I wish I’d put less pressure on myself first time!

If I were you I'd give it a break for a few weeks stress is only going to make it worse. I've lost count of the number I've trained in 30 years you absolutely do not have to stay in for weeks, have to have a naked child or loads of mess. My house would stink after years of children messing everywhere if that were the case. Be kind to yourself take a break. In my experience boys get it better nearer to 3.

I am not keen on the idea of stopping altogether. I really don’t want to stop start with potty training. Now we have started it I want to keep it going in some shape or form, so I’m on the fence between just sticking nappies on for out the house and potty training continues whenever we are home, or perseverance with the current method but this makes our lives miserable and restricted 🤷🏻‍♀️

He has not experienced pants yet though so I don’t know if putting them on him for trips out along with pull up would confuse him? I have bought a whole heap of pants for him all washed and ready in his drawer but he hasn’t seen them yet. I had rather naively thought after a couple weeks I could start thinking about when to put pants on him!

Have you made it fun?

Put Coloured ping pong balls down the toilet so he can aim at them?

fancy new toilet seat and step?

Made a song up every time he has a pee?

We had ‘we did a pee pee on the poTTY! A pee on the poTTY! ( as in the conga) 🙈

Has he see you wee? Like it physically coming out? 🙈

Every 30 mins you take him up and try to wee then put him to try?

Mine hated the potty and went straight on the toilet as I think they felt exposed

I just read your update after commenting - I know you’ve said you don’t want to stop and I really get that. I was very reluctant to give up especially as DDs friends were all trained at the time. If you carry on he will get there in the end, it’s just potentially you have weeks/months ahead of you of multiple changes and worrying when you’re out.
My friend felt she had to train early as second baby was on the way, and they got there it was just slow and stressful. I really can’t stress how fast and easy it was once they’re ready, and from your DS behaviour he really does sound just not quite ready.

I used to help out at playgroup when my first child born on 95 was a toddler. It was very popular and Children were only accepted if they were toilet trained, and it was very rare that a 2 and a half year old reaching the top of the waiting list wasn't trained.
Something has changed!

I have bought a whole heap of pants for him all washed and ready in his drawer but he hasn’t seen them yet. I had rather naively thought after a couple weeks I could start thinking about when to put pants on him!

how is your dc going to know what to do with pants?

instead of having your ds run round the house naked from the waist down - how about putting the pants on him?

So he can being to understand this process of not wearing a nappy and exchanging the nappy for pants - not like he is going to be running around naked for the next 60 years

the feeling of wetness when he wee with pants on instead of naked will most likely help, then you get him on the potty and hopefully with all the props in place the penny will drop

I think realistically you do sometimes have to go out in a pull up. The nappy under pull up so they feel wet is a bit of a compromise.

I agree that I don't think the naked time helps for all children. I had one where it did as they hated the wee down the legs and another who I honestly think would have been perfectly happy with floor weeing long term. They even worked out where to place their feet so they didn't get wet.

Something has changed!

quality of nappies
mother's working out of the home is higher

Our son was out of nappies during the day at 2 years 3 months. He was not dry at night for another year! I did have him in cloth nappies so I think that really helped as he liked being dry! Other things that really helped was letting him see us go to the loo so he knew what he was supposed to be doing, having a smaller seat that fit in our loo seat that got clipped up when he wasn't using it and a potty upstairs and down. Positive praise when he got it right, taking to the loo/potty every 45 minutes or so, no recriminations if he missed. Took us about 2 weeks with lots of mistakes and then he just got it one day and we never looked back.

I have been colouring with him on the potty and reading his favourite books. It does work eventually but not without push back almost every time really and I had no idea I would have to coax him into sitting on it when I know very well he needs a poo or wee! Haven’t tried the ping pong ball idea but tbh I don’t think this would be a good idea as he would just want to fish it out and I don’t want to encourage him putting any of his other toys down the toilet or in a dirty potty.

So far he seems too scared to even approach the toilet so I haven’t bothered with toilet seat or steps yet. I was hoping to progress to that once we actually get him used to knowing when he needs to go. At the moment he usually just holds his wee until it’s too late or if he does tell us he needs pee pee he’s already doing it! I don’t think we would have time to get him to a toilet at this stage. The potty stays close to us wherever we go in the house so that’s why I’ve gone with the potty method.

He does like high fiving us every time he does something in there. I could try to think of a potty song perhaps. I will try to look at toilet seats and steps to have that as another option. I steered clear of them before as I’ve read a lot of mums saying that the toddler toilet seats don’t usually fit all toilets properly so end up being loose and could lead to the child becoming even more scared of the toilet if they have a mishap with one! Do you remember the brand or type that you used?

Appreciate that you don't want to stop but if you actually wait until they are ready then it doesn't take weeks and weeks. I've potty trained three children and two were done within two days, the eldest took maybe five days but none of them were more than a week. I've never ever had to take a potty out of the house either.

The difference was the age, my boys were both just turned three and my daughter was definitely over 2.5 and probably close the three.

There seems to be some status thing among mums (weirdly not dads...) about starting potty training earlier, but it's pointless if it takes weeks and weeks to actually achieve the aim and can actually set kids back a bit. It can be handy if it's a time you are off work, I get that, but the timing should be driven by the child's readiness, not the parents.