Day 1 of potty training and I want to give up already

[Mudonstairs]

My son is 2 years and 5 months. Started trying to potty train him today. Trying the oh crap method. Took all morning to get him to behave normally as he doesn’t like having a bare bum and legs. He has basically held his wee in all day and only peed when he’s woken up from his nap. Peed a bit onto the waterproof bed protector and then finished it in the hallway and when I tried to pick him up and take him to the toilet he has laid flat on the floor kicking and screaming saying he doesn’t like the toilet. I have tried him with a potty and the toilet with a step. He doesn’t like either of them.

Is this normal? Is it supposed to feel like you are torturing them? How is this stress going to teach him good potty training skills? I’m reluctant to give it up on the first day but how long is this stubbornness going to go on for and is this going to be damaging for him? I was hoping he would at least have grasped the concept of using the potty by Christmas but with perhaps a few accidents still. I wasn’t expecting complete defiance at the mere idea of it tbh, but he is a pretty headstrong boy so I don’t know why I thought it would be any easier!

Oh I see. I haven’t tried the toilet yet but if/when I do I will buy him those steps you can get. I can’t find a toddler toilet seat that I’m happy with tbh

We trained our son just after his second birthday. We waited for a sunny bank holiday weekend and he was bottomless all day. I was surprised with how well it worked as I was dreading it. We used loose trousers (no pants), for a few weeks after and then had a couple of accidents when we introduced pants.

He had his first juice that weekend to encourage him to drink as much as possible and it was a bit of a novelty, which helped with the weeing!

I did this with my kids. I used a basic loo seat for kids - I don’t remember the name of it - It worked perfectly. It went under the main loo seat which I lifted up, put child loo seat on the toilet bowl and then put the main loo seat down on top of it . It didn’t move about. Truly so easy because I didn’t have to go through now it’s the toilet after the potty training. My kids would also hold onto the loo without the seat and step (you need to check they don’t fall in) good for outside the house but you need to clean the loo seat before and hands after as usual. Easy to do with handgel though and soap and water. I used treats as well - do a poo on the loo and you can have a small gift (I had books, comics, fun stickers and pants with characters on them). It worked well.

Dc is 4 now and perfectly toilet trained aside from at night (which is just something they need to grow into). Seriously whatever works for you and your kiddo, and minimises stress, is 100% the right choice for you. Ignore any outside judgement

We trained ds at 2 years 9 months and it was a breeze, took less than a week.

No point worrying about what will happen when he's 3 when he's still only 2 year 5 months, just wait a few more months and reassess then.

Also I know this isn't what you asked but I personally really dislike oh crap as it's very rigid and can cause stress but that's just me and I know others swear by it. Just throwing it out there that it's ok to be in team no crap if it's not working for you, no need to feel committed to it.

We just did 1 chocolate button for a poo and a sticker for a wee, bare bummed at first.

Dd didn't care for stickers so for her we did a chocolate button for poos and wees. They both cracked it in 5 days.

There are some lovely books for kids that help them understand things too.

Gone back to nappies and put the potty out of the way and today she picked it up, brought it to the living room and sat down on it. Talk about mixed messaging!

If you decide to go back in nappies it's perfectly fine to have the potty out and if he asks to use it great. We had a potty out for months before my DDs were ready to potty train so they could get used to it, if they showed any interest I would ask if they wanted to sit on it - if they said no that was fine.
With both of them I just waited until they decided they wanted to try big girl pants and it was honestly so easy, both trained within 5 days and hardly any accidents after that. They were 2 years 6 months and 3 years 2 months. My youngest didn't even use a potty just straight on the toilet.
I wouldn't be worrying about when he's 3 now because even a month can make such a difference at that age.

Also if you want to have him back in nappies but have sessions at home when he's in pants that's fine too, whatever works. Just don't turn it into a battle of wills if he want to fine if he doesn't fine.
Forcing him on the potty is a really bad idea imho you could end up creating a load more problems like withholding

@Mudonstairs

Hi, just wondered if you have an update on the potty training?
I started my little girl last week and although she's done a 3/4 wees and one poo on the potty. Still not much progress as far as telling me she needs to go.

Thanks

The update is I have put him back in nappies. He was fighting me at every pee and poo and I just had enough. I know my MIL is secretly judging me for not giving him a chance to learn it but I don’t care, from what I’ve read, it’s not meant to be a battle with your child. I know people on here were telling me he is not being defiant and it is the potty training stressing him out, but he is honestly so stubborn with every single thing I want him to do. If I tell him to go to the kitchen he will lie down and make it so throat I have to pick him up kicking and screaming. He will always choose the hard way 🤷🏻‍♀️ So we are back to fighting/bribing at every nappy change, but at least with nappies I’m not fighting with him plus getting pee and poo everywhere!

I have just found out I am pregnant due in September, so would ideally want him potty trained before the new baby is here as he will be turning 3 in July, otherwise it’s most likely he won’t be trained until he is approaching 3.5 years as can’t imagine he will take to the sibling like a duck to water 😂 But like someone said up thread, I can’t force him to be ready because of my life events. I am hoping he will start to show more interest and become less stubborn/argumentative as he matures. He’s also due to start nursery in August so that will either help with potty training or send him further into a fit of panic/rage!

Basically, I’m screwed aren’t I? 😂

I would say if your girl is happy and you’re still making progress then why not stick at it and see what happens? If my boy wasn’t raising merry hell every time it’s potty time I would still be potty training him now. I honestly wouldn’t mind the accidents if he was happy and making progress with it.

I think it's really good you're going with the flow pun intended once more and not trying to make him do what he can't. I have had multiples in nappies at the same time (all cloth) and honestly it was fine. You can't force a child to walk before they're ready. Using the toilet is the same. 3-3.5 isn't a problem. At that age he'll be so tuned into his body and will likely say to you one day he doesn't want to wear a nappy anymore and he'll want to go to the toilet constantly to avoid getting soaked so you'll be done in two weeks. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Don't forget he's still a baby really.

Aww thanks for your kind words of reassurance. I am very anxious at the moment and worried for him. Not just about the potty training but feel very guilty for having another baby, which is stupid as we planned for this. I think it’s because I know he is a very sensitive soul and a mummy’s boy so I don’t want potty training, nursery and new sibling all happening at once being too much for him. Hopefully, like you say, if I wait until he is truly ready then he will take the lead on the potty training and I will follow.

Will definitely do the potty training stuff differently next time round with the new baby, and be more child led. I have been child led with everything else with my son like breastfeeding, cosleeping, weaning etc, I don’t know why I thought potty training would be any different. I genuinely believed in the Oh Crap method which made it sound like if I don’t teach him how to do this he may reach an age where it’s going to be more difficult. However, most people on here have said the contrary, that it’s easier when they are older. I guess only time will tell but I don’t see how it could get any harder so not much to lose by waiting!