Successful potty training at 18 months with a child who doesn't immediately 'get it'?

[lawyerwannabefarmer]

I know the trend in this country is to potty train much later, but in a lot of other countries around the world where nappies are used, they potty train around 18 months and therefore it does appear to be physically possible, albeit with more effort from the caregivers.

I tried elimination communication with my son and it was pretty effective but I gave it up because I couldn't read his signs and it was taking up too much time. Nevertheless I kept putting DS on the potty at nappy change times and he frequently pooed in it, and recently we had weeks when he would poo in the potty in the morning and be clean for the rest of the day. At some point he became resistant though so I gave it a break.

In the meantime, my EC-ed baby has forgotten all concept of how to wee on demand (I guess it was more of an instinct when he was a baby) and seems to have developed a preference for weeing and pooing while standing up!

I've read a bunch of potty training books, including Tracey Hogg (Baby Whisperer)'s book on training from 9 months, as well as loads of discussion forums, and am keen to give it a go now even if it's more work for me.

As per instructions, we have been nappy free at home and DS (currently 17 months) has been weeing all over the place and done a few poos on the floor too, gross. Luckily hard wood so I'm not too bothered about the wees. With a bit of bribery he's made friends with the potty again and 'gets' doing poos in it but seems totally unaware of weeing until it's shooting forth. He does seem totally astonished and delighted by the puddles he's producing though, and very proud of himself when he discovers he's done something in the potty.

Sorry for the long OP! My question is: did you potty train around this age and was it a success? For those for whom it was eventually a success, did your child seem to get it very quickly or was it a slow learning process? We've been nappy free at home for about a week now, but DS went back to nursery yesterday which will probably reverse the process a bit, although they are putting him on the potty at each nappy change.

Leave him be! He's obviously not ready. And not read the books you have.

I left both my boys until they were ready. Nearly 3 in DS1 'a case. And it was an easy and happy experience. And they have had very very few accidents.

They have always had a relaxed and healthy attitude to using the toilet!

Why are you so keen to get him done?

Why the rush? I am genuinely curious?! Surely it makes more sense to just wait till he is ready and can vocalise / understand things better?

I suppose you could keep going - it will be a lot of work and stress because DS is clearly not physically or neurologically ready. It will take as long as it takes for his development to get to the point when he is ready.

I trained all mine within a 2 weeks period by waiting until they were physically and neurologically capable - somewhere between 2 and a half and 3. I found that easier all round. I couldn't bear the thought of mopping up for months at a time.

Your DS sounds normal for his age.

Well I guess I have bought into the not sitting in your wee/poo philosophy in a big way! Plus I know of people who have successfully done elimination communication and I think it's wonderful for children to be clean and dry all day long. I'm not bothered about wees around the flat as I block off the one carpeted room and he's happy as can be walking around without a nappy so I don't see any issue continuing with that.

I've also seen a lot of threads here about babies having trouble adjusting from pooing in their nappies to pooing in potties/toilets and in that respect the idea that we 'train our children to soil themselves in their clothes' does have a ring of truth to it. So to an extent, at least at home, I'm firstly not training him to go in his nappy, and secondly trying to encourage him to go in the potty instead. Although I am using a bit of bribery just to get over the initial starting block of getting him to sit, it's very gentle and he's happy to go along with it, so I don't see anything wrong with starting at this age.

Other factors are using cloth nappies while working full time, and the crying and squirming during nappy changes.

I don't think he's abnormal at all! And it's not causing me any stress.

I do disagree with the claims that normal children can't be potty trained until an abstract future point at which they decide themselves that they are ready. Of course he won't be physically capable of holding it like a 3 year old will be, hence no underpants at the moment and potty always at hand.

My point is that if millions of babies around the world potty train at this age, why is it that for some reason babies in the UK and US 'physically' can't until much older? It's not true that it's through coercion or fear. They are taught about their bodily functions and learn to control them to some degree much earlier.

I am not trying to pile on guilt here as I am a working mother and know how hard it can be, but I do think that part of the problem is parents not being able to/wanting to put in more effort earlier on, or not having the grandparents at hand to do this (in a lot of traditional societies it seems the potty training is led by the grandmother).

Some are successful at 1, my friends dd was. Others are nearing 3.
It really doesn't matter and contrary to your belief, it is the child who determines when they are ready, not the care giver.
There is nothing wrong with starting at any age, but it won't happen until the child has control of their bladder.

But he's not been ' trained' to poo in his nappy, or to sit in it!
He's just not ready for potty training. And that foes not mean he will sit in his own poo all day.

Am presuming he's your first , and by your username you are a lawyer, so taking a wild leap, you are going to have to take a massive chill pill.

I have just read your last post and don't understand your point.
I am a sahm and did all the potty training, no nursery or pre school.
They were all 3 dry at different times. Yes physically they differ. It has nothing to do with if you work or not.
My dc were taught about bodily functions but I wonder how you manage if they are very young, they don't understand nor have the control.
It's not worth stressing over or comparing children, they are all different.

Going back to my original question, I was asking if anyone who had done this had a child who gained awareness after an initial period of not having much awareness. Obviously given he's been weeing in his nappy for however long, he does not have much is any awareness of what's going on currently. It doesn't mean it's not possible for this to happen over time.

I'm not really looking for comments on whether I should or should not be trying to potty train. He's happy, I'm happy, the flat is clean.

I'm not sure what the significance of my being a lawyer is!

morethanpotatoprints, I have no doubt that children will become dry/clean at different times but I'm sure lots of factors come into when that might be, not just physical factors, and I don't see any harm in trying to teach them early. A lot of people find their second child potty training much earlier than the first, possibly due to being inspired by the older sibling. In terms of being physically ready, DS wees on average once an hour which I think is perfectly manageable. I wouldn't expect him to be able to hold it and if we're able to start venturing out without a nappy at some point in the next few months, I would just take a potty with me.

Again, I am not stressing over this, but do find the whole topic rather intriguing given the very different approaches the world over. I find it a bit strange that in the UK people are so very hostile to early potty training. It's normal in so many other places and was also this way here until fairly recently (although I believe the Victorians were harsh in their methods, which may have caused something of a backlash).

How do you manage leaving the house? You can't let him wee and poo everywhere at other people's houses.

I don't get the rush. One son realised he had control at 22 months and was dry within 6 months. The other one was still struggling at 3.5

Fgs, leave the child be

Have none of you witnessed the delights of the naked-butted child? As I keep saying, he's fine, happy, likes to watch himself wee and the puddle forming at his feet, delights in discovering he's done something in the potty, enjoys being able to access and learn about parts of his body that are usually covered up. I fail to see the problem. I think a lot of people could be more open-minded about alternative practices around potty training, there is no one way to go about it.

I don't know the answer to your question, but I want to support you in what you say about potty training. Many children are perfectly capable of being trained at that age. I think it is bizarre to suggest (as some do) that all children have an innate developmental stage where they suddenly go from incontinent to able to hold wees and poos until they get to a toilet, fully clothed. It is not supported by evidence from other cultures as you say. Some children can and do do this, but often at quite an older age 3+.

My oldest two were both out of nappies in the day by 22 months, and dry at night before 2.5 yrs (latter a fluke, we did nothing). One of them was doing all poos in potty at 10 months. Started as catching poos that came at a regular time of day, and became habit, then awareness before 18 months.

My third was actively resistant to potty training, and I was less motivated to encourage, so ended up leaving it until over 2 yrs. it was much harder.... Maybe it would have been anyway, who knows. Different temperament of child. Was still out of nappies by day by 2.5 and dry at night soon afterwards. With all three poos far far easier than wees.

My youngest at 17 months does all poos on potty, and has since about 14 months. Same method as the one who did it at 10 months. It has not been a huge effort, just paying attention to straining, talking about it, and whipping off nappy and sitting on potty straight away. The baby has to be receptive, and I'd say you need the right frame of mind and plenty of time too. No idea when wees will follow, not yet! But then, with the others it has always just been a case so seizing the chance when the time 'seemed' right. We don't have a science to it in this house, and I haven't read any books.

We found bare bum and potty nearby, followed by trousers with no pants, and then eventually pants and trousers worked best once trying to sort wees out. Once they were ready the progression from bare to fully clothed and vaguely reliable took 2-5 weeks in total. It was easier with the oldest when we could stay at home all day. With one so young, you may well still need to take them to the loo frequently (2hrly) even when trained, as bladder capacity small and easily absorbed in activities! With the younger ones I used reusable training pants for school runs. I have found pull-ups useless. The children treated them just like nappies (which they are). They are marketing to gets parents to buy nappies for longer.

Some argue this is not full training, but to me a clean dry child who only needs to be taken to the loo every 2hrs before they are 2 yrs old is a huge win for both me and them over ongoing nappies. Cheaper, cleaner, drier, more comfy, nicer all round. However, each to their own

From my own experience I'd say your LO is probably not yet ready to go for wees. I'd suggest keeping taking about it, catching them at convenient times (eg bath)' nappy free time when you can face it. Then, when they show more interest stay home for a week and really focus on it, see how it goes.

I expect you will find your views and mine are not mainstream on MN or in the UK. I find the idea of a magic age of 'readiness' sounds to me like something a nappy manufacturer would use in marketing...

One point to add, all of mine have had words by the time we were potty training. If not, teaching signs for poo, wee and potty (and using them consistently and appropriately every time he produces something) may help encourage him to communicate to you. I think we used the 'potty' sign with my eldest, but the other three have all mastered the three relevant words by the time each was needed! Recognising and describing the act during it (with fascination/delight) comes before warning you in advance, and that initial 'wee' announcement comes literally ten seconds before the fountain when they do first learn to warn you!!

Thanks for the support WaxyDaisy! It is of note that the main proponent of the readiness theory (Dr Berry Brazelton) is in the pay of Pampers and has appeared in their adverts. Admittedly he had promoted this theory before he started working with Pampers, however one can see why Pampers pounced on the idea and started promoting it! And as far as he's concerned, it's a pretty major conflict of interest if he's accepting money for his medical opinion in the advert.

I've actually come to terms with nappy-free time and having to mop up wees. It doesn't take long and it's nice to think he's dry all the time. He wears nappies when we go out but home-time is nappy-free time now. He's only pooed on the floor a couple of times and is totally aware of what he's doing in advance, I had just missed 'the look' on those occasions. The only issue there is getting him to prefer sitting over standing! A small piece of chocolate or a raisin is doing the trick for now.

watching with interest ... I started ex with my as from a few weeks. I was pretty successful, getting a couple of wees on cue at nappy change/bath time etc. Then we got ill with a cold and it all went to pot. I can tell when he needs a wee, and I occasionally take off a dry nappy after a few hours so know he can hold it. Unfortunately he doesn't like being held over a potty/sink and likes to wee lying down. Today he started peeing on the change table, I squealed, he stopped, then started again when I made a cue sound!

Find the whole thing amazing and confusing, but love the challenge. Also really don't like the idea of a child who can walk and talk effectively shitting in its pants! (I may change my mind in a few years ...)

Hi My DD was completely out of nappies during the day at 17 months. I should say that her language was also very developed so we could communicate easily, but honestly I am not sure if this is relevant.
I think the main point about potty training this early is that you shouldn't necessarily expect the child to understand what they are doing. It is more that you are training them for something to become a habit. If you think about it, this is probably similar to the way they learn to walk or do many other physical tasks.
So, pooing is easier because you can recognise the signs and sit them on the potty - and also with my DD seemed to happen at a similar time each day. Weeing was more of a question of sitting her on the potty regularly to make sure that she didn't need to go at any other time (as Waxydaisy said). So, she didn't ask to go as such - I sat her on the potty at regular intervals, and then I suppose she got into the habit of doing the same thing for herself. The end result is the same though - dry nappies.
It only took a couple of weeks for us as DD took to it quite easily. My only problem was the two days a week when she was at nursery as they kept forgetting to sit her on the potty before her afternoon sleep (as all of the other children in her group were still in nappies). Eventually they did get used to it though, and it didn't seem to upset DD being wet, so I didn't worry about it.
I agree that it makes sense to do it earlier as long as you are relaxed about it. As my mum said, when mothers had to wash cloth nappies by hand, nobody waited until their children were 3.
Hope this helps and good luck!

Should also say that I have no idea what elimination communication is.

We just had a potty in DD's bedroom from when she was about 1 and when I could see she was pooing I would sit her on it and encourage her. We put books round the potty so she just sat there and looked at them, and if she did anything in it, I showed her and made a big fuss, so she got the idea it was a good thing.

Both mine were toilet trained by 3. Because they were older they got it within a couple of weeks and we graduated from potty to toilet really quickly.
It wasn't a stressful or drawn out process. That's why people leave it till they are older. Its just so much easier . Mine were dry at night soon after.

Both mine were toilet trained by 3. Because they were older they got it within a couple of weeks and we graduated from potty to toilet really quickly.
It wasn't a stressful or drawn out process. That's why people leave it till they are older. Its just so much easier . Mine were dry at night soon after.

Just remembered, most children (mine anyway) do quite a big wee vs on after waking, sit hat can be a good time to catch a wee and reinforce that I t he potty is great. Thinking about it, I guess that was the only step we took before them going dry at night, you do have to get them up, nappy off and onto potty by bed pretty quickly after they wake to catch it initially [ smile]

Solosoloing -your approach sounds v similar to ours

People never agree on this topic. One person's "mine did it in 48hrs with no wet carpets at age 3 yrs" is another persons "18 months extra of scraping poo off bums when it could be going straight in the toilet"

Well it worked well for us - and certainly wasn't stressful in any way.