Successful potty training at 18 months with a child who doesn't immediately 'get it'?

[lawyerwannabefarmer]

I know the trend in this country is to potty train much later, but in a lot of other countries around the world where nappies are used, they potty train around 18 months and therefore it does appear to be physically possible, albeit with more effort from the caregivers.

I tried elimination communication with my son and it was pretty effective but I gave it up because I couldn't read his signs and it was taking up too much time. Nevertheless I kept putting DS on the potty at nappy change times and he frequently pooed in it, and recently we had weeks when he would poo in the potty in the morning and be clean for the rest of the day. At some point he became resistant though so I gave it a break.

In the meantime, my EC-ed baby has forgotten all concept of how to wee on demand (I guess it was more of an instinct when he was a baby) and seems to have developed a preference for weeing and pooing while standing up!

I've read a bunch of potty training books, including Tracey Hogg (Baby Whisperer)'s book on training from 9 months, as well as loads of discussion forums, and am keen to give it a go now even if it's more work for me.

As per instructions, we have been nappy free at home and DS (currently 17 months) has been weeing all over the place and done a few poos on the floor too, gross. Luckily hard wood so I'm not too bothered about the wees. With a bit of bribery he's made friends with the potty again and 'gets' doing poos in it but seems totally unaware of weeing until it's shooting forth. He does seem totally astonished and delighted by the puddles he's producing though, and very proud of himself when he discovers he's done something in the potty.

Sorry for the long OP! My question is: did you potty train around this age and was it a success? For those for whom it was eventually a success, did your child seem to get it very quickly or was it a slow learning process? We've been nappy free at home for about a week now, but DS went back to nursery yesterday which will probably reverse the process a bit, although they are putting him on the potty at each nappy change.

Bunbaker I chose to keep my DD bare from the waist down for the first week, so there was no risk of confusion and thinking she had any sort of nappy on. My goal has never been to create "discomfort" for her - I think this would be counter-productive and make the whole process stressful for her. If she hadn't wanted to use the potty of her own free will (and get all the praise/stickers!) then we would just have tried her again in a few months.

When we introduced panties I'm sure the first couple of accidents was just because she thought this was a new kind of nappy at first. It's confusing for them.

*were!!

Argh!

I have a niece who is 6 months older than DS. We went away with them when DS was 3 months so DN was 9 months. She hated being dirty so at 9 months had already established a grunting when she wanted to poo. Once she started grunting (and one afternoon I minded both children while her brother went to the doctors) I fetched her potty, stripped her and at her on the potty. Bearing in mind I knew about thus, but it was the first time I had to interpret her request, it took a minute or two. She knew how to get what she wanted.

DS would use a potty from about 18 months, and nursery would put him on it, but after a holiday when the aunties produced a potty like a small chamber pot, DS started refusing to use it as it was not as stable as he liked.

I'm sure I'm going to be flamed for my next comment: I think SAHM spend more time with their children and are probably better at interpreting god small nuances in their behaviour which may indicate they are about to "perform". Since my DS was at nursery full time and DD's part time nursery and with DM and DH, they were not going to be up for/able to do this. That doesn't mean I'm lazy, more that I am not about to give everyone else unrealistic work. I had a friend who used EC, worked for her, but in her culture it is normal.

Ok, this may sound a bit weird, but a friend of mine mentioned that apparently cats make a face before they're about to wee, and their owners utilise that to help them house train their cats. This got me thinking and led me to search for info on house training pets and I found this: www.thekennelclub.org.uk/getting-a-dog-or-puppy/general-advice-about-caring-for-your-new-puppy-or-dog/toilet-training-for-puppies/ Fascinating how similar these training techniques are to those used in elimination communication! I guess you could put that down to the fact that at that age, babies are instinctive creatures in the same way other animals are.

In terms of our own progress, after thinking that things weren't really going anywhere with wees apart from a slight increase in awareness (pretty much all of them are still going on the floor), I noticed yesterday and today that DS was looking down in advance of weeing, sometimes lifting his clothes for a better view. Today he started squirming a bit and I felt sure he needed a wee. Then he looked down and started weeing! I managed to get him to sit down on the potty part-way through so a success as far as I'm concerned as it will allow him to start to build a connection between weeing and the potty, which I think he's really lacked until now.

Really hoping for further developments tomorrow as DS's propensity for weeing all over the place at a moment's notice is a little anti-social if I'm honest! I'd also like to be more consistent in terms of keeping him out of nappies, but it's impossible to do at the moment really.

Do any of the newcomers have anything to contribute on my question of how long it took your child to understand about weeing in the potty at this age?

Mikkii - I work full-time and I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with what you're saying. Obviously if the SAHM is looking out for the signs, she would have more opportunities for observation and may be more in-tune anyway. Unfortunately I think most SAHMs in this country don't notice nuances in behaviour related to toilet needs because we're constantly being told that 2 or younger is too young for potty training, and most children can speak beyond that age so you may not need to rely quite so much on their signs.

In fact, I remember when my DS was very young, I carried him in a sling quite a bit, and there were occasions when he would suddenly start squirming and try to get away from me, while crying a bit. This included when he was asleep in the sling - he would wake up sometimes, do this for a bit, then calm down and go back to sleep. At the time I thought it was quite weird and a bit embarrassing in the sense that others might think he was uncomfortable in the sling. Now I'm convinced that he needed a wee and instinctively didn't want to wee 'on me'. Will certainly be testing this theory on DC2 if there is one!

You could try asking people on the EC UK facebook group - they've not all done EC from birth with all their children and you won't just get - he's not ready as a response.

For anyone who was following this thread, we've had very slow gradual progress over the month since I started keeping ds mostly nappy free at home. Today he started saying 'uh oh' a few seconds Beforw doing a wee. Normally he starts saying it after any wees/poos not done in the potty, while pointing enthusiastically at the offending puddle/poo. I knowmost pepeople get to this stage much quicker but I'm still v pleased at the development in his awareness!

I know I am slightly talking to myself here, but in case anyone wanted to know how this turned out:

We finally ditched the nappies at 20 months which I was over the moon about (was so sick of dealing with washable nappies). We were still having quite a few accidents but felt it was the best way ahead.

By 21 months DS was much more in control of his bowels and accidents had reduced loads, including lots of dry nights.

Now at 22 months we are having 1-2 accidents a day (this is including night-time and his time at nursery, where I think his requests to use the potty aren't always caught on time - but they take him regularly so he is usually fine there). I think his current accident rate is age appropriate and we do have accident-free days too. He is also learning constantly in other ways, recognising better when he needs to go, becoming more independent/taking himself, managing his clothes better etc. It has been hard work and still is in terms of always carrying a potty and taking him regularly, but it is so wonderful to see the way he has learnt about his toileting needs and developed.

I know many people will prefer to wait until a child has the physical ability to be dry all the time and I can understand that although I would still certainly recommend training around the 2 year mark and to keep working with the child gently and slowly even if they are not keen at first. It's a big transition and although they may catch on more quickly when they are older, it seems children are often more resistant when they are older and know their own mind more.

For me personally, I much prefer that DS is clean and dry 99% of the time and wet for just that short period when he has had an accident until we've cleaned him. I keep spare clothes and wipes at the ready so it's usually a quick operation. He also spends all day and a fair few nights (when I'm feeling brave/can deal with the washing) in lovely breathable cotton. Happy :)