Successful potty training at 18 months with a child who doesn't immediately 'get it'?

[lawyerwannabefarmer]

I know the trend in this country is to potty train much later, but in a lot of other countries around the world where nappies are used, they potty train around 18 months and therefore it does appear to be physically possible, albeit with more effort from the caregivers.

I tried elimination communication with my son and it was pretty effective but I gave it up because I couldn't read his signs and it was taking up too much time. Nevertheless I kept putting DS on the potty at nappy change times and he frequently pooed in it, and recently we had weeks when he would poo in the potty in the morning and be clean for the rest of the day. At some point he became resistant though so I gave it a break.

In the meantime, my EC-ed baby has forgotten all concept of how to wee on demand (I guess it was more of an instinct when he was a baby) and seems to have developed a preference for weeing and pooing while standing up!

I've read a bunch of potty training books, including Tracey Hogg (Baby Whisperer)'s book on training from 9 months, as well as loads of discussion forums, and am keen to give it a go now even if it's more work for me.

As per instructions, we have been nappy free at home and DS (currently 17 months) has been weeing all over the place and done a few poos on the floor too, gross. Luckily hard wood so I'm not too bothered about the wees. With a bit of bribery he's made friends with the potty again and 'gets' doing poos in it but seems totally unaware of weeing until it's shooting forth. He does seem totally astonished and delighted by the puddles he's producing though, and very proud of himself when he discovers he's done something in the potty.

Sorry for the long OP! My question is: did you potty train around this age and was it a success? For those for whom it was eventually a success, did your child seem to get it very quickly or was it a slow learning process? We've been nappy free at home for about a week now, but DS went back to nursery yesterday which will probably reverse the process a bit, although they are putting him on the potty at each nappy change.

When I was looking for a nursery for DD I visited a Montessori one, I asked about potty training and they said they could start from 12 months there and believed people train too late nowadays. I don't know if this is all Montessori nurseries or just this one.

My nursery is Montessori and have been happy to go along with my plans although I wouldn't ask them to have him nappy free until he was reasonably reliably using the potty. They have been open-minded but I don't think the kids there normally potty train until 2 onwards.

Will respond to other messages later but thanks for comments/thoughts.

How do you manage going out or going to someone else's house?

Don't know about the others, we tend to use training pants if we're having a no-nappy day and visiting friends, out of courtesy, though it's a very low risk as DD loves visiting other people's toilets! We have some lovely cloth training pants, sometimes use them instead of pull-ups at home too. You usually have to change trousers too if they have an accident, but not clear carpets - I figure that's no more laundry than if we were using cloth nappies.
I also find it easier when we're out and about as I tend to have a better track of time. e.g. at toddler group I know if she goes when we arrive and after snack time she's safe.

In the early days I tend to follow the principle of going to the loo before leaving to go out (still do that with all kids), and then go on arrival and before departure to any place. Kids love visiting new toilets!

For the moment we're only nappy-free at home and sometimes on the nursery run when he's done a wee shortly before leaving.

18 years ago i had a lovely book om potty training. It goes into Ec. It said children who used ec were not trained any earlier than other children ie knowing when to go. There parents just spent two years putting them on potties rather than the few days or a week when they are truely ready.
Once dc decided they were ready they were dry with days with very few accidents. I waa actually supposed to delay dd because she had skin taken from the inside of her thigh for a skin graft and they didnt want her weeing on it. She had other ideas and announced she wanted to use toilet like big brother and that was it.

Just come back to this thread after posting early on. To the sceptics out there I can honestly say that my DD was completely out of nappies during the day at 17 months, without any stress at all and with very few accidents. Within 2 weeks of removing nappies she didn't have any accidents at all - except when other people (at nursery mainly) put her for a sleep without realising that she needed to wee first.
The introduction of the potty itself was a longer process (started at 1 year) but it seems to me to be natural that potty-training should be a gradual process (in the same way as learning to talk or walk is a gradual process). The idea of waiting until a child is older and then expecting to do it in a very short space of times seems to be at odds with the way in which we teach children to do other things.
Obviously, there will be differences in the ages at which children master skills but I really think this is more to do with a cultural shift whereby early training is no longer seen as the norm.

Gosh this is quite exhausting.

I just potty trained Dd2 in 2 days. Without reading a book. Because she was ready.

We still get the odd accident but that is to be expected.

My theory is nappies are much more comfortable these days so children stay in them longer.

My mum says her 4 all potty trained at about 17-18 months. We all wore the old terry folded nappies. Bet we rushed out of them or at least were more aware of the discomfort of a wet nappy.

BeCool my mum says exactly the same. I think children now don't even realise they are wet.
Also, my mum had to wash our nappies by hand so obviously there was more of an incentive to do it sooner.

The introduction of the potty itself was a longer process (started at 1 year) but it seems to me to be natural that potty-training should be a gradual process (in the same way as learning to talk or walk is a gradual process)

Not for every child. My DS development was cant do one day, expert the next. I completely disagree that it is a gradual process. Its a "when developmentally ready process" thats why when you get it the timing right they have very few accidents. My dd was a more gradual developer ie a few new words every weeks, but as i said above, she just announced one day at 2.3 that she wanted to use the toilet and that was it, she hardly used the potty at all.

Bruffin, I think you may not have understood what I wanted to say. There was a potty in her bedroom from age 1 and I introduced the concept of what it was used for from that age. The only reason for using a potty was so that she could go and do it herself - at 17 months she wasn't able to climb up and use the loo without help.
As I said before, once I removed nappies it took 2 weeks maximum - during that period we had very few accidents and afterwards none at all.
Maybe it is different for every child - but in the same way as a child understands a word before s/he is able to use it themselves, I think they recognise the process of using a potty before they actually use it themselves. Anyway, that's how it seemed to work for my DD.

But surely how the parents interact with a child has an influence on when they're developmentally ready to do things? For example babies who spend lots of time on the floor on average learn to crawl earlier than babies who spend most of their time strapped into car seats. It's a combination of exercising the right muscles as well as hitting developmental stages. If you point out every bird you see to your baby they'll start telling you about birds, if you point out every time they pee they start telling you when they're going to pee.

By the way I don't think it's fair to say that if they don't train quickly and easily you got the timing wrong, which some people seem to be implying. Some children need more help than others, even when they're much older. If they get it in a couple of days you're lucky. Some children get into a dribbling habit (DS!), or struggle to release poos without a nappy on, all sorts of things. (I think EC can help prevent these sorts of issues too because they get into good habits before they get to the sort of age when some toddlers find it hard to change habits. )

At the end of the day though, even if it was a straight swap of putting dd on the potty for 2 years instead of changing nappies for 2 years, putting her on the potty is less work. Which in a nutshell is why it works for our family

Yeah I was going yo post the point about the possibility that exercising the right muscles from s younger age may allow earlier potty-trained children to have the control that people are finding so impossible to believe.

We have had some progress but it has been a very busy week so I haven't had time to update or respond, hopefully tomorrow.

Apologies for not reading the thread but thought if contribute anyway as tuned into DC1s pees etc when she was 4 months old and went months without nappies and few spills. Paused the method for a coupke of months at 1 when she was too busy playing but she went back to using potties so easily &was dry at night.
DC2 was less easy somehow to follow but health visitor suggested he was ready at 18 months so I tried and it took a whole week of wet trousers and me thinking she was wrong to suddenly realise he could do it happily. He was soon dry all the time but I had 'caught' many wees when he woke and made a noise he associated with peeling which helped.
It was effortless on our children's part in a way as I was the one who had to tube into when they needed to go and I can understand the mentality of what's the point but for me it was satisfying as am v environmentally conscious + saved lots of nappy changes!

(Sorry for all my typos)

It's also cheaper, and less hassle when you are out and about or travelling as you don't have to worry about lugging nappies, change bag etc. round.

Not to mention, much nicer not to have to worry about changing smelly nappies, DC getting sore bottoms etc..

I'm in the process of potty training my 20mo DD at the moment, and I just wanted to offer a little encouragement. I initially started when she was 18mo, and for the first week she did really well, almost no accidents, and very proactive about taking herself to the potty for both wees and poos. At the end of the first week she was unexpectedly offered a place at the nursery we'd been waiting for for over a year, so I put the potty training on hold whilst she settled into the new nursery.

Over Xmas we went back to it, and again she just immediately took to it. We're three weeks in now and I can honestly say she's been dry during the day almost since day 1, and she's had no poo accidents at all. The very first day she had a couple of wee accidents, but more successes than failures. Then she had no further accidents at all for her first week, during which time we let her run around with nothing on her lower half. The second week we introduced panties, and she again had a couple of wee accidents on the first day. For the rest of the second week there were no more accidents, even when we added back tights/trousers. After the Xmas/NY holiday she went back to nursery (this week) and again - Day 1 they reported two wee accidents. For the rest of the week she's had no accidents at all.

Officially we decided to wait until she's been dry during the day for a few weeks before night training her - but she now hates nappies and resists being put into one at bedtime. She also consistently wakes in the middle of the night to call me into her room whenever she wants to wee, so she's basically night training herself! I'm intending to try her without a nappy at night for the first time tomorrow (wish us luck!)

I just wanted to say that I've never believed that potty training gets magically easier at 2.5yrs - I think there would just be different challenges. DD does have very advanced language skills for her age, which has helped with the potty training, but we've never done EC or anything potty-related with her pre-18mo. I didn't "read the signs" to decide when to give potty training a go, I've just always believed in giving her the opportunity to do things as early as possible, instead of assuming she won't be able to without even trying. If she had been stressed by, or resistant to, potty training her Dad and I had already agreed that we would immediately stop and try her again in a few months. You can't know when a child is ready until you give them a chance.

Good luck!

LunaticFringe - thanks, I am wondering the same but cautious about going nappy free when he's so unreliable with wees. However, I think this weekend could be a good opportunity to spend more time nappy free, including for short trips out. I don't feel I can ask nursery to habe him nappy free until he's weeing on the potty when given opportunities to do so. His awareness seems to have increased loads and I'm pretty sure he was telling me he was about to wee today before he did it, but I don't think he's worked out how to wee on demand yet, so to speak.

However he is back to doing all his poos on the potty which I am over the moon about! For the last few days he has done a big one on his potty both morning and evening and been clean all day at nursery. This alone is enough to make our steps in potty training worth it, as the nursery staff don't always notice immediately when he's done a poo and he's suffered a sore bottom a few times as I result. I was also very concerned about him getting used to having poo in his nappy - I've always ensure I change him immediately at home.

My feeling is that you're offering mixed messages. If you want to train then you train properly. Stay home and do it. No nappies. Don't expect results if you are giving nappies when it suits you.
Speaking for myself, I'm a lazy sod and as we already seem to be getting good results with nappies when it suits us I'm not in a hurry to take them away. DD doesn't care about being wet anyway, so she's not going to learn any quicker for fear of getting wet trousers. If anything she likes being wet, show her a puddle and she'll sit in it!

I don't think it's really mixed messages, we treat accidents in nappy the same as accidents in pants, and we still encourage her to use the toilet, the nappy is just backup.

I wonder if anyone has any advice on one issue we've been having. I know DS doesn't wee while actually asleep, but the problem for me is getting that first big wee in the morning. When he first wakes up he wants a breastfeed immediately. My feeling is that if I start feeding him as soon as he wakes up, he'll hold off weeing until after the feed, although he does also sometimes wee when he's done properly feeding but is just comfort sucking. I'm not sure I can get him to go on the potty first without a feed cos he usually wakes up and starts crying immediately for a feed. I could try chocolate again, of course! Actually we've moved onto healthier options now, although to be honest he has become accustomed to the potty - on his own terms this time, know he's older - and is quite happy to sit down on it now.

In terms of weeing during the night, this is not something we're tacking at the moment but he usually wakes up once or twice and it is at those times that he does a wee. I'm hoping that once he's used to the potty a bit more, he will be ok with going on it during the night. For those who trained around this age (17 months), what did you do about night time training? I have a couple of aunts from Asia who did EC because that's what everyone did then, and they were telling me at around 5 months to just go for it at night(!) because the child just stops weeing, bar the occasional accident or having to take them for a wee, even if it's still having feeds during the night. I'm really interested in the biology behind all this but after giving it a go for a few nights I quickly gave up :p

I don't take them out of nappies at night till they're dry. I think that comes naturally, particularly with daytime training. Some later, some earlier. With DS it was 3.5, about 6 months after potty training. DD was dry overnight by 1 (coincidence?). Not going to the toilet, just waiting for morning. She was still feeding at night, so you can imagine how epic the morning pee was - just as well she was doing it on the potty, no nappy would have stood up! She did just wait till post feed, we had to be pretty quick of the mark then though.

"For example babies who spend lots of time on the floor on average learn to crawl earlier than babies who spend most of their time strapped into car seats."

DD spent most of the time on the floor at that age as we rarely went anywhere in the car. She sat unaided at 10 months, pulled herself up to standing at 12 months and walked unaided at 16 months. So she wasn't an average baby.

I tried putting her on the potty at 18 months but she just didn't get it, so I tried at 2 years 8 months and she got it in three days.

I don't understand why some parents let their potty training children run around without bottom halves though because surely the discomfort of being wet must help reinforce the message. I agree that modern nappies aren't uncomfortable enough when wet to get that message across.