arghhh! how long can this go on? (extended potty training support thread)

[babymutha]

OH KAY.......
I know that DD WILL LEARN TO GO TO THE TOILET at some point before her 18th birthday. But at the moment she's 3 and a half and I am washing out up to 6 pairs of poo encrusted pants and leggings a day some days. It's been over a year of potty training and it's just NOT GOOD.
I've tried all the recommended "stuff", but now my 'inner mother' is telling me to just be PATIENT. When she's ready she'll be ready and this is just her way.

So Please... come share your months/years of unspoken angst. Let us band together in an ongoing struggle for liberation from our offsprings' collective excretions and gain solace in knowing that NOT EVERY CHILD POTTY TRAINS IN A WEEK (or a month, or a year........)

We are starting to get somewhere with poos but we have been here before. DS is 3.10. He has been in pants for about 10 months and is great with wees. He has even been dry at night all week.

We have implemented sticker charts for trying to poo. If he tries 4 times in a day - after meals and one other he gets a sticker. If he gets 4 stickers in one day he gets to play a computer game with us. We have had 2 massive poos in the potty / toilet. He has even taken himself off to the toilet to "try".

We do have lots of mini soiling accidents. Drives me absolutely crazy.

BTW he will mainly poo in the toilet / potty if he doesn't have any pants on. Also yesterday he was downstairs and we were upstairs doing stuff and he took himself off to the toilet and did a poo. Was over the moon and then some.

DS is on movicol too.

Interesting. DS also did a poo in the toilet today and wasn't wearing any pants on. I was just glad he'd done a poo.

Before Xmas he would do poos in potty / toilet regularly but only if he wasn't wearing pants or trousers.

Do you think it has something to do with it? Am grasping at straws!!

Once the small poos used to start I used to strip him if we were at home and he would poo in potty.

Hello all, thought i might be able to offer some hope to you all. DS just didn't grasp pooing in the potty OR the toilet at 3 years and 10 months - we were starting to worry as he'd never once done it, and is due to start school in September - eek!

Anyway, spoke to the HV who advised, firstly, to strip his bottom half whenever we were at home - no exceptions, insist on it, no matter whether he cried or got upset. Secondly, i'd been smoothing over the whole thing, trying to be breezy about the fact he poo-ed in his pants every single day as i didn't want to upset him. HV basically gave me permission to move on to a stronger stance - ie. 'it's not okay to poo in your pants, it's not appropriate, you're too big to do this, mummy is sad' etc, and to be quite emphatic about it.

Within two days he'd pooed in the potty!! We were thrilled! He was given various presents that we'd promised him for when he did this, and made a huge song and dance about it all, showered him with praise. And ever since then, he's done all his poos at home in the potty, and then the toilet, with a trainer seat.

Obviously, we're not completely sorted, as he's still in a nappy at night time, and he wont' poo at nursery, or anywhere away from home as he still needs a trainer seat - so we need to work on both of these things.

But, i was amazed at how quickly these tactics worked, and just wanted to pass it on. I should say that the HV discussed it all at length with us and established that there was unlikely to be a medical problem, met DS etc, so this strategy might not work for everyone, but hey, worth a shot?

Good luck everyone, we'll get there!

Every time I think we're getting somewhere with dd2 she gets poorly and regresses. She is 3.9, we have been training for over a year, she is mostly dry but doesn't get/care about the poo thing at all. We have gone way beyond star charts and are now into extravagant presents for every potty poo territory, it is costing me a fortune. We did have 3 clean weeks before Christmas, then she had chickenpox and regressed. The another 2 clean weeks, then she got a virus and regressed. I am convinced there is no medical problem as she poos regular as clockwork once a day she just doesn't CARE. And it makes me so cross which I am aware is not helping.

Just a cautious update, things are going very well. Lots of poos in the toilet, not fighting being put on the toilet, has taken himself for a poo in daycare and pre-school. He was four on Monday and has been telling people that four year olds poo in toilets.

Hurrah! Sorry, but it's such a relief to know there are others going through the same thing!! My son is 3.5, got a grip on toilet training last year - even mostly dry at night (though still in nappies) but has now regressed. He's always only had poos every 3 to 4 days. However, we did manage to get him to have his poos on the loo initially.

Since regressing, he seems to try to stop poos coming out, resulting in loads of pairs of scuddy pants almost every day, plus several poos on the day he actually lets it out. I spend so much time every day washing out pants and tipping poos down loos.

After a bout of flu/vomiting he had severe bloating and was referred to paediatrician. He was put on Movicol - it did nothing at first then resulted in fairly explosive poos (preschool weren't happy!). It got too much for me so I stopped the Movicol. However, he's now back to 3-4 day pooing, and always in pants, so maybe I should persevere with it.

And the weeing - well, it's very hit and miss. For a while it's been completely miss. If we take him to the loo he always denies needing a wee - then does one. Sometimes he goes voluntarily, but always because he's already started a wee in his pants. Other times he just does a massive wee in his pants, which often goes up his top and down to his socks.

He does love the story thing though - when first training (which was initially successful) I used to do a little poo voice "Let me out!" and talk of how the poo really needed to be out and could see the water in the loo and wanted to dive in. Maybe that'll work for one of you! Meantime I'll look for Poo goes to Pooland.

I've upset myself at being cross at him recently - so now I'm doing no reaction, no comment, just clean up and change. Only reaction will be for successful loo visits - OTT praise, poo and wee dances and songs.

There are some common themes in some of these posts (IYKWIM) e.g. regressing after starting preschool or school, after illness, during upheaval or having less attention. Interestingly, DS was great about wees during a recent family holiday - maybe it's because we were all together and he had our attention all the time. Very interesting to me to see other people's stories and to feel I'm not alone. Thank you all! Sorry this is so long...

We had issues with DD & poos, making herself constipated etc, and are now giving her Syrup of Figs everyday - a more 'low-key' alternative to laxatives which may work for some of you?

hello - it's me, the OP. She of the story. Well it worked for about 3 months but for the past month DD has been HOLDING IT IN FOR A WHOLE WEEK. I don't know what started it this time, but it did. DD (now 4.3) has never pood at pre-school or anywhere else (except her aunt's house), and now she won't poo at home either.
I am going to go for the syrup of figs but TBH there are absolutely NO physical reasons for her constipation - the stools she passes are text book Gillian McKeith type stuff (just HUGE after 7 DAYS!!!). The doc refused to give us laxatives saying it was pscyhological not physical (this is true) and referred us to the health visitor who was so annoyingly rubbish (yet patronising) it's taken me a week to calm down. I asked to be referred to a constipation clinic - so far nada but back to the nappy bucket with all the escaping bits of poo pants and the constant washing and carting changes around every time we leave the house. I'm off to chant........ she starts school in september and still sleeps in nappies. ha ha ha this motherhood thing is a right old larf isn't it?

oh babymutha. Big, BIG hugs. DS still sleeps in nappies. He's 3.6, and nappies are always very wet in the morning, so I'm not going to try stopping now. I think a lot of kids in reception use them at night. My niece wasn't dry at nights until she was 7, so I feel less pressured about it.

Chimpy, I've still got pooland if you need a copy. The stories have certainly helped us - DS still waves good-bye to poos and sends them off to pooland.

Coffeemum - we used similar tactics (on the advice of a HV). It did seem to help too. BTW I use a potette when out and about as a trainer seat. It's sturdy enough for DS even though he's a very big lad.

cheers womb. Still nothing from the health visitor. But I've been finding solace on the ERIC website on childhood continence and was also v pleased to learn they have a 24 help line (which kind of turns out not to be 24 hour but I'll definitely be phoning when I get a chance) 0845 370 8008

MOST IMPORTANTLY we are not alone.....

keep the faith everyone. It's all going to be ok.....

Hi all, no real progress here :( My corner turning turned out to be a one off :(

chimpysmum - Movicol can be hard to get the dosage right but IME it is worth persevering with, have you tried half a sachet a day?

No progress here either - DS2 will be four in a couple of weeks and we have no progress with wees or poos. Waiting for the psychologist appointment at the hospital.

at least we'll get nappies on prescription after his birthday - I dread to think how much it's cost us so far

and he's due to start school in september

OP: my DS2 has withholding which is psychological not physical... but once you've held on for a few days it becomes physical. He has been on movicol for nearly two years. It meant that (a) poos stopped being a horrible thing that caused him pain and (b) he couldn't keep them in. It has been a slow, slow battle. He is 4.8, and at school, and he has had a sympathetic TA and teacher. We wouldn't have got there without the movicol, but we've reached the stage where he understands it's not good to hang on to his poos as they will hurt him, he needs to take movicol because it helps him, and he's pretty much accident-free unless there's some kind of disruption in his life.

Thank goodness the GP prescribed movicol when she did. Honestly, it transformed the whole family dynamic: our days stopped revolving around pooey pants, and washing, and reminding DS2 to go, and worrying, and hoping, and smelling an accident, and tears, and denials, and more pooey pants. Suddenly, DS2 was just DS2.

Good luck.

Not sure I quite have the right to be here yet - just 4 days in pants for DS 3.2 and wees are ok (when prompted, he never asks) but poos are not. Being a bear of very little patience I am opting for Bluebell pants which I just bought from Amazon, whereby he can poo and I can still go out. Not great but....was wondering if anyone can recommend any other goo brands of training pants? I don't think I can cope with daily poos for the next year.....

I am re-posting this here. I was on this thread back in December, and we had made some progress but things have regressed quite a bit recently sadly.

^He has been out of nappies since last July. Did ok with weeing to begin with but poos were a nightmare.
Then everything improved a lot and I really thought we had it cracked.

He hates poking though, tries not to go and we have poo in the pants frequently and occasionally on the floor.
Weeing has also become a nightmare again.

This morning we already have 2 wet pairs of trousers and a puddle of wee on the bathroom floor.

The basic issue is that he cannot be bothered to go. He is too busy playing, or watching TV or whatever it is and leaves it far, far too late.

The reason I know he is just being awkward about it, is that we never have accidents when we are out. Never. He tells me when he needs to go and holds on until we find a loo, every time, although he won't poo anywhere except at home.

I am absolutely at the end of my rope with him. I lost it totally just now when I found this puddle of wee on the bathroom floor, he hadn't even told me that he had made a mess. Him in tears, me in tears, it is horrible.^

Oh Ali - I've just seen your post. I hope today was a bit better for you both. Big, big, big hugs. Try hanging onto the fact that if he CAN do it he WILL do it again. It's so bloody upsetting though.

I have just seen my typo up there - obviously I meant he hates pooing, not poking!

Thanks Womb :) Actually today was a lot better. I could tell he needed to go after breakfast, and there was a bit of running about and 'no I don't need to' but he did go with relatively little fuss, and more importantly told me he had done it so I could come and help him wipe, and then he was dry all day. Tiny bit of poo in his pants just before bath time, but he sorted it out himself which is a good sign I think!

Hello - last on this thread in October.

ds 2 now 3.8yrs and I'm beginning to panic as due to start school in Sept one week after his 4th birthday. Started potty training last June!!!

Varying amounts of success including some poos in the potty however unless I tell him to go on the potty/toilet he wets himself. He still doesn't have any interest or seem at all bothered about sitting in wet clothes and sometimes even finds it funny. I've tried everything (I think) and am at my wits end. We gave up for a couple of months as I was beginning to get depressed about the washing and limitations for a normal life and also I felt it was ruining my otherwise fantastic relationship with my son.

Started again last week, again can just about keep him dry if I take him to the loo every half an hour but otherwise he just wets himself. Doesn't seem to have any developmental delay and ds 1 wasnt dry until around 4yrs but I didn't get as stressed as he didn't start school until almost 5. Any advice would be gratefully received.

Hi Norma, no advice but much sympathy. My DS is the same age as yours and starts school in September, and I am really worried now that he isn't going to be reliably dry before he starts.

We've had an up and down week. A few really good days, and then Wednesday and yesterday were awful - loads of wee accidents, I think because he was withholding a poo.
He has finally gone this morning, with no fuss and called out to have help wiping.

Fingers crossed for a better day.

Thanks Ali, its good to know I'm not alone - I'm sick of smug mothers telling me how easily it was for them. Sounds like you might be cracking it - fingers crossed for you