Question: Which toilet should a male use when taking DD to the loo??

[Dawnyann]

Hi,

My & my DH are having a dilema over when he takes our DD out on his own and she needs the toilet, should he take her into the ladies or the mens??

I say it should be the ladies for a number of reasons:

1. There won't be any mean standing with their bits out wee'ing up urinals for her to see
2. he can go in cubicle with her
3. Ladies toilets are generally cleaner (and nicer smelling than mens)

He disagrees and says he always takes her in the mens!!

Is there a politically correct answer to this question?? I'd like to hear what other people think on this?

D
x

Maternelle - partly it's a territory issue (it's a women's toilets, not unisex) and in my case also because I have been spied on while using the toilet and don't feel at all comfortable about having another man in that women-only environment.

Maybe the day you do, G1inger, you'll see the point.

Or perhaps the person waiting outside will have already soiled themselves and be on their way home.

Disabilities are not always visible, and a toilet is sometimes required urgently. Not in a 3 year old wetting their pants and donning the spare pair from the bag kind of urgent, but a humiliating, day-ruining urgency.

Sometimes the disabled persons toilet will be occupied by another disabled person, and that is unfortunate. If it is taken up by every father who feels a bit awkward about his daughter seeing a possible glimpse of a possible willy that is not his own, entirely avoidable incidents will occur, to the detriment of everybody.

Ok, Ginger, in your case I understand. But this has to be pretty rare. Nevermind, I am obviously in the minority.

to G1nger's post of 21.00.33 ^^

I came out of a disabled loo once with my two young children to find a mother waiting with her disabled child. She gave me a right bollocking and tbh I still think she was a bit over the top. Feel like couldn't she relate to me a bit as one mother to another in an unfamiliar service station on the M1 (or whatever)

My DS, aged 3 doesn't like going in the ladies! We have many a 'discussion' about why mummy is not allowed in the boys loo andquite often end up in the disabled!!

Not read whole thread but well remember when DH told me we needed to get DD used to going into women's loos on her own - because she was looking a bit out of place in the men's and also the cubicles etc were always really icky

So we did and she was fine (he would stand outside and maybe even ask a nice-looking woman to keep an eye on her as she went in). She was prob about 4yo. I took the DSs into the ladies' with me beyond that age IIRC, prob till about 6yo.

DH has this problem too I would say if possible family/changing loo then disabled Loo, men's with cubicle, if no men's cubicle then ladies it is.

Definitely the mens. I'm not sure why she'd be more likely to see a penis in there than in the mens' changing room? DH takes the DDs swimming (and DS) and if the family changing rooms are full, they go in the mens. I'm sure given the nature of the place (gym) it's full of naked men dressing/undressing in a perfectly normal and appropriate manner. The girls have seen DS's and DH's willies many times. I don't think they'd bat an eyelid at just 3 and 5 but DD1 may soon feel uncomfortable about it at some point in the next 2yrs.

As for weeing in the disabled loo. I wouldn't use it personally but when the kids where toddlers, if there was a queue in the ladies, I'd let them go and I'd stand in the doorway with it propped open in case someone needed it. I'm quite certain many disabled people cannot wait so I would never close the door in case someone in need was outside waiting.

Yes, that's why I would always stand in the door way quite prepared to lift them if necessary. Far better a toddler wets their knickers or puddles the floor than an adult is forced into such a humiliating experience through me trying to avoid the huge queue which could also give rise to said puddle.

in lots of places the baby changing is the same as disabled but agree should not use diabled if there is a baby changing and should not use baby changing with 6 yr old

I think her DD should go to mens with her dad and when a bit older to ladies on her own he can wait outside there is always a line of men waitng for wives etc

Personally I wouldn't have a problem if a man popped into the ladies with his little girl. Men's toilets can be digusting, not to mention it could be a bit intimidating for the girl seeing men using urinals.

I'm really surprised at the number of posters who say they would be offended or shocked at seeing a man with his daughter in a ladies toilet. Come on! What's going to happen? What is he going to see?! Clearly the man is in there because he feels it is a more appropriate place for his daughter to use the loo. Get over it!

Why is there even this discussion? It doesn't matter which toilet, as long as the child is supervised. For anybody who says why, then read this: Known paedophile who raped child in Welling McDonald?s jailed and many other similar stories.

And there are disabled toilets.

And roll on unisex facilities! We're so backward in this respect.

I wouldn't mind seeing a man in those circumstances - I don't think a man escorting a three year old girl is very likely to abandon her and attack me - but I do think the men's is called for.

Definitely not disabled, do we still have to have this conversation? Small children are agonisingly slow at the whole toileting thing, so even if it's free at the time, the chances of you keeping a disabled person waiting are not inconsiderable. I'm a bit surprised at how many of you think it's okay. I know it's easiest - and that when they're tiny, often the only change table is in the disabled, so you sort of get used to going in them - but really, people, have some consideration.

And I always carry a spare (clean) prefold nappy or two around these days, which are great for drying hands on in lieu of those awful hand dryers - not to mention mopping up the occasional accident, or at a pinch wiping off damp play equipment. Should be a standard part of the toddler parent arsenal, if you ask me, which I realise no-one did.

"I don't get this point that several people have made about the offensiveness etc of using a disabled toilet if not disabled. If there's no one around who wants to use it and it's free... go ahead! I've never come out of a disabled toilet to find a disabled person waiting..."

And neither have I. I want to add that DD had a tracheostomy when she was little and I kept all her medical equipment on her pushchair. I didn't feel comfortable leaving her pushchair unattended while in the ladies in case anything went missing, so I used to take DD into the disabled loos, complete with pushchair, making very sure that there wasn't anyone requiring it beforehand.

OH has never taken DD out on his own because he feels uncomfortable with the toileting situation.

My father brought me and my sister up alone and we had to go to the men's changing room when we went swimming. Although the potential was there, I have not been scarred for life

KatharineClifton - I am quite happy to send DD (4.5) into the toilets by herself if she's happy to go, we're in a place we know the facilities and I'm within a decent distance of the door if there's a problem.

Bad things sometimes happen but you cannot live your life in fear of it. I'd wager many, many more women are attacked in toilets then children - would you suggest we are always supervised just in case? Or would you stop using toilets altogether.

Common sense, please.

I don't understand the problem with a man going into the ladies' loos with his child. Not that I think it's necessary but if they did then so what? If you're doing anything you want to do in private then you're in a cubicle where you won't be seen anyway. And so who cares if a bloke sees you wash your hands/comb your hair/put your lippy on etc.

The problem (for me at least) is it normalises men in female only areas (same with older boys in female swimming changing rooms). If its normal for men and boys to hang about in women's loos then they will go unchallenged so its easier for a man who isn't there helping his dd to assault someone. You are more vulnerable to attack when you are having a piss than at almost any other time.

Its also pointless as men are provided with toilets that small girls can use when with their dads. Its a myth that women's toilets are cleaner than mens.

It's also a myth that seperate toilets are provided to protect womena against attack.

I don't much mind a man in the ladies toilet accompanying a DD. However I would never let DP take DD into the toilets because it's not about me - I cannot dictate that the teenager buying tampons shouldn't care. I cannot dictate that the elderly lady having trouble with her bowel shouldn't care. I cannot dictate that the woman in the far cubicle propping the door open to keep an eye on DCs shouldn't care. You get the idea. It would not be appropriate.

Appropriate facilities are provided, and there is an easy, delineated rule of thumb - people over the age of 8 should use appropriate sex facilities. Appropriate facilities are provided for a father and daughter just as they are for a mother and son.

Women's toilets can be filthy, but I'll take one over a unisex toilet any day. Men add a whole new level... ;)

Go to the mens. They did it in 'Three men and a little lady' they put a blindfold on the kid

Thingie

"not to mention it could be a bit intimidating for the girl seeing men using urinals." What's intimidating about a small child seeing men pissing? I would have thought we looked laughable if anything, much more intimidating for the men!

"Clearly the man is in there because he feels it is a more appropriate place for his daughter to use the loo. Get over it!" I bet you that, 9 times out of 10, the man IN NO WAY feels that this is more appropriate and that, in fact, it is someone else who has made him feel bad about taking his child to the loo with him.

Basically, however you play these situations, one person (adult or child) is going to be in the "wrong" toilet. I would suggest that it's much less traumatic for all the adults involved (parent and other users of toilet) to use the right one for them, whereas the child is unlikely to care either way, unless he/she has been conditioned to believe that toilets are somehow scary places.

My daughter is 3 but I agree that 6-7 would be when I expect this to change, both from her point of view and of adults she might witness.

i have the opposite problem, as with sylvanianfamily now - ds is almost 5 and flatly refuses to go in the ladies - "mummy i'm a boy so i go into the boys toilet. I can use the standing up loo without a flush you know"...