Question: Which toilet should a male use when taking DD to the loo??

[Dawnyann]

Hi,

My & my DH are having a dilema over when he takes our DD out on his own and she needs the toilet, should he take her into the ladies or the mens??

I say it should be the ladies for a number of reasons:

1. There won't be any mean standing with their bits out wee'ing up urinals for her to see
2. he can go in cubicle with her
3. Ladies toilets are generally cleaner (and nicer smelling than mens)

He disagrees and says he always takes her in the mens!!

Is there a politically correct answer to this question?? I'd like to hear what other people think on this?

D
x

"DD (2.5) is petrified of them and has to check we have hand gel with us before we go in so she doesn't have to use the hand dryer." Genuine question - why can't she use toilet paper to dry her hands?

Fear or no fear, I find hand dryers extremely impractical for small children, I have to pick my daughter up but somehow have a hand free to keep jabbing the button!

The mens' of course. They can go into the cubicles in there just as well as the ladies.

We don't bother with hand dryers - DD wipes her hands on my clothes...

booge - that is what the cleaners here say too! Although the ladies loo on our floor is the cleanest of them all apparently

Has to be the mens!! I have never seen a man in ladies toilets - and if I did I'm afraid I would be suspicious

I've seen a man in the ladies toilets... He spied on me as I peed :( I'm not saying that a father with a child will do this, but if everyone could just keep to their own...

On a related note, what age is right to send children to their own changing rooms at the swimming pool? I saw a boy of around 6 a few months ago, and I felt that was too old.

MIFLAW DD is tiny so is rarely able to reach the taps at the sink anyway plus there is rarely soap available. Once she reaches the taps, we will wash hands but tbh hand gel is so much quicker and easier (and more hygenic if DD was only to use tepid water).

As to the point about age of kids in changing rooms, I would have no problem seeing any child of primary school age in the opposite sex change rooms. A 6 yr old is a bit different from 11 or 12. Once they get to senior school, they are too old i guess, although my fab local pool has communal changing. Lots of cubicles for privacy but it's all unisex. Love it, me, DP and DD can all go in together if we can grab the family change room (sigh, which is also labelled disabled changing in small letters but family changing in big letters also, whaddya do?)

Btw, OP - DH should take DD to the mens.

How old is she Dawny Ann?

Before you ask, your DH should def not take DD into the women's changing rooms if he takes her swimming

My DH would take her into the mens, definitely.

I've seen loos in Italy where it was mixed, no urinals just cubicles for everyone- was a bit at first but when you think about it makes perfect sense- no need to worry about opposite sex kids and no ladies queue.
Take the point about not using disabled toilet but sometimes if I'm out with the pushchair there's no choice- with the number of people in the ladies it would be impossible to even get the pushchair in there. If anyone disabled was approaching, fair enough they'd go first but if no one's around, I go in but keep it as quick as poss.
BTW I was in a burger king where the mens was out of order and the chaps were directed to the disabled loo. Big queue of men waiting, anyone urgent and disabled would have had problems there methinks.

Perhaps I should start a new thread for this slight diversion, but anyway ...

Is anyone else concerned by their DS's insisting on going into the men's toilets on their own ?

I find it quite stressful as I feel I don't know who they might meet in there and I don't really know what's going on.( I guess it's not so bad in quite a busy public toilet with plenty of people to keep an eye on him.) But I found myself worrying about him if he was in there for longer than I expected.

I wish DS could be persuaded to come with us into the ladies, but after he was about 6 he wanted to use the men's. Don't feel quite so bad now he's a bit older and has taken up karate !

I wish there were more family friendly cubicles for those of us out with fairly small children.

"When taking a child to the toilet in public, you should go into the toilet appropriate for the adult."

I agree.

I can´t see how men at urinals would enable her to see anything.

That said, it wouldn´t bother me at all to see a bloke in the ladies with his daughter.

I tend to leave the cubicle fully dressed

Here in Germany when there´s a queue at the ladies it has been known for them to be allowed to use the gents if they want.

I Used a mans toilet once and was not accident heavily pregnannt and with desperate urde to vomit .Big queue in ladies and had a nano second to decide whether i threw up on floor or i used the Gents.

Guess where i went before anyone could object i was in and into a cubicle where i threw up a lot .Bless some poor guy knocked on door asked if i was ok and went got me some water

That's sweet, going

At our swimming pools there are notices saying children over the age of 7 must use their own gender changing rooms. But I do remember once there being a boy of about 6 in there and a very loud American woman complaining to his mother saying it was inappropriate and how was she supposed to shower?

He could take her to the loo in a baby changing room or disabled loo outside of the main mens and ladies loos. That's what I would do anyway.

No way should an adult man be going to the ladies toilets
It is fine for him to take his daughter into the gents - this is what my dp did, never any problems

You definitely take kids into the toilet appropriate for the adult. There is no excuse for an adult male to be in women's toilets unless cleaning. I would never consider taking a boy into the men's. I have never seen an adult male in women's loos.

There are lots of toilets now for 'families', they have them in my local shopping centre for example. They are very large rooms with 2 toilet cubicles off and a few nappy changing stations. Plus there are almost always disabled toilets available in most places that solve the problem.
I would not think it appropriate for a man to walk into a ladies toilet. I wear a headscarf and may sometimes take it off in a ladies toilet to adjust it - I would be very embarrassed if a man walked in then; it just isn't right.
However I did once have to take my 3 year old to a toilet in a restauranet; he was desperate and I was panicking. I saw a door with G on it and (stupidly) thought it meant girls...it meant Gents...Duh!

OP Your DH is right :)

Wrt single sex changing rooms at swimming pools I believe at council run facilities the age is 8, when you're supposed to use the changing room for your gender.

I don't understand this unanimity. At the end of the day, what is there to see in the ladies' toilets? Women washing their hands or fixing their make-up. Big deal!

So YANBU

And what is there to see in the men's toilets? Men having a wee, washing their hands or combing their hair. Big deal!

There is a reason that facilities are generally seperate, and whilst its up to you to decide on your own comfort levels and sensibilities, you cannot dictate them to others. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a man in the womens toilet HOWEVER other women in there could be uncomfortable and for that reason, DP takes DD into the mens when it is necessary - appropriately.

It is not appropriate for a non-disabled person to use a toilet reserved for disabled people.

I would also be a bit annoyed if a child using a toilet were taking up a baby change if they were perfectly capable if using a normal cubicle.

This comes up less often now DD is now 4.5yo and quite capable of using the toilet by herself and coming out to a waiting parent.

Guidelines here for gym changing etc are 8 years.

I don't get this point that several people have made about the offensiveness etc of using a disabled toilet if not disabled. If there's no one around who wants to use it and it's free... go ahead! I've never come out of a disabled toilet to find a disabled person waiting...

My DH takes DD into the mens or the disabled - never the ladies!

As it happens DH takes DD to the men's toilets, which doesn't bother me at all.
But I truly do not understand why a man in the women's toilets would make women uncomfortable. Why?