Won't poo in a potty/toilet - always in a nappy

[gilbonzothesecretpsychoduck]

My daughter, 2.7, has been wet potty trained for a few months now but refuses to do a poo unless she's wearing a nappy. For half an hour before her lunch sleep I alternate between sitting her on the potty and the toilet while saying that poos like to go in the water and go for a ride when the loo is flushed. She will not produce anything but within 2 mins of having a nappy on and being in bed she's calling out that she's done a poo. I've tried not putting a nappy on her for her sleep but this just stops her sleeping. I've tried not putting her down for a sleep but this just means that she won't poo until she goes to bed at night time which can't be good for her as she obviously needs to go because she spends the day farting! Has anyone found a way to change this or is it something I need to leave and hope it she sorts it out in her own time?

No idea! DD (when she still was having naps) used to poo beforehand & shout into the monitor that she had done one! So I'd have to go & change her before she would sleep! Is she doing it in her sleep or before & then just falling asleep? Does she go straight to sleep when you put her down?

My excitement at the poo in the toilet on Saturday was premature! (Again!!)

Just got in from the garden where DD was playing with her sandpit, stripped her off, asked if she needed the loo, 'No mummy'. Stood her in bath (to hose off the sand) and went to get a towel (Disclaimer: taps very cold & off & bath completely dry) Less than a minute later, as I am walking back into bathroom...'Mummy, I pooed in the bath! LOOK!!!' Not sure if this is good or not?! At least it wasn't in her pants!

I am convinced in that case there is some truth to the whole, standing up/sitting down thing.
DS always poo's standing up, so doing the same pushing action when sat down might be what the problem is maybe?
Don't know what the answer is to that however

At least she could SEE what was happening, maybe it might help?! Plus when I asked her why she didn't wait to do it in the toilet she said 'But I was in the bathroom!' She has no right to be sucha smart arse at her age!!

All this sounds very familier, except my DS is 3&4 months & has been compleatly potty trained, night & day, for a while now. Unfortunatly he had an accident in his new school about a month ago & since then refuses to poo in the loo or potty. He won't talk to me about it, cannot be bribed with anything & seems to be able to hold on forever until he can get me to put a nappy on him. when i refused to put a nappy on him for a couple of days he held on & got constipated. I know this a little bit of a detour from the original message but can any body help me :)

Hello I had exactly the same problem with my dd and unfort it did take a long time to sort out!!!

I tried no nappies and that just made her very constipated as she started holding on til bedtime.

Eventually I went to the gp and he prescribed movocol and actually it worked within a few days as she physically couldn't hold on all day. I made a big fuss of what a big girl she was and lots of bribes treats. I started with putting lots of loo paper in the potty and convincing her it was 'just like a nappy' and quickly moved on to putting lots of paper in the toilet (and hoping it wouldn't block). Anyway within a few weeks we had cracked it and she would poo on the loo !!!

Just found this thread and very glad as my DD (2.6) is just the same - no probs with wees in potty or loo, but happier to go without a poo for days than to do one except in a nappy. She also refuses to do a poo at her CM, or with DP - yes, lucky mummy is the only one whose company can be tolerated at poo time.

I am happy with giving her a nappy for it rather than deal with the mess because I think if this is about her self control, then encouraging her to ask for a nappy is a good stepping stone that works for both of us (she gets seriously distressed when she does a poo in her knickers).

Anyway, what I really want to say is a bit of armchair psychology as a friend who helps look after her, had a real insight when she realised that DD was actually feeling scared of answering the question 'have you done a poo?' after she had done one in her knickers, as either 'yes' or 'no' made her feel ashamed (yes = I've made a mess, no = I'm lying), ie a lose-lose situation.

So what we're doing is this
a) trying to welcome poos in the nappy. I know this sounds insane but I now say 'hello big brown poo' or start a discussion about whether it's a small, medium or big poo. She's definitely most proud of big ones. This is to help get over any anxiety she might have about producing it, and being uncertain whether it's OK.
b) encouraging her to ask for a nappy if she wants a poo and praising her for doing so, because this is her controlling what happens and therefore good as an interim step. I'm assuming she'll eventually want to do poos in a potty or loo at a later stage, and meanwhile poos in nappies are easily managed.
c) not talking about presents (even though this worked like a dream with wees), because I have a hunch that she feels it adds pressure somehow. She definitely already knows that what's expected of her, she's just not ready to do it yet.
d) I am going to try poo in pooland and see how it goes.

So, that's my pennyworth (no pun intended)!

DD hasn't pooed in the toilet all week, and hasn't actually ahd a poo since Weds!!!! I know she needs to go, she is holding it in & it is clearly making her uncomfortable.

At this stage I'd rather she did it in her knickers than not at all. We are bribing & bargaining to within an inch of our lives & have been giving her loads to drink, & orange juice & prunes today. Trying to be really chilled & relaxed about it but I'm starting to get worried now! :(

Have ignored it & just watched for 'signs' for 2 days rather than forcing the issue. Just worried that it is going to be painful/traumatising when she eventually does go & that will put her off even more!

My dd is just 3, dry for 6 months now but does all poos in her knickers. V stressed, as she is due to start nursery after easter and worried that might make it worse. Have tried lots of the things on this thread. Think that part of the prob is that she often does it after meals, when I'm busy clearing up, or when am breast-feeding dd2.

She normally does it at home, but sometimes when we're out, which is the worst.

Hi ladies, I'm so glad I've found this thread, DS (2.7) has been dry since Mid Jan (even at night) but, yes you've guessed it, still poo's in his pants

His keyworker at pre-school took me to one side on Thursday and 'advised' me that she doesn't think he is ready to be potty trained and I should put him back in nappies, but he's been dry for so long, and he never has any wee accidents, so I really don't want to take that 'backward' step. (part of me is upset that she feels this way and part of me is angry as, after talking to some of the other mothers, I think they don't take the little ones to the toilet often enough and if they did then he wouldn't go through half as many clothes as he does there, he goes 3 days 9-3 and must go through 3 pairs of pants every day)

I have read through all your advice and I'm not sure in what direction to go, maybe pull ups on pre school days, to save the mess? He seems scared to go to the toilet but won't tell me why.

I suppose what I am saying is, I'm just glad I have found this to know that DS isn't the only one with 'issues'

Agghhh, why is it so bloody hard!!

It's sooooooooooooo frustrating! DD is also 'scared' but won't say why. Not sure what I would do if I was you. Does he wet himself at pre-school or having 3 poos a day? Maybe try putting him in pull ups to poo & then leave him in pull ups and sit him on the toilet to poo, then when he's happy doing that do it without the nappy?

Today I gave DD orange juice at breakfast, some prunes mid morning & she had horrendous wind & kept grizzling & saying her bottom hurt but still wouldn't go on the toilet. I caved & gave her some lactulose after lunch.... she pooed on the toilet 2 hours later. Much protesting, & I left her to it! She was SO proud (as she always is) and was smothered in praise & treats. She even reminded me at bedtime that she had done it & asked me if I was proud of her! :) Would like to think we've 'cracked it' but we've been here before!

Honestly, the best possible solution is the simplest one. Let her poo in a nappy until she's ready to use the loo. My ds was the same - I had visions of him coming home from school and asking for a nappy on so he could do a poo!

But he got there. The more you talk about it th more they start to think there must be something really scary about pooing in the loo. Just put a nappy on for a poo, carry on using the loo for pees and ~I absolutely promise it will sort itself out without any intervention at all except time.

Well i would say we are halfway there (hmmm how many times have I thought that?!) - about 50% of poos going in the potty (toilet another issue altogether!)- and we seem to have got past it being sore for her, which I think was an issue to start with, think she'd constipated herself by holding it in so much! BUT she only seems to know when it's a "proper" "big" poo, we are still getting daily "skitters", some quite sizeable (blee!)! Does anyone else's do this?
Those of you who's los are asking for a nappy, on the upside at least they know when they are coming!!

DD refuses to put a nappy on. We've tried, but it results in more screaming! (one of the reasons we wanted to get PT sorted was because nappy changes were SO awful)

Caz - I think my DD is in denial about needing to go! Just think, in a year's time we'll look back on all this and laugh & it won't seem so bad!

For the last week I've been sitting DD on the toilet before her lunchtime nap and getting her to fart. I know it sounds stupid but I figure she's using the same muscles that she would use to poo so it's kind of getting her used to what she's supposed to do. She really enjoys this and appears to be trying to do a poo - glazed, vacant eyes and pushing motion - and I'm keeping a light, happy atmosphere while she's on the loo. I've kind of accepted that I just have to let her do it in her own time but I do have to confess to having visions of her being 15 and popping home at lunch time to put a nappy on and have a crap seeker!

This is such a common problem! Seeker is right - allowing a 'poo nappy' takes the pressure off everyone - the only thing I would add is that the poo nappy is kept in the bathroom and the nappy put on there and the child to stay in the bathroom until finished when the nappy is taken off and 'Mr Poo' flushed down the toilet. Once happily in a routine of doing this you then move the goal posts! Your DS/DD can only have their nappy on if they actually now sit on the potty/toilet - once you have them sitting to poo - even with a nappy on- you have virtually cracked it. There are then a number of strategies you can use to get rid of the nappy altogether. PromoCon is a charity that provides free advice and information (booklets and leaflets)from qualified staff on potty training and associated problems - www.promocon.co.uk - click on publications to see what is available - helpline 0161 834 2001 for more info and advice :-)

A nappy will only work if the child is actually willing to put it on in the first place!

Whilst I can see that it could work (& it's a good idea) my DD will not put a nappy on now she is in pants! We have asked her on a number of occasions & she just won't do it & screams the house down. Nappy changes (before PT) were awful, DD used to scream & cry! This was why we were relieved that at the 3rd attempt she actually (sort of) 'got it' & was willing & able! All bar the pooing thing!

Hi bebejones - this is when bribery and corruption comes into play in the form of a letter from the poo fairy! We think of something the child wants/to do and make it the rule that only little girls who poo in the toilet/potty can have/go. It is helpful if a third person - such as your local HV or community nursery nurse - brings the message as that also helps deflect the child's anger/frustration to someone other than the immediate family this person then acts as the 'wicked witch'. The Poo Fairy letter comes with a chart and stickers with the message that the poo fairy (aka the HV/ nurse etc) will ring in a few weeks time to see how many stickers there are for poos in the toilet/potty. Once the agreed number of stickers have been reached the child recieves their reward! The thing about this is that it is not mum/dad who is saying poos need to go in the toilet it is the poo fairy! This allows the family to take a step back and helps reduce any stress around poos. We usually crack it within 4 weeks :-) (You may also need to look at what happens when she does poo in her pants...)

OOooh that does sound good!

Shall keep it in mind!

She has pooed in the toilet again today, a little less protesting this time & just 'did it' when I wasn't expecting her to! So who knows?! Don't want to think we've cracked it because we have been here before!

...very good! Fingers crossed ...! - you have done well so far getting her to actually sit and do a poo so you are definitely over the worst :-)

Well last night DD pooed in her sleep! She has never done this before (well not since being a newborn) didn't wake her! I thought she needed to go at dinnertime & she said she didn't, obviously when she was asleep she couldn't hold it in anymore! :( Was a surprise as she had been on the toilet in the day, I guess my 'battle' isn't over yet!

(waves at bebe)
Thank you ladies, I have bought some pull ups for DS2 to wear while at pre-school and yesterday he didn't have a poo accident once! I put him in pants and he does 3, nappies? Nada (I should be grateful, but the phrase 'little bugger' comes to mind )

Going to keep persevering with pull ups (they have Lightning McQueen on them and he likes them) as he doesn't seem to be getting confused with nappies/pants.

We shall get there in the end.

Well that worked (not) put dd back in nappies for poos and she regressed right back to just weeing in nappies again so we're back to potty training 101 - in pants and lots of reminders to do wees - we've had 2 accidents so far today.... just going to have to deal with the poos as I don't want to her regress back with wees.. (sobs quietly)

Oh no Scrappy!!!

One of the mums at toddlers has had similar experience re:poos with her DS. She wasn't there today, but I will ask her next time I see her what she did. Maybe it might yield some answers! He is now at school and absolutely fine, so she must have cracked it somehow!

I definitely think with my DD is is psychological (sp?) not physical. She's started holding it in, no poo here since Monday morning. Would rather she did it in her knickers than held it in! :(

I spoke to DD's nursery yesterday about this and the staff said that many of the children were the same and they tended to just grow out of it when they were ready. (At least I think that's what she said as it was all in French!!) I'm going to keep on with the encouragement while sitting her on the loo and try not to stress about it anymore (check back in a few days and we can all laugh at that statement).

I've been trying the no stress approach, whilst stuffing DD full of prunes, raisins, apples, orange juice & a couple of spoons of lactulose! (She went from monday to Thurs without going! ) When she finally went it was on the floor (she had refused to put pants/trousers on) I was so relieved I made light of the whole thing & we trooped Mr.Poo to the toilet & gave him a nice send off! :o

Today she had a panic when she needed to go 'Mummy I don't want to poo in my knickers!!!' as she had started to go I managed to get her to a potty (we were upstairs & our toilet is downstairs) much excitement & trooping of the poo again, special treats & lots of hugs. Followed 10mins later by a poo in her knickers & then another small one on the potty (upstairs again)!

I'm seeing this as progress, at least she was actually pooing!

A friend of my mums said she went through the same thing with her DS. She said it took ages to crack it. She bought him a big present, something he really wanted, left it in view & wouldn't let him have it until he had done 5 poos in the toilet with no accidents. I think this may be the next step for me. DD has been very very pleased with her poos today, examined each one closely & decided they weren't scary, 'just a bit silly'!